Chapter Thirty

Jordan

"Where's Daddy?"

Claus's question makes me pause in the act of reaching for the storybook on the bedside table.

Daddy. One word which stands for so much. One word which not so long ago brought me so much joy to hear my son say and which now causes unspeakable pain to well up in my chest.

"He... left, sweetheart," I tell him the truth as I grab the book.

"But he said he wasn't going to leave."

The disappointment in Claus's voice adds another crack to my heart.

What do I say? That I made his Daddy leave? That he isn't going to see his Daddy anymore?

I force a smile. "Why don't I read you a story?"

"I want Daddy."

Three words and I'm almost crying again.

I draw a deep breath. "How about if I call Uncle Kevin to read you a story."

"I don't like Uncle Kevin." Claus shakes his head. "He's scary."

I don't blame him for thinking so. He saw Kevin try to strangle his father, after all, and then he heard Kevin shouting at the hospital.

I run my fingers through his hair. "He's not. He was just... having a tantrum, that's all."

Claus gives me a puzzled look.

"Oh, yes. We adults have tantrums, too. We just usually do it in secret."

"Why?"

Because we're not supposed to let others know how we really feel?

"Because we can't cause other people trouble," I answer. "Now, do you want to hear your story?"

"When is Daddy coming back?"

The difficult questions just keep coming.

"I don't know, darling." I touch his cheek. "I'll let you know when I do, okay?"

He turns on his side. "I'm going to sleep."

"Okay. I'll just sing you a song then."

"Okay."

I start singing "Silent Night" as I keep stroking his hair. When that's finished, I move on to "Away in a Manger" and then "Silver Bells". By the time I'm done, Claus is already asleep.

I kiss his hair and turn the lamp off. I leave his side and go downstairs.

I haven't slept in a while, so maybe I should just sleep beside him, but I know I can't. There are far too many things weighing on my mind and my chest.

When I get downstairs, I find Kevin in the living room. He's looking through a photo album. Claus's photo album.

"Claus looks just like you," he says.

I nod. "I get that a lot."

"But I suppose he looks a bit like Lance, too."

I stiffen. "I don't want to talk about him."

"I know." He closes the album. "I can't believe I've forgotten all about Claus. I'm so sorry."

I walk over to him. "Maybe if I hit you in the head, you'll remember."

"Very funny."

"Well, at least you remember what happened before your accident now."

"I'm not sure those are the better memories."

"They are." I sit beside him. "You don't have to remember all the pain you went through after your accident."

"But Claus..."

"He's a kid. You have the rest of his life to regain his trust and make new memories with him."

Kevin falls silent. Then he chuckles.

"What?" I ask him.

He shakes his head. "I just can't believe you're a mother now."

My eyebrows crease. "I'm pretty sure there's a compliment in there somewhere."

He gives another chuckle.

I smile. "I like getting the old you back."

"You mean the younger me."

I snort. "The fact that your memories went back in time doesn't mean your body did the same. You're still old."

He frowns.

"So you just like the me that bullies you."

"The you that's not so serious," I say. "The you that's more fun."

He gives me a puzzled look. "That's me?"

"Yes. That's the usual you. Not the you that you were when you just woke up at the hospital."

Kevin frowns. "Again, I'm sorry about that."

"It's fine."

"Did Lance really leave?" he asks.

I nod and show him my bare finger. "I called off the engagement, so..."

I shrug.

Kevin says nothing.

My gaze rests on a paper bag under the tree. It wasn't there before.

"What's that?" I ask as I point to it.

"Oh, a neighbor brought it," Kevin tells me. "A Mrs. Cooper?"

"When?"

"A while ago. Maybe you were in the shower."

I look inside the bag and see two boxes. I open the first and find a baseball and a baseball mitt. I open the second, a smaller one, and find my diamond ring inside. There's a folded note inside, too, and I read it.

Jordan,

The bigger box is for Claus. They were mine. I'm sorry I didn't have time to wrap it.

The smaller box belongs to you... as my heart always will.

Lance

I fold the note.

"What are they?" Kevin asks.

"Early Christmas presents," I tell him with a voice I'm trying to keep from cracking. "I think I'll take them upstairs for now. Claus might find them, and then God knows what he might do."

"Okay."

I carry the bag upstairs, taking the steps two at a time because I'm in a rush to get to the bathroom before my tears start falling. When I get there, I shut the door behind me, set the bag down on the floor, grip the sink and start sobbing silently.

It's the kind of sobbing where your chest just aches, where you open your mouth to let out a plea but no words come.

For how long? I don't know. But when I think I'm done, when I have no more tears left to cry, I open the door.

Kevin is standing right outside.

"Kevin?"

Without, a word, he pulls me into his arms. And even though I thought I'd run out of tears, I start crying again.

He strokes my hair. "I'm sorry, Jordan. I'm sorry."

