Chapter Four
Vanessa
I dug through my closet, wondering what I might have left behind that would be appropriate for dinner that night. Everything I’d brought home in my suitcases seemed too boring and plain.
Not that I was trying to impress anyone. It was just going to be Dad and Trethan and me.
God, why had he invited Trethan to my welcome home dinner?
I knew he and Trethan were close these days, ever since Trethan started working on the ranch, but he had to realize there was some history there. Trethan and I had been close once, but there was a reason I’d been avoiding him on trips home ever since I’d started college.
Still, for some reason, I found myself wanting to wear something that Trethan might appreciate. Maybe something that accented my body a little better than what I usually trudged around in. I tried to shove the thought of impressing Trethan away. It wasn’t going to do me any favors in the long run, though seeing lust in his eyes, or at least a little bit of appreciation for me, would have been amazing.
It was ridiculous, though. I had moved on from Trethan. I had dated other men in college, and objectively, I knew I couldn’t end up with Trethan, even if I still had feelings for him. He was so messed up, in so many ways, and I knew that I could do better than him. Just like Julie said.
I wondered if I was only telling myself that, though, trying to convince myself of the truth of it.
I shook my head and decided to just throw on something casual. I grabbed a summery dress that I’d owned for years, one that they’d both seen me in a dozen times, and pulled it on over my head. Then, I tousled my hair a little and made my way downstairs.
“There you are,” Dad said when I made it downstairs. His eyes were twinkling. “I thought we were going to have to send a search and rescue party.”
I laughed. “I just wanted to get a little unpacking done before dinner,” I lied. I glanced past Dad’s shoulder to where Trethan was standing, having just finished setting the table. “Hi, Trethan,” I said, hating how lame I sounded.
But Trethan smiled at me and took a step forward as Dad melted back, letting him see me better. Letting me see Trethan better.
God, he’d grown up a lot since the last time I’d seen him. The angles of his face were sharper, and there was a depth to his eyes that hadn’t been there before. His hair looked just as messy as ever, but as I slid my eyes down the length of his form, taking in his tidy flannel shirt and jeans. I couldn’t help thinking how muscular and solid he looked, how unlike the reedy smoker I left.
I blushed, realizing I was staring, and drew my eyes back up to his, seeing him smirk a little as though he knew exactly what I was thinking.
I shook my head a little, negating the question in his eyes and the tension in the air between us. Then, I forced a smile on my face and went to give him a hug. I knew Dad expected that, at least. “Great to see you again, Trethan,” I said. “Dad says you’ve been a really big help around the ranch.”
“He has been,” Dad agreed. “And more than that. With you gone off to college and your mother gone to the other side, God rest her soul, it’s been good just having him around for company.” He cleared his throat a little awkwardly and gestured toward the table. “Shall we have a seat?”
We moved over to the table and sat down, the awkwardness still heavy in the air around us. “So, how have things been around the ranch?” I asked lamely, thinking it was a topic they could both chime in on.
“It’s been good,” Dad said, tearing into a roll and chewing thoughtfully. “We’re going into the busy season now for riders and boarders, of course, so we’re trying to take care of all the big maintenance projects around the place before things get into full swing.”
“Like the fence up in the north pasture?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at him. “I could see it from the road on the way in today.”
He laughed, and Trethan blushed, curiously enough. I wondered what that was about. “That’s my girl,” Dad said. “You sure you’re not interested in taking this place off my hands some day?”
I grimaced and pushed some food around my plate. “We’ve had this conversation before,” I reminded him as tactfully as I could.
In truth, we’d had arguments about this before. I could still remember the day I’d told him I was going to major in art history at school. He insisted I was throwing away my talent and was going to be poor for the rest of my life. I understood he wanted me to be happy and financially secure, but it hadn’t gone over so well.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring that up, especially not on your first night back,” Dad said. “But for the record, the offer is still on the table. Just saying.” It was nice that he was trying to soften things a little. It wasn’t usually his style, but I could appreciate it and covet it at the moment.
I smiled at him and cast around for some way to change the topic. “So how have you been, anyway?” I asked Trethan. “Are you still living with your dad?” We hadn’t really talked for a few years now, so I had no idea what he was up to other than helping out around the ranch. He must be at least somewhat sober and off drugs because Dad wouldn’t let him come out around the horses otherwise. Beyond that, I had no idea how his life was going.
Trethan winced and glanced toward Dad, who wore a similarly pained expression on his face. “My dad had a heart attack about seven months ago,” he said slowly, not looking at me. “He’s dead.”
I stared at him, a hand creeping up over my mouth. “I didn’t know,” I said, feeling his pain. I knew what it was like to lose a parent, and for him to have now lost both of them, due to his mother running off when he was young and his father dying, I could only imagine what he must have been going through over the course of the year.
I turned toward Dad, feeling a surge of anger. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked. “I know Trethan and I haven’t been really close lately, but you know I would have come back for the funeral.”
