Chapter Twenty
Elena
I’d hoped that everything would get better with enough sleep. When I’d come home from Noah’s place, I’d taken flu medication and crawled straight into bed. I would be better in the morning, I told myself.
But when I woke up, the nausea was worse than ever before. Whenever I moved, turning around in bed, it was worse. It was different than last night. Then, it had been because of the food I’d eaten. Now, I was sick for no reason at all. And it felt a lot worse than a stomach bug or the flu.
I ran to the bathroom, heaving, and I emptied my already empty stomach into the toilet. I heaved and spluttered until there was nothing left to throw up. I hugged the toilet, waiting for nausea to pass, but even though the vomiting stopped, I felt sicker than ever. God, what was wrong with me.
When I was sure I could leave the bathroom without throwing up all over my carpet, I walked back to the bed and found my phone on the nightstand where I’d put it on charge. I dialed Noah’s number. He picked up immediately.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“I’m not,” I said. “I’ve been throwing up all morning. I don’t think I’m going to make it to work.”
“That’s fine. Stay home. Get rest. Get better. I’ll manage without you for a while.”
I was grateful he cared so much and ended the conversation. I crawled into bed and pulled the covers up to my chin. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on getting the nausea to go away. Mind over matter, I told myself.
It didn’t work. I couldn’t sleep because I felt too sick, but I wasn’t sick enough to throw up again and get rid of whatever was bugging me. But now that I was sure it wasn’t a bug that lasted a few days or anything I’d eaten, I started to wonder what else it could be.
Maybe it was something I’d picked up from Lilly, I wondered. She’d been sick only a few days ago. But she hadn’t thrown up at all, and I didn’t have a fever or a stuffy nose. Stomach bugs were becoming old, and it wasn’t like I was pregnant. When had I had my period?
I counted on my fingers, trying to link my period to something prolific so I could find a date. When I worked it out, I realized I was late. Almost a week if my calculations were correct. I worked it out again and again. Every time, I came to the same answer. I was late for my period.
But I was on the pill, I argued. However, so many women had fallen pregnant despite it, I reminded myself. I chased myself in circles, arguing in my head until I was dizzy and the nausea became worse again. It terrified me. There was no other reason why I could be this nauseous for this long. I had to be pregnant.
Somewhere I knew it was a fact. I was a pregnant. But I didn’t want to accept it. Not until I knew for sure.
I dragged myself out of bed and got dressed. I had to run to the toilet twice before I was ready to leave the house. It was as if my body was trying to tell me that I was being ridiculous going out to look for proof when I knew.
When I walked out of my apartment, my car was in its usual parking space. Noah had made it happen, repairing the damage for me first thing in the morning so that it was as if it hadn’t happened. I knew he felt bad about it all, and I appreciated the gesture. Iclimbed into my car and pulled onto the road.
At the store, I found the pregnancy tests next to the condoms and the baby supplies. How apt, I thought. I bought three of them and headed back home to take the tests. I drank a lot of water and took the first test. While it did it’s thing, drawing up colored lines that would tell me what my future would look like, I drank another glass of water.
I did it three times and put the tests all in a row before I looked at them. When I turned them around one by one, they all told me what I’d already known.
Pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant.
God.
I walked to my bed and collapsed on it, numb. What the hell was I going to do? I couldn’t have a baby now. I lived alone and I had a full-time job. And what about money? Not to mention that I had to bring a child into this world when I wasn’t even sure how to navigate it myself. Noah was a great parent – I watched him do it often enough – but I couldn’t do that. I hadn’t even thought about kids as being a part of my future. I had always focused on the now.
My stomach turned, and I was scared I would throw up again, but I didn’t. This wasn’t nausea. This was fear. I was scared to death of what was to come. I was pregnant and I had no idea what to do. And Noah? What would he say about this? And the company and the product and everything that had already gone wrong. God. What a mess.
I covered my face with my hands. How was I going to deal with this? It was too much for me. Slashed tires, a press release, a pending promotion. And a baby. It all seemed surreal. But I had three pregnancy tests on the counter in my bathroom telling me that this was real, that none of this was a dream. If I closed my eyes and slept now, I was going to wake up, and those tests would still be there. I was willing to bet the nausea would be here, too. None of this was going to go away no matter how much I wished it was a bad dream.
When I couldn’t lie in bed any longer, worrying about what had happened to my perfect life, I called Beth. I needed my friend in my time of need.
