Chapter Thirty-One
Jake
It was rare for me to spend a night without Noah or Kristen nowadays. But I knew that Luis was going to be in town for only a short while longer, and I wanted to meet him as much as I could while he was here. I walked into the bar and checked the time. I was a little late, but I knew Luis wouldn’t mind. He’d be at the bar with a drink in hand.
“Hi, man,” I said, slipping onto the bar stool next to him. “Sorry I’m late.”
“No worries,” he nodded. “I ordered you a beer.”
“I was hoping you would,” I nodded as I took a sip of the beer. It was darker than I had anticipated and the heat felt nice going down.
“So…what kept you?” he asked teasingly. “Your son or the new flame?”
I smiled. “Both actually,” I admitted. “Noah was building a fort in the living room with Kristen, and they needed me to help erect part of their fort.”
“She’s babysitting?”
“It’s not the first time,” I pointed out. “She babysits for me often now… I haven’t had to call my backup babysitter in weeks.”
“A girlfriend and a babysitter all in one hot package, huh?”
I laughed. “Fuck you…it’s not like that. I care about her.”
“I can see that,” he nodded. “And, she obviously cares about Noah.”
“I’ll admit, that was a relief,” I said. “What if Noah didn’t like her; what if she didn’t like him? That would have been terrible.”
“If that had been the case, then you and Kristen wouldn’t be together in the first place.”
“Good point,” I nodded. I took another sip of beer and then looked at Luis. “I feel like we’re always talking about me. What’s new with you?”
He gave me a cheeky grin, and I knew immediately something was up. “Something is new with you,” I said. “Am I right?”
“Well…”
“Do tell,” I insisted.
“I met someone,” he admitted.
“Well, well—”
“Shut up,” Luis laughed. “Her name’s Catherine. She’s a nurse in the pediatric unit of the All Saint’s Hospital.”
“How did you meet her?”
He laughed. “It’s a funny story, actually,” he said. “We had this party for my brother’s kid, and he ended up having an allergic reaction to some cupcakes that Dad bought for the party. We had to rush him to the hospital, and Catherine was the nurse that attended to him.”
“Fuck, that’s some story,” I said.
“Some would call it a meet-cute.”
“Is that the technical term?” I laughed.
“I think it’s the movie term.”
“Since when do you know about movie terms?” I asked.
“Since Catherine loves romantic comedies and old romantic movies,” Luis said.
I raised my eyebrows. “You watch old romantic movies with her?”
“Well…yeah.”
“Wow, you must really like this girl, huh?”
Luis looked down at his beer without responding immediately, and that small action by itself told me that he liked this girl a lot, probably more than he wanted to.
“She’s not like any of the other girls I’ve been with.”
“What’s different about her?”
“She doesn’t seem scared by the fact that I’m in the military,” he said. “In fact, she’s interested in hearing about my life there. She’s honest, she’s straightforward, and she’s… I don’t know; she just has something.”
I smiled. “Sounds like you more than just like this girl,” I said. “Sounds like you might be falling for her.”
“I’m not,” Luis said. “But I know that if I keep this up, I could fall for her.”
“And that’s a bad thing because…”
“Because I’m deploying soon,” he said. “I’m only in town for a few more weeks. And I’ve always promised myself that I would never get seriously involved with a woman while I’m still in the military.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s unfair to her; because she would spend half her life waiting for me and then…what if I don’t come back?”
I thought instantly about Henry and Daphne. Henry didn’t have a wife or children, but he did leave behind parents who loved him like crazy, and his death and destroyed their marriage. I thought about all the friends I had lost during my career. In total, I had watched three brothers die; one had given his last breath right before my eyes. Luis had been around during that time, and he had seen how much Michael’s death had affected me.
“You’re thinking about Michael, aren’t you?” Luis asked, as though he had been reading my mind.
I nodded. “I haven’t thought about him in a long time…mostly because his last moments haunt me to this day.”
“That’s right,” Luis nodded. “You were the one who was with him.”
I nodded. “He was bleeding out, and I knew our pickup was still at least fifteen minutes away. I think we both knew he wouldn’t make it.”
“You’ve never really spoken about that with me.”
“I never spoke about that with anyone,” I said. “I couldn’t—it’s one thing to be aware of death, and it’s another thing to see death right in front of you. It was one of the most confronting experiences of my life. He had a wife and two kids back home.”
“I know,” Luis nodded.
“He didn’t mention them, though,” I said. “People always assumed that he did…but he was just scared for himself. He didn’t want to die, and he knew he had no choice.”
“Michael and I were friends,” Luis said tiredly. “I met his wife several times, and his children.”
“That’s right,” I nodded. “I remember.”
“Emma was his high school sweetheart; they got married right after their graduation when they were both eighteen. Emma was pregnant with Katie.” Luis got quiet for a second, and I knew he was thinking about Michael’s widow and the children he’d left behind. “I went to see Emma and the kids a few months ago when I first got here.”
