Lourdes

Babies in the grocery store, babies in my apartment building, babies at the park and babies in my dreams! Ever since Blake mentioned being a surrogate for college tuition money, they’re all I think about!

It sounded so crazy a week ago, but the more I think about it, the more I think it could work.

I even met up with Blake for lunch at some swanky restaurant yesterday to talk about the legal ins and outs of surrogacy. He’s not that kind of lawyer, but he knows one in his firm who’s willing to help him so that he can do it pro bono for me.

I’ve even made a mental list of pros and cons. Being able to pay for college this year is my number one pro. Not far behind is the fact that I’ll never have to pay that money back like a loan. I would have more time to spend with Toby and to study instead of working, and I’m a fairly healthy individual, so I don’t anticipate any obvious problems spending my sophomore year pregnant.

Weighing heavy on the con side is giving away a baby that I carried in my body for ten months. That’s a big fat giant con. I’m not sure I can do it. I have a very soft heart, and I tend to love innocent, helpless things and people. Another big con is explaining it all to my friends and family—and especially Toby. He’s two and a half. He would know something was happening. How would I tell him Mommy’s going to have a baby, but it won’t be your brother or sister and it can’t come with us after it’s born? I also know virtually nothing about surrogacy. I looked up a few things over this past week, but if I’m even going to entertain the thought, I need more education. A lot more.

So here I sit in the waiting room of Joyful Connections Surrogacy Agency, waiting for my appointment with a counselor to discuss the process. If my tummy would stop flip-flopping, I might be able to concentrate on the list of questions I have to ask. I purposely never write things down to help sharpen my memory. I read once that it’s a good technique for lawyers.

I might have to readdress that practice when dealing with emotional situations. I’ll be lucky to remember my name when I get back there.

“Ms. Kennedy?” The receptionist calls my name, and my insides do one last big flop before I follow her down a hall to a small cubicle, where a lovely red-headed woman is working on her laptop.

“Brittney, this is your next appointment, Lourdes Kennedy.” She smiles and gestures for me to sit in the only other chair available.

“So nice to meet you, Lourdes. Such a beautiful name.” Brittney stands to shake my hand and returns to her seat, closing her laptop and giving me all of her attention.

“Thank you. It’s nice to meet you too.”

“So you’re interested in some information. May I ask what made you consider being a surrogate?”

This is where I hesitate. I read online that it’s not a good idea to go into this for the money, but that’s what I’m ultimately doing it for, so should I make myself look good and lie, or tell the truth and risk being turned away? I’m not a liar.

“I’m going to be very honest here. I’m a single mother of a two-year-old son, and I need money to pay for my second year at Berkeley. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but I need to be straightforward with you.”

“I admire your honesty, Lourdes. Really, I do. Generally, we do shy away from women who are just out to get paid, but in your case, I’d like to know more about your goals and your education. What is it that you’re going to school for?”

Thank God she’s willing to hear me out.

“I’m going to be a lawyer. It’s always been my dream, but it was reinforced when a drunk driver killed my son’s father in a hit and run before he was born, and he wasn’t convicted.”

Her eyes widen and she gasps.

“I’m so sorry. Wow, that’s quite a motivating factor in pursuing your education, isn’t it?”

Before I can answer, her eyes narrow and she points a finger at her laptop.

“Wait. I remember hearing about that case a few years ago. It happened on graduation day, right?”

“Yes, that was him.” There aren’t many who haven’t heard Terrell’s story. It was international news.

“Unbelievable,” she mutters, looking down at her desk. When she’s recovered from the shock of my past, she returns her attention to me.

“You’ve been thorough a lot. Do you think surrogacy is the best option for your situation? It’s an emotional process. It’s not as easy as some people might think.”

“Losing Terrell made me stronger, not weaker, and being a surrogate is my only option right now other than taking a year or two off to earn the money to pay for school. I want to be a lawyer so I can change people’s lives and make sure no one ever goes through what I went through. I see surrogacy the same way. I want to change someone’s life for the better. If I can give someone the same joy and fulfillment that I get from being a parent and make a better future for my son at the same time, I don’t see a problem.” I’m surprised by my own words. I came into this meeting with reservations, but when confronted with the reality of it all, I know in my heart it’s the right thing to do.

Brittney is quiet while she absorbs my explanation, and then she slides a folder across the desk toward me.

“I think you’re a good fit. This is everything you will need to know to get started. You’ll find an application and forms for both a psychiatric evaluation and a complete physical with bloodwork. If you don’t have a lawyer, you’ll need one. There is a list in the folder, as well as the escrow service we recommend. You will have a million questions, but just try to take it one step at a time, beginning with the application. The agency will be looking at any drug history, family medical conditions, psychiatric history, criminal records, and even your BMI. It’s very thorough.”

I lay my hand on the folder and hesitate for a moment. This is it. No more walking the fence. I’m either all in or all out. I slide the folder across the desk. All in.