Tiana

“What do you mean you’re leaving?”

“I mean I’m going home to Jewel Falls to live with my brother.”

“You mean to visit, right? You’re coming home when this is all figured out, aren’t you?”

Suki is standing in the hall watching me pack with her hands on her hips and her mouth hanging open in disbelief.

“No, I’m going Saturday. I’ve been here for three years trying to break into the music business and I’m getting nowhere. Just Sing was my big opportunity and I blew it the other night when I got trashed.”

“You didn’t blow it. They’ll probably never see those videos. We had them taken down within twenty-four hours.”

I reach into my purse and toss her the letter I got in the mail today and go back to packing.

“What’s this?”

“Proof that I blew it.” The letter is from Just Sing regretfully retracting their offer due to my breach of their moral’s clause. Suki reads it and drops her hands to her sides blowing out a heavy sigh.

I can’t look at her. No one is more disappointed about this than I am but I’m sure Suki’s eyes are full of pity and I hate pity. Especially when this whole thing is my own damn fault.

I’m not meant to be a singer. I need to start accepting that.

“So, you’re just going to bail on me and leave me without a roommate? And what about your job? Who’s going to cover your shifts at the bar? You can’t just run away from your problems, Tiana.”

Oh yes, I can.

“I wrote you a check for two months’ rent, that should be enough time to find a new roommate. I called in and quit this morning. Jerry said he understood after what happened.”

Jerry is our boss at The Aquarium and I don’t know if he understood since I left a message with his answering service, but Suki doesn’t need to know that.

“So, this is it, you’re leaving me?”

I turn and stand up straight abandoning my packing to cross the room and hug my best friend. “I’m sorry, I know this is shitty but it’s something I have to do. I need to reevaluate my life and make a new plan; this one isn’t working.”

She squeezes me tight for a long time before holding me out at arm's length by my shoulders. Two big fat tears streak down her cheeks and fall onto the floor between us. I have failed at everything that is important in my life, my career goals, my co-workers, my family, and my best friend.

“I’m going to miss you like crazy.”

“I’ll miss you too. Maybe you can come visit me soon.”

“I will, I promise.” She rubs my arms up and down and leaves me to finish packing. I’m glad she didn’t give me a hard time about this. It’s hard enough to go home with my tail between my legs and admit to my brother that I’m a failure.

At least he’s being decent about it so far. Jayden didn’t hesitate for a second when I asked if I could stay with him while I figure things out. He’s single and lives alone in Aunt Marla’s house that she left to him when she died. He never did anything different with my bedroom. Maybe it will be like the past three years never happened. I’ll go home and pretend I just finished college and I’m deciding what to do with my life.

It’s a juvenile way to cope, but for right now it’ll have to do.

When I’m done, I sit on the edge of the bed and look around at the suitcases full of Jimmy Choo, Christian Louboutin, Gucci, and Chanel. I love expensive clothes and shoes. Jayden and I grew up with the bare necessities but I made up for it when I moved to New York. Working extra shifts was worth it to afford them but I didn’t buy much else. This is what my life has been reduced to, five boxes and several suitcases. It seems like three years should look like more than this.

I often wonder what our lives would have been like if mum and dad hadn’t died when our house burned down. If we had grown up in the UK, would Jayden have gone into the military? Would I have achieved my dreams of becoming a professional singer?

Would have, could have, should have, all things that make no difference now. I sigh and check my bag for my plane ticket before calling an Uber.

The sooner I get out of here the better, onward and upward.