“How were they?” I asked.
“Katie’s seven,” Luis said, in awe of time and how ruthless it could be. “Peter’s five. They don’t really remember Michael at all… They know him from the pictures, but they have no real memory of him.”
“And Emma?”
“Emma’s…bitter,” Luis admitted. “She’s still angry with the world—with God, with life. You just need to be angry at something.”
“Hey, I get that,” I said. “I was angry for a long time, too.”
“If I remember correctly, you were angry up until a few months ago—when you started dating Kristen.”
I smiled. “The easiest way to move on is to meet someone that can make you forget, someone who can make you hopeful again,” I said. “Not everyone is that lucky.
“No, I suppose not. I don’t think Emma even wants to meet someone else. It’s like Michael died only recently, the way she talks. It’s a hard thing to endure and… I just don’t want to put someone else through that.”
“By someone, you mean Catherine?”
“She’s a good woman,” he confided. “Getting involved with her and staying with her means that I’m opening up the possibility of a future with her, and that means marriage and children. I’m not ready to leave the military yet, which means she there’s a possibility she might end up as an army wife.”
“You’re scared that Catherine will end up living the life that Emma is currently living?”
“Yes,” Luis sighed. “Which is why I’m thinking of breaking up with her before I leave.”
“But you don’t want to?”
“No, I don’t,” he said decidedly.
“Then I think you would be making a mistake by breaking up with her,” I said honestly. “She’s a grown woman, and she’s aware of the life you’ve chosen. You said it yourself; she’s interested in your military career, which means she’ll understand what she’s getting into. Maybe you should let her decide what she wants to do.”
“But—”
“You don’t have to marry her anytime soon,” I pointed out. “Take things easy and see where it goes. If what you have with her is real, it will survive everything, including time and distance.”
Luis smiled at me and took a sip of his beer.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing,” he said. “It’s just that she’s really done a number on you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Kristen,” Luis said. “You’ve really fallen for her, haven’t you?”
I paused. “She’s helped me move on,” I nodded.
“Which she could have only done if you’re feelings for her were strong enough,” he pointed out.
I sighed. “I don’t know if the feeling’s mutual, though,” I admitted.
He frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know… Lately, I’ve been getting strange vibes from her,” I said. “As though she’s nervous about something. Sometimes I feel as though she’s sacred about us.”
“Scared?”
“Yeah… I mean, I don’t think I’ve been putting pressure on her.”
Luis laughed. “What was the tipping point?”
“Well… Awhile back I mentioned wanting to meet her parents,” I said. “And she clammed up after that.”
“Why?”
“She has a bad relationship with her parents,” I said. “She’s told me all about her father, and he definitely seems like an asshole so I get that she might not want me to meet him. But both her parents?”
“Well, if she has a bad relationship with both of them, surely you can understand why she might not want you to meet them,” he said. “I mean, you want to present yourself in the best possible light to the people you care about. She’s probably just embarrassed.”
“I know she is,” I said. “But it’s not just her reluctance about that. Even when she talks about her past and her family and her adolescence, I feel as though she’s holding something back. At first, I thought she was hiding something from me, but then I realized it might not be that at all. Maybe she just doesn’t feel comfortable enough with me to share everything.”
“Well then, you need to find out what it is,” Luis said. “But in my opinion, this woman is staying home to look after your kid…it sounds like she’s just as into you as you are into her.”
“You think?” I asked, clinging to that hope.
“I think,” Luis smiled. “But what the hell do I know? I haven’t even met this girl. I suggest you talk to her about it if it’s bothering you.”
“I don’t want to spook her.”
He looked at me with patience. “She’s spending time with your kid, Jake,” he said. “You don’t want the kid to get too attached if Kristen’s not going to be in your life for the long haul.”
“I know,” I sighed.
“You know you might just be reading too much into this,” he pointed out. “Or maybe I’m not seeing something that’s right in front of my face.”
Luis glanced at me sympathetically. “Or maybe we’re both just a couple of broken men trying to save ourselves more heartbreak somewhere down the line.”
I smiled. “That’s possible, too.”
“I’d like to meet her one day, Jake,” Luis said.
“I hope you will,” I said.
“Does that mean marriage is on the table?” he asked with one raised eyebrow.
“I don’t know,” I said, realizing that I might actually want to walk down that road again.
“You hope so, don’t you?”
I sighed. “I actually think I do. Can you believe that?”
“Of course, I believe that,” he said. “You never really got a chance at a real married life or at a real family. Why wouldn’t you want that now?”
“Because I could stand to lose it?”
“Then ask yourself: is it worth the risk?” Luis said. “And if it is, no matter how much heartbreak might come from it, do it anyway.”