Kimber

I hear crying and open one eye. The room is still dark. I’m lying on my stomach spread out with the sheets tangled around my feet and Julián’s arm slung over my waist. He’s on his stomach, too, facing me. The hair that has come loose from my messy bun flutters against my cheek every time he exhales. I missed sleeping this way when I was pregnant. I used to watch him sleep on his stomach with envy.

I begin to roll away from him and he tightens his grip on my waist. “I thought you were asleep, I have to go get Grayson. I’ll be right back.” I attempt to move again but he’s still not letting me go.

“Six weeks.”

“What?”

“It’s been six weeks today,” he says opening his bedroom-eyes halfway. I love his eyelashes. They are the longest lashes I’ve ever seen on anyone ever. I wonder what our babies will look like when we have one together. My olive toned skin, green eyes, and dark hair mixed with his caramel skin and dark features is bound to make a pretty baby. I hope our first is a girl. I like the idea of Grayson being the protective big brother for his little sister.

“Yes, six weeks, finally.” He’s been so ridged about this rule, and I don’t mean the good kind of ridged. I was ready a week ago, maybe even two, but he insisted on following the doctor’s orders.

“Our son is crying, though, I have to go get him.”

He sighs and releases me. “You’re putting him before me already,” he says rolling over onto his back to show me his impressive morning wood. He’s pouting but it’s fake, I know him and he doesn’t pout. We have talked about this at length and he has made it clear that he understands how demanding a newborn is and he supports me in every way.

I straddle him and rub his thick cock through his black briefs. “Give me fifteen minutes and I’ll take care of you, too.” His hands are behind his head and he is smiling the smile that has been melting my heart daily for almost a year now.

I bend down to kiss his soft lips and quickly hop off scampering out of the room to take care of the other equally important man in my life.

“I love you more than pudding,” he yells as I pad down the hall to Grayson’s room.

“I love you more than fuzzy socks,” I holler back.

I gather a very pissed off Grayson from his crib and make him even angrier when I change his diaper before I feed him. When he is finally calm and nursing I hear Julián puttering around in the kitchen, most likely making coffee. I can’t wait to drink a caffeinated cup of coffee again. Decaf is a waste of time and I swear the lack of caffeine makes it not taste as good.

I love sitting in the rocking chair in Grayson’s room while he eats. I decorated his room without themes or characters. I wanted the space to be simple and clean but comfortable and inviting. His furniture is white and his bedding is navy blue and a soft grey. One wall is covered with planks of wood that have all been stained different shades of grey and blue and a cherry wood that I carried through onto the floor. A grey upholstered rocker and a fuzzy white rug complete the room. No name placard on his wall or crazy animal mural. Some would say I’m dull but I enjoy it like this and he couldn’t care less at his age. We can add things that interest him as he grows.

“Coffee?” I look up and find my glorious handsome Julián leaning his shoulder against the doorframe. He’s still not wearing a shirt but he has on my favorite pajama pants. They’re grey and soft and currently they are hanging off of his hips showcasing the V that I want to trace with my tongue.

He thinks he should be semi-dressed around the house because he’s a dad now but honestly those pants make him sexier than if he were only in his briefs.

“Does it have caffeine?”

He shrugs. He likes to play the, ‘is it caffeinated or is it decaf’ game with me. He doesn’t believe I can tell the difference. I can, every time. “I’m not playing, Mr. Garcia, if it’s decaf then no thank you.”

“You know you can’t have caffeine when you’re breastfeeding.” He sounds so sweet, like he hates to deny me anything and I think he does. He is a man who would give you his last dollar and the shirt off his back if you needed it. I love that about him.

“Oh, it wouldn’t hurt him, it’s caffeine not heroine.”

“I know, that’s why it’s caffeinated,” he says pushing off the doorframe. He pads across the fuzzy white rug in his bare feet and hands me the cup.

“You’re not going to fight me on it?” I say taking a drink before he changes his mind.

“No, I’ve never fought you on it, have I? I highly recommended you stay away from caffeine but I never put my foot down on the subject.”

He doesn’t have to. He has a way of making me want to do what he wants without actually saying anything at all. It’s probably some warfare thing he learned in Afghanistan. But it’s not like he’s manipulating, he’s convincing.

“Do you ever put your foot down?”

He squats down in front of us and places his hands on my bare knees. I’m still dressed in only his T-shirt and panties so he has access to the majority of my skin.

