Chapter Fourteen
Elena
I arrived at Noah’s house when the sun was setting and parked the car in my usual spot. The front door opened, and I leaned over to the passenger side to collect the plate of cookies I had brought with me. When I opened my car door, it wasn’t Noah coming out to greet me, but Lillian.
“Hello, Lilly,” I said, smiling. She came right up to me, wriggling her way into my arms for a hug, and I couldn’t help but laugh. “You look like you feel a lot better than when I last saw you.”
“I’m all better, now,” Lilian said. “What did you bring?” She looked at the plate of cookies.
I handed it to her. “Do you want to take it inside for me?” I asked. “It’s for dessert.”
Lillian nodded and ran inside with the cookies, passing Noah who held the front door.
“Careful with that, pumpkin,” he said. “Don’t drop it.”
Lillian called something over her shoulder that we both missed, and Noah shrugged at me.
“You’re spoiling her,” he said.
I shook my head and walked to him. “I can’t arrive empty-handed. It’s for all of us.”
Noah chuckled and pulled me into a hug. I hadn’t known how much physical contact was appropriate, but he had gone ahead and taken the lead. I was relieved about that.
“She seems much better,” I said.
Noah nodded. “She is. She still has a stuffy nose that I’m struggling to get rid of, but she’s back to her energetic self. It’s a relief.”
I could tell it had been hard on Noah when Lillian had been sick, and I was happy for his sake that it was over.
“She’s happy to see you,” Noah added.
“I think it’s because I always bring something,” I said.
Noah shook his head. “I don’t think so. I mean, she likes it that you bring things, but she’s never like this with strangers.”
“I’m not exactly a stranger anymore.
“No, you’re not,” Noah said, letting me walk into the house first. “But she was never shy and closed off with you, even when you were. I thought it was the food you brought, too, but she asks about you. It’s rare for her to do that.”
I smiled. “Well, I take that as a compliment. I don’t often spend time with children, so I don’t quite know how to act.”
Noah looked surprised. “Really?” he asked. “It doesn’t show. You’re a natural with her. You don’t act like someone that doesn’t have a lot of experience with children.”
“Well,” I said, trying not to act like it was anything more than a straightforward compliment even when I wanted it to be more, “you don’t act like you’re a single dad, either. You’re way too relaxed and cool.”
Noah laughed outright at that. “Thanks. We’ll see if she agrees once she’s a teenager.”
Dinner was delicious and beautiful. We sat down in the dining room around a dark wood table that had chairs for ten. Noah’s place was made for hosting parties although I doubted he did much of that. The dining room was tastefully decorated with grayscale photos blown up so the subjects were life size. Luscious plants filled the corners. The drapes were light, fitting in with everything else.
We ate chicken and roast vegetables with a side salad.
“Do you cook?” I asked Noah when we were halfway through the meal.
“I try,” he said.
“It doesn’t work,” Lilly piped up, and I laughed.
“Well, that’s not very nice,” I said.
Noah shook his head, looking embarrassed.
“Since it’s just the two of us, I get food when Diane doesn’t prepare a meal.”
“Diane?” I asked.
“She’s my nanny,” Lilly said. “She can cook, and she plays with me. She takes me to school, too.”
I nodded. For a moment, I had felt dread when he’d talked about Diane. We weren’t exclusive at all, but I had felt a pang of jealousy when I hadn’t known who she was. I still felt unsure about it. Knowing that he had another woman around, even if she was only a nanny, made we wonder what I was doing. He could very well be with her if he wanted to, couldn’t he? He owed me nothing, and I couldn’t make demands on his time or his affection. Maybe we had to change that, talk about it. But what if that pushed him away? I would rather sleep with him and play happy family like this as if it was all normal than not have him at all.
“Elena,” Lilly said, pulling me out of my thoughts. “Can we have the cookies now?”
I realized Lillian had finished her food. I looked at Noah. He was her dad, after all.
“Did you eat all your veggies?” Noah asked.
Lilly looked at her plate, eyeing the broccoli floret that was staring back at her.
“What happens if I don’t?” she asked.
Noah shook his head. “No cookies.”
Lilly sighed and put the floret in her mouth, making a terrible face while she chewed. I tried not to laugh. There were no kids in my family – I was one of the youngest of all the cousins – and my friends were only getting married now, but I loved children. I loved how full of life they were and how they never expected the worst or asked what if to everything. It made them so naïve and so pure.
When the broccoli was done, Lillian jumped up to fetch the cookies.
“I made those,” I said to her.
“Really?” Noah asked, surprised.
I nodded. “My mom always insisted we make them ourselves, and they’re so much better than store-bought cookies if you do it right.”
