Ruptured Restraints
Touched a string to unbind the dormant heart
Broke through the shackles that kept them apart
Despite the darkness that dived in their dubiety
She chose to crash in these waves of insanity
Vienna
He scares me. His presence steals my control. I run, but he catches me. I hide, but he finds me. My life becomes his, perfect strangers belonging. I don’t know him, and yet he seems as familiar as the air I’ve been breathing. He seems like he’s been a part of my life long before I became who I am today, long before I even existed. And that’s what scares me.
His power over me. His power to unravel me. He splits me in two. Where one part craves him like a hungry wanderer, the other wants to ruin him in my rage. Meeting him has pushed me beyond my comfort. I want to write again, revisit the magic of the words and attempt to free my mind from the shackles of darkness that surround me. I want to write him, capture him, his essence, his passion. I want to drown him in my words, the way his oceanic eyes have drowned me in his silent lust and voiceless anger. I want to control him, and yet don’t want to be controlled by him. Who is he? And why does he have such power over me?? I want to free myself from his enticement. I want to be free. I want to be free of him, and in my freedom, I want to choose him.
“Wow. Oh my God, Vi, I didn’t know you could write like this. Where the hell are you?” Cassie’s voice filtered through my bathroom door just as I was wiping my face with a towel.
My heart jumped as I realized what she was talking about.
No, she wouldn’t have…
I tossed the towel in the laundry hamper and rushed to the door. “Cassie, don’t,” I yelled, stepping out of the bathroom.
Sitting on the edge of my bed with my journal in her hands, Cassie was reading the most intimate words I’d ever written—the first words I’d written after my accident. “Stop it. Don’t read it, Cassie. How did you get to it? Cassie, please.”
“Oh, Vi, relax. I wasn’t snooping. I just came to grab your computer to print something because my computer’s dead, and I saw this lying here with this page open and I couldn’t stop myself. I mean, why you would want to hide this? It’s so beautifully written, my heart is twisted in knots.”
“Can I have my journal back? I’m not comfortable sharing this. It’s personal.” Without waiting for her to react, I grabbed my journal and put it in my nightstand drawer, already feeling too exposed.
“I’m not judging you. In fact I can’t believe you write so poignantly. It’s so raw, so real, so intriguing. And it’s kind of sexy.” She wiggled her eyebrows.
I shook my head, not wanting to listen to anything she had to say. I still couldn’t fathom the fact that she’d read my ramblings. They were some of the most honest confessions of my life, which were written only to help me erase them from my mind, and I didn’t want anybody to read them. I was already planning to shred them at work today.
“Please,” I begged. “Let it go.”
She turned and looked at me. “Why are you so afraid? I’m not judging you for writing something so sexy and powerful. There’s so much more to you than meets the eye. These words tell that story. So why are you keeping it hidden?”
“Nothing. Nothing happened. I just grew up.” I took in a few breaths, trying to calm the chaos that was starting to swirl in my soul. It negated my words, not ready to accept my false assertion.
I knew something had happened, something more than just the accident that had fundamentally changed me completely. I just didn’t know what.
“That can’t be it. There has to be more to it. You’re so talented! Why did you stop writing?”
But I was too stubborn to discuss it, to let my insecurities find words to escape. “Nothing happened. I just wanted to pursue something more structured. Post-accident, I didn’t want to stress myself. Doctors told me to take it easy and not put pressure on myself. Journalism felt like too much work. It overwhelmed me, so I changed my major to accounting.”
Pain radiated in my heart at the mention of the accident that had almost taken my life, but my survival reflexes were quick to take over, shielding me from revisiting the trauma that had given me many nightmare-filled nights. I fought past the vulnerability that was quickly seeping in, knowing very well the demons it brought along. “Cassie, please, not now…” I looked at her and pleaded with my eyes, wanting nothing more at this moment than for her to let this topic drop. “It’s just a part of growing up…choosing reality over fantasies and security over adventures. It’s accepting what life is.”
“But that doesn’t make sense,” Cassie argued. “One doesn’t just change overnight. And maybe you could do it on the side, or at least keep writing, just for yourself. Don’t you think it’s worth some thought?” Cassie looked straight into my eyes, trying to put some sense into my stubborn little mind. But I didn’t budge. I wasn’t letting any more changes derail my life.
