Chapter Twenty-Three

Feeling refreshed from the warm flannel she had held on her face, but not really looking any less blotchy, Lisa took a seat at the kitchen table. Looking around, she took comfort in the fact that little had changed in the kitchen since they were younger. There were definitely more things around them, comics and colouring pens pushed to the back of the table, a highchair, toys and baby wipes, as well as all-new, green kitchen accessories – as opposed to Mrs F’s choice of red – but the foundations were the same. The lino, the fridge, the cupboards – they were all exactly as Lisa remembered them. Despite the fact Megan was eyeing her suspiciously and everybody had to squash up at the table to make room for her, Lisa felt like she belonged.

Pete got out plates and cutlery before taking chicken and wedges out of the oven. At the same time Felicity microwaved a pot of mashed potato, explaining that Fred didn’t like wedges, and strained the peas and carrots from a saucepan that had been bubbling away on the hob. Lisa watched Pete and Felicity moving together in a well-practised routine. She noticed how Pete brushed past Felicity, touching her at the small of her back, moving her away from the open oven and hot baking trays. She wondered if Flick noticed the contact or the simple gestures that showed he cared.

Looking at him properly for the first time, it was clear Pete spent time outside, his face and arms were tanned and slightly freckled. His auburn hair was dark, but exposure to the sun had streaked it with redder highlights. His hands and arms revealed someone used to manual labour, showing strength in the manner his muscles flexed and his pumped veins traced the contours of his forearms. Lisa thought of Nathan’s arms and how it felt when he had hugged her goodbye on the doorstep, with a warmth that filled her mind with reminiscences and her body with longing.

When, finally, the tomato sauce had been fetched and cups of water filled, Flick, Pete and all the children joined Lisa at the table. Lisa realised it was the first meal she had shared as part of a family for a long time and enjoyed the moment. Her head still ached from the tears she had shed with Felicity and she wasn’t sure the wine was helping, but somehow she felt lighter for having shared all that had happened.

While she had once feared she might find it hard to see Felicity with her four children, seeing her so at ease amid her family, Lisa felt genuinely happy for her. She knew harbouring jealousy would not make things different. Her little Pip would not be brought back by resenting others any more than she would by wishing. God knows she had tried that.

As they began to eat, Felicity noticed that Megan was still eyeing Lisa suspiciously. She was so much like Pete in the way she always wanted to protect her; it was sweet, but sometimes stifling. Lisa must have noticed it too, as she began to ask Megan about her ballet. Flick was pleased that Lisa appeared genuinely interested and Megan relaxed as she lapped up the attention.

Feeling more at ease now Megan was looking happier, Felicity sipped her wine. But, as she leaned back, she noticed that Alice was not eating. Sighing she turned her attention to her. ‘What’s up?’

‘I can’t eat while Callum’s doing that!’ Alice pointed an accusing finger at her brother.

‘What? Pumpkin, what are you doing?’

Callum shrugged his shoulders, looking innocently around the table.

‘Eat up,’ Pete interjected.

‘But I can’t. I can’t eat while he’s doing that!’ Alice repeated, more insistent this time.

Felicity sighed. ‘What is it, Callum? What are you doing?’

‘Nothing,’ he insisted, offering a smile that revealed a mouthful of dinner.

‘There, see he’s not doing anything,’ Felicity said, lifting her glass.

‘But he’s holding his penis!’ Alice blurted out.

Felicity sprayed a mouthful of wine across the table and grabbed the baby wipes. Lisa slapped her hand across her mouth to stifle a giggle, Pete’s cheeks turned red and all eyes turned to Callum.

He looked confused. ‘My peanuts?’

‘No, your penis, you don’t see me holding my vagina, do you?’ Alice continued.

‘Oh my goodness, that’s enough,’ Felicity demanded. Turning to Lisa she continued, ‘I’m so sorry; she’s been learning sex ed. at school and now she’s like an anatomical dictionary.’

‘Well, you don’t, do you?’ Alice added, ignoring Felicity.

‘You’re so embarrassing. I was trying to talk about my ballet,’ Megan complained.

‘Sorry,’ still trying not to laugh as she bit into a piece of chicken, Lisa encouraged Megan to go on, ‘tell me more.’

‘Well, I—’

‘Well, at your ballet, I could see that boy’s p—’

‘Alice, you could not. Now, please, stop saying these things at the table and in front of our guest,’ Felicity interrupted.

‘I could too, in his tights.’

Lisa attempted to chew her chicken and not to let her amusement show.

‘Alice, you are being rude!’ Felicity glared, eyes wide.

Alice shook her head and spoke on an indignant sigh. ‘Oh, Mummy, if I end up being a doctor, I’ll need to use those words you find so rude!’

‘Well, when you are a doctor you may use them, right now we’re eating,’ Pete said, sounding like the final authority on the matter.

But clearly Callum wasn’t ready to let the subject go. ‘At nursery, I told Lily she has a van … van-gi-nar … but she said it’s a noo noo.’

Felicity put down her knife and fork. ‘Not now, Callum!’ Realising she had lost all control of the conversation and reminding herself to have a word with Alice about what she was teaching her brother, she had to bite her lip. She dreaded what Lisa was making of the madness that was dinner with her family. It was hardly the impression she wanted to give.

‘She said I’ve got a winkle,’ Callum said, biting on a potato wedge.

‘Mum, make them stop!’ Megan demanded.

‘Winkle, winkle little star,’ Fred sang.

Callum began to giggle wildly while the girls looked suitably horrified.

‘Oh my God, I’m so sorry about this!’ Felicity said to Lisa.

Lisa let out the laugh she had been desperately attempting to hold in, as Pete fetched the bottle of wine from the fridge.