Chapter Ten

Felicity sat in her car trying to decide if she was brave enough to go and knock on the Blakes’ front door. There had been no sign of Lisa’s parents or anybody else for that matter since she had pulled up. There was a van on the driveway, but with the glasses she was in denial about needing tucked in the drawer at home, she couldn’t make out what it said on the side. She didn’t fancy going over if it meant explaining herself to a workman or causing a scene in front of a stranger. Looking round the car she had an idea and reached into the back to grab Alice’s Dora the Explorer binoculars. Holding them up to her eyes, Felicity fiddled with the focus until the writing on the van became clear. Even when Swiper popped up, slightly obscuring her view with his annoyingly cheeky face and thumbs up, Felicity could see the words clearly; she swallowed before reading them aloud, ‘Lisa Blake – the purrfect pet sitter’. As she stared, motionless, she tried to decide if her pulse was racing with excitement at finally pinning Lisa down, or fear at the prospect of going over and talking to her.

A knock on the car window broke her thoughts and caused Felicity to jump. ‘Bugger!’ She threw the binoculars into the air and over her shoulder. Attempting to look casual she smiled, but the disgruntled face at the window was not going away. Reluctantly, she pressed to open the window just a couple of inches.

‘Harold Martin, neighbourhood watch.’ The man’s nose was in the gap, as she was sure it was in everybody’s business within moments.

Felicity looked into his eyes. His fingers were laced behind his back. Though bent over, he had the poise of an old sergeant major and, worst of all, no intention of leaving without an explanation.

‘Felicity Willis, um …’ think, Flick, think … ‘twit … twitch … TWITCHER!’ she lied, hoping desperately that it was the right word for a birdwatcher. Why the hell didn’t I just say ‘birdwatcher’?

‘Reeeaaally?’ The man elongated the word and glanced into Flick’s car.

The car seats, toys and crumbs galore didn’t suggest ‘twitcher’; Flick was grateful the sun blinds on the back windows obscured his view and hid her binoculars of choice. He was clearly an old busybody. She knew she just had to sound convincing. After all, she hardly looked like she was a burglar casing the scene of her next crime. She was innocently in her car minding her own business, unless you took into account that she was spying on Lisa. But he didn’t know that. What could he possibly accuse her of? Nothing … She could blag her way out of this, she was sure.

‘So you’re a fellow twitcher?’

Felicity sighed. She might have guessed he’d be a twitcher, a man this nosy had to have a fascination with binoculars, telescopes and long-lens cameras.

‘And what are you in pursuit of Miss …?’

‘Mrs Willis,’ she started confidently, before realising her knowledge of birds was pretty damn limited. Oh hell! What was she in pursuit of? An ex-best friend who had gone AWOL until reappearing in Tesco! ‘The Lesser …’ she began, unsure where the sentence might end, until her mind clicked into gear, ‘no, no,’ there was definitely something there, something she had heard on the news at some point, ‘I mean the Greater …’

‘Hmmm?’ Harold leaned a little closer squinting his accusing eyes.

‘I mean … the Greater Spotted Cuckoo!’ Felicity finally blurted, surprised and impressed at her own response.

It appeared Harold was a bit impressed himself. ‘In these parts?’ He stood up glancing around at the trees before returning his nose to Felicity’s window. ‘In our little neighbourhood?’

Thank God! ‘Yes! It was right there in that tree.’ Felicity couldn’t believe she had actually managed to convince him she had seen a Greater Spotted Cuckoo; she didn’t even know what one looked like. Spurred by his reaction, she found herself eagerly pointing to a tree in Lisa’s neighbour’s garden. As he swung round to look at it, she instantly wished she had chosen one in the opposite direction.

Harold stood tall. ‘Well, the BBC will be here, for sure! It really is quite a find. Great recon there, Mrs Willis; I can’t believe he slipped my radar.’

‘Oh, the BBC, really?’ Felicity shrunk in her seat. It had taken all her courage to drive to Lisa’s. She had pondered actually getting out of the car for about fifteen minutes before she had fathomed out what the writing said on the van and confirmed Lisa was there, and now, now there was Harold and his hopes of the BBC to deal with. Her visit was feeling increasingly doomed. Perhaps it was a stupid idea. What good did revisiting the past do? Except, if she was honest, Felicity knew a small part of her had always remained in the past. Not wanting to move on without Lisa.