“I’m all right. Everything’s all right. These words mean nothing. They were just about—”
“Kingston.”
Cassie’s claim took my breath away.
At this moment, I almost regretted telling her about him. She’d jumped with joy at that info, ready to involve Alex and seek his help when I’d told her about the dreams I’d had about Kingston—before the day I fainted, of course. It had taken an immense amount of groveling for her to drop that idea and not keep reminding me how hot Kingston was, or how she’d had a crush on him when she’d first started working at his company.
“You know I’m right,” she challenged. “I’m not saying soulmates exist, but you dreamed of him, and this writing here? This is something you’d write about your other half.”
I gave her a frustrated sigh and started to walk out.
“Just give me an answer. Your silence proves me right.”
I started to speak, but I couldn’t; I had nothing to argue with. Cassie was sort of correct, on every count. Something had happened in my life that had changed the very crux of my being, but it was the accident. What I couldn’t explain were the dreams I’d been having for months now—or the fact that Kingston still starred in them. Maybe I hadn’t written these words about him specifically, but why did I feel such a connection to him? It made no sense.
Defeated, I sat on the edge of the bed. “Nothing makes sense anymore,” I whispered, not knowing what else to say. “I don’t know what’s happening, what to do with it, how to feel about the turn my life’s taken.” I buried my face in my hands, anxiety and exasperation taking a toll on me. “It all feels like a cruel joke.”
Cassie gave me a tight hug from the side, allowing me to let it all out.
“What the hell is happening to my life?” I cried out.
“Nothing! You’re just on your way to finding out.”
“I don’t know what that means. I’m too tired for all this. I just want to live quietly and not involve myself in all this drama.”
“I think you just need to be fucked.”
“Cassie!” I gasped. “There’s no way I’m sleeping with my boss. No way.” I shook my head and pulled away from her hug. My skin was on fire, my heart erratic at the thought.
Cassie laughed.
“Why are you laughing?” I asked, appalled as she walked past me toward the door.
“Because I just said you needed to be fucked. I never mentioned a specific name.”
I wanted to kiss him.
Sitting in the midst of the entire team, discussing very crucial procedures for the launch next week, all I could think of was him.
My lips hungered to taste his, my breath caught from the desperation to amalgamate its existence with his.
It was unfathomable, the surge of emotions coursing through my blood.
The conversation with Cassie had somehow managed to unleash a wave of lust I’d never experienced before.
With every thought of him, I was disintegrating.
I was resurrecting.
I was ripping apart.
With every tick of the clock, the distance between us was eating at my soul.
I felt torturously trapped in this unwilling body of mine, unable to reach out to him.
Nothing but him mattered at this moment, like he was the very crux of my existence.
Without him, his touch, his scent, his aura around me, I was suffocating.
My clothes were strangling me.
I wanted to rip all my barricades and lunge toward him, to breathe him in and feel all right again, to feel like myself again.
I needed him.
“This is what needs to be done once we get to New York. I don’t want any glitches. Are we clear, Mr. Perry?”
His voice ripped through every barricade protecting my heart and kidnapped my heartbeats without the slightest resistance. My eyes refocused and found him.
He looked magnificent. His arms moved with animated ease as he conversed with the group.
Long, muscular arms filled up the soft gray shirt with toned perfection, guiding my eyes down to his sculpted and shapely torso, adorned by his charcoal vest.
I wanted to run my hands over his body, feel every contour, every ridge, and every muscle.
I wanted to surrender in his embrace and feel those arms possessing me, and his hands clawing me out of my self-inflicted barriers.
“Mr. Perry, I believe you and your team have this particular issue handled?”
“Yes, Mr. Sharp. Ms. Roy has come up with a perfect solution for the problem. In fact, once you’re done, we can discuss the best option.”
I heard my name; I could listen to the voices around me, crystal clear, but I was too far away to comprehend. I swayed back and forth, my illusions winning over my reality.
“That sounds like a plan. Why don’t you set up for a quick presentation after?”
