Chapter Twenty-Nine
Xander – (Monday)
I sat in my chair, trying to get into the swing of things while I watched the band record, but my heart simply wasn’t in it. I couldn’t offer any suggestions because in all honesty, I wasn’t listening. I couldn’t think about anything other than my friend Michael. I hated us being so distant. I didn’t like going all this time without speaking to him. It made me very uncomfortable.
One way or another, I would have to make it right.
“All right, guys,” I said into the microphone, determination lacing my tone. “That’s great for today, but I think we need to take a break and come back to it some other time. I’ll book you in for another day, if that’s okay?”
I expected a bit of a fight considering they were originally booked in for the rest of the day, but luckily the guys looked about as spent as I felt, so they quickly agreed and packed their things up. While they did, my emotions swirled in my chest.
I couldn’t keep putting this off any longer. I had to go and speak to Michael. If he was going to continue dodging my calls and ignoring my voicemails, then I would have to go to him directly. I’d been trying to avoid doing so because I wasn’t sure how heated things would get again, but it was getting silly now. One of us had to be the bigger person, to make things right, and I didn’t mind it being me.
As I locked the studio up, excitement grew in my chest. This felt positive. I probably should have done this a whole lot sooner, but at least I was doing it now. I spent the drive over planning just what I was going to say to him. This was potentially a delicate situation and I needed to handle it carefully. I was going to have to choose my words carefully if I didn’t want another argument.
This will be good. I did my best to gear myself up. This will be fine, there’s nothing at all to worry about. But I wasn’t totally convinced that it’d be that simple. Michael had never held a grudge for this long.
Anxiety crept in as I waited with baited breath for him to answer the door. To be perfectly honest, I had no idea if he was even there. Maybe he was so upset that he’d gone somewhere else entirely.
But then the door swung open, and there he was, except he didn’t look like his normal self. He had more stubble than I’d ever seen on his face before, his eyes were surrounded by dark circles, which suggested that he hadn’t been sleeping much, either, plus a strong scent of booze emanated from him.
“Are you okay?” I asked cautiously. “What’s going on?”
“What do you want?” he growled back, clearly not totally ready to forgive me just yet. Whatever was going on with him, his anger toward me hadn’t died down.
I hadn’t planned on apologizing necessarily, I just wanted to work past this, but seeing him in such a state tugged at my heart strings. Whatever had happened between us didn’t matter; it wasn’t as important as my friend.
“I just wanted to come and say sorry for our fight. I spoke to the accountant, and he basically agreed with you. We need to make some cutbacks if we’re going to survive. I should’ve come sooner, but my stupid pride got in the way.”
It worked. Michael stared at me for a second, as if he was trying to gauge how serious I was, before he stepped to the side and let me in. As I walked through the hallways of his usually pristine home, I couldn’t help but notice the mess. His house looked just like him... like something terrible was going on.
“So,” I started, perching on the edge of his couch. At first, Michael remained standing, looming over me, but when I didn’t speak, he took the hint and sat down. This was going to be a chat between friends. I wasn’t going to let him make things awkward. “How have things been with you?”
“Have you decided who you’re going to cut yet?” he sneered back, his attitude toward me still there. “Are you going to take my advice?”
“With Aiden, yes,” I replied slowly. “But not with Kyle.”
He rolled his eyes at me and shook his head nastily. “You’re obsessed with that pair. It’s ridiculous. It’s like you’re fucking her or something.” When I didn’t answer him, his eyes lit up. He’d hit the jackpot, and he knew it. “Oh, my God, you are! How fucking crazy. You are with her? That’s fucking priceless.”
“It isn’t just sex,” I replied quietly. “I like her, I mean like her, but that isn’t impacting on my decision. Whatever you think, I know they have what it takes. I genuinely believe in them.”
“Sounds like you’ve been sucked in by her feminine charms, if you ask me.”
I watched him for a moment, wondering why he was so upset about this. It seemed to be about so much more than just my relationship with Lila. I knew that he wasn’t going to like that, but I’d never thought he’d react so heavily.
“What’s going on with you?” I demanded, refusing to take his shit any longer. “There seems to be a whole lot more to this than you being mad at me. You understand that you can talk to me, right? I’ve always been your friend, and I always will be.”
“If you were my friend, you wouldn’t threaten my future just to get your away!” he snarled at me, but when I didn’t react, his face softened just a little. “I just can’t take any more of this uncertainty. Everything seems to be falling apart.”