Trying to decide if she was brave enough to move Harold on and still go over to Lisa’s door, Flick groaned and looked up. But, as she glanced at Lisa’s house, she saw her getting into the van and heading out of the driveway. Aware Harold was still talking about the non-existent cuckoo and had even moved on to sharing his hopes of meeting Bill Oddie, Felicity groaned. She couldn’t believe she had missed her opportunity again. Angry at herself and the meddling man still at her window, she gave him a sharp look. ‘Too late, the cuckoo has flown!’ she scolded. With that she closed her window and started her car. As Harold banged his hand on the roof, Felicity sped off, leaving him gesticulating in the road behind her. Though she was unsure what she was going to do when she caught up with Lisa, Felicity suddenly felt full of determination not to let the opportunity to speak to her slip by again. The time had come. Lisa was going to have to face her. The years of wondering were over. ‘Lisa Blake, you will bloody well talk to me.’ Felicity had a vision of herself looking like Cruella de Vil in 101 Dalmatians, driving like a mad woman, screeching round corners, foot pressed firmly to the floor. Had she known she would be stopping sharply outside the Chinese takeaway just two roads away, Felicity wouldn’t have followed in quite such hot pursuit. As it was, the screechingly abrupt halt she came to directly behind Lisa’s van meant she missed piling into it by barely an inch.

Thankfully, Lisa didn’t notice. As much as Flick wanted to talk to Lisa, she didn’t think the Chinese takeaway was the place to do it. If Lisa were getting food, then surely she would be taking it back home. Slinking down so as not to be seen, Flick waited, shifting restlessly in her seat. She’d never known anyone take so long to collect a takeaway before. This was turning into quite the stake out. As her phone beeped, signalling a message, Felicity jumped. Deciding she wasn’t cut out to be a detective – her nerves would never allow it – she leaned across, took out her phone and read her message. It was from Pete: We love you, Flick.

Glad he couldn’t see what she was doing, Felicity smiled and sent him a message back saying she loved him. She knew he was worried about her. Since he saw her fall apart over her mum’s death, he hated anything upsetting her. She could understand his concern, but some things just had to be done and she really wasn’t as fragile as he thought. Besides, she wouldn’t forgive herself if she had it within her grasp to speak to Lisa and she let it slip. When Lisa finally came out clutching a white, plastic takeaway bag, Felicity took a breath, watched her drive away, counted slowly to five and started her engine. OK, this is going to happen!

Lisa went inside the house and put her takeaway on the side. It probably wasn’t the wisest thing to eat after an upset stomach, but she was now feeling so hungry she didn’t care. Besides, it had been good to have a chat with – or rather at – Mr Chung, especially as she felt she could divulge details to him she wouldn’t want to worry Winnie with. The last twenty-four hours had been so bizarre: seeing Felicity in the supermarket, Ben’s public declaration that he was single, becoming ‘friends’ with Nathan on Facebook, meeting her leather-clad man in the men’s toilets, arranging a date – Oh God, she’d almost forgotten that horror – and Flick’s house looking so different. All she really wanted to do now was eat her Chinese and hibernate under a duvet until life became less complicated.

A ring on the doorbell halted her midway through peeling back the lid of her chicken chow mien. Lisa groaned and went to take a peek out of the lounge window in the hope it would be someone she could ignore. Even before moving the bright, white, floral net curtain, she could see an Espace parked on the driveway; the cheek! Attempting to get a better look at who was not only intent on disturbing her peace but also taking liberties with her driveway, she pulled the curtain back a little further and looked towards the door. She couldn’t believe her eyes. It was Felicity. Right there. Parked on her driveway and ringing her bell!

Lisa ran to the kitchen. Not knowing what to do with herself she stood at the sink, sat at the table and stood up again. Her heart was pounding. She pushed her fingers through her long blonde hair and remembered that it still had the caught-in-the-storm look of earlier. Why is fate so cruel? The doorbell rang again, making her jump even though she had been anticipating it. Lisa wondered what to do. She really wanted to speak to Felicity; she wanted to make things right with her. She knew that now. But she wanted to do it properly, not in a caught-off-guard, muddled mess. She wasn’t ready. She had no sensible reasons to give for why she had lost contact with her and no words to convey how much she really missed her.

