Chapter Four

Felicity ran a steaming, hot bath, adding plenty of her Tropical Transfusion Radox Smoothie to the flow under the running tap. The smell made her think of sun-kissed holidays. Not that she had actually been on any, but coconut, with its association with Malibu and suntan lotion, had a way of teasing her mind; she could almost feel warm sand between her toes! She longed to be one of those people for whom the sun meant luxurious holidays spent lazing by the sea, as opposed to putting out three loads of washing on a rotary line made wonky by the children swinging off it. She stripped bare and wondered about venturing onto the scales, but decided after leaning her big toe on the edge not to bother.

Having four babies had made her round in all the right places, but some of the wrong ones too. She loved her boobs, and knew Pete did too. She was grateful having children hadn’t sent them too far south. Maybe the fact that they had always been big meant the pregnancy effect was less dramatic. She knew she should lose a few pounds, but she didn’t want to be skinny. Voluptuous was her thing. It always had been. She didn’t understand the desire to be Victoria Beckham thin. How she had managed to have four babies and remain so pencil-like was beyond Felicity’s comprehension. Her own belly, hips and thighs had been well and truly rounded out by her babies.

Scooping her hair into a messy bun, Felicity stepped into the water, standing for a while until her legs grew used to the heat. As she lay down she slid into the bubbles, pushing them away from her neck and hair as she rested her head back against the edge of the bath. She didn’t often get time to indulge in a bath, but she was determined to have some time to herself this evening. She wanted to get ‘in the mood’ ready for Pete’s return. She hadn’t been that great when it came to the bedroom lately. It wasn’t that she didn’t fancy Pete or that she didn’t want him, she quite often fancied him in the morning or as he came in from work – all ruffled and mucky from his day spent landscaping his latest client’s garden. But they were hardly practical times of the day with a house full of children. Fred especially had an I’m-going-to-holler radar whenever she and Pete shared a cheeky moment in the day. But in the evenings, even when Pete wasn’t working at Cin Cin and they could make time for each other, the truth was she quite often felt too tired to make an effort. Either she found herself wanting a moment of peace, to be left alone to read or catch up with Facebook, or to curl up and fall asleep. Sometimes she spent her day being pulled in so many different directions she felt like everybody wanted a piece of her and if she didn’t have time to recuperate, find a moment to herself at some point, she might just shatter into all those pieces.

She knew she had been slipping into bed in her scruffy, old, comfy knickers and baggy T-shirts a little too often lately, even fibbing to say her period had come early or stayed a day or two later than it actually had to remove the expectation at times. Poor Pete, he didn’t really deserve that. She really did love him and, despite it frequently being her fault they hadn’t touched base in the bedroom, even she missed the physical spark they used to share.

Well, not tonight! Tonight she was going to go for it. She had rummaged in her wardrobe and found something positively silky hiding in the back. She vaguely remembered buying it in the La Senza closing-down sale en route to Tesco Express one day, after it had called to her from the window. As she had rediscovered it in the back of her wardrobe she had touched the silk to her cheek. It felt cool, smooth and sexy. Perfect! The thought of surprising Pete with it inspired her to run a bath instead of going downstairs to catch up on her ironing and soaps – Australian, never British, she couldn’t be doing with the dark moods and violence when there was silliness in the sun to watch.

Enjoying her soak Felicity closed her eyes and pushed away thoughts of all the things she had to do the next day. With her head almost clear of shopping and the zombie costume she had to make for Megan’s Halloween ballet performance, she finally relaxed and had to remind herself not to fall asleep in the bath; it was a habit she enjoyed but one her mum always berated her for. But, then again, it was so very cosy, propping her feet at the end of the bath, relaxing her head back, laying cocooned in warm, bubbly water. It wasn’t her fault it always got the better of her. Besides with her eyes closed she couldn’t see the pile of washing at the open-just-in-case-the-children-needed-her door, or the dust on the bottles of long-forgotten cleansers, aftersun and goodness knows what else on the spice rack pretending to be a bathroom tidy in the corner. She could just be anywhere. Maybe even in a luxury hotel – waiting for Pete to come and wash her all over.

