Chapter Fifteen
The problem, Luna decided almost six weeks later, was that it was so easy to be carried away by Tucker. Tucker was a man who lived an exciting life, and before he had met her, he lived it at breakneck speed. She had gasped when he told her about his chute failing to deploy and how it had led to his need to leave something behind, but he had laughed at her alarm.
"I think it might be one of the best things to have ever happened to me," Tucker said. "It made me stop and really think about what I wanted."
He was a worldly billionaire, but somehow, he had missed out on some of the most simply joys that she took for granted.
"You really don't always have to be on the go," she said with amusement, and he raised an eyebrow at her.
"If I'm not on the go all the time, what's the point?" Tucker had asked, and when Luna ascertained that he was serious, she had taken him to the nearby market. Tucker, though bemused, was quiet as she led him through the aisles.
The little Florentine markets were different from the supermarkets that were so prevalent in the United States. She understood that there were definitely some supermarkets scattered here and there, but a great deal of Florence still got on well with the small shops scattered throughout the city. They reminded Luna of the bodegas where she could stop by and pick up the materials for a meal while also scratching the local cat in residence for a moment of much-needed stress relief.
Tucker looked dubious, but after she had made their purchases, she led him on a wander that finally ended up on a small plaza. There were a few benches scattered about, but besides them and the pigeons that seemed to be everywhere, the only inhabitant of the square was the statue of a young girl holding flowers up to the sky.
Tucker watched as she made them thick sandwiches with good Italian mustard, some kind of salty cheese and ham, chasing it all down with glass bottles of delicious lemonade.
"I'll admit, I did not expect it to taste this good," he said, and Luna smiled triumphantly.
"Sometimes, it's best to just keep it simple," she said.
He took the apple slices she had cut with her pocket knife without a word, and then he looked surprised when she slid one past his lips. For all that they had spent weeks exploring each other's bodies, there was something shockingly intimate about this gesture. The apple felt cool under her fingers, the warmth of his lips, and the wetness of his tongue as it flickered out to lap at her fingertips, it all made her feel ridiculously happy.
Whether they were enjoying lunch in a secret plaza or going up into the mountains for a famous horse race that was nearly two hundred years old, however, Luna had the nagging feeling in the back of her head that this couldn't last. After she gave him the child that he wanted so badly, she had come to realize that she couldn't possibly stay. She wouldn't be his mistress, a small part of his life while he led it somewhere else.
It wasn't just that, either. Her appointments with Dr. Schmitt continued, and they made everything more real. She wasn't sure that she could create a baby with Tucker and then have nothing to do with that baby at all. Luna had thought that she could, and she was beginning to suspect that that was not the case at all.
Some nights, she was on the verge of breaking everything off and running away. Others, she simply willed the earth to stand still so that she and Tucker could live in this short span of time forever.
Short?
She realized that no matter how much time she had with Tucker, it would always feel short, whether it was another five weeks or another year. When she looked at him, there was something in her that felt a fierce joy for having found him, for being able to touch him and laugh with him.
As the weeks rolled on, Luna felt as if she was slowly being pulled apart. It was such a slow and gradual thing, it was as if she didn't notice it until she was nearly in pieces. She knew that she couldn't stay, but her entire body felt as if it couldn't go, either.
Some nights, when Tucker slept by her side, she couldn't rest. Luna would get up and pace through the hallways, unable to even finish the ring that she had drafted for him. She was close. She was very close, but still the ring sat on her work bench, dull due to lack of polish or care. She knew that it was perhaps the finest piece she had ever done, but she didn't have the heart to finish it. It was as if she couldn't finish it, not when she felt like this.
Like some evil fairy had granted her wish, the time stretched in front of her with no change in sight. Luna didn't know how long she could live with it, but then came a day where she realized that everything was going to change...
***
"I wish things hadn't worked out like this," Tucker said, making a face. "If I had had my way, we would have had the conference here, and I wouldn't have to spend four days in Paris."
"Oh poor man," Luna teased. "So difficult when the world doesn't bend to your will exactly as it ought to."
Tucker frowned at her, but it smoothed out as she reached out to straighten his tie for him.
"And you wouldn't have had to get up at godawful in the morning to see me off. Which I do appreciate, but again, I wasn't going to ask you to."
Luna chuckled.
"Well, it's not too terrible. This way I get to see the sun rise, and I get to get a jump on work. I have a project that if I work hard, I might get done by the time you get back."
"Ah, the super-secret project," Tucker said, smiling fondly. "The one that I have been forbidden to see."
"Yes, precisely that one," she said with a grin. "Who knows, by the time you make it back, maybe there will be something to report."
His response was to sweep her into a deep kiss that made her sigh, but nearly as quickly, he had to let her go.
"I do need to go," Tucker said with real reluctance. "Just... know that I want to get back more than anything, all right?"
"All right, I do," she said, and for a moment, it seemed as if he was studying her, his eyes unaccountably dark.
"Good," he said, and then he was gone.
Luna was alone in the apartment with the morning light just beginning to break through the indigo of night, but it felt different somehow. The weeks that he had spent ignoring her except during the evening were a memory, and the flat felt a little more like a cocoon, a wonderful place of love and care where they were both safe.