“How did you do it?” Lilly asked, biting into one.
“I think I’ll have to come over and show you how, some time,” I said.
Lilly nodded excitedly, still chewing. I glanced at Noah who was grinning at us, watching the conversation unfold.
When dinner was over, and Lillian had had way too many biscuits, it was time for bed. Noah sent her to put on her pajamas and brush her teeth before we walked with her to tuck her in for the night.
I stood at the door, watching Noah with his daughter. He kneeled at her bed and asked her what she was going to dream about so she wouldn’t have nightmares.
“Making cookies with Elena,” she said, and I smiled.
“That sounds like fun,” Noah said and kissed Lillian on her hair before we left the room, pulling the door shut.
“I enjoyed dinner tonight,” I said when we were in the living room each with a cup of coffee. “Lillian is a pleasure.”
“I’m still surprised at how comfortable she is around you. Lilly is often very shy. She doesn’t like strangers, and she doesn’t say much unless she’s forced to. With you, she’s a different child.”
I felt the same about Noah and Lilly, although I didn’t mention it. I felt comfortable in their home, able to open up, although I didn’t usually, and able to be myself. Maybe it was that some people fit better than others and there were no two ways about it.
“Does she miss her mother?” I asked.
Noah glanced up at me. I was suddenly unsure if I should have asked that.
“If it’s not an impertinent question,” I added. I knew that Lilly’s mother had left, but that was it.
Noah shook his head, and he looked so sad I felt terrible for asking. “There’s nothing wrong with you being curious about her, seeing what we are.”
“That’s not what I meant,” I started, but he shook his head.
“I know. But I’m not going to pretend that she’s not a question mark hanging between us. You’re spending time with her daughter, after all. Cheryl. That was her name. And Lilly doesn’t miss her because she was too young to know her mother before Cheryl left. I am grateful for it every day.”
I was burning with curiosity, but I didn’t want to push Noah. If he wanted to tell me more, he would. Otherwise, it wasn’t my business. No matter how much I wanted to know. Noah took a deep breath, and his face changed as if he wasn’t talking to me anymore as much as recalling the events for himself.
“She wasn’t a bad mother, initially. We were happy. Or at least, I thought we were. I guess we couldn’t have been that happy because she started looking for satisfaction somewhere else.”
“An affair?” I asked, ready to hate the woman.
“God, that would have been simpler,” Noah said. “No, she fell into drugs. It started off small, something that only happened now and then. She claimed she could control it. We all have our fun, she would say. We all do it in different ways. Well, her way took over.”
He took a deep, shaky breath.
“You don’t have to share this with me if it's too hard,” I said.
Noah shook his head. “No, I think you deserve to know. Besides, I like talking to you.” He smiled at me, a genuine smile that disappeared as quickly as it had come.
“It didn’t take long before I had to fight for a space in her life, for her to pay attention to Lilly at all. We got a divorce because she had conveniently decided it was easier to tap out. She hadn’t even made an effort to be at the custody hearing. I was there all alone, so I got full custody of Lilly. I haven’t heard from Cheryl since. Her family cut me off as if it was my fault. Lilly doesn’t see Cheryl’s parents at all.”
“That’s horrible,” I said. My heart broke for this man. He had been through so much, and he didn’t deserve any of it. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be,” he said, and his smile was genuine again. “I am happy, and Lilly is doing well. It’s better this way, so she doesn’t have heartache about a mother that’s never around. I am a grownup. I can heal.”
I understood what he was saying, but it was still awful to hear. I couldn’t believe someone could do that to their husband and child. Divorces happened often, but for a mother to walk away from her daughter? I didn’t understand it. I wasn’t a mother ,and I would never be able to do it. How much worse would it be if I had given birth?
“Thank you for telling me,” I said. I knew it had to have been hard for Noah to share it with me. But it allowed me to understand him more, to know what he was going through. It was a big deal that he had let me into his life and introduced me to Lilly. I appreciated it now.
The topic changed, and we talked about happier things. Before I knew it, it was midnight.
“I have to get going before my coach turns into a pumpkin again,” I said.
Noah chuckled, and we walked to the door. “You’ll stay a princess no matter what happens to your ride.”
I stepped out into the night air and headed toward my car. Noah walked with me. I opened my door. Noah stepped closer so that I was trapped between him and the car but I liked being this close to him. He kissed me, and this time it was filled with so much more than merely attraction, or lust. What we had been running on before. This time there was trust and understanding and it meant something different.
“Goodnight, Elena,” Noah said in a husky voice when he finally broke the kiss.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said and got into my car.