Chapter Twenty-Four

Wishing he would let her help, Lisa watched Pete as he cleared up and loaded the dishwasher. She tried to think of something to say to fill the awkward silence, but Pete was a stranger to her, though she suspected he knew more about her than most other people she knew. Listening to the footsteps and mayhem upstairs, Lisa wished Flick had not insisted that she must have had enough of her ‘nutty tribe’ for one day and that she should stay downstairs, while she sorted the children for bed. It was a well-meaning gesture, but being amongst the children would have made her feel less out of place than sitting alone in the kitchen with Pete. She took a long drink of her wine.

‘Thanks so much for letting me stay for dinner.’

Pete cursed as a spoon in the sink sent a spout of water over his T-shirt. He wiped it, before turning to face Lisa. ‘You’re welcome. Flick’s happy to have you around, so …’

‘It’s so kind of her—’

‘She’s like that, you know, kind. Sometimes she’s too … forgiving.’

The not so subtle hint hit home. Lisa took another drink of wine and swallowed hard. It was clear Pete was not impressed by how Felicity was letting her back into her life. A small part of her felt indignant. What do you know? She was mine before she was yours, Pete Willis! ‘We’ve shared a great deal, Flick and I—’

‘I know she used to talk about you a lot when we were first together, get excited over your calls, or the odd letter, get low when she didn’t hear from you, and then even when all that had stopped, there were times when I think she needed you. Like when her mum died.’

Ouch!

‘But we got through it, the two of us.’ The judgement in his eyes was clear.

‘I never knew about Mrs F or I would have come. Honestly, Pete, she meant a lot to me too. And so does Flick.’

Pete scoffed.

‘Really, she does. I’ve let too much go, too much slip by. My life, with Ben, it didn’t leave room for anything else.’

Pete paused midway between the sink and dishwasher, and raised his eyebrows at Lisa.

‘I’m not trying to justify the past and I am not making excuses.’

‘Look, Lisa, Flick is really happy you are back and that’s great. I want her to be happy. Just don’t … don’t hurt her again. After her mum, she’s more fragile than she lets on. Losing someone else, it could knock her back again.’

Lisa nodded silently. Pete was all muscle and manual labour on the outside, but on the inside he clearly cared a great deal for Felicity. And Lisa knew that words and reassurances could not prove she was here to stay – only actions could do that.

Hearing Felicity’s footsteps on the stairs, Pete carried on loading the dishwasher and changed the subject. ‘So have you got in touch with anyone else from the past since you’ve been home?’

‘Didn’t I tell you? Lisa is um … rediscovering Nathan Baker.’ Felicity laughed as she entered the room.

Lisa choked. ‘Hardly rediscovering; we’ve had a chat. We were friends once,’ again Lisa thought about saying goodbye to Nathan on her doorstep and pushed the feeling of that kiss away, ‘we can be friends again.’

‘Friends, yes, that’s what you were.’ Felicity sniggered and picked up her wine.

‘OK, so maybe we were more than friends back then, but now, now we can only be friends; we are both grown-ups, so I’m sure we can manage that.’ So long as we avoid doorstep goodbyes, and knee-weakening reminiscences – I can manage that.

‘Nathan Baker, is that who you said? Is that who it was … from the prom?’

‘Yes, you remember, Pete. I told you that years ago.’ Felicity rolled her eyes at Lisa.

Pete shrugged.

‘He was Lisa’s teenage crush, her first—’

‘Flick!’ Lisa interrupted.

Pete closed the dishwasher and leaned on the kitchen counter looking thoughtful. ‘There’s a Nate Baker that comes in the bar.’

‘Bar?’ Lisa looked at Flick.

‘Pete’s a landscape gardener by day, but at night he works for a mate of his at Cin Cin.’

Lisa still looked puzzled.

‘A bar, in Arundel. I don’t think you’d know it. I’ll take you there sometime. Pete says the cash is handy, but with all these nights out I think he is up to something!’ Felicity joked.

Pete ignored the comment. ‘Nate Baker comes in sometimes, him and the rest of his crew.’

‘Nate, yes, that’s what he prefers now.’ Lisa pulled a face at Felicity. ‘He’s a fireman.’

‘That’s him. I didn’t make the connection; I didn’t realise—’

‘You didn’t say he was a fireman – wait until I tell Melissa!’ Felicity put her wine down, grabbed her phone and started a text.