Okay, we were finally starting to get to the root of the problem. This wouldn’t be easy. Michael was so difficult to get to open up, but I leaned in closer and waited for him to speak again. I didn’t want to say anything that would freak him out.
“I just... I guess I’ve been pissed off ever since I broke up with Steph.” Oh, my God, was that actual emotion shining in his eyes? Over the waitress he picked up in a dingy bar and screwed in the bathroom? I’d thought that things were a little more serious with her than with anyone else, but I’d had no idea he would be this upset about it. “She screwed me up, you know?”
“What happened?” I asked quietly.
“She cheated on me,” he replied quietly. “She’s the first woman I’ve ever cared about, and she found someone better.”
Holy fuck, this is insane. I’d never seen my friend even care about anyone, never mind give a shit about cheating. Of course, it was normally him who did the messing around. I rapidly moved closer to him and threw my arm around him in what I hoped would be a comforting gesture. “I’m sorry, Michael. I didn’t know things were like that for you. I thought she was just another short-term thing.”
“Maybe I did, too, until I went to meet her from work and I saw her fucking some lawyer in a nearby alleyway.” He shook his head sadly, tears leaking from his eyes. I didn’t know what to do. In all the years I’d known Michael, I had never seen this side of him. “I’ll never be enough for anyone.”
“What are you talking about?” I exclaimed. “Everyone adores you. Loads of people love you.”
“My mom doesn’t.” My heart skipped a beat. Was he about to let me in? “Did you know that she had five more kids after me? She kept them all. She neglected me so much that I ended up in the care system, but she kept all of them. What was wrong with me, huh?”
“Maybe... She probably tried to get you back, but couldn’t,” I said hopefully.
He was already shaking his head. “Nope, I read my file. When she gave birth to her daughter, my sister, I guess, they tried to get her to take me back, but she wouldn’t have me.”
“Are you serious?” Despite all the crappy stories I’d heard about children in care, this touched me the deepest. There didn’t seem to be any excuse for that sort of behavior.
“Yep, apparently, she got bad postnatal depression after she had me, and she was scared of it coming back. I think there was some other stuff with my father, too, but it still seems unfair. None of that is my fault, yet I’m the one who’s had to suffer all these years.”
“Wow, I don’t even know what to say. I’m sorry.” I was totally blown away. No wonder Michael was so weirdly private about his past. My mom might have picked drugs, but she didn’t have other kids living with her. She’d only refused and rejected me once. That was bad enough, but what Michael had gone through was so much worse.
“Yeah, well, I guess that’s why I’m always such a dick.” He shrugged one shoulder. “I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting.”
“Me, too.” We smiled at each other, sharing a moment, everything being forgiven. This was more like it, the way we usually made up. It would’ve been that way from the start had the whole mess with Steph not happened. No wonder Michael was hurt. He’d lost the first woman he’d ever let in.
“So, Lila, huh?” His tone was much kinder now. He was forgiving me. “She’s nice. I can see you two together.”
“Yeah, she’s great.” I knew I had a dreamy look in my eyes and didn’t even care. I was happy. I was falling for Lila. Of course, I felt bad for being so upbeat when my friend was going through such heartache, but he had asked.
“Well, then, I’m glad you met her. You deserve someone who makes you happy.”
“You do, too, and that person will come along eventually.”
We started to talk more normally now, any weirdness simply melting away. Deep down, underneath it all, no matter what happened between us, we would always be like brothers. Even more so now that I knew him better. It might have taken years, but he’d finally let me in. Our bond was stronger than ever.
When I left Michael’s home a little while later, I felt on top of the world. I’d taken the bold step of going to my friend’s home to sort things out, and the result had been phenomenal. I wanted to take that good mood further.
I wanted to hang out with Lila. Especially now that we could be more open, since everyone knew about us. I wanted to kiss her, hold her in my arms, and make love to her over and over again. But when I called her and she didn’t answer, my plan was kyboshed. I felt disappointed, but I knew she must be busy, so I texted her instead.
Hey, Lila, hope you’re all right. Give me a call when you get this. I miss your sexy face :) Speak soon, Xander xxx
Then I made my way home feeling much more positive about life. Things were good now. The only issue left was the business, which I would sort out easily, then everything would be perfect. What could go wrong?