“Do you want me to? I’ll give you whatever you want.” He moves forward onto his knees and I stop rocking when his hands slide up my legs. “I want you to be happy, Kimber, that’s all I’ve ever wanted.” His hands slide back down to my knees where he pushes them open gently. “I’ve been waiting for you my whole life,” he lowers his mouth to kiss the inside of my thigh and I instinctively raise Grayson higher in my lap. “The second I saw you on the beach that day I knew I had to have you.” He kisses my other thigh and I lean my head back against the chair and sigh.

I’m holding the baby too tight, he’s squirming but so am I. I have to finish feeding him before this can go any further. God, it’s hard to wait, we’ve been waiting for so long but right now ten more minutes seems like forever.

“I would have done anything for you, baby. If you’d said no when I asked you out I would have made a fool of myself trying to convince you I was worthy.” He pushes his face up between my legs opening them wider. I can feel his hot breath on my throbbing pussy. He’s so close, so very close.

“You’re worthy, Julián, more than worthy…” I can’t finish my thought much less, speak it out loud. He slides my panties to the side and presses a kiss on my bare mound and then lower on my folds. He moans and I feel it vibrating through him between my legs.

I’m about to tell him we have to wait for Grayson when he pushes away and stands up straight in a hurry.

“What’s the matter?”

“I thought I heard a car door close.”

“Maybe somebody’s going to work next door.”

“No, it was closer.” Grayson’s window faces the back of the house, Julián can’t check to see if someone is here unless he looks out my office window.

“I didn’t hear anything.”

The doorbell rings and I jump. “Who would be coming by at this hour, it’s only six o’clock, isn’t it?” I ask.

“Yes. Stay here, I’ll go see who it is.” He turns to leave but stops to turn back when he reaches the door, “Kim, please stay here. Will you promise me?”

“Julián, you’re scaring me. What’s going on?”

“Nothing, baby, it’s just a strange time to have a visitor and I want to make sure everything is safe and secure.”

“Okay, I promise we will stay right here until you come back.”

“Thank you. I love you.”

“Love you, too.” He disappears and I have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that he is hiding something important from me. I hate secrets. Well, that’s not entirely true, I like good secrets like gifts and surprise vacations but anything else, no, you’d better be telling me the truth.

Grayson finishes eating and I dress him in a bright red onesie that says Daddy Loves Me on the front and wrap him up in a blanket.

I can hear two voices downstairs, Julián and another man, but they are too quiet for me to make out what they’re saying. I know I promised I wouldn’t move but I feel like I should be dressed with a stranger in the house. I take Grayson back to our bedroom and look through my closet with one hand holding him with the other.

I grab a pair of soft wide legged cotton pants with a drawstring and a tank top. I’m not going anywhere today. I have to work on the plans for Tiana’s brother’s house. Julián has to work but not for at least another hour.

I lay Grayson on our bed between two pillows. He’s far from being able to roll over but I’m not taking any chances. I dress and pull a brush through my hair. When I look in the mirror, I’m surprised at how refreshed and rosy I look. Grayson slept for four hours straight last night and I must have gotten some sun on my cheeks when I took him for a walk yesterday afternoon.

I heard so many horror stories about horrible births and sleepless nights before I had a baby that I just assumed that’s how it was going to be. Maybe I’m the exception to the rule because I feel great. My delivery was quick and uncomplicated. I never had the baby blues, breastfeeding is a breeze and I almost feel 100% back to normal.

I even felt a little guilty about it but I stopped when I decided it was because I had such a rough time during my pregnancy. Divorce is one of the most stressful experiences a person can go through according to an article I read in Parents magazine. Pair that with an unplanned pregnancy and it’s can be downright traumatizing, which it was.

When I’m dressed my stomach growls and I consider going downstairs. I would be breaking my promise, though, and I can’t do that. Who could he be talking to for so long and why are they here so early?

I never promised not to eavesdrop, or look out my office window to see if I recognize the car. I scoop my baby, who is in a milk-induced coma, up and tiptoe across the hall into my office. Just as I do, I hear the front door close and I turn around to go downstairs.

I meet Julián at the top of the stairs and gone is the sexy relaxed expression from twenty minutes ago. His mouth is pressed into a straight line like he’s trying very hard not to say something and every muscle in his body is tense.

“What’s wrong? Who was at the door?” I’ve never seen him like this, he’s angry. No, he’s furious and I don’t know how to react to that. He’s always the happy-go-lucky guy, the clown, the easygoing loveable energetic guy you can count on.

He stares at me glancing down at Grayson for a moment before he returns his gaze to my face.

“Kimber, we need to talk.”

