Chapter Twelve
Logan
When Worlds Collide
“Ice cream, Daddy,” Rose says, pointing to a brightly lit booth. “I want ice cream.”
“Maybe we’ll get some on our way home,” I say, clutching her little hand tightly. I had second thoughts about bringing Rose to a place where she could easily get lost in a crowd, but the temptation of rides, clowns, and food was too powerful to resist and provided the perfect distraction for both my daughter and me.
I think I needed the break even more than Rose. With Jolene growing bolder in her demands to see Rose I’ve been pressing hard for the restraining order to be dispensed. I half-expect to see her at every corner, popping up from behind a bush or skulking at the end of the block like a damn stalker. The bureaucratic wheels turn agonizingly slow, and I know she’s using this time to build a case with the family courts. Worse, Rose seems to have some memory of the night she spent at Lila’s and keeps asking about the “loud lady at Grandma’s” in addition to where Quinn has gone. I have no answers for either question that a four-year-old will understand, nor have I mentioned anything about moving again.
“I want some now,” Rose whines.
“If you eat ice cream now, you can’t go on the merry-go-round,” I say. “You’ll get a tummy ache. You want to ride the merry-go-round, don’t you?” Her yearning for a puppy has recently been replaced by requests for a pony, so I know she wants to ride the carousel in the worst way.
“Yes!” she says, yanking my hand and pulling me forward. I should be putting her to bed right about now, but since it’s a weekend and this carnival will be gone by Monday, I decide to indulge her and not worry about time. The downside is that being on the ASU campus makes me think of Quinn and sends a familiar stab of guilt through my gut. I hope she’s alright, and wonder how she’s coping, but I know my interests run deeper than that. As badly as Rose wants a pony, I want Quinn back in our lives; but I guess we all have our fantasies. This is reality. With a twinge of bitter regret, I know she’ll forget about me in the arms of the next hulking college football star she meets.
“There’s the merry-go-round!” Rose shrieks.
I buy the tickets and stand in the queue for our turn. “What color horse shall we ride?” I ask, perusing the parade of carousel ponies as they spin.
“I wanna ride by myself,” Rose says, sounding almost indignant. “I’m a big girl.”
I chuckle at her feisty declarations. As much as I want to keep her safe, learning to be independent is a critical life skill. I know that better than anyone. “Okay, but don’t say I didn’t offer.” Rose allows me onto the platform only long enough to select a pink pony and lift her onto its back. “You hang on to these reins, see? Don’t let go,” I instruct.
I retreat to the nearby crowd of parent onlookers and try to still my thumping heart as the ride starts up and gains speed. Rose gives me an enthusiastic wave.
“Hold those reins!” I shout with cupped hands around my mouth, and I smile as she obediently clutches the braided rope around the horse’s neck. I watch vigilantly for the next several spins, and can’t hold back a wash of pride as she handles the ride without difficulty. I let out a relieved breath, and relax enough to take in the surroundings while Rose is occupied.
It’s a clear, starry night and the carnival lights just add to the magic. I didn’t experience a carnival until my teens, hanging with my other streetwise friends and finding trouble to get into. Carnivals were ideal places for that. A veritable Shangri-La for pickpockets and con men. I surreptitiously check for my wallet as I scan the area for shady activity.
Over by the fence between the carousel and the kiddie cars I see a young couple standing close together, engaged in a different kind of activity, but no less shady. The tall boy has his hands on her butt, and his lips locked on hers. The girl’s blonde hair glows in the surreal light of overhead bulbs and neon signs. She reminds me of Quinn, and I stave off a painful convulsion in my chest region.
I feel like a creep but can’t tear my eyes away from the scene. The vibration in my chest escalates to a burning tightness when I realize what I’m seeing. It is Quinn! But I have no idea who the horny young buck is with his paws all over her and his tongue practically in her throat.
The lights and sounds fade to a dull, indistinct background against the clear sharpness of my focus on the two of them. My body seems to move through an expanding tunnel, running forward but getting no closer. Suddenly I’m within arm’s reach, my hot hand on the boy’s shoulder.
“Get off her, douchebag,” I snarl, my voice dripping with menace.
I haul him off Quinn with the force of a bulldozer, knocking him into the fence behind. He stumbles and grabs hold of the railing, and I catch Quinn as she loses her balance.
“What the fuck, buddy!” the kid yells, ready to launch himself at me in retaliation.
“Don’t even think about it!” I growl, pointing an accusing finger at him while locking Quinn in my opposite arm.