I look up at him through tear-filled eyes. "For?"

"You really love Lance, don't you?"

I nod as I wipe my fresh tears. "I didn't love him then, when he got me pregnant. I didn't even know who he was. But these past several days, I got to know him. I found out just what an amazing father he can be, what an incredible man. And I just fell for him."

He helps me wipe my tears. "And you think Lance loves you?"

"He gave me back my engagement ring," I say with a sniff. "He gave it back to me with a note saying that it belonged to me just like his heart always will."

Kevin laughs.

"What?" I narrow my eyes at him.

"It just... sounds so cheesy. I can barely believe he wrote that."

I nudge his arm. "Well, he did."

He smiles. "Then I guess that means he's changed."

I shrug.

Kevin cups my face and looks into my eyes. "I'm sorry, Sis. I should have listened to you instead of rushing into that storm yes- I mean six years ago. It was my fault I had an accident, not yours or Lance's."

More tears trickle down my cheeks.

"And I should have listened to you at the hospital. I should have talked to you and Lance calmly instead of losing my temper."

I give another sniff. "Maybe you should have."

He grins and plants a kiss on my forehead. "I'm sorry."

Then he gives my hug. I hug him back.

I really am so glad he's back.

He pulls away and places his hands on my arms. "We have to talk to Lance. We have to get the two of you back together."

I shake my head. "His car isn't across the street. That means he's already gone."

"Where did he go?"

I shrug. "Boston, probably. That's where he lives."

"Then we just have to go there," Kevin says. "Boston was where everything began. Boston is where everything should... well, begin again."

I smile. "You're right. Maybe it's fate."

"But well, we should give fate a hand. So come on. Pack your bags and we'll go after your man. I trust you know where he lives?"

"Yes." I nod. "And I even know someone who knows his schedule."

~

"Lance is flying to Sydney first thing in the morning," Erin informs me over the phone as Claus, Kevin and I leave town.

"He's what?" I fail to hide my dismay.

"Don't ask me why. He just suddenly decided to go out of the country."

I sigh. He probably wants to get away from all this mess we've made.

"Are you coming here to Boston?" Erin asks. "Are you on a plane?"

"We're coming to Boston and we're in a car," I answer. "What time is his flight?"

"I don't know. He's taking the jet. What time will you be here?"

I glance at the clock on the dashboard. It's 9:20.

"We'll probably be there by four," I say. "As long as there isn't too much snow."

"Drive safely," Erin says. "I'll see what I can do to stall him until then."

I smile. "Thank you, Erin. You're a lifesaver."

"I know." She hangs up.

"So?" Kevin asks me.

"We have to hurry. He's flying out of the country in his private jet tomorrow."

"Wow." He taps his fingers on the steering wheel. "I hate him for being so rich."

"Are you sure you don't want me to drive?" I ask him. "Should you be driving?"

"Don't worry," Kevin tells me. "I'm fine. And I'll get you to the church, I mean the airport, in time. I promise."

~

I get to Lance in the nick of time. He's already going up the stairs to board his jet, but he stops when he sees me get out of the car.

"Jordan?"

I climb the steps up to him. As I stand in front of him, my hands shake, and not from the cold.

I've already rehearsed my lines a hundred times on the way, but now that I'm here, I can't seem to remember any of the words.

"What are you doing here?" Lance asks me.

"I wanted to talk," I say as I finally find my voice.

Lance's ebony eyes narrow. "Did Erin know you were coming?"

"Yes."

He nods. "So that's why she was stalling me." He glances at the car. "Are you with Claus?"

"And with Kevin."

"Kevin?"

I turn to the car. Kevin waves from the driver's seat.

"Kevin and I talked. He's not mad at you anymore. He doesn't think it's your fault or mine that he had that accident."

Lance's eyebrows furrow. "So he's fine with us being together?"

I nod.

"But aren't you mad at me, too?" he asks me. "For what happened to Claus?"

"Nothing happened," I tell him. "He's safe. And he's looking for you."

He looks away. "But I - "

"It wasn't your fault, and I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. I'm sorry if I made you feel like you're a bad father. The truth is you're not. And you know what else? You're the only father Claus has and the only father I want for him."

"So you're here because you want us to make up for Claus's sake?"

"No, silly." I shake my head. "I came here because my heart also belongs to you."

I show him the ring on my finger.

"There's no one else I'd rather spend Christmas or the rest of my life with."

For a moment, Lance falls silent. He just stares at the ring and at me. Then he grins.

"Are you proposing to me?"

I chuckle. "Well, that certainly sounded better than when you proposed to me."

He laughs, then he takes me into his arms. I wrap mine around him.

In the next moment, his lips descend on mine. I kiss him back with all the passion and the tenderness I can muster.

Then I look into his eyes and smile.

"I should have gone after you a long time ago."