Chapter Thirteen

On the journey to return Jack, Lisa decided not to mention Dom to Winnie. There was nothing to report really and she didn’t want Winnie to get her hopes up – should she think she was moving on from Ben – or to worry about her should she fear Dom’s intentions; dum, dum de dum, da de dum, bloody Crimewatch! No, until she knew more about him or if they would meet again – she wasn’t sure she would ever use the number he had left her – there was no point making more of it than there really was.

She could, she thought, mention Nathan Baker. She had received a couple of messages from him that she hadn’t yet decided how to answer. He had obviously been looking through her Facebook pictures too – not that she had many – as she had received notifications to tell her he liked them. She found it very odd, until she reminded herself that she had also snooped through his pictures, albeit with the decency not to alert him to the fact by liking them. She knew she would have to speak to him at some point. She was the one who had instigated the contact with her drunken friend request after all and delaying just meant that thoughts of Nathan were occupying her mind, more than she had allowed in a very long time. But she just didn’t know what to say. She wondered if Winnie would help her with that. What do you say to the man who was you’re teenage crush, your first kiss, your first love and the one you let get away, even though you were still in love with him? Ugh, why talk about what ifs? Lisa decided to focus on reality, things that had actually happened; her rekindled friendship with Felicity, now that was progress. That was moving on with life more than dates that didn’t happen and uncensored thoughts of Nathan Baker.

After the BBC debacle, and offering Chris Packham warmed up Chinese takeaway – an offer he vehemently declined – and a drink to ease his disappointment over the non-existent Greater Spotted Cuckoo, Lisa and Felicity had swapped numbers, and parted over a long hug and the agreement to meet again before too long. Since then, they had shared texts and even the odd phone call in which Felicity had again said how nice it would be to introduce Lisa to Pete and her children.

Lisa couldn’t deny she was more than a little intrigued to see Pete – the man Flick had made a life with. Growing up, they had both raided Smash Hits magazine for posters of the cast of Friends. Lisa loved Ross, but Flick was a staunch Joey fan. Nathan pretended not to be interested in the show, but readily took posters of Rachel off their hands. Lisa wondered if Pete would look like Matt LeBlanc. But she was nervous about meeting Flick’s family too. Flick being happily married with four children – four – was a huge concept to comprehend. For the moment, Lisa was enjoying having Felicity back. She didn’t want to move too fast, and push herself or their fragile ‘friendship’ too far, too soon.

Winnie was on her second cup of tea and third ginger nut biscuit by the time Lisa had finished relating everything; unable to stop while in the full flow of sharing it all, Lisa had told Winnie how she and Felicity had been the best of friends, and how over the years, and once she met Ben, they had lost contact. She spoke about seeing Flick at the supermarket and her evening spent looking through old photographs – minus the drunken Facebooking. Finally she spoke about Flick turning up at her house and the two of them talking for hours, and her hopes for the future of their friendship – omitting the unexpected visit from the BBC.

‘So, you see, we are talking again and if you hadn’t told me that until we die there’s always time to change – or whatever the nice way you said it was – I might never have been brave enough.’

As she stopped talking, Lisa took a breath and noticed how silent the room seemed, she had become louder and more animated as she had gone on while Winnie sat, taking it all in, offering nothing more than the occasional nod. It was only now it was all out that Lisa realised how much she had gone on. ‘Winnie, I’m sorry, I—’

‘Well, now …’

Lisa stopped, wondering what Winnie was going to say. She felt like she had well and truly overstepped the client-pet-sitter boundary of their relationship – even if Winnie was a client with custard cream benefits.

‘Well …’

Lisa couldn’t decipher the look on Winnie’s face; she seemed at a loss for words, a state Lisa wasn’t sure she had ever seen her in before. ‘Oh, Winnie, I—’

‘Well, I think we are going to need more tea.’

Lisa released her anxiety in a giggle, and lifted the knitted tea cosy, automatically placing her hand on the side of the lukewarm pot, the way Winnie often did. ‘Sorry, I really did go on, didn’t I? I’ll make us a fresh one.’

To Lisa’s surprise, Winnie didn’t protest. Instead, she gave directions to where Lisa could find everything, as if she hadn’t seen Winnie make the tea many times before. With a new pot brewed and two fresh cups poured, Winnie wiggled herself to the back of her seat, sitting up more fully. Lisa felt her tummy twist.

‘Well, my lovely, I have to say, that explains a lot.’

Lisa frowned. She didn’t know what she had expected Winnie to say, but she knew it wasn’t that. She wasn’t sure what she was referring to; she certainly didn’t feel like she had ‘explained’ a great deal. She had gone on a lot, blurted it all out, but what it ‘explained’ she really didn’t know. ‘Does it?’

‘Yes. Don’t you see?’

‘See what?’

‘That you, my lovely, forgot about the things that were important to you. You lost yourself in your relationship with that Ben and you lost contact with those who loved you most.’ With that Winnie sat back decisively.

‘But …’ Lisa thought about her fleeting visits to her parents, the fact that she hadn’t made it to her brother’s going-away party, that she never saw her Granny Blake in her final year, and how she had let Flick slip from her life. ‘But I had a life with Ben; I didn’t lose myself. I mean it wasn’t just about him, I …’

Winnie raised her eyebrows. ‘So you’ve got other friends from London, built new friendships since you’ve been with him?’

Lisa pictured her work colleagues from London and those she considered friends from Ben’s circle; she and Ben had been out with them, had a laugh and shared drinks. But now she thought about it, the realisation hit that not one of them had called or texted her to check she was OK, not when she was off sick and not since she had returned home. She didn’t know what saddened her most, that thought or the fact she hadn’t missed them. ‘Well, not exactly.’ There’s you, Mr Chung …

Winnie raised her eyebrows.

A moment passed in silence while they each sipped their tea and took a biscuit from the barrel, more out of habit than the desire to eat them. Lisa nibbled at her custard cream.

‘But you, my lovely, are a lucky one; you have a second chance. Some people don’t realise until it’s too late. Heaven knows I made Stan my world, and now he’s gone and my own son doesn’t want a bar of me. Thinks I took his dad’s side over his, you see. Robert needed money for his business, and his dad said no; Stan wasn’t one for throwing good money after bad. All I could do was stand by and watch. I had nothing of my own to give. And by God, they battled over it. Broke my heart it did and now … well, now, I’ve lost both of them.’

‘Oh, Winnie, you have me, Nicky … and Jack.’ Lisa hoped she was saying the right things, she had always thought of Winnie as someone who had life sorted, who had all the answers.

‘Ah well—’

Remembering Winnie’s own words, Lisa interrupted, ‘But you said … you said Winnie, until you die, there is always time to change … Stan has gone,’ Lisa paused to gauge Winnie’s expression as she didn’t want to upset her, ‘but you are here; you’re still alive. It’s not too late for you to sort things out with your son.’

Winnie chortled. ‘When I first met you, you wouldn’t say boo to a goose, and now look at you all feisty.’

Lisa laughed. ‘I’ve had a good teacher.’