Chapter Twenty-Seven
Christian
I don't know why I did it, but it was Mark that I called up for advice. Maybe it was just because he was a dude. Maybe it was because I thought I could get his unbiased opinion on the subject in a way that I knew I would never be able to from Gretchen. Whatever it was, I dialed his number and waited impatiently for him to pick up.
“Yo, what's up?” he asked. “How was your Christmas?”
“It was good,” I said distractedly, thinking of something else. “Look, could you meet me over here at the hotel?”
“Uh oh,” Christian said. “Are you looking at different shirts again?”
I laughed a little, but the sound was weak. “I honestly wish I were,” I told him.
“I'll be there in ten,” Mark told me.
True to his word, he strode into the suite not too long after that. He raised an eyebrow at the way that I was pacing and dropped almost challengingly into a chair. “Dude, what's up?” he asked. “You look stressed.”
“I am,” I admitted. “I shouldn't be, I should have known this day was coming, but I am.”
“You're headed back to New York,” Mark said, realization dawning on his face.
“No!” I said. “I haven't booked my flight yet, but I've been looking at them. That'll happen soon.” I grimaced. “It’s because of my brother.”
“Okay,” Mark said slowly. “I didn't realize you had a brother.”
“I don't talk about him much,” I admitted. “And the media doesn't seem to have realized he exists either. We don't have a relationship. At all. I was…” I swallowed.
“You were probably a dick to him,” Mark surmised, the words coming easily. He shrugged. “Sorry, but I've ready all your interviews and things.”
“Yeah,” I sighed. “I was a dick to him.”
“So.”
“So, he's here in Hawaii at the moment,” I said. “And I feel like, I don't know...”
“You probably should make things right with him,” Mark said, as though it was that simple.
“But he wasn't-”
“No,” Mark said, holding up a hand. “I know that's a pretty normal sibling move, but you can't just do the 'he said, she said' thing for the rest of your life or you're never going to solve anything. And then you'll probably be sitting there on your death bed eventually, and you'll be stuck wondering about all the things that you might have changed about your relationship with your brother. Well, no one's going to want to listen to that shit. You'd better make things right now.”
It was both incredibly wise and incredibly ludicrous for him to say, and I couldn't help laughing. I sobered quickly though. “I don't even know how to make things right with him, though,” I told him. “Like, should I offer him money? He probably doesn't need that anyway; he apparently comes here to Hawaii every year, and-”
“Yeah, don't do that,” Mark said, making a face at me. “It honestly bothers me that that's your first idea.”
“So, what should I-”
“Just be upfront with him, dude,” Mark said. “We all have our faults. And you're lucky because if he's kept up with the news about you at all, he probably already knows all your faults. He knows that you drink too much and that you party too hard and that you've slept with nearly every woman in the world. You don't even really have to say anything except that you're sorry.”
I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. “You make it sound so easy,” I complained.
“It is,” Mark said. “Look, I don't want to go too much into the backstory here, but I've got a brother too. He lives on the mainland now, in Florida. Growing up, living with him was absolute hell. And when he moved out, I swore that I was never going to talk to the guy again. But you know what? One day, he called me up out of the blue and said that he was in Hawaii and that he wanted to meet up and apologize. And we had the most awkward lunch ever, and we talk nearly every other week and exchange holiday cards and all that. He's one of my good friends. I never would have expected that.”
I sighed. “It can't be that easy,” I said. “But I guess I have no choice but to try it.” I shook my head. “If I’m being honest, I wouldn't even be thinking about it this much, but he's the only family that I have left.”
“Aw, man. You need to make up with him then,” Mark said. “Do you know where he's staying here in Hawaii?”
“Not a clue,” I said, shaking my head. “All I know is that I was over at Gretchen's place yesterday and we went for a walk on the beach, and that's when he ran into us, so we assume he must be somewhere in that vicinity. But that doesn't narrow it down all that much.”
Mark shook his head, a grin on his face. “Man, I knew I was going to be able to pay you back one of these days!” he exclaimed.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“One of my really good friends is a police officer here. He can find your man, no worries. What's his name?”