True to her word, Luna went to work in the studio for a few hours. The ring was finally nearing completion, and more than once, she had to stop and look at it with pleasure. It was companion to the bracelet that she had made him what felt like a thousand years ago, but far richer, far more beautiful. The central stone, tawny and beautifully smooth, winked from the setting that she had custom designed, and she was so pleased with her work. It would look ridiculously handsome on Tucker's hand, and she could imagine his smile when he tried it on.
Luna's smile faltered a little bit. Was she just giving him something as a goodbye gift? The thought had been in the back of her mind for a while now. The ring felt small but heavy in her hands. She had started designing this ring and making it on impulse, but the truth was that she had never considered what it might signify. Would she give it to him only to have to say goodbye shortly thereafter? Would it always be a reminder to him of her, or would he throw it into some trinket box, never to look at it again?
Luna told herself that she was being ridiculous. She had made jewelry for people before and never worried overmuch about what it was that they might have done with it. The most important part was the emotion that she put into it, the passion she had for the project. She tried telling herself that this one was no different, but deep in her heart, she knew that that was not true.
It was this conflict more than anything else that had slowed her work on this ring. In some ways, it had benefited it in the end, forcing her to take her time and to be absolutely sure of the design. Now Luna set it aside again, sighing with frustration as much at herself as anything else.
Well, I can go get some breakfast, at least.
She got properly dressed and shod, and picked up a shopping bag that she had bought some weeks ago. The café was an option, but she thought that it might be nice to bring home some food to cook when she was on her own tonight. She had lived and functioned alone before she met Tucker, and that was a skill set that she refused to leave.
The moment she stepped outside of the apartment, however, it occurred to her that something was wrong. The sun, even as low in the sky as it was, seemed far too bright. Everything was far too vivid and far too loud, and she broke into a sweat. Luna shook her head and forced herself to start walking.
God, am I really that disoriented because Tucker is gone? I must be getting soft.
She walked the two blocks to the market, which felt a little better, but then she was swept up in the early morning crowd. She dodged through the other shoppers, looking for the food that she had come for, but her brain felt ridiculously foggy. She couldn't hang on to her thoughts; every time she tried, they squirmed out of her grasp like little fish, and finally, she ended up on a small bench, huddled in on herself. She realized that she was sweating hard, and she was shivering as well.
This is ridiculous, she thought furiously. I am not this flimsy. I am not this upset just because Tucker is going to be gone for a few days...
Despite her resolve, she felt in her bag for her phone. Tucker had made sure that she could get in contact with him no matter what, and she was under direct orders from Dr. Schmitt to call him for anything, but for some reason, she was reluctant. If she called Tucker or the doctor, this would all be real, and she didn't want to accept that just yet.
It's probably nothing, she told herself. I'll let this pass, and then I'll be fine.
When she rose to her feet some five minutes later, Luna thought she had been right. She was no longer shivering, she was not sweating, everything was fine. Things continued to be fine until she started walking in the crowd again, and then the noise and the rush of people closed in around her, and she could feel her vision darkening around the edges.
Cursing, she reached for her phone, ready to dial Tucker after all, but then her vision swam, and she was falling, falling...
***
When Luna came to, she was looking up at a ceiling that she did not recognize. She blinked, becoming aware of the sharp smell of antiseptic and the murmur of voices all around her. She could hear people speaking in Italian and English, and none of those voices were familiar.
She tried to sit up, and her head swam a little bit. Before she could even cry out, however, there were arms around her, bringing her to a sitting position again.
"There, there," said a woman, speaking lightly accented English. "You're fine, just take it slow."
"Oof, my head," Luna said. "What happened?"
The woman, who she could now see was dressed in green scrubs, smiled encouragingly at her.
"You passed out in the marketplace and caused quite a fuss. Some kind people brought you here."
Here turned out to be a free clinic that operated close to the market, Luna learned. It was overworked and understaffed, the kind of place she had gone to when she absolutely had to before Dr. Schmitt and his quiet, luxurious office.
The harried doctor came in, and after a few questions, shrugged helplessly.
"You seem very healthy, miss," she said, shaking her head. "There are many reasons that you might have passed out unexpectedly, among them vertigo, low blood sugar, pregnancy... are you pregnant?"
Luna started to shake her head no, but then she paused. Her next visit with Dr. Schmitt was in a week, her last one had told them she was not pregnant...
When the doctor saw her hesitation, she nodded.
"Here, we can give you a test. It will only take a short while, and better safe than sorry, yes?"
Yes, Luna agreed, because it was always better to be safe than sorry. She wasn't expecting anything, but then the doctor came back with a smile, telling her yes, she was pregnant, yes, she was going to have a baby, and yes...
Luna didn't expect the feeling of joy that coursed through her. She had always thought that she would be indifferent at best to the idea of a child. She had seen it as an intellectual exercise, but now that it was a reality, it was as if her body was flooded with light.
