Beautiful Betrayal
Enchanted and enraged, he glared
Recalling the memory of being betrayed
But looking at her his heartbeat fled
Remembering their time, his being bled
Kingston
I believed I was a patient guy who handled most situations with a level-headed ease.
But tonight, sitting in my hotel room at two in the morning, chairing the annual meeting from all the way in Japan had left me feeling restless.
I had reasons to be agitated.
I hadn’t slept in three days. I was mentally and physically drained, and, to make matters worse, the negotiations this afternoon with Nichi Corporation, our Japanese contractors, had taken a nosedive due to the interpreter’s limited grasp of the English language. Had it not been for my minimal understanding of the language, the company would’ve lost a huge client two days before I left for Malibu.
Sitting in my suite’s living room, still wearing the suit I’d put on at seven this morning, my patience and control were at an all-time low. But I had no other option. The entire company was joining in from all over the world to discuss the future prospects of Sharp Inc. and what the coming year entailed.
So, I grabbed a cup of espresso and started the meeting.
Two hours later, we were almost done, waiting for the last and most important presentation. As the financial team set up, John, one of the board members joining from England, discussed a few essential requirements for the upcoming changes. I took that moment and blocked my screen to go freshen up. Fatigue was starting to wear me down, and I had to pull through before I could sleep for two hours and run back to the offices here.
My screen beeped right when I stepped out of my bathroom. Tossing my towel on the sofa, I took my seat and unfroze my screen, rejoining the conversation.
Looking at the notes on my computer, I addressed the issue Mr. Perry had discussed.
“Good morning, everybody, I hope it’s been a good start to the week.” I focused solely on the vast undertaking Sharp Inc. was taking on, hoping to change and evolve the infrastructure of the entire company worldwide.
Acknowledging Mr. Perry’s question, I laid out my expectations for his team.
Further into the discussion, a slight movement in the distant corner of the table caught my attention, and my focus wavered from Mr. Perry in that direction. Someone called my name, and something crashed to the ground in the conference room.
A full head of curly brown hair disappeared out the door, and for a split second my senses filled with déjà vu. My heart jumped in attention, ready to connect an old thread of tattered memory to a passing glimpse of a mess of brown curls. I had no control, the rush of unexpected, unwarranted emotions coursed through my body, surpassing my restraints.
Every day I tried forgetting, and I remembered instead.
I remembered the girl from my yesterdays, who’d come into my life, made me fall in love and left, waking a volcano in my heart and ruining everything in its wake.
I remembered every day what I’d lost and how badly my heart had shattered over and over again as I’d tried to find reasons to hold on and failed every time.
I could never forget; that moment in time held too much importance in my life to ignore.
It had changed everything.
It had changed me.
A girl had fucking turned my world upside down, and I hated her for it.
I shoved thoughts of her aside. A half hour later, the meeting came to an end, leaving me all alone in the hotel room to deal with the damage a single thought of her had caused.
I tossed my jacket to the side and undid my shoes, trying to curb the anger that was raging within me. I couldn’t believe a blink of the past had rattled me so profoundly. It had never happened. I’d had enough years to forget and get over Vienna, and yet, all it had taken was a moment for it all to come spiraling back. Undoing my shirt, I walked toward the washroom, wanting nothing more than to drown my tainted memories in the heat of the water.
I just wanted to forget.
Naked, I walked into the shower stall and turned on the knob, my clothes left in a trail of frustration all over the place. My body had lost its patience and was shaking with fury. I needed a swim, or a boxing session, but a hot shower would have to do for now.
I closed my eyes as the first spray of water hit my body, my tension easing as the water started to heat. I liked what the heat did to me. It burned me from the outside, easing the inferno within. I stood under the scorching heat and let go, breathing out the trials of the day. I rebuilt myself in quiet determination, repeating the words I kept telling myself over and over again, from the day she’d left and ripped my entire existence apart.
Let go and move on.
Be strong and never give up.
Forget and accept.
Prepare and fight.
I chanted this mantra over and over again as I rinsed my tired body.
Over the years, I’d learned to accept the fate of my life. I’d accepted it all.
The demise of the relationships I’d so cherished.
The demise of the person I’d loved and admired so much, my dad.
And, the demise of the person I’d been, who’d lived life with an open heart, unafraid of anything that came his way.
My mother had always said there was nothing in this world that would scare me away.
I lived life as an adventure, ambitious and passionate in all that I did. I never feared, never backed out, and never gave up. I kept going and took life by the horns. I lived and loved with passion and reckless abandon. Hardships and doubts didn’t deter me; I dared, and I succeeded, no matter what, be it life, work, or love. I gave it my all, unafraid and sure of myself.
Even today, despite the darkness that now lived in my heart, I tried to live as true to who I was as possible.
Even today, I dared, and achieved.
Even today, fear had no room in my life.
The only thing that had changed was I’d broken love away from my existence, the way it had broken me.
I stood under the shower for a few more minutes, allowing myself to calm down and redirect my thoughts toward the big merger I was taking care of tomorrow, but my mind kept wandering back to the incident in the meeting. I couldn’t keep my thoughts away from wondering who that person who’d run out of the meeting was. I couldn’t forget the passing glimpse and the deep-rooted doubt gnawing at me.
Was it her? No, it couldn’t be.
I disregarded the doubt and stepped out of the shower.
Toweling off, I grabbed my pjs and headed toward my bed. I had exactly two hours and twenty-three minutes before I had to wake up. Thinking about the ghost of my past and manifesting possibilities of her existing in my present was not something I planned to ponder any longer.
Dimming the lights around me, I lay on the bed, messaging my PA to start prepping for my temporary move to Malibu. I wouldn’t be heading back to England, so it was on her to make sure that my belongings and my dogs were there in Malibu when I got there two days later. Next, I replied to the multiple messages my mom had sent over the past few days. Lastly, I emailed my brother the details of our meeting next week, and what he needed to do in Dubai during the company meeting he was conducting.
Thinking of Alex triggered a deep-rooted sadness.
Our past had broken us, torn us apart.
It was still hard for me to come to terms with this reality, to see my younger brother running away from me. But somewhere along the way we’d hurt each other, and had it not been for our mother, and our mutual passion for our father’s company, I doubted we would even be talking to each other.
But, I still loved him. He was my younger brother, the one I adored and wanted nothing more than to protect and provide with all he desired.
Every day I did what I could do to keep us going.
With time passing, we found our shared passion and devoted our energies to making our company number one. Together in the last two years, we’d pushed our company into becoming one of the topmost architecture and construction companies in the world.
Alex’s growing success made me immensely proud. I was especially pleased of his decision to get married and settle down. I was glad he’d moved on and not let the past affect his chance at love.
It was something I hadn’t been able to do.
My eyes still searched for those warm amber eyes in every girl I’d dated or slept with since.
Deep as the chasm that hollowed my heart; my destruction and my salvation.
I switched off the lights and eased into my bed. I accepted what had been and carefully put it back where it belonged.
The time had passed, and these memories had no room to be indulged in my present.
I locked them back into their dark corners and looked away.
Not anymore, I whispered to my heart.
Not anymore.