Lourdes

The week following my first round of chemo was rough, but not because of the chemo. Liam and I talked for nearly eight hours the day after Amira came home. We learned a lot about one another that day. Liam told me about his childhood, his little brother and his mother’s abuse. Liam can’t forgive himself for nearly loosing it with Amira, even though I think she deserved a good slap for being so vile. They have been in contact, but she hasn’t come back to the house. I need to figure out a different living arrangement. I’m always worried she’s going to come barging in at any moment, and she has every right to. It’s her house, not mine.

Liam has been talking to Blake about paternity testing. Amira won’t tell him exactly how far along she is, and that seems shady to me. He says it’s possible that he’s the father if she got pregnant in January, because he was home from his tour for three days and they were together. He offered to go to her OB appointment this week, but she said no. On the flip side, she’s all about them taking Lamaze together. I don’t get it. One thing is clear to me, however: She wants to keep Liam, and she’s not giving up without a fight.

“Do you feel up to doing something today?” Liam asks while pouring juice for Toby.

“Yeah, I actually feel pretty good today. What are we doing?”

“It’s a surprise,” he says with a wink. I don’t know if I’m up for a surprise. We’ve had a lot of those lately, but he seems excited for the first time in a week, so I’m down for it.

“Yeah, okay. Can Toby come with us?” I ask.

“Of course. You wanna go on an adventure today, Toby?” Liam sits down next to Toby, and they give each other a high five.

“Vencher,” Toby says.

“An adventure, huh? Am I dressed appropriately for this adventure?” When I got dressed this morning, I wasn’t planning on going anywhere today, and I don’t feel like changing out of my comfy muumuu.

“You’re perfect, as always.”

Liam could make me feel beautiful if I was covered in leaches and sunburned to a crisp. I love that he’s not obnoxious about it. He knows exactly when and how to compliment me so that it feels genuine.

“Thanks, Boo.” I don’t have a nickname for him, so I try one out every once in a while . . . but that one just didn’t feel right, and Liam agrees.

“Nope, I don’t think I’m a Boo,” he says, taking a bite of eggs.

“Yeah, me neither, but I had to try.” I shrug my shoulders, and we finish our breakfast and pack up to go on our adventure.

Liam is checking his text messages again. That’s three times now since we got into the car.

“Everything okay?”

“Oh yeah, sure. We have to meet with somebody, and he was just telling me he’s already there.”

“Who is he, and where is there?”

“It’s a surprise, babe. Are you having pregnancy brain? I read that’s a thing, you know.”

“Oh, stop. I don’t have pregnancy brain. I just thought I could trip you up.”

He laughs. “It’ll take more than that to trip me up.”

We ride along for a bit, chit chatting with Toby and teaching him colors of different things in the car and counting on our fingers. He’s just old enough to start pre-school, but I want to keep him with me a little longer, and he’s learning plenty from Liam and me for now. When I turn to face the front seat, a flutter tickles me from the inside out, and my hands fly to my belly.

“What’s the matter? Are you in pain, did something happen?” Liam’s wide eyes dart between the road and my baby bump.

“No.” I laugh. “I think I felt the baby move.”

“You did? Really? Let me feel,” he says, reaching across to lay his hand with mine.

“I don’t know if you’ll be able to. It was so slight, but—oh, there it is again! Did you feel that?”

“No. Where?” he says, moving his hand around. I place it where I just felt the small flicker of life, but he frowns.

“I can’t feel anything.”

“It’s early still. I bet you will be able to feel him in a week or two,” I say, reaching over to cradle his cheek. He smiles a sad smile and turns into my palm to kiss it quickly before returning his attention to the road, where he is now turning off onto a private drive.

“Liam, this is a private drive. Do you have friends here?”

“Nope.”

“Why are we turning down here then? This is somebody’s beach house, Liam. We can’t be here.”

“Yes we can.”

“You’re not making sense.”

We pull into a circle drive in front of a beautiful Spanish colonial beach house, where a shiny black Mercedes is already parked. A man is standing outside, leaning against the car and talking on the phone.