“Jeffrey Wall,” I said. “I think that's still his last name. For all I know, he's changed it so as to have nothing to do with me ever again.”
“I doubt he'd do that,” Mark said. “You might have been a prick to him, but you're still his brother, underneath it all.”
“But the media might have gone after him, given his name,” I pointed out.
Mark rolled his eyes. “Do you not realize how many dudes in the world have the last name 'Wall?’” he asked. “It's not exactly a unique surname.” When I still hesitated, Mark shook his head. “Come on,” he said. “You're not the person that I thought you were; you haven't been the Christian Wall since you've been here in Hawaii, and not since you and Gretchen have started your fling. Just be that person, admit that you're wrong, and I'm sure your brother will forgive you in a heartbeat. He'd have to.”
“Okay,” I finally said. “Figure out where he is, and take me there.”
Two hours later, I found myself standing nervously outside my brother's hotel room door. I smoothed down the bottom of my shirt and bit my lower lip, trying to think of what I wanted to say. I had a pretty good script for it in my head. Something in me wished that I had notecards with me or something like that, but I knew he would tell me I was being insincere if I pulled a stunt like that.
It wasn't that I was feeling at all insincere; I just wanted to script this, because otherwise, I was afraid-
“What the hell are you doing here?” Jeff asked, coming up behind me.
And yes, just like I'd expected, I found that all the words I'd meant to say had left my brain.
On instinct, I pulled him into a rough hug, patting him on the back a few times. He was stiff against me, though. “I said, what the hell are you doing here?” he snapped when I had finally released him.
I ran a hand back through my hair, unable to meet his steely eyes. “I don't know,” I admitted, swallowing hard against a mouth suddenly gone dry. I thought hard about the conversation that Mark and I had had. I remembered how he had told me to be myself, not the guy who needed things to be scripted out before he could talk to the press. I knew what I needed to say. I took a deep breath and began.
“I'm sorry,” I said. “I should have said that years ago, but I didn't think that you would listen. And now I know that whether you listen to me or not, whether you believe me or not, it's important for me to say it. I'm sorry. I know that I was a dick to you. I made my money, and even though you were the only person who ever really supported me before the business started to take off, I totally ditched you. I quit meeting up with you. I quit even answering your emails. And there was that whole…”
I broke off, clearing my throat a little and looking guiltily off to the side. He knew exactly what I was referring to, without me delving into greater detail. “We have a lot of history,” I forged on. “And only some of that history has been good, but I remember when you were my best friend, Jeff. I'm not asking you to be that again, and I'm not even asking you to support me. I guess I'm asking you to believe that I'm sorry.”
Jeff stared at me for a long moment, and then he began a sarcastic slow clap. “Wow, Chris,” he said, shaking his head. “Just, wow. I didn't think you had it in you. Tell me, which one of your PR guys wrote that one? The same one who wrote your resignation speech from Sunrise Real Estate?”
“I haven't resigned,” I told him.
“Oh, really?” Jeff asked, raising an eyebrow at me. “Let's see, sure, maybe you haven't technically resigned. There was just that whole apology thing, where you said you were going to go fuck around for a few months, which I assume is what you're doing here in Hawaii?”
“It's not going to be a few months,” I told him. “I'm going back in a couple of weeks, in January. Once the New Year starts. They need me.”
“They need you,” Jeff scoffed. “What, they thrive off the bad press that you give them?”
“I'm the face of the company,” I said, shrugging a little. “Sure, I haven't acted like it in recent years. I have caused our stocks to dip, and I understand that more and more the longer I'm away from it. I'm starting to see how well the company could do if…” I swallowed hard. “If I was committed to it, and professional, and everything else that the guys always asked me to be.”
Jeff was staring at me for a long moment. “You look really serious.”
“I am really serious,” I said to him. “The longer I'm here in Hawaii, the more I realize that that the way I've been living, it hasn't been particularly healthy. For the company or me or the people around me. And I could do so much more.”