Pete shook his head. ‘I’ll go and check they’re settled upstairs.’

As Felicity’s phone buzzed, she read the almost instant reply, ‘Melissa says, “You know what they say about firemen.” What do they say?’ Felicity looked up puzzled.

‘Mess with them, and they, or you, might get burned?’ Lisa offered.

Felicity’s phone buzzed again, she looked down and read the message before bursting into laughter. ‘I prefer Melissa’s answer: “They’re hot stuff and they’ve got big hoses!”’

Lisa looked at Felicity who was still laughing. ‘That’s not even funny.’

Having decided that too much wine had been consumed and it had got too late for Lisa to go home, Felicity prepared her a bed on the sofa and told Pete he might as well head up himself. She didn’t want to leave Lisa until she knew she would sleep. It had been a long day for her and, while Flick hoped the alcohol might take the edge off her raw emotions, she knew from experience, after her mum’s death, that it wasn’t always enough.

‘He’s lovely, your Pete. You’re lucky to have him,’ Lisa slurred.

‘Thanks a lot. I’m not so bad myself you know!’ Felicity laughed.

‘That’s not what I meant. He really cares about you. It’s really obv … obv … clear.’

‘I know! He is lovely, I just wish …’

‘What? What do you wish?’ Lisa wanted to be a good listener, and she wanted to be the friend Flick had been to her and listen to what was on her mind. She just wished the room would stop spinning long enough for her to focus and do that.

‘That we got a break sometimes, that we could find our … I don’t know, mojo, I guess.’

Lisa could only picture the chewy sweets she and Felicity used to get from the post office.

Felicity continued, ‘I’d love that! We used to blow each other’s minds back before life got so full of children and stuff.’

‘And a mojo will fix that?’ Lisa’s mind wasn’t keeping up.

‘Yes, I often imagine just us on a hot beach, lying in a hammock, making slow, mind-blowing love.’

Finally, Lisa realised what she was talking about. ‘So don’t you now? Not the beach thing, but don’t you make mind-blowing love?’

Holding the baby monitor he was about to give Flick before he showered, Pete stopped in his tracks outside the door.

‘Hmmm, well … it’s all about the conservation.’

‘Talking is important.’

‘Not conversation, you bloody drunk, con-ser-vation. These days we mostly have … conservation sex.’

‘You do?’ Lisa had no idea what that was. ‘Is it en … en … environmentally friendly?’

‘No, it’s relationship friendly. I often feel too tired; my head isn’t with it. I can’t switch from Mummy on call to sex goddess. But I don’t want to say no or appear like a miserable cow. I used to be bloody hot, you know. So instead I settle – conservation sex. I do it anyway, or something that will keep him happy. It keeps things ticking over.’

Lisa thought for a moment. ‘Well, it sounds a bit shit!’

‘Says the woman with a hot fireman, with a big hose at the ready. You lucky cow!’

Pete walked away. He had heard enough. He had his suspicions that Felicity wasn’t completely happy, but hearing her describe their love life in that way, he knew he was right not to call things off at the bar. It was just a matter of picking the right time and then he would tell her.

‘Pete’s every bit as hot as any fireman. I bloody love that man! I want him. I just wish I had the time to breathe and to give him all of me. For him to just take all of me and for my mind to be where my body is.’

‘I see.’ Lisa really didn’t see, in fact she could barely see anything with her eyelids getting so heavy.

‘Not drifting off, thinking of shopping or washing, or what time the children are going to get me up in the morning.’

‘I see.’ Now Lisa was pretty sure all she was looking at was the inside of her eyelids.

‘But it’s not just that. I spend half my day with children clambering over me, Callum and Fred love their mummy cuddles and I love them hugging me, Megan and Alice too, but by the time they are all finally in bed I want my body back; a moment to be me. Sometimes it feels like I’ve given so much in the day I’ve got nothing left. And I miss enjoying sex. I feel sorry for myself, if I’m honest. Pete and I, we were great together. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other once. I’d love to get that back!’

Lisa shifted on the sofa and Flick realised how tactless she had been; how could she complain about all those Mummy cuddles and having the children clamber over her after all that Lisa had said earlier? Guilt washed over her. ‘Oh, Lisa, I’m so sorry. I—’

Lisa snored, finally succumbing to her desperate need to sleep.