Chapter Fourteen
Alissa
December 16, Saturday Evening
“Do I look okay?” I asked Elle critically as I spun around in my dress. “Are you sure I look classy enough?”
“Honestly, Alissa. I have never seen you look more beautiful!” Elle grabbed my shoulders and spun me around again. “That lace along your neckline looks awesome, and the swishy skirt looks nice. Also, your hair and makeup look really sexy.”
“Sexy?” I scoffed. “Me? No way. I’m just one of those girls who will never look sexy.” I knew who I was, and I was okay with that. Some women got to be sexy and seductive – I just wasn’t one of them.
“You’re not a little girl anymore; you’re a woman – and you do look sexy as hell. Even I feel a little attracted to you, and as you know, aside from one kiss on one drunken night, I do not swing that way.”
“Will you stop it?” I blushed as I spoke. “As long as I look quite nice, that will do.”
“Cade won’t be able to keep his hands off you, so if you aren’t prepared for that, then it might be time to reconsider.”
As soon as those words left her mouth, I felt that tension filling up my spine. My shoulders tensed, my heart ached, and I felt all cold and panicky inside. All the terror that I’d been feeling about the idea of anything like that happening with Cade came rushing back over me all at once. I was scared; utterly petrified...
But then I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and while I didn’t feel like I looked sexy exactly, I did look good. I didn’t really look like myself at all, more like a sleek, airbrushed version. It made me feel bolder, braver. Maybe if I forgot all about myself and my past, just for one night, then I would be able to see what Cade was like in bed. After all, Elle was right about one thing – I did need to start with someone. And, I did feel a deep attraction to Cade...
No, I couldn’t think like that. I couldn’t start planning something so momentous to happen, or it’d freak me out all night long. This was my first ever opera, and I wanted to enjoy it. If I was going to survive this night, then I needed to take it one step at a time.
“Woah!” Elle cried out. Suddenly from the other side of the room. “Is that him?”
I twisted around to see her staring through the window at the ground below. I rushed to join her and instantly spotted the man I was waiting for in a very crisp tuxedo. My heart leaped as I looked at him. He really did look amazing. “Erm, yep, that’s him.” I felt a little embarrassed as I said that, as if I’d been hiding him away. I suppose, in a way, I had.
“Woah, he’s freaking gorgeous!” she chuckled a little hysterically. “I mean, he is the best-looking man I have ever seen in my life. No wonder you like the pants off him.”
“I don’t...” I tried to argue lamely, but it didn’t matter because she kept talking over me anyway.
“No wonder you’re willing to overlook the fact that he’s your stepbrother. Wow, wee. If he were coming to pick me up looking like that, I would jump his bones before we even made it out the door. Can I come and meet him?”
“No!” I didn’t like the bright look in her eyes. I felt oddly protective over Cade. “No, you’ll make me nervous.”
“You totally know that I’m going to just watch you from up here, though, don’t you?”
“Yeah, yeah, just let me go.”
As I made my way down to Cade, I couldn’t help biting down on my lip as a delicious thrill raced through me. He did look good, and that was all for me. I mean, we had kissed the last two times that we were together, so it was safe enough to assume that this kind of was a date...right? I never would’ve thought that someone like him would want me, but if he kept making the moves to see me again, then that had to say something.
My heart beat faster; my tummy tickled with glee, and I couldn’t wait to see what tonight would hold.
***
As we took our seats in the gorgeous concert hall, I admired the magnificent view we had from our orchestra level seating. The bright lights were declaring we were here to see the New York Grand Orchestra left me about ready to burst with joy. They were the best musicians in the entire city, and almost impossible to see. As far as I knew, people lined up for hours to get hold of tickets. Unless they knew someone, of course – that was key.
“That was so good of your friend to give you tickets! They’re so rare,” I quietly said to Cade. “I can’t believe anyone would give these seats up.”
“Erm... yes.” He looked a little awkward as he answered me. “Yeah, it was good.” I couldn’t quite work out his furrowed expression; it seemed to be telling me something that I didn’t quite understand. I wanted to ask him about it, but he quickly changed the subject to something that really sparked my interest.
“So, I don’t know much about this orchestra; you might have to help me out tonight. I don’t know who any of the musicians are or anything. I’m a real novice. You’ll have to guide me through.”