“Wait just a second. I’ll be right back,” Liam says and kisses me on my nose before jumping out of the car. I watch him saunter over to the middle aged man, who ends his call right away to greet Liam. They shake hands, and after exchanging a few words, the man hands something to Liam. Liam trots back to the car, opening the back to get Toby out.

“Liam, what’s going on? What are we doing here?”

“You’ll see. Come on.”

The man in the Mercedes is pulling away from the house as we approach the front door. Liam slides a key into the lock and opens the door wide for me to go inside.

I dip my head down and look at him sideways, “We’re going inside? Is anybody home?” I ask.

“Yep and yep. We’re going inside, because we are home.”

“What? But we already have . . .” The pieces are starting to fall into place now. We don’t really have a place to live. Not one of our own, anyway.

“You’re gonna love it here, Lourdes. The beach is just outside our windows and we have a pool and a big closed-in patio so Toby and the little butterball will be safe. It’s big enough for all of us, but not so big you feel like you’re in a museum. Come in, let me show you.” He takes my hand and all but yanks me over the threshold. I’ve never seen him this excited.

When the door is closed, he sets Toby down in the living room of what is apparently our new house. The room is dimly lit and only has one window that faces the front of the house, where we just entered, but it’s decorated beautifully with a mixture of Mediterranean flair and laid back California comfort. It feels like home already.

“This is just a little sitting room. Come see the back. It’s much better,” he says, leading the way down a hall where I can see sunlight pouring into the rooms at the rear of the house. French doors with rounded tops line the back of the large room. They’re all open, and a heavenly breeze flutters through the house. It’s an open concept with the kitchen, dining area and living room flowing from one to the next, from right to left. The patio he mentioned has a stucco wall all the way around, with intricate wrought-iron gates that lead out to the beach and the ocean. There is indeed a pool, with a safety cover already installed and pulled over the surface of the water.

I can feel Liam’s eyes on me, watching for my reaction, but I’m so mesmerized by the tropical paradise around me that I can’t speak. Instead, I walk along the kitchen island, trailing my fingers on the granite as I go. A gust of wind ripples my dress around my ankles. My hair flutters on my shoulders. It’s grown out so much during my pregnancy that it’s sad to know it will all be gone soon. No negative thoughts today, though. Not in this moment, not when I’m falling in love with our new house.

“You’re quiet.” Liam is standing directly behind me. His words were just spoken directly into my ear, causing a shiver to run up my spine. I turn into his arms and rest my cheek against his chest.

“I’m just trying to take it all in. This is some surprise.”

“And an adventure,” he says, nodding when I tilt my head up to look into his eyes.

“Everything with you is an adventure.”

He covers my mouth with his without warning. His kiss is urgent, insistent. He needs reassurance, and I’m going to give it to him. I thread my fingers through his hair behind his neck and kiss him with more passion and desire than I have in weeks. We have had so much on our plate lately that it feels so good to just let go and be happy. But it’s not long before I feel a tug on my shirt, reminding me that now is not the time to quench our desires.

“Mommy, we sim?” Toby says, looking up at us with his big, hopeful eyes.

“I told him we were going swimming.”

“Is that the adventure part of our day?”

“You could say that,” he says, trailing his finger along my jaw and down my neck to the edge of my dress that covers my breasts. I take his hand and kiss the inside of his fingers.

“I have a feeling there’s more adventure to come later.”

He leans in to whisper in my ear, “There will definitely be some coming later.”

He dips down and kisses my neck, and then even farther to kiss my bump.

“Come on, Toby, let’s go look at your new room.” He takes Toby’s hand, and they wander off down another hall.

As hard as I try, I can’t shake that damn feeling I get whenever things start to look up. It starts in the pit of my stomach as soon as the smallest hint of happiness creeps into my heart, and it festers there until I all but throw my hands up in surrender.

Not this time. I’m going to have my damn happiness, even if I have to go to war to get it. Amira is going to give Liam that fucking divorce. I’m going to kick cancer’s ass and have a beautiful, healthy baby, and all four of us are going to live happily ever after in our house by the ocean.