I take a step back and my stomach flops. Nobody says we need to talk unless it’s bad and the way he said it screams bad news.

“Come and sit down.”

Oh God, another ominous phrase I don’t care to hear. He takes me by the arm gently and leads me downstairs to the kitchen table. When I’m seated he removes Grayson from my arms and I find myself not wanting him to. Having him in my arms makes me feel more secure, I can handle anything as long as I have Julián and Grayson.

“I’m going to put him in his swing so you can eat breakfast, he will be right here,” he says gesturing toward the swing that’s not three feet away.

“I’d rather hold him if you’re going to tell me bad news.” He’s bending over with his arms around Grayson about to take him but my softly spoken words make him stop. He looks me straight in the eyes and we are so close it makes me dizzy.

“Okay.” Oh my God, he didn’t correct me, he didn’t say don’t be silly, Kimber, let me put him in the swing it’s nothing bad. He said, Okay, shit, that’s so not okay.

He straightens up and crosses the room to our coat closet. He opens the door and squats down to where we keep our safe. It’s something in the safe? What bad news could be in there? Last I looked it held official certificates, insurance papers, and his gun. Oh hell, please don’t let this have anything to do with that damn gun. I hate having it in the house. Even locked up it makes me nervous.

When he returns he’s holding an envelope but he doesn’t hand it to me. He sits down across from me and lays it in front of him on the table.

“Someone delivered this when we were at Drake and Tiana’s barbeque.”

I think back, that was two weeks ago and it was a Saturday night. Who delivers an envelope that late on a weekend at night? And why has he kept it from me for two weeks?

It has my name on the front. I can see it from here, it’s my married name but we haven’t been divorced that long and it’s not unusual for me to receive mail addressed to Kimber Johnson.

“What is it?”

He looks down at the envelope and I can see the muscles in his jaw tighten. “It’s a petition for,” he pauses and closes his eyes. “It’s a petition for shared custody of Grayson.”

“What?”

“Caleb, he wants custody.”

No, no, no. I heard him wrong, I must have. I know he was interested in being a part of his life, but custody? No Way.

“I know it’s confusing, baby.” He reaches across the small table to take my hand but I snatch it away.

“Confusing? It’s not confusing, it’s wrong. There must be some mistake. Caleb divorced me because he didn’t want to have a baby, and now he wants custody?”

“Shared.”

“What?”

“Shared custody. He isn’t trying to take him from you, he wants to see him and be a part of his life.” His words are defensive and forced like he’s trying to convince himself that what he’s saying is true.

“Shared, whatever. He doesn’t want him. He would have called me back when he was born.” I drop my head into my hands and thrust my fingers into my hair gripping it hard. I’m so confused He’s had all this time to embrace being a father and he picks now to… “Was that him at the door?”

“Yes.”

“But you’ve had that for two weeks?” I point at the envelope.

“Yes. I didn’t want to upset you. I was hoping he was having a flaky moment of guilt or something, I thought he would drop it.”

“But he hasn’t.”

“No, he hasn’t.”

I stand up and put Grayson in his swing and switch it on. He swings side to side and I watch him for a moment listening to the click of the swing’s motor.

“Why?” I can feel my eyes fill with hot tears and I turn away from Julián so he won’t see them and I begin to pace the kitchen.

He stands and follows me to the refrigerator. When I turn to pace the opposite direction he tries to embrace me but I push him away. I’m angry and I’m confused and hurt but not only with Caleb, I’m upset with Julián, too.

“How could you keep this from me? We don’t keep secrets from each other, that’s what makes this work,” I say waving my finger between us.

“I was protecting you. You always said he’s impulsive, I thought this was a phase or a temporary fixation that he would change his mind about. I didn’t want him to hurt you again.”

He sounds genuine and he looks like he’s being honest with his big brown eyes that usually melt my heart but he’s been as good as lying to me for two weeks.

“You should have told me right away.”

“I’m sorry. You’re right, I should have. I thought he would give up.”

“I can’t believe this is happening, none of it. The lies, the custody, the irony… I can’t believe it.”

“The irony?”

“Yes, he left me because I was pregnant, you wanted me because I was pregnant. He lied to me about wanting kids and you lied to me about him changing his mind!”

“Wait… what? You think I only wanted you because you were pregnant?”

I throw my hands up and push him away but he grabs me by my shoulders and shakes me, not hard but enough to get my attention.

“I don’t know, you love kids, you want a big family and I was already pregnant.”

“That doesn’t mean I only wanted Grayson. I fell in love with you, and if you don’t know that I’m not doing a very good job showing you.”