Trethan cleared his throat. “That’s what I didn’t want, though,” he said, frowning. “I’m the one who asked your dad not to say anything to you about it.
That felt like a knife to the heart. I knew Trethan and I had our history, but the fact that he didn’t want me at his dad’s funeral was something else entirely. I half-stood from my chair, getting ready to leave the room, but he reached out and caught my wrist, his fingers warm where they hovered over my pulse point.
“Sorry, that came out wrong,” he said. “It wasn’t that I didn’t want you to be there. I didn’t want anyone there. It was a small, private thing. It was just the priest, the pallbearers, my uncle, and me.”
“I still should have known about it,” I said, sinking back into my seat. I bit my lower lip, pushing away the words that I really wanted to say: I should have been there to comfort you.
“Why, so you could come running home from college and take care of me?” Trethan asked sarcastically, and I was shocked at the venom in his voice. “You needed to finish up your degree. We both know that. You were already so close to done. It wouldn’t have been fair for me to keep you from that.”
“You wouldn’t have been keeping me from that,” I said, my tone becoming a little snippy. “I’m not saying I would have thrown away everything to be there for you. Just… I understand what you must have been going through. I can tell it still hurts to think about it, and I would have liked to be there for you, that’s all. We were good friends once, remember? Friends owe it to one another to support each other when something bad happens, even if they’ve drifted apart.”
There was a long silence while no one moved. Finally, Trethan cleared his throat. “I appreciate your saying that,” he said softly. Then, he shook his head and finally looked at me. There was something in his eyes I couldn’t name, something I’d never seen there before. It reminded me again how much he had changed. He was not the same kid I’d known before I left for college.
Dad coughed. “Maybe we should talk about something else,” he suggested.
We all were silent for a moment, each of us struggling to come up with a new topic. It was Trethan who broke the silence. “So what are you planning on doing back here in White Bluff, if you’re not going to take over the ranch?”
I groaned and looked skyward, wondering whether this conversation was ever going to be anything other than awkward. “I don’t know,” I said shortly. “I have no idea.”
Trethan winced and held up both his hands. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you upset. I know it must be difficult trying to figure things out.”
“Why? Because you agree with my father that my art history degree is absolutely worthless?” I asked, a sneer in my voice. Shit. Things were going off track, as if somehow I’d honestly expected them not to.
“I never said that,” Dad said sharply, his eyes narrowing a little. The tension grew thick between all of us, and I wondered why the hell I had agreed to have dinner with them in the first place.
I deflated a little, ducking my head. “I know, I know,” I muttered. I pushed at my food some more and then stood up. “I’m going up to my room, if that’s all right. I’m a little tired, and I have a lot of unpacking to do.”
I left the dining room before either of them could respond. I paused in the hallway, though, listening to their reactions.
“I’m sorry, sir,” Trethan said, sounding upset. “I didn’t mean for things to end up like that.”
“I know you didn’t,” Dad said, and even from the hallway, I could hear the warm note in his voice, the concern that he had for Trethan. “Are you all right?”
There was a slight pause. “I’ve been better,” he said. “But I’ll be fine. I should get out of your hair, though. Maybe you should go talk to her. Vanessa isn’t the kind of girl to stew over something like this. Maybe once I’ve left, you can get back to your family dinner.”
Dad sighed. “I wouldn’t have invited you over here if I knew the two of you couldn’t even stand to be in the same room with each other anymore. Not that I’m blaming you. Or her, for that matter. I just don’t understand what happened between the two of you.”
“That’s probably for the best,” Trethan said, and I could hear his chair screech a little as he stood up. “Like I said, I should probably just get out of here. I’m sorry I ruined your night.”
“You didn’t ruin it,” Dad protested, and I could hear him standing as well. Time to get moving upstairs to my room, unless I wanted them to know I’d been eavesdropping on them.
But I couldn’t drag myself away yet, wondering what was coming next.
“You’ve made a lot of changes over the past few years, Trethan. Don’t forget about that. Vanessa might take a little while to realize that, but she will realize it.” He paused. “Remember, if there’s ever anything you need to talk about, or you need any help, you know where to find me.”
“Yeah,” Trethan said, sounding emotional. “Thanks, John.”
I retreated to my room, still puzzling through the whole thing. I couldn’t believe no one had told me that Trethan’s father had died. I hadn’t realized that Dad and Trethan were so tight now, but I supposed that Trethan’s dad’s death had probably brought them closer in some ways.
And, I hadn’t realized how much my feelings were still tied up in Trethan. I felt guilty for not having been there to help him after his dad died. I felt guilty for causing a scene that night and making him feel like he was unwanted, but that wasn’t fair to me. This was my home, and I shouldn’t have to defend myself and my choices here.
I fell back on the bed, my mind whirling. Trethan had always been able to work me up into a frenzy, and it would seem that tonight was no different at all.
That was one thing that hadn’t changed since I’d left, at least.