I was arrested by thoughts of his body on top of mine.
“Is that okay with you, Ms. Roy?”
He’s calling you, Vienna, the voice inside me whispered.
His cock filling me in one sharp, perfect thrust.
“Ms. Roy?”
He’s calling you.
His hips pounding a rhythm against mine. “Vienna,” he whispered, gripping my hip and thrusting harder.
“Vienna.” His voice ripped through my haze, and I jumped to attention.
My daydreams shattered as he said my name. Reality started to push through. He was indeed calling out my name. It hadn’t been my imagination.
“Are you all right, Ms. Roy, or is there another problem?”
His subtle sarcasm barged through all my sexy thoughts and shattered the remains of my lust.
Our eyes met.
His eyes held judgment, annoyance, and silent victory. “Everything okay, Ms. Roy?” The jab in his tone rippled through my blood, filling me with rage. Red, unforgiving wrath. The transformation was instant and drastic.
My fingers dug into the armrests. “Couldn’t be better, Mr. Sharp.” My gaze faltered, but only for a second before holding his turquoise gaze and challenging him to respond. I wasn’t going to let his presence affect me anymore. I was stronger than what he thought of me.
“Very well, Ms. Roy. I can’t wait to see your presentation.”
I blinked.
Presentation?
What presentation?
He smirked. He knew I didn’t know what they were talking about. “You guys take a quick break and reconvene in fifteen minutes. Ms. Roy will then present the financial reports.” I almost smiled in gratitude before he added, “Hopefully, without any glitches.”
His gaze challenged me. It challenged me to prove him wrong. It challenged my confidence, seeing through it, gloating silently in the awareness of my uncertainty.
I glared at him and smiled.
No way was I letting him win. “That’s perfect. I’ll have it ready.” I spoke with conviction, eager to see his reaction.
He gave me nothing. He turned his chair around and grabbed his phone to make a call, disregarding my existence.
I almost said something when Mike came to my side. “You okay with presenting?” He looked skeptical.
His lack of confidence in me bothered me, but I couldn’t be offended—he had a reason not to trust in me.
I’d failed him twice.
“Don’t worry, I won’t disappoint.”
After a beat, he nodded. “You’ll do great.” He smiled and walked away. His words instantly gave me a renewed boost of confidence.
I pulled out my laptop and set it on the table, forgetting all about my anger, solely focused on acing this presentation. I wasn’t going to let my careless thoughts ruin my chances. I wasn’t going to think about anything but my presentation. I wasn’t going to worry about him.
Instantly, my eyes shot up.
He was still here.
My heart jumped at his presence, and rush after rush of anxiety, mixed with dread, mixed with confusion swept through every nerve of my body.
The conference room was empty. Everyone had left, except him.
Why?
Why is he still here?
I started to grab my computer ready to run, but I stopped myself. This couldn’t keep on happening. I couldn’t keep running.
No.
I wasn’t going to run anymore.
It was time to face my fears.
I had to get past this madness that overtook me every time he was near, every time I thought of him. My eyes wandered back to him, and my nerves calmed a little. He was busy on his phone.
Is he even aware of me being in this room? The silent tick of his fingers typing kept stealing my focus. Even the distance between us didn’t help; he still felt too close.
Does he really not know I’m here? Or is he avoiding me on purpose? Why is he so short with me? He doesn’t even know me.
“Focus on your presentation.” His words crashed through my thoughts, and I almost fell off my chair in shock. “You have less than twelve minutes before you present, so you’d better use your time effectively.”
Whoa. How the hell had he known?
Was I talking out loud? I couldn’t look away from where he was sitting. He wasn’t even looking my way, still busy with his phone.
“How?” I blurted out. “How do you—”
“That’s none of your concern, Ms. Roy. You just focus on your presentation. I gave you a second chance. Don’t blow it.” He continued typing on his phone, not bothering to turn around and acknowledge me. His lack of care and manners, his rude taunts enraged me, and before I could stop myself, I stood up and snapped at him.
“First off, I’m pretty sure you know the basics of human manners, so have the courtesy to turn around and talk to me face to face. Don’t hide your face in your phone.”
His hands stopped, his body stilled.