“Are you at work?” I asked.
“I am. What’s wrong?”
“Don’t worry about it. This isn’t something I can talk about over the phone.” I swallowed hard. I didn’t want to deal with it alone, but maybe I would have to.
Beth was silent on the line for a moment before she said, “my lunch break is soon. Do you want to meet me somewhere?”
I hesitated. “Could you come to the apartment?”
“That bad, huh? I’ll be right there.”
Sometimes when I was with Beth, she lectured me. There were times when I wished I hadn’t told her something because she always had to be rational about it. This time, I needed her advice, and I was glad that she would be there for me no matter what.
Beth arrived at my apartment about half an hour later. It had given me enough time to put on some make-up, run a brush through my hair and make sure I looked decent.
“Honey, you look awful,” Beth said when she walked into my apartment and hugged me. “What happened?”
So, it was obvious that something was very wrong. Beth knew me well enough to know. I walked to the couch and collapsed on it.
“Do you want me to sugar coat it, or give it to you straight?”
Beth sat down next to me. “Give it to me straight,” she said.
“I’m pregnant,” I said. I watched her as the information sank in, saw her face as it hither.
“Oh, my God,” she said. I nodded, and we both sat in silence, digesting the information. Now that I have said it out loud, I rolled it around in my mouth, tasting it, trying it on for size. It still felt incredibly surreal, but I had to accept it. I knew it was true.
“What are you going to do?” Beth asked.
I shrugged. “I’m not going to get rid of it if that’s what you’re asking. You know I don’t agree with that stuff.”
Beth nodded. “You know I’m here for you,” she said, hugging me. “Whatever it is you need, you tell me, and I’ll try to make it happen.”
“But you have a wedding to plan,” I said. “This is hardly your problem.”
Beth rolled her eyes. “Elena, you’re my best friend. There is no way I’m ditching you in your time of need. Besides, I can worry about you and plan a wedding at the same time. Multitask.”
I chuckled, but it wasn’t as funny as it would have been in any other situation. I was lucky to have Beth as my friend.
“Have you told Noah yet?” Beth asked.
I shook my head. “I only found out this morning. You’re the first person I’m telling. I have no idea what to do.”
Beth took my hand in both of hers. “You have to tell him. If he’s the dad, he deserves to know.”
Of course, Beth was right. I couldn’t keep this from Noah, no matter how terrifying it was. He was the father, and after seeing how he was Lily, after everything he’s been through, I couldn’t keep this from him.
“What if it ruins us?” I asked. “Things were just starting to work out. What if this drives him away?”
“If he is going to break up with you because you’re pregnant with his child, he’s not the man I thought he was. And if he does do that, good riddance. You don’t need a man like that in your life, then.”
I felt like I was going to cry. I couldn’t do this alone.
“But,” Beth added, “I don’t think he’s going to reject you. The guy did a press release to declare his love for you, telling the whole world how he felt about you. That doesn’t seem like the kind of thing a man would do when he didn’t have forever in mind.”
I groaned. “I can’t even think of something long term right now. I’m too scared something is going to go wrong between us, that I’m going to have to raise this baby alone.”
“Then do yourself a favor and talk to him as soon as possible. The sooner you know, the better.”
And Beth was right. I had to let no one know what was going on and take it as it came, no matter what happened.
“I have to get back to work,” Beth said. She hugged me again. “Are you going to be okay?”
“I’ll figure it out.” I let her out, thanking her for coming to see me. “It means more to me than you know,” I said before she left. She promised that I could call her anytime, and I knew that I could.
I turned back to the apartment, picking up my phone, doing what I needed to do. I dreaded this part, but I couldn’t avoid it. Noah answered after a couple of rings. Where his voice usually calmed me down, it made me panic more, now.
“Can I see you?” I asked.
“Of course, how about coming over for dinner tonight?” he asked.
“I would rather meet you alone. I can’t really talk about this in front of Lily.” I wished I didn’t have to do any of this at all.
Noah hesitated and the silence between us was heavy. I wondered what was running through his mind if he was thinking I might be breaking up with him.
“We can meet for lunch tomorrow,” Noah finally said. “Let’s say one o’clock.”
“That’s great, thank you,” I said before I ended the call. I looked at the phone in my hands and let out a shaky breath. I had called Noah and scheduled a meeting. I had taken that first step. All that remained now was to tell him that I was pregnant with his child and hope for the best.
God, I didn’t want to do this.