Chapter Thirty-One
Cade
January 1, New Year’s Day
What the...
I bolted upright in bed with the overwhelming sense that something was very wrong. I wasn’t sure where it came from. I wasn’t aware of any particular dreams that I’d been having, so I didn’t think it could be that...
But as I patted the bed beside me and realized Alissa wasn’t there, I knew the feeling was right. It was still dark outside, and she wasn’t in bed. Something had to be going on, and I needed to find out what.
I jumped up from the bed and raced into the living room where I saw Alissa curled up on the couch sobbing hard. My heart stopped, and I felt sick to my stomach. I hated to see this beautiful woman looking like her world was falling apart around her.
“Oh my God, what’s wrong?” I gushed as I moved over to join her. “What happened? Alissa?” I tried to wrap my arms around her, but she shoved me off violently as if she couldn’t stand to be touched by me. “Alissa, what’s wrong?”
As she turned to face me, there was an intense venom in her eyes that I hadn’t seen before. It made me recoil in on myself. I opened my mouth as my brain desperately tried to find the words to make this alright again, but before I could get any words out, a sharp stinging pain came from the right-hand side.
“Ah, fuck!” I clutched my cheek realizing that she hit me. “Alissa, what the fuck was that?” My heart thundered as my blood boiled. I needed to know what I’d so obviously missed in the few hours I was sleeping. Clearly something monumental, considering the craziness going on now.
“Is it true?” she practically spat at me. “Tell me it isn’t true.”
“What?” My mind spun. I couldn’t work out what on Earth she was referring to. The last thing I could remember was climbing into bed for a snuggle after the midnight countdown into the New Year. “Is what true? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t bullshit me.” She leaped up and paced the room angrily, holding a thin blanket up to cover her modesty. “Don’t fucking bullshit me, Cade. I know exactly what’s going on here. My mother has filled in the gaps.”
“Your mother?” Oh God, if Helen was involved, then this was bad. Possibly devastating. That woman had excellent fucking timing – just as things were great, she reared her ugly head up once more. “What has she said? I can guarantee that it isn’t true.”
“So, you weren’t given a billion dollars from you father then?”
Uh oh. My heart sank, a painful, burning sickness swirled in my gut. I meant to tell Alissa, I fully intended to let her know what had happened. I was just waiting for the right moment, that was all. I didn’t mean for Helen to poke her fucking head in and ruin it for me.
“You haven’t been told to hang out with me for the money? Your father didn’t tell you to ‘look after me?’”
“It isn’t like that...” I started, but she was on a roll now, with no intention of letting me get a word in.
“You’re obviously just another Luke, another pawn in my mother’s game. Just another man who’s been sent along to seduce me, then to throw me in the trash.”
Her angry steps banged against the floor, but it didn’t feel like the right time to tell her that she might be waking the neighbors up. I just hoped that the years of being a good upstairs neighbor would make up for one crappy night.
“Was that your plan? Fuck me for a while, then vanish as soon as my mother clicks her fingers?” The anger transformed into something else. I could see tears forming in the corner of her eye. “Did you want me to fall for you, as well? Did you want me to open up and tell you everything so I could really fucking lose myself with you? Yet another person to break my trust and leave me a mess... Well, I hope you’re happy.”
“It isn’t like that at all,” I finally managed to get something out, but I didn’t get the response that I’d hoped for.
“So, you didn’t take a billion dollars from your dad?”
“He did give me the money, but as an early Christmas present; it had nothing to do with your mother.”
Alissa stumbled backward as if the news stunned her. I had meant those words to make it right again, but suddenly it felt like things were spiralling, like she was slipping away from me and I couldn’t grab hold of her as she fell however hard I tried.
“You... Did you get a billion dollars? Is that how you took me to all those expensive places?”
“Yes.” I hung my head in shame. I hated myself for not just telling her. Why did I keep leaving it and leaving it? It was never going to get any easier; I was just being a coward.
“And, you were told to hang out with me?”
I sighed deeply. “Yes,” I answered again. I wished I had been given more time to prepare this speech. I wanted to put it in a way that was much more eloquent.
“And, sleep with me?”
“No, never.” At least that was one point where I had a moral high ground. Everything else was very sketchy, but I was never told to have sex with anyone. “I would never go along with something like that. It’s twisted, but I’m not another Luke I can promise you that much.”