‘Lisa, I know you’re in there. Please, let me in.’ Felicity’s voice echoed through the empty hallway as she called through the letterbox.

Lisa swallowed. Oh God! ‘Hang on,’ her pitch sounded too high and forced. She didn’t know if Felicity could hear her, but she knew she had no choice but to answer. If she didn’t open the door now, she might never get the opportunity to speak to Felicity again. Her knees felt weak and her legs uncooperative as she walked along the hallway to the door. Preparing to open it, she attempted a smile, but the anxiety she felt welling inside made her mouth too taut. At the sight of Felicity dressed normally and looking so much more like the Flick she remembered, Lisa let out a breath and desperately wanted to hug her. Convinced it wouldn’t be welcome she held back. She had so much she wanted to say, but she didn’t know where to begin. She knew it should have been her turning up at Flick’s house. She owed her an explanation and an apology that probably would never be enough for losing contact as the years had slipped by. With Winnie’s words churning in her mind ‘you can’t take back the passing of time, but until you meet your maker… there’s always time to change’, she knew she had to seize this opportunity.

Nerves getting the better of her, she went into an obscurely formal mode, in which she noticed she sounded too much like her own mother, and found herself inviting Flick into the kitchen.

Felicity had been to Lisa’s house so many times in the past. She had stayed over so often it was like her second home when they were younger. As she followed Lisa slowly down the hallway, she was overwhelmed by how weird it felt to be back inside the Blakes’ house and how odd it was that it had barely changed. Even the hint of the smell of the takeaway couldn’t mask the distinctive vanilla-scented potpourri she remembered so well. The paintwork remained pristine and the floor was as highly polished as ever. How could it be that the Blakes’ world had remained so unscathed by time and life? It was very different to the chaos of her own coat-strewn and shoe-scattered hallway, and she was pretty sure if her mum were still alive, she wouldn’t want to see her old house any other way.

The kitchen door drawing closer, Felicity thought of Pete and her children; they were her life now. Why did the past matter so much? She had moved on. She had a whole life beyond Lisa Blake now. She knew Pete couldn’t understand why she couldn’t just let it go. Entering the kitchen, she was beginning to question that point herself. Why didn’t I just listen to him?

‘Can I get you something: tea, coffee, water?’ Lisa asked.

Felicity could hear the tension in Lisa’s voice and swallowed, hoping her own words would come out more evenly. ‘Water, will be fine, thanks.’ She walked over and pulled out a chair from the table, which scraped too loudly against the floor. The formality felt obscure in a place where she had once helped herself to drinks and Club biscuits from the fridge, and snuck whisky from the bottle Lisa’s dad kept at the back of the tea cupboard.

Lisa ran the tap and placed two glasses of water on the table before sitting down. Felicity let out a breath and felt a calm resolve come over her. Finally, she was going to speak to Lisa. Finally, there would be closure. And then she knew. That was it. That was what she needed. Felicity had always envied Nathan Baker for getting his proper goodbye. People had understood why it was that he was devastated when Lisa left. Everybody had spoken about how hard it was for him. While Flick had been told not to worry, that she and Lisa would always be the best of friends. As time went by, hardly anybody had noticed Lisa slipping from her life; hardly anybody realised Flick had lost a part of herself. Felicity needed her goodbye, the one she deserved, and she needed closure. Straightening her back, she finally knew she would get it. In fact, she wasn’t going to leave until she did.

As Lisa joined her at the table, Flick decided to just lay her feelings out. She had nothing to lose by telling Lisa how she felt. She wanted her to know how hurt she had been at all of those ignored calls and unanswered messages, how much she had needed her over the years, and how unfair it was that she never got her goodbye. She knew Lisa probably wouldn’t care, it was all a long time ago now, but she just wanted – needed even – to say it. Taking a deep breath she began, ‘Lisa, I—’

‘Flick, I am so sorry I lost contact with you. I’m so, so sorry.’ Lisa’s words burst out in a flood of emotion followed by a torrent of tears that Felicity joined in with.

Before either of them had time to process the enormity of the situation, or what should have been said, their arms were round each other and the years they had spent apart slipped away.