“And secondly, don’t worry about me, Mr. Sharp. I can take care of myself and the presentation. What happened last time was a once in a lifetime thing that won’t be repeated. I’ve learned my lesson.”
“And what lesson might that be, Ms. Roy?”
His chair turned, and his eyes met mine. They held the slightest trace of anger, but he hid it well behind his cold aloofness.
“To not be distracted and affected by bullshit.” My gaze shot straight into his, making sure my message got through. It wasn’t something I’d meant to say, but it just came out, because somewhere deep within me I knew, with utmost confidence, that what he was showing me was not even the real him. All his arrogance and nonchalance were nothing more than bullshit.
His nostrils flared, his jaw ticked with rage, but he didn’t say anything. For a second, I was sure his demeanor had cracked, but he was quick to recover.
With every passing moment, my heart shrank.
I needed him to react. I needed to see beyond his indestructible armor. I needed more. I wanted to reach out to him and make sense of why he made me feel this way, to discover who he really was.
But he just gave me a blank stare.
Exasperated, I took a deep breath and broke the eye contact.
The loss of connection broke my heart. It deflated the fire I’d felt just a moment ago.
Damn this man. He was ripping me apart. He was making me lose my mind.
The multitude of emotions I lived through because of him was exhausting.
He was exhausting.
I couldn’t deal with this. And before I could think any further, I looked back at him and blurted out the very thing that was bothering me more than his present silence. “Why are you doing this?”
A storm of emotions filled his eyes as he heard my question and our eyes met. “Why am I doing what? Giving you a second chance to present?”
Rage, pain, longing, hatred, love, confusion, chaos. I saw too many emotions at once.
“Why are you so cold with me?”
He glared at me, accusing me, shunning me.
“Why? Tell me. I need to know. I have the right to know. You cannot treat me like this. This isn’t fair,” I was practically yelling by the time I was done.
His vivid eyes were now dark, shooting daggers at me.
I didn’t care.
It eased my heart to see him react, but I wanted more. I wanted him to talk. I pushed again. “Answer me!” I demanded. “I have the right.”
“You have no right.” His jaw ticked as he snapped, his tone fighting hard to stay composed but losing. His grip on his phone tightened as he stood up. He wasn’t going to answer. The realization enraged me.
I stood right as he did, ready to walk toward him, prepared to stop him if he walked out. “Answer me.” I don’t know what had taken over me, but I was on fire. I was single-mindedly focused on getting the answers I deserved.
He looked away and started walking, blatantly ignoring my command.
I pushed my chair aside and stalked toward him. “You can’t walk out without giving me my answers.”
He turned around.
I almost fell when I saw the sheer magnitude of rage and hatred blazing in his eyes.
“You don’t deserve anything,” he growled. “You don’t deserve my time, my words, or even my gaze. You’re nothing to me. Nothing.” He took a step toward me, intimidating me to retreat. “You seeking fairness, Ms. Roy, is the most hypocritical thing I’ve heard. You’ll get nothing from me, let alone me being fair with you.”
His eyes burned into mine, turning me to ashes.
My heart ached. Pain so deep, so dark, bled through my veins with every word he said. It broke me into a million pieces seeing him in so much pain. I wanted to run to him and take it all away: his pain, his anger, his agony.
Even though he was insulting me, my entire existence was unaffected by it.
At this moment, all that mattered was making him feel better.
I took a step toward him, reaching out to touch him. “Kingston,” I whispered.
“Don’t. Don’t you dare.” His hands curled into tight fists as he glared at me and stopped me in my steps with his angry hiss. “Don’t you dare say my name. You have no right to come close to me, let alone touch me.”
I couldn’t say a word. I was too shocked, too awed by his reaction.
“I want nothing to do with you. Nothing.” He emphasized every word as if trying to convince himself, rather than me.
I started to say something, but he turned and started to walk away.
How could he just leave?
“Stop.”
He didn’t.
“I said stop. You can’t just go.”
He reached for the doorknob and opened the door.
I thought he was walking away without giving me a response.
But he turned and looked me straight in my eyes and smiled. “Yes, I can, because that’s what you deserve.”