“So, the sex was just an added bonus,” she laughed nastily. “Well, I’m so glad that I could make your time with me that much more interesting. I’m glad it wasn’t just boring, and you just had to spend time with me.” She shook her head and hung her head low. “Here I am, falling for you like an idiot, and you’re just using me.”
I fell apart; I felt terrible. I felt the same way about her right now, but couldn’t say so without it sounding like an excuse. She would instantly assume that I was lying, which would taint any future declarations of feelings...if there could be any.
“I haven’t been using you. My dad gave me the money as an olive branch, a way to rekindle our broken relationship. Yes, he asked me to hang out with you, but that’s only because he’s been worried about you. He’s scared that you’ll struggle without money.”
“You fucking Stones – all you care about is money.”
That accusation hurt deep. Probably because a lot of it was the truth. I had always been focused more on money than anything else... But this wasn’t what was going on here.
“No, it’s not that. My dad cares about you; he doesn’t want to see you struggle when he can help. But all that he wanted me to do was hang out with you, that’s all. Everything else that happened afterward, that was me.” I tried to grab hold of her hands to explain, but she snatched her skin away. “We have a real connection here, we have chemistry, there’s something there. I wouldn’t have slept with you otherwise.”
“Oh, because you’re always respectful of women, are you? You and your buddies have never trawled bars for poor, unsuspecting woman to hook up with?”
I opened my mouth to tell her those women weren’t unsuspecting at all, that they wanted it just as much I did, but I quickly realized that wasn’t the point. The point Alissa wanted to make was that I was a player. In the past, that had been true, so how the hell could I disagree with it?
“I like you, Alissa.” I gave up. I needed to let her know how I felt. “I don’t want you to think that this is anything bad because it isn’t. I got the money, yes. I was asked to hang out with you, yes. But that’s it. My feelings for you are genuine.”
She paused for a second, and I dared to get up hope and think that she was thawing towards me, but then she collapsed. She fell into the chair opposite me and curled up into a ball. It was as if her legs simply couldn’t take her weight anymore, and they simply gave up. All I wanted to do was race to her side, scoop her up in my arms, and make things right, but she didn’t want that.
“Just go,” she finally said wearily. “Just get the hell out of here. I don’t ever want to see your face again.”
“Don’t do this,” I begged. “Please don’t, this isn’t anything to do with your mom.”
“I’m ending this before my mother can.” Alissa didn’t seem ready to give up on the idea that I was the bad guy just yet. “I’m putting a stop to this before I can have my heart shattered all over again. Well, more than you’ve already done.”
“You’re mistaken,” I insisted. “You’re absolutely mistaken; this is nothing like you think. Please, just hear me out. Let me explain.” I just needed more time. I needed her to calm down just long enough for her to listen to me.
“Get out!” she shrieked at the top of her lungs, finally letting all her emotions free. “Just get out, Cade. I don’t want you here. I don’t want you in my home. I don’t ever want to see your face again.”
I knew then that she was serious, I could see a hysteria bubbling inside of her. If I stayed, we would argue so much, and it’d spiral wildly out of control. We’d end up saying all kinds of things that we’d end up regretting later, and it would tear us right apart.
I didn’t want to leave, not with Alissa in such a terrible state, but I had to. It was the only hope we had of reconnecting once more. If I gave her the time and space she needed to calm down, then maybe we could discuss this again.
I hoped.
I sadly turned towards the bedroom to grab my clothes and yanked them up over my body. My heart pounded vigorously in my chest as I did, and that sickness continued to burn. It was freezing outside, there was snow all over the ground, but I didn’t even feel like I’d need my sweater because everything inside of me was on fire.
It felt unjustified, but I knew that I wasn’t being unfairly treated. Alissa had every right to be utterly furious at me because I had done wrong. I should have just damn well told her what was going on.
Secrets are a dumb idea; I will never keep anything from anyone again! Especially from someone like Alissa who had already been betrayed by every single person in her whole life. Her mother, her friend, her ex... I never wanted to be just another one in a long list.
“I’m sorry,” I silently muttered as I moved back through the living room, but she didn’t even lift her head up to look at me. “I’m sorry, Alissa. I never meant for any of this to happen.”
“No, no one ever does,” she replied coldly. “Now, just leave please.”
I tiptoed out the apartment and closed the door as quietly as I could behind me, but the sound still radiated through my brain loudly. I hated it, it felt like goodbye, and I really wasn’t ready for that. I didn’t think I’d ever be ready for that.