Jumping suddenly, Felicity realised she had succumbed to the hot-water-and-bubbles comfort blanket. Sitting up, wide eyed, she listened, unsure if one of the children had actually called her or if she had dreamt it. Her heart was racing, but, thankfully, all was silent. Splashing water onto her face she reminded herself she had to stay awake and she had to stay focused. She had a sex-kitten mission to fulfil. Grabbing what she thought was her sponge, but actually turned out to be a glittery, Disney-princess sponge that chafed from the sparkles, she washed herself over and stood up. Bugger! The heat from the water meant she looked like a rhubarb and custard, bright red where the water had touched and pasty white where it had not. She hoped the lines would disappear by the time Pete got back. It really wasn’t the look she was going for!

Rubbing herself dry with a line-dried towel with the harshness to exfoliate whether she wanted to or not, she applied a concoction of oils and lotions she hadn’t had the time or inclination to use before. Her body welcomed the attention, especially her knees that were dry from kneeling to pick up toys, changing nappies and playing trains, little Fred’s latest favourite. All of the smellies were birthday or Christmas presents from Pete’s mum. She always bought her such gifts as if she thought Felicity had time before getting the children dressed to apply Dove in six different varieties to various body parts on a daily basis. Felicity had been saving them up to put in the Christmas raffle at school, but as the collection fell out as she had rummaged in the back of her wardrobe she had thought, well, why not? Smelling them all together mixed with the Tropical Transfusion bath smoothie, she felt she knew why not. Nevertheless, she decided it was probably better to smell like an overly sweet fruit salad than of the fried food and sweaty children odour that lingered on her from soft play.

Taking out the silky number, Felicity smiled. It was funny how the thought of getting dressed up and making a bit of an effort was an aphrodisiac in itself. Pete would be shocked for sure. She panicked at the thought that he might have a heart attack, but pushed the notion away, attempting to focus on enjoying the surprise she imagined on his face and the stirrings she hoped to evoke elsewhere. She wondered how she would look to him. She was aiming for gorgeous, but feared bloody stupid might be what she achieved. She hadn’t seen a lot of porn, but she had seen enough to know she looked more ‘readers’ wives’ than ‘professional temptress’ these days.

Slipping the deep-purple chemise over her bust with a bit of a heave, she wiggled it down into place. Hmmm, it was tighter than she remembered and flattened her bust a bit. It was no good she would have to do the old scoop and lift to get the desired effect. Spillage from the top had to be better than flattening below the bust line. She didn’t care if it made her look more voluptuous than was intended; they were her assets and she intended to use them.

Looking in the mirror she remembered having the matching undies somewhere. She looked in her knicker drawer, but they weren’t at the front. That was reserved for her black collection of maxi-briefs. Searching in the back, she found a long-discarded pair of ‘Merry Christmas’ boxers, complete with cheeky robin, from her ooh-get-me-I-still-have-it phase; and an overstretched pair of Mothercare maternity briefs. Judging by how stretched they looked Felicity decided that Mothercare maternity too-brief briefs might have been a better name. She launched the knickers into the bin. ‘I won’t be needing you again!’ She said it with confidence. Not the unfounded confidence she’d had before Fred came along – the result of a moment of madness while Pete was on the waiting list for the snip – but the confidence of a woman who was content in the knowledge that she’d had her last baby. At last she knew her sleepless nights were numbered.

Ah ha! Pulling out the crumpled bundle of purple from the drawer, Felicity looked at the knickers. They were pretty and trimmed in black lace, perhaps a bit creased and a little small, but they would complete the look perfectly. With a little chuckle to herself she slipped them on. Hellooo, Felicity, you still have it! She was relieved to see she looked good enough in them to know Pete wouldn’t be disappointed. All that was left to do was to prop herself up on the sofa with a glass of wine and wait for Pete’s return.