There really is a child inside of me, she thought, and among the well-wishes of the clinic, she called for a taxi to take her back to the flat. She insisted on paying for the visit, and though they told her it wasn't necessary, they were more than grateful for the fee that she ended up giving them.
"No, really, you people are wonderful. Thank you so much..."
It wasn't until she was back in the flat that the doubts started up. Her baby... it wasn't, was it? It was going to be Tucker's. The documents were very clear about that. And after she gave birth, she wasn't going to be able to stay with Tucker either, and fear gripped her.
She laid her hands over her belly. She had never had a flat stomach. Right now, it didn't feel any different, but sometime soon, it would begin to. Her belly would round as childbearing reshaped it, preparing her to nourish a life before she brought it forth in the world.
The sudden enormity of it all struck her, and Luna had to sit down on the couch hard. Everything was going to change, and suddenly, she felt completely unready for it. Three times, she reached for her phone to try to call Tucker, but she couldn't make herself hit the button.
It was strange. On one hand, she wanted to hear the joy that he would no doubt express. On the other hand, it would mean the end of the fragile and tentative happiness that they had felt together.
She got up to pace, and once she started moving, she found that she couldn't stop.
"You know, if you are going to start playing with my hormones and my body chemistry, you could start by making me happy and content," she murmured at her stomach, and then she winced. Talking to her child, whether it was male or female, made the whole thing feel even more real, and she shivered.
Well, if it's a boy, I'm going to get a bonus, she thought half-hysterically, and suddenly it broke over her how horrible that was. What would it be like to be a daughter and to know that you would have been worth more if you had been a boy? What boy who knew that monetarily he was worth more than his sisters would grow up well?
Luna knew that she was building up to something unpleasant, so she took a deep breath, and then she took a few more.
No, I have to stay calm, she thought. I have to... I have to think. I can't act irrationally.
The problem was the apartment. No matter where she looked, she saw reminders of Tucker and the peace they had built together. It normally soothed her, but right now, it was having the opposite effect. Even her studio didn't soothe her, and finally, she knew that she had to get out, even if she intended to come right back.
After all, if Tucker isn't going to be back for a few days, I can certainly spend the next night or two elsewhere...
A half hour spent online revealed a small hotel in the hills. It was known to be comfortable and fairly luxurious, but the thing that caught her attention was the fact that it had once been an elegant villa. There were beautiful rooms, an excellent bistro on the ground floor, and an elegant walk close to the roof for stargazing far away from the lights of the city.
It sounded perfect, and Luna already felt a little calmer as she threw a few things into her bag.
"We're just... running away from home for a night or two," she said, but before she could get out the door, the phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Hello, little one. I've spent a few hours in Paris, it is raining and gloomy, and I find it inexpressibly dull without you. How are you doing?"
Despite herself, Luna found herself giggling a little bit at his words.
"I'm fine, mostly working today," she lied.
"Oh, will that project finally be done before I get back? Can I see it then?" Tucker asked, teasing a little.
Tucker's voice tugged at her heart, and for a moment, she was on the verge of breaking down and telling him everything. She wanted nothing more than to spill what had happened, how joyful and frightened she was, but that could wait. She would tell him when they were at least in the same country again, but not over the phone.
"I don't know if it'll be ready by then, but soon," she said, and she heard him pause.
"Is everything all right, sweetheart?" he asked. "You sound a little stressed."
Luna laughed, because that was certainly true.
"No, I think I'm just a little tired."
"Hm. We did wake up awfully early today. Will you promise me that you'll go to bed early?"
"Yes, I think I will do that," she said. "That does sound good."
"I'll be going to bed here missing you," he said, and there was something openly longing about it, something that tugged at her heart.
"I hate the idea of not sleeping with you," she confessed.
Tucker groaned.
"I know it's not smart to simply put you on the plane tomorrow, is it? I am going to be so busy, but I almost want to. You could shop in Paris during the day, I could work, and at night..."
Luna couldn't help laughing at him.
"Don't worry about it, I'm sure we'll both survive. Do what you need to do. I'll be here and waiting when you get back."
That she meant at least. She hung on to that as they spoke of other things. Then she hung up, and almost immediately after that, she got a text that a car was waiting to take her to the hotel in the hills.
Luna hesitated for a moment, and then she stepped out, locking the door behind her. It would be good for her to get away from this place for a short while.
When she came back, hopefully, she would have a fresh perspective on things, and then she would be able to tell Tucker the good news.
The conversation that they had made her oddly hopeful about it all. He would be thrilled, they could talk about what would come in the future, and then... then maybe it would all work out.
***
The hotel was everything that they had promised it would be. She arrived at sunset and enjoyed a delicious dinner of fresh fish and vegetables at the bistro. When the stars came out, she went up on the walk with a pair of tourists from Germany, marveling at the arc of the Milky Way.
She slept dreamless, and when she woke up in the morning, her hands were nestled over her belly.
It really will be fine, she thought, and then there was a knock on the door.
Room service? Luna wondered, and she threw on a robe to answer it. It wasn't room service, though. It was Tucker, looking angrier than she had ever seen him look.
"Good morning, Luna," he said, his voice dark. "You're coming with me right now."