I can’t hold back anymore, tears start to flow and I allow him to gather me into his arms. He strokes my hair and kisses the top of my head while I sob against his bare chest.

“It’s going to be okay, we will get through this I promise. I’m here for you and Grayson no matter what but you need to understand something.” He moves me away from his chest and I miss his warmth and the scent of almond on his skin.

“I love you, Kimber Leann West, you. Grayson was a bonus and I love him like he is my own but don’t ever think that I want to marry you to get a head start on a big family. And I didn’t lie to you. I kept a painful truth from you. I see how wrong that is now but you can’t compare that to what he did to you.”

I nod my head and try to agree but I hiccup and whimper at the same time instead. He smiles a weak smile and pulls me back into his arms where I feel safe and protected and loved.

I didn’t realize that I thought he wanted Grayson more than me until the words spilled out of my mouth. I’ve always felt loved by him but it was hard to believe that a man like Garcia would want a relationship with a pregnant woman.

He’s cheerful and fit and cut and handsome and… perfect. And when we met I was sad and round and swollen and pregnant, or so I thought. Everyone always told me I was the most beautiful pregnant woman they’d ever seen but people just say that because they don’t want pregnant women to feel bad.

But my husband left me because I was pregnant and in the back of my mind I always thought he was disgusted at the thought of me getting fat or becoming too domesticated. What else could it be? Then I found out about his girlfriend and it made a little more sense but it sure didn’t help my self-esteem.

All in all, it was a huge self-esteem buster that even Garcia’s sunny animated personality had trouble overcoming. I don’t even think he knew I had self-esteem issues, hell, I don’t think I knew. I never did before I got pregnant.

I pull away so I can look him in the eyes, “I don’t compare you to him. I don’t know where that came from, I’m sorry I’m just scared.”

“Shush, it’s okay, I know.”

“It’s not okay. What are we going to do? He can’t take care of a baby, he’s an only child, he has a skanky girlfriend and he’s never spent any time around kids.”

Now that I think about it why did I ever believe he wanted children? We casually spoke about it before we got married but he never seemed overly excited about family. He came from a middle-class family. From what I could tell he had what he needed growing up but no excess. They celebrated holidays together but other than that they didn’t have much contact. I should have noticed that, why didn’t I notice?

I didn’t want to that’s why. He was good to me, he was a Marine, he was handsome, what else could I ask for?

Come to find out there was a lot more I could have asked for and Julián is all of those things. He is attentive, compassionate, concerned, honest, loyal, funny, charitable, and sexy as hell. I didn’t know what a real man was until I met my fiancé.

He leads me back to my chair and sits me down crouching in front of me.

“We will have to get a good lawyer and see what we can do, and fast. I’d like to do that before Caleb even meets Grayson, that way the lawyer will know how uninvolved he’s been.”

“Absent you mean. Uninvolved suggests he had interaction at some point but not much. Caleb deserted Grayson when he was still a tiny kidney bean.”

“A kidney bean?”

“I was twelve weeks along when I told him I was pregnant.” I hold up my pointer finger and thumb about an inch apart.

“Ah, got it, kidney bean.”

“What if he comes over again? Do I have to let him see Grayson? Does he automatically have rights because he’s the biological father? Is he considered his father? I never put him on the birth certificate.” Now I’m in panic mode. The tears have dried up and the adrenaline is pumping thorough my veins.

“I don’t know the answer to some of those questions, that’s why we need a good lawyer. I’ll ask Drake if he knows any but for now just don’t open the door for anybody. If he stops by he won’t know if you’re home or not, your car is in the garage.”

“What if he’s watching us? He will know if I don’t leave in the morning. What if he brings the police and demands to see him, or take him? He won’t eat when he’s supposed to, he might forget to change his diaper, he…”

“Stop. I’ll get a lawyer today. I’ll take the day off and we will go and find out what our rights are so if he comes at us we will know what to say and do, okay?”

“Okay.” I sniffle loudly and wipe my nose on my bare arm.

His mouth hangs open and he looks at me with mock disgust, “Ew.”

I laugh through my tears and he covers my mouth with his, snot on my lip and all. When he pulls away he winks at me and wipes his mouth on his sleeve.

“Now that’s love.”

“You are love.”

“And you are my love. Now let’s eat and get dressed so we can find a lawyer.”

He makes it all sound so easy but I know it’s not going to be. Caleb and I were only married for three years but if I know anything about him, it’s that he is stubborn. When he wants something he doesn’t quit until he gets it.