Tiana

Being home in North Carolina is surreal. Growing up I planned my escape from small town life every hour on the hour. I never thought I would come home to the oppressive suffocating people of Jewel Falls. And in fact, I never did until now.

Jayden would come to New York for Christmas at my insistence. I used the hustle and bustle of big city life during the holidays to lure him there so I wouldn’t have to come home.

It’s not that Jewel Falls wasn’t a nice place, it was, and from what I can tell it still is. It just wasn’t for me, or so I thought.

I wanted to see my name in lights and have paparazzi follow me around until three in the morning after I performed in front of thousands of people in a sold-out concert. I wanted to sing every night for people who appreciated my talent and loved me for sharing it with them.

But breaking into the music business is more about luck and being in the right place at the right time than hard work. I know because I worked my ass off for three years and nothing happened until the night a mystery man handed me his card at the end of my shift. Every time I think about it, I get a squishy sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I was so close I could taste it. Just Sing was the opportunity of a lifetime, a chance to show millions of people what I’m made of. Instead, I showed them how hard I can party.

I still don’t like the way that it all went down. I would be able to take responsibility for messing up a lot easier if I could remember doing it. I feel like I’ve been cheated or wronged, like I’m doing time for a crime I don’t remember committing. I have no real remorse because it doesn’t feel like any of this is my fault.

But it is, it must be. Videos don’t lie and there’s an awful lot of footage of me pounding the last nail into the coffin. Freakishly horrible timing is what it was, and bad, bad luck.

My flight was delayed an hour and I’m ready to get out of this tin can which is stuffed to the brim with people. Something about breathing recycled air for a few hours creeps me out, not to mention sitting between a woman with a newborn and a guy who looks like Hurley from Lost.

When I saw him I almost turned around and walked to North Carolina, but the stewardess was blocking the aisle and another was closing the door. I was trapped in a plane doomed to crash like my singing career. The irony was beautiful.

I slide my bag from the overhead compartment and teeter down the narrow aisle in my heels toward the front of the plane. I feel the heat and increasing humidity of North Carolina through the opening between the jet bridge and the plane. That’s another thing I never missed about North Carolina, the sweltering heat and the sensation of breathing fluid into your lungs on humid days like today.

When I emerge from the tunnel, Jayden grabs me around the waist and hugs me so tightly I can’t breathe. When he releases me, I gasp and take a step back.

“Wow, that’s some greeting, big brother.” His face flushes a faint pink and he shrugs his shoulders.

“It’s the first time you’ve been home in three years. I’m glad to have you, that’s all.”

I punch him in his gut, his rock-hard gut, causing myself more pain than him. I groan and shake my hand in the air. He rolls his eyes and rubs my throbbing hand between his big calloused ones.

Jayden was like a father to me when mum and dad died. He said he felt responsible for me and that they would have wanted him to look after me. That might be so, but I don’t remember much about them other than their looks and that my mother always smelled like lavender and soap and my dad walked with a limp.

“Thank you, I didn’t know what else to do.”

A frown puckers between his eyes, “You don’t have to thank me. This is your home. You’re always welcome here with me.”

“It’s not home for me anymore, Jayden, but I appreciate you letting me stay for a while.”

“Home is where your family is, Tiana, and since I’m all you’ve got, this is home.”

I let him have that. He has a point after all.

“Okay, take me home then.”

“I’m taking you to breakfast first. Is that all you have with you?” he says pointing to my carry on.

“No, I have a couple suitcases to claim. I shipped my boxes, don’t worry there’s only a couple.”

“I’m not worried, you could ship a whole apartment full of shit to me and I’d find room for it.”

I love my brother but I swear he’s trying to make me cry. He almost succeeded with that sweet comment. I’ve been such a selfish snot for refusing to visit.

“Luckily, I didn’t accumulate much.”

He leads me around the corner to the turnstile, “Why is that?

“What?”

“Why don’t you have more stuff? Girls usually collect lots of crap and clothes. And where’s your furniture?”

“Judgmental much? This girl doesn’t collect crap, you should know that. Most of what I’m bringing is clothes and shoes. I don’t care about the furniture, it was all second-hand. I left it for Suki. I felt bad enough bailing on her. I couldn’t take the furniture too.”

“You look beautiful, by the way, still interested in beauty school?” He looks me up and down slipping in that little bit about beauty school. I’m surprised it took him ten minutes to suggest a new career. It’s not that he doesn’t think I’m talented; Jayden loves my voice. When I was young, he told me I sang like an angel but being a realist he knew it was a dream a million other people chase.

“I don’t know, I haven’t thought about anything but singing for a long time. I guess I’ll have to now, huh?”

We stop in front of the luggage belt and watch the dull navy blue and black suitcases creep by.

“Listen, sis, you know I think you’re talented but singing isn’t your only talent. Your scholarship to college for fashion design was proof of that. I just want to help; tell me what to do.”

I majored in music and minored in fashion design in college. I’m not sure where he got the idea for beauty school and I’m also not sure why I almost went through with it.

“You’re doing it.” I smile and jump at the sight of one of my suitcases coming around the corner. “That’s me.” Jayden groans.

“I should have known you’d have a hot pink sparkly suitcase. You’re pulling that one.”

I wiggle my eyebrows; “You might change your mind when you see the others.”

“Worse than that?” He points at my bag when I drag it off the belt.