“Logan!” Quinn shrieks, pawing at me and regaining her balance. “What are you doing here?”
“You know this shit head?” Trent sneers, rising to his full height.
“Trent, go back to the beer tent and find Alex,” Quinn says. “Wait there, I’ll handle this.”
Trent straightens his shirt and brushes dust from his arms. “You out past curfew or something, Quinn? Alex never told me you were a daddy’s girl.”
“Just go!” she hisses. With a last searing glare, Trent moves off toward the main midway. Quinn pushes away and stares me down, her blue eyes on fire. “Are you crazy? What the hell do you think you’re doing? How dare you attack Trent like that. Who do you think you are?”
Her words hit me with all the sting of a slap to the face. I don’t know who I am right now, besides angry and jealous.
“Oh, it’s Trent, is it?” I taunt, the name sticking in my throat like a splintered chicken bone. “Where’d you meet him, find his number in a University bathroom stall?”
“What’s it to you?” Quinn says. “Just because you don’t want me doesn’t mean somebody else won’t. Dumping me wasn’t cruel enough, you have to humiliate me as well? You’ve got no right, no right!” She’s screaming and crying at the same time, then covers her face with her hands and turns away.
“Don’t turn your back on me,” I say, my voice still harsh. I don’t mean it as a command but as a plea. “Please… don’t,” I say softer. “I don’t think I could stand that.”
She whirls to face me again. “Why not? You did it to me. I don’t care what you can or can’t stand, Logan Brenner. Explain yourself, right now, or I’m leaving.”
How can I explain something I’m not sure I understand myself? All I know is that my blood boiled when I saw her with Trent, and I didn’t know how to deal with it except with my fists.
“I’m sorry,” I blurt out. “I never intended to humiliate you.”
“What, then?” she demands. “Do you just make a habit of punching out random people in amusement parks?”
I shake my head. “No, I…” Why did I react the way I did? The real reasons are buried deeper than I want to dig. “I’m sorry,” I say again, raking a hand through my hair. I look up into her blazing blue gaze that’s filled with compassion in spite of her anger. Her silky hair flows down over her shoulders, her shapely arms wrapping herself in a defensive hug. She looks both strong and fragile at the same time, and all I want to do is hold her close and never let her go again. I’m an idiot to try and deny the depth of my feelings for her.
“I need you,” I say, the words falling from my lips almost on their own. “I didn’t realize how much until you weren’t there. I said a lot of things because I thought they were the right things to say, not because I believed them. Everything I know tells me that it’s wrong to fall for a woman half my age, but I have. God help me, I have, and I can’t change how I feel. I love you, Quinn. I think I have since the first day I saw you. Will you forgive me?”
Her lips tremble as she unfolds her arms and reaches out for me. I step forward and gather her in my arms.
“Yes,” she whispers, pressing her face to my chest. “Because I love you, too. We shouldn’t care what people say. All that should matter is how we feel.”
I agree and tilt her tear-stained face upward. We share a kiss unlike any other before it, filled with passion yet tempered with forgiveness and healing. Her lips are moist and yielding, responding in equal fervor to mine. Even if I can’t claim to know what real love is, trying to outrun it or outsmart it is a waste of time. It will catch up to you when you least expect it, and now that it’s here, I intend to hold onto it with everything I’ve got.
“Logan, I have to tell you something,” she says as we break our kiss.
“You don’t have to tell me anything, honey. I know how much I hurt you by shutting you out like I did. Since the break-in, everything is going to shit with Jolene sniffing around like a rabid dog. I can’t bear the thought of Rose knowing her mother’s a crazed, recovering drug addict, and I’m scared shitless that she’ll try to take her away from me. And that she might win.” As I say Rose’s name, I stiffen in fear.
“Where is Rose?” Quinn asks, and I realize I’ve left her on the carousel. I can’t believe I could do something so stupid.
“On the merry-go-round,” I gasp. “Oh my God, she’ll be terrified if she doesn’t see me.” I turn and bolt straight for the carousel, Quinn following behind. As I reach the unloading gate, I stop dead in my tracks. My blood turns to ice as I stare into Jolene’s haunted, red-rimmed eyes.
“Hello, Logan,” she says with a leering smile, accentuating her garish red lipstick that seems crooked and hastily applied. “Looking for someone?”
“Out of my way, Jolene.” I move toward her, intending to shove her aside to get to the platform when she opens the lapel of her faded jean jacket to show me what’s inside.
“Don’t,” she says, gesturing to a shiny black revolver tucked in an inside pocket. “I wouldn’t do anything sudden if I were you.”