“Oh right, well Lawrence Lucas is the most famous contemporary conductor, and Mia Chang is a wonderful violinist... You’re in for a treat.” As I spoke in my impassioned way about music, Cade’s eyes didn’t glaze over in the way that most people did. In fact, he looked like he was interested in what I had to say. For the first time in a very long time, I didn’t want to stop talking. “She’s got this really unique and beautiful way of playing. Even if you don’t know much about music, you’ll love it.”
“I bet you’re right, I’ve heard only good things.” He smiled in my direction. “But maybe you’ll have to tell me if I’m allowed to like it. You know how anything creative is, you have to like what everyone does.”
I laughed and nodded. He was weirdly right about that. Wealthy people, in particular, seemed to have a set of unwritten guidelines about what was worth four million dollars and what needed to be trashed. Luckily, I didn’t roll in any of those circles, so I could just like whatever the hell I wanted to. “Okay, I’ll steer you in the right direction.”
“What’s your favorite song?” he jumped in once more, asking me the offhand question.
“Oh, that’s easy. “Rhapsody in Blue” by George Gershwin. It’s wonderful. I’ll have to play it for you one day.” I hadn’t ever had anyone to share my love of music with before, and although I didn’t totally think that Cade got it, it was nice to have someone listen. “It’s hauntingly beautiful.”
“I can’t believe you haven’t ever done anything like this before; it seems like the perfect thing for you.”
“Yeah, I know.” I didn’t want to get into things about my mother again, but she would never have done anything like this with me. Unless it was looking for a rich husband, she didn’t care.
Although, as I glanced around the hall, I realized that, this might have been perfect for her. There were a lot of wealthy, bored people surrounding us. I knew that the orchestra was a statement thing and people felt the need to be seen at places like this, but couldn’t they just enjoy themselves? They had no idea how lucky they were. I almost wanted to leap up from my seat and to tell them not to look so miserable while they were in the best place on Earth. I wanted to shout that I spent most of my life desperate to come here, but that I hadn’t had a chance.
I didn’t, though. I didn’t want to wreck my first fancy night out with a man I liked far too much by starting a rant about something silly.
I could still enjoy the night, that didn’t have to change.
A deep hush fell over the room as the lights dimmed, indicating the performance was about to start. The excitement inside of me grew to such a level that I grabbed onto Cade’s hand without even thinking about it. I clutched onto him and snaked my fingers through his.
The music burst to life and right away, I was taken on an intense journey. My mood dipped and lifted, my heart swelled and sunk. The tunes affected me even deeper than anything else ever had done. Tchaikovsky’s music always had an impact on me, but live in this hall; the power was intense.
I glanced at Cade out of the corner of my eye, just to see his expression twisted up with pleasure. This was something he hadn’t done before; it was obvious that he was now here for me, so I loved the fact that he was enjoying himself.
“Kiss Cade,” Ella’s words jumped into my brain. “Sleep with him, have some fun. I’m not saying you have to marry the guy, but you do need to bring a smile back on your face.”
I did want that – all of it – even if it terrified me. Cade was a good guy, and I got the impression that he would be gentle with me... I didn’t even need to worry about family reunions being awkward because we were so separated. A cheeky smile burst onto my face as I tried to imagine it. It would be fun.
Cade squeezed my hand gently as he turned to give me a grin. It was almost as if he could feel my eyes upon him. “Are you enjoying yourself?” he asked me quietly. “Is this good music?”
“Don’t worry, this is good. When you go to the meet afterward, you can declare that this was wonderful.”
“I know you’re teasing me, but thanks. I’m glad I know good culture.”
I sat back further in my seat and allowed the music to fill me up completely. Even if I listened to it in a much more technical way, it was flawless. This was the best orchestra in the city for a reason!
This was my goal; this was what I wanted to achieve in my life. Seeing it come to life inspired me deeply. I needed to work harder, to somehow get over my stage fright. I wanted to be up there doing just that. Making money doing and what I loved. I didn’t want to take on a waitressing job to support myself, nor did I want to take more money from Jacob. I needed to do it like this.
I felt my chest swell, and my heart beat faster as I pictured myself up on stage, sitting among Mia Chang, directed by Lawrence Lucas, and it felt good. I wanted the visual to become something more real. Maybe if someone handed me my clarinet and asked me to play right now, I would’ve been able to blow the room away. It was just a shame that I couldn’t do all my auditions in that way.
There was a sense tonight that anything was possible, and that left me exhilarated. I didn’t look like me; I didn’t feel like me – I felt like I was living in a fantasy. For someone like me who spent their life confined and controlled by other people, it was exciting to play the role of someone else.
Who knew where it would lead?