Chapter Sixteen

Jordan

The storm has passed.

As I stand in front of the Marsh house, there's not so much as a gentle breeze caressing my cheek. I close my eyes and don't hear a sound.

The calm after the storm.

I open my eyes and draw a deep breath. My gaze sweeps over the white landscape, the piles of snow that are the only souvenirs of what happened last night.

What happened last night.

At the memory of that frivolity by the fire, I blush. This time, though, that heat, that tinge of embarrassment is all there is. No dismay. No regret. Last night was just about me wanting to forget the day's mishaps and Lance wanting me.

And then there was that little conversation in the afterglow.

My eyebrows crease. Little? I basically promised Lance I'd tell him about Claus on Christmas Day. What was I thinking?

I gaze up at the clear, gray sky.

More importantly, what am I hoping for?

My thoughts crumble as something cold crashes against the back of my head. I lift my hand to it as I turn around. Lance and Claus are standing near the house, Claus trying to stifle a laugh - and failing - and Lance shaping a white ball between his gloved hands.

He grins. "Snowball for your thoughts?"

I look at my own gloved hand and see the crumbs of snow.

I frown. "I - "

Another snowball comes my way, this time hitting me just around the waist with a soft splat. Lance gives Claus a high five.

I open my mouth to issue a reprimand, but the words won't come out.

Look at those two, pulling off mischievous antics together. Having fun. True, it's at my expense, but the looks on their faces, that twinkle in their eyes and the sound of their laughter lights a fire in my heart.

Father and son. I think I know now where Claus got his misbehaving streak from.

I put my hands on my hips. "Oh, we're having a snowball fight, are we?"

Lance answers by scooping another handful of snow from the ground with an impish grin. Claus snickers.

Lance fires. I dodge.

I narrow my eyes at him. "Well, if that's the way you want it..."

I scoop my own handful of snow and start shaping it into a ball. Lance pulls Claus to his side.

"Watch out," I hear him say. "Here she comes."

I aim for Lance's foot but I miss.

"Our turn!" Claus grabs some snow and throws it at me.

I turn to the side and it splashes against my arm.

"No fair," I whine as I get my next snowball ready. "I'm outnumbered."

"It's boys against girls," Lance says. "Maybe you should ask Mrs. Cooper to play."

I hurl the snowball at him and he hurls one back at me. It hits my leg.

"Looks like we're winning," Lance says.

"Oh yeah?"

I grab some snow and start chasing after Claus. He runs off.

"I'm going to get you," I tell him.

He squeals as I throw the snow at his back. Then I gasp as a snowball hits the back of my shoulder.

"And I've got you," Lance says.

I chase after him next as Claus laughs.

The chase continues for a few more minutes, all three of us taking turns doing the chasing. Snowballs fly and splatter. Laughter fills the air.

Then as I throw another snowball in Lance's direction, he evades it and it hits someone else instead.

Not Claus or even Mrs. Cooper.

Audrey, who gasps in horror as she looks at her sparkling red coat, now with a snowball as an accessory.

I suppress the laughter bubbling up in my throat. I can see Lance trying to do the same. Claus doesn't. He just bursts into laughter as he lies down on the snow. I throw him a stern glance, but I don't think I'm scary enough.

I clear my throat. "Audrey. Sorry, I didn't see you there."

"Clearly," she says as she tries to brush off the snow.

"Want to join us?" Lance asks her.

She shakes her head. "I'm just here to make sure the two of you are coming to tonight's Christmas dance in spite of that fiasco yesterday and the storm last night."

"Oh." I dust some snow off my arm. "We..."

"We'll think about it," Lance answers. "Thanks for dropping by."

Audrey nods. "Well, I'll be expecting both of you."

She walks off, dragging her boots through the snow.

Lance approaches my side. "She doesn't take 'no' for an answer, does she?"

I shake my head. "Nope."

Behind us, Claus continues to laugh. I turn towards him.

"Well, it was funny," Lance says it out loud first.

And just like that, I, too, grab my belly and start laughing. He joins in.

"Oh, we are... so... naughty," I say between snickers.

Lance just smiles.

I lie down on the snow and start waving my arms and legs to make a snow angel. Lance lies down beside me and starts doing the same.

