Kimber

The whole experience of giving birth was mind-blowing. Everything happened so fast that there are still moments that it doesn’t seem real. Grayson wasn’t a patient guy. He only took three hours to arrive from the time my water broke to delivery and he’s still proving that impatience is his most dominant personality trait two days later.

Julián is pacing the floor of my hospital room trying to console our post-circumcised little man. It doesn’t help that he’s also hungry, poor Julián never had a chance. Pacing isn’t working but he never loses patience and he won’t quit until he figures out how to sooth him. I know it’s only been two days but I can’t imagine any man being a better father.

“Hun, why don’t you let me try to feed him? I think that’s the only thing that’s going to make him happy right now.”

He stops to look at me and for a second time stands still. His bewildered expression, the way his bronze skin glows in the sunlight streaming through the window of the room and the undying love in his eyes for Grayson and me. How did I get so lucky?

I motion my hands for him to bring the baby to me and he bounces Gray in his arms as he walks toward the bed to hand him over.

“Lucky guy,” he mutters when I slide my shirt up and offer the red-faced screaming baby my breast. He takes to it like a pro and quiets down immediately.

“Surely you’re not jealous of your son, now are you?”

“Yes. Yes, I am. I’m man enough to admit it, he gets all the good stuff now and I’m left out in the cold.” He nods toward my chest and crosses his arms over the well-defined muscles of his chest. He’s not the only one suffering. I miss having his hands all over my body. The way he kisses me so passionately, not the way he’s been kissing me for the past two days. I feel like a delicate piece of bone china that he’s afraid of breaking.

This man lit a fire inside of me that hasn’t dimmed for a second since we met. Caleb never knew me the way Julian does and I was married to him for three years. Being with Julian has taught me that Caleb never took the time to know the real me. He didn’t care enough to ask the deep questions, the kind of questions that really matter.

I tip my head to the side and push my bottom lip out in a pout. “I miss you, too,” I say and reach out and pull him into the bed next to me. He doesn’t fit but he does his best to balance half-on and half-off to snuggle with us. He strokes Grayson’s head gently while he nurses and kisses me on the side of my neck.

“I won’t break you know.” He nuzzles into the soft place at the base of my neck and groans. “What’s the matter?”

“It’s just, you know, you’re a mother now. It’s kind of… I don’t know, different.” He sits up right away and looks at me with his cinnamon-browneyes full of worry and begins to backpedal. “Not in a bad way, you’re still the sexiest fucking woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. Shit, I shouldn’t swear in front of the baby, damn it, I did it again.”

I take pity on him and press my fingers against his mouth. He’ll go on forever trying to make me feel better if I don’t and I understand what he’s saying because I feel it too. I’m glad to know he still thinks I’m sexy because I have never felt less sexy in my entire life. Two days with no makeup, little sleep, swollen feet, and my hair tossed into a wad on top of my head will do that to a girl.

“Shush. I don’t think he knows you’re swearing yet and you don’t have to put me on, I know I’m a hot mess right now.”

“That’s not true…” I interrupt his denial and pull him in to cover his mouth with mine in a real kiss, the kind of kiss that will probably bring us another bundle of joy like Grayson in a couple of years.

Our tongues swirl and explore bringing back the familiar feeling of being desired that I crave from him but the other man in my life is not thrilled about sharing me. Grayson squirms and fusses in my arms busting up our mini-make out session and Julián sighs.

“See?”

I laugh. I can’t help it, men… they have such fragile egos. At least my feelings of inadequacy can be blamed on hormones and bloating. He’s just pouting because someone has moved in on his territory and he has to share.

“Think of it this way, this is your first opportunity to teach your son something.”

“Like what?”

“How to share.”

He lolls his head to the side on the pillow where he has flopped back to pout and rolls his eyes at me.

“Can’t he learn that another way?”

I lean back and rest my head on his shoulder pulling Grayson up on my chest where he snuggles in between my swollen breasts. “Parenting’s not an easy gig, you sure you’re up for all this?” Taking on another man’s child can’t be easy for him. He worked hard for weeks convincing me that he was okay with raising Caleb’s baby as his own when we first met. Nothing about our relationship was conventional.

We met for the first time on the beach in California when I was five months pregnant for starters. We had a bit of a long-distance relationship for a couple months while I lived in San Diego and he was in Oceanside. He asked me to marry him when I hadn’t even been divorced for a year. Then we moved from one coast to another when he received PCA orders sending him to North Carolina. And now on top of all of that, we have a baby. Wham bam thank you, ma’am – we’ve had one whirlwind of a romance. Other than our upcoming wedding I’m hoping the next five or ten years will be less eventful.

“You’re kidding right? I fucking… I mean, I really love you, Kimber, and now I love our son, too. I’m not going anywhere, ever. No matter how hard parenting gets, I’m in this for the long haul because I am incredibly in love with you. Got it?”

I smile and he buries his face in my neck again. “Got it.”

“Good. Now hand him over, I need to kiss my fiancé and teach my son how to share.”