“But you're still sleeping with random chicks,” Jeff said, shaking his head. “I saw you, on the beach with that woman. Bet you took her home and-”
“Don't,” I interrupted. “Before you say anything against Gretchen, you should know that she's the only person who I've been with since I've come to Hawaii,” I told him. “She and I have been seeing each other at least a few times a week, and not just for sex. We go on dates, and we went to a luau, and I met all of her friends from around the island.”
“God,” he said, still staring incredulously at me. “You're serious about someone? For real? Or is this just another one of those things that you would say to the reporters?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. I laughed a little. “Actually, you don't know how nice it's been to be here and not have to deal with reporters. I think that might be part of why I'm starting to feel like myself again. I'm not constantly lying and fielding questions and whatever. It's been nice.”
“That actually makes a lot of sense,” Jeff said, cocking his head to the side a little. This time, he was the one who came in for a hug. “Look, man, I'm sorry to be so suspicious about this all, but I still keep honestly suspecting that you've, I don't know, got a whole line of cameras in this hall who are about to jump out and tell me how badly you've just punked me or something.”
“Never,” I said.
Jeff laughed. “Bullshit,” he said. “Twenty-seven--year-old Christian totally would have pulled a stunt like that, just to prove that he could, to himself as much as the world.”
I grimaced. “I'd like to think I've come a little way since then,” I said.
“You probably have,” Jeff said. He ran a hand back through his hair, a gesture that was familiar enough since it was one of my own nervous, thoughtful gestures. We were more similar than we were different when it came down to it.
“Let me take you out to dinner sometime,” I told him. “How much longer are you here in Hawaii?”
“Just until tomorrow, unfortunately,” Jeff said, shrugging a little. “Have to get back to the grind. But you know, Boston isn't that far away from New York. Maybe you'll make it up to see me sometime. Give me your number, and I'll text you my address.”
“That would be great,” I said, already pulling out my phone so that I could punch in his digits as he reeled them off.
I went back to my hotel after that and flopped down across the bed with my shoes still on, feeling drained but happy at the same time. It was such a relief to have finally made up with Jeff, after so many long years of fighting with him. The first thing I wanted to do was call Gretchen, but I knew she had a slew of appointments that afternoon in the aftermath of the holiday; lots of people were going home that week so they could get back to work once the new year started.
When I picked up my phone to text her anyway, the thing started ringing. It was Paul on the other end.
“Hey man,” he said. “Gotta keep this short because I'm actually on my way to a meeting with some of our guys in Asia,” he said. “But I was just wondering if you'd booked your flight home yet. Some of our investors have been asking, and it would be great if we could put out a press release for a planned press conference in the new year featuring you.”
I tried to keep from groaning out loud. “I've looked at flights,” I told him. “But I haven't booked anything just yet. Waiting to see if the prices fluctuate at all. Or if there are any last-minute deals that I can take advantage of.”
“You know things don't work that way around holidays,” Paul said, the frown clear in his voice. I knew he knew I was just delaying, but he didn't know the reason for it. “Is everything okay over there? You haven't blown through your millions already, have you?”
I forced a laugh. “No, of course not,” I told him. “I just haven't figured out which flight I want to book yet, that's all. But I promise you. I'll be there in New York by mid-January at the latest.”
“We need you sooner than that, I think,” Paul said grimly. “If you can't be here on January 1st, I think January 4th is the latest that we could set things and still keep our investors happy. And you know what happens when we have happy investors.”
I suppressed a sigh. “Yeah,” I said. “Yeah, okay. I'll make sure and book a flight in the next couple days, and I'll send you the details once I have them.”
“Thanks, man,” Paul said.
We talked briefly about our Christmases, and then Paul had to go into his meeting. I hung up feeling as though there was a lead weight in my stomach. I couldn't believe that I would be leaving so soon. I was going to have to find some way to share the news with Gretchen. I could already see the tearful look that she would give me. I could already feel my heart ache at the pain I was about to cause her.
But it was unavoidable, and I'd known that from the start. We both had. So, there was no one really to blame here.