"So, are you going to the party?" Lance breaks the silence.

I glance at him. "Are you asking me out?"

He just grins.

I stare back at the sky. "I don't really do parties anymore."

"Why not?"

"Well, because I have Claus and I don't have anybody to watch him."

"Maybe Mrs. Cooper will. They seem to like each other."

I say nothing.

He gets up and climbs on top of me, taking me by surprise.

"Lance!"

"Come to the dance with me," he says as he looks into my eyes.

My breath catches. My heart grows still.

I wonder if he always asks women out with this same intensity. I wonder how he asked his date to the prom. Well, however he did it, I'm sure she said yes.

I hoist myself up on my elbows. "Fine. If Mrs. Cooper will watch Claus, I'll go to the dance with you."

~

I can't believe Mrs. Cooper said yes. Then again, I guess Lance is right. She and Claus seem to get along.

So here I am getting ready for the dance.

I gaze at my reflection in the mirror.

I have just this one dress left - this royal blue velvet turtleneck dress with a lace back and elbow-length sleeves.

I give a whirl and the skirt billows just a little before the scalloped, lace-lined hem drops below my knees.

Why did I keep this dress again? Oh, right. Because it was the only one that fit me even when I was pregnant, thanks to the elastic empire waist. Also, it's comfortable - you can't emphasize comfort enough when you're a mother.

I put on my pearl earrings. I stopped wearing dangling ones after having Claus. In fact, I've stopped wearing earrings altogether, but tonight is an exception. Afterwards, I put on a layer of taffy lipstick and a sheen of lip gloss, all that's left of my once one-pound bag of makeup. Then I run my hands through my hair - half of it's swept up into a chignon and the other half is cascading freely past my shoulders - one last time.

That should do it.

I draw a deep breath and look at my shoes -just plain beige shoes with a tiny bow and a half-inch heel. That's the most I've worn since I got pregnant.

My feet turn to the sides.

What's this feeling? Nervousness? But why? It's just Lance.

Or maybe it's because it is Lance that I'm nervous. Because I want to impress him, because I know he'll look so good and I...

I press the pause button on my thoughts as I stare at my face in the mirror. Wait. Why am I acting like a girl on her first date? This isn't a date. It's just a dance. A Christmas dance that I'm going to with Lance.

I sigh. Fine. It is a date. And it's our first date.

Still, it doesn't mean anything. Lance and I aren't a couple.

Are we?

The doorbell barges into my thoughts. I get out of the bathroom and walk down the stairs.

"I'm coming!"

~

The town hall looks prettier than when I left it yesterday. The snowflakes I cut out, and then some, are coated with glitter and hanging all over the place. The reindeer, too, are all in a row above the stage. The Christmas tree, which was still bare when I left yesterday, is dressed up in colorful lights and ornaments, a golden star at its very top. Boughs of holly and tinsel adorn the walls.

After some chatter with the other people in attendance - that woman I was talking to yesterday, who I learned was named Annie, and the mother of the wiry-haired girl, who doesn't seem as pissed off as she was yesterday and easily accepts my apology - a speech by the mayor and some words from Audrey, the dancing begins, starting with "The Christmas Waltz".

As Lance and I sway to the music, I feel a few stares aimed straight at me. I hear some murmurs, too. Just when they start to bother me, though, Lance grips my hand tighter and pulls me closer.

"Let them talk," he whispers in my ear. "It's natural for people to be in awe when something shines so brightly."

My eyebrows arch. "Me? Shining?"

"Radiant." He smiles.

I blush.

"Besides, they'll get tired of it."

Sure enough, by the fourth dance, I don't hear them talking anymore. I'm getting a bit tired, too, though, and so I ask Lance for a break.

"Let's sit the next few out, okay?" I tell him.

"Sure."

After the song ends, I head to some empty chairs. Lance heads to the refreshments table. I've barely sat down and caught my breath, though, when I catch a glimpse of Perry.

I sit up. My face pales. My shoulders tense.

Oh, shit. Perry's here?

But of course he is. He lives in this town, too, after all.

How could I have forgotten that? How could I have forgotten about him?

"Hello, Jordan," he greets me.

"Hello," I answer softly.