“Depends on how do you feel about sparkly zebra print or big Hawaiian flowers?”

He rolls his eyes and snaps the handle of the pink case up.

In the truck, we catch up on what’s been going on with the good citizens of Jewel Falls over the past three years. Other than a couple weddings, funerals, and births, it’s safe to say this town is the same, including this diner that we are having breakfast in.

“I remember the morning of my graduation. You brought me here for pancakes to help me relax.”

“You were a mess of nerves that morning,” Jayden reminds me.

“And you knew exactly what was best for me.”

“I’m pretty good at that, you know.”

“Yes, I do. Thank you, I love you, Jay.” I slide my hand across the table and covered his hand with mine. He lowers his eyes to our hands and then meets mine full of confusion.

“What?”

“I don’t know. You seem different.” I pull my hand away, but he catches it and holds it there. “No, no, in a good way. I’m just, I’m glad you’re home.”

“Yeah, so when are you throwing me a party?”

“A party, huh? Well, I think I can do that.”

“I’m kidding. I just want to take some time to figure out my next move. Besides, I don’t have any friends here anymore. Everyone went off to college and got jobs far away from Jewel Falls.”

He sits back in his chair and crosses his muscular arms over his chest. “What do you have against this town anyway?”

I inhale a deep breath and blow it out. “I’m sorry, there’s nothing wrong with this town except that it’s small and limited. My dreams were big and had no boundaries. I always felt like Jewel Falls was holding me back, but I was wrong. I’m the only thing holding me back.”

“Honey, dreams change, people grow. Maybe there’s a reason this happened? Maybe you’re meant for something else.”

I look out into the buzzing diner and blink back tears. I don’t want him to be, but I think he’s right. My dream of making it big is dead. Being a singer is all I ever wanted to do. It’s in my blood; it’s my passion. When I sing every cell in my body comes alive. I can still sing for pleasure, and I will every chance I get but it will be without the hope of making it my career.

“Let’s talk about something else, I’m tired of talking about me. What’s going on with you these days? How’s your love life?”

“Oh no, you don’t. We are not talking about my sex life,” Jayden denies emphatically.

“I didn’t say sex life, I said love life. It’s interesting that you heard it that way.” I lean forward putting my elbows on the table and prop my chin on my hands tilting my head to one side.

“That would be because there is no love going on, occasional sex, yes, love, no.”

“So, what do you do around here for fun?”

“Drake and I usually hang out and have a few drinks on the weekends at a bar near the base called Al’s. It’s not New York, but I like it.”

“You’re damn right it’s not,” I agree.

“Belt up, sis.”

“I never understood that term.”

“Because you were a little girl when we moved to the US. No one ever told you to shut up.”

“I don’t remember.” I fiddle with my fork pushing what’s left of my pancake around on the plate. There is a lot of my childhood I don’t remember. A therapist told me once that I repress my memories to protect myself from the pain of losing my parents. It makes sense, but I wonder if I’ll ever remember my life before age twelve.

“You two get enough to eat?” A curvy waitress with wild blonde curls piled high on her head leans over the table to fill Jayden’s coffee cup but he covers it with his hand.

“No thanks, Mel. I’ll take the check.”

“Oh, it’s been paid, no worries.”

“Paid?”

“Yup, your friend Drake called and had me put it on his tab. Said to tell you to have fun.”

Jay cocks his head to the side and frowns. “He called you?”

“Uh, huh. Must have seen you in here having breakfast. Such a nice man.” Mel swoons with the coffee pot still in her hand. Her eyes glass over for a moment and I consider moving toward the window to make sure I don’t get a lap full of hot coffee. The cook rings a bell like the ones in old movies and hollers “Order up” snapping her back to life.

“That’s me. You two have a nice day. Welcome home, Tiana. It’s so good to see your pretty face around here again.”

“Thank you, Mel. It’s good to be back, I say, smiling.

Jayden shoves my foot under the table and Mel scurries away.

“What?”

“Liar.”

“It’s a white lie to be nice, those don’t count.”

“Whatever, since we don’t have to pay let’s get out of here. I need to call Drake on the way, something’s not right with this. Have fun, sounds sarcastic like he’s jealous.”

“Maybe he is” I wink at him. “Drake is the guy who lives next door, right? He’s a Marine too?”

“Yep, he’s lived there for a few years and he’s older and higher in rank.”

“I never saw him much I guess.”

“Good.”

“What do you mean good?” I ask.

“He’s not the kind of man I want you around that’s all.”

“He’s a Marine, isn’t he? And he’s your best friend. I’m surprised you haven’t booked a church for our wedding.”

“Yes, he’s a Marine and my best friend. That’s exactly why I don’t want you messing around with him.”

“Jealous much?”

“Tiana, stop. Just stay away from him, okay? Promise me.”

“Okay, calm down, Jay. I won’t make you share your friend but I must admit I’m curious now. Why didn’t I ever notice him?”

“You were busy with school,” Jay said.

“You okay? You seem pissed.”

He shifts in his seat and looks around the café. “It’s nothing.” He slides out of the booth and offers me his hand to help me up. We are standing toe to toe and I look him in the eyes.

“Liar,” I taunt him

“It’s a little white lie, it doesn’t count, remember?” I shake my head.

“Take me home, big brother.”

“Gladly, lil sister.”