"You look... stunning," he remarks after his gaze sweeps over the dress I'm wearing.

I give a weak smile as I place my hand on my neck. "Thanks."

"I didn't know you'd be coming to this party."

"Well, Audrey insisted, so..."

"Yeah. We all know how insistent she can be. So who's watching over Claus?"

"Mrs. Cooper."

He gives me a puzzled look.

"The housekeeper at the Marsh house," I say.

"The Marsh house?" His eyebrows arch. Then he looks around. "Who are you with?"

Before I can answer, Lance appears with two mugs of Irish coffee. He places one in my hand before turning to Perry.

"Oh, hello. Perry, right?"

Perry nods. "I didn't know you were still in town."

"Oh, I don't plan on leaving anytime soon," Lance says.

"Really? I thought someone like you would be bored by now."

"I thought so, too, but no. I'm finding my stay very... exhilarating."

He glances at me.

Perry raises an eyebrow. "Exhilarating?"

I stand up as I sense the tension brewing. "Perry, why don't - ?"

"Did you sleep with him?" Perry asks all of a sudden.

In my surprise, I don't answer at once.

He glances at me. "You did, didn't you?"

"I..."

"It's none of your business, is it?" Lance says. "After all, you're not married. Jordan isn't in love with you."

"And she's in love with you?" Perry asks him.

Lance takes a sip of his coffee. "Why don't you ask her?"

"Why don't we talk about something else?" I suggest as I stand between them. "You know, yesterday, Claus - "

"What exactly do you want from Jordan?" Perry asks Lance.

"Again, none of your business," Lance answers.

Perry's jaw clenches. "You think you can just barge back into her life after turning your back on her?"

"I didn't turn my back on her," Lance replies through gritted teeth. "What do you know?"

Perry snorts. "You're the one who doesn't know shit. Not about Jordan, and not about being a man."

"Says the man who plans to walk up and down supermarket aisles for the rest of his life."

Perry's nostrils flare. "Stay away from Jordan and Claus."

Lance doesn't seem unnerved in the least. "How can you call yourself Claus's father when you weren't there when he needed you the most?"

"I don't want to hear that from you."

"Do you really think you can raise him well?" Lance challenges. "You can't even win the heart of the woman you adore in spite of already, and I'm sure accidentally, having a child with her. How did you seduce her, exactly? Sloppily, I'm sure."

"Lance," I reprimand.

It's too late, though. Perry's fist comes flying. Lance avoids it.

"Perry!" I try to hold him back.

Around us, heads have already turned. Some of the pairs on the dance floor have stopped moving.

"Can't even hit another person," Lance says with a shake of his head.

"Lance." I throw him a warning glance.

In spite of my efforts, Perry tries to hit Lance again. Again, he misses, and this time he crashes into a chair. The crowd gasps.

Lance laughs.

"What is going on here?!?" Audrey asks as she joins the scene.

I glare at Lance. "Lance, just leave."

"What?" He looks puzzled.

"Just go!" I shout. More calmly, I add, "Please."

He sets his glass down and leaves. I help Perry to his feet and usher him in the opposite direction, towards the restrooms.

"I'm fine." He tries to push me away once we get there. "I don't need your pity."

I look at him with wide eyes. "I don't - "

"I can't do this anymore," Perry says.

He runs his fingers through his hair as he shakes his head.

"I can't... play this game anymore. I can't... keep pretending that I'm Claus's father... or that I'm satisfied with this... arrangement."

I say nothing.

"Tell Lance the truth or not, it's up to you," he goes on. "But I'm not taking part in this lie anymore. I thought if I did, you'd finally seriously consider going out with me, but that's not happening, is it? Because you never wanted to be with me."

I shake my head. "That's not - "

"You can lie to that man and to me, Jordan, but don't lie to yourself."

I fall silent.

He touches my cheek. "I know you'll do what's best for Claus. I just hope you'll realize what's best for you, too, even if that's not me."

I hold his hand. "Perry..."

He kisses mine. "Bye, Jordan. If you need something at the supermarket, you know who to ask. Otherwise... elsewhere, I think you'll be fine without me."

He turns around and walks away.

My heart sinks as I stare at his back. A lump forms in my throat.

Oh, what have I done?