Chapter Twenty-Four
Elena
Noah left the office without saying goodbye yesterday, and I haven’t seen or heard from him since. He didn’t come into the office today. I tried not to be hurt by his actions. I was the one that had broken it off with him, that had refused to speak to him. Now that we were broken up, I shouldn’t expect him to want to speak to me at all.
But it hurt. It had hurt a lot more than I thought it would when I’d told him that we were over. His reaction – the shock and the pain – had been heartbreaking.
I tried to throw myself into my work as a distraction from everything I was feeling. There was a lot for me to do in my new position, to read up on and to figure out before I could say I was on top of things. But it was hard to concentrate when the ache in my chest wasn’t something medication could fix.
Not to mention the pregnancy. When I’d found out that Noah was happy about the baby, it had been a relief. But now that we were over, I was stuck doing this all on my own, and I was terrified. I hadn’t thought about having kids anytime soon, and as much as I loved children, raising a baby all on my own was a scary thought. I had never thought I would be a single mother raising a child all by myself.
I had hoped that I could do it with Noah. For a short time, I had believed I could. But with a stalker that could put the baby in harm’s way and how things were going with Saturn Intelligence, I was sure we couldn’t make it work. It wasn’t only about the baby’s safety, but it was about Noah’s reputation, too.
There had already been enough gossip around Noah and his company. The hard times with the bankruptcy, then the scandal of us kissing, and now this thing with Nicole that would hit the news if anyone saw what was happening. If news of the baby came out as well, it could ruin Noah’s reputation, and it would stop me from getting a new job, ever.
I couldn’t let something like that happen. Noah was blinded by his affection for me, and I was afraid that he would sacrifice the company unintentionally. And if I were the cause of the loss of his business, I would never forgive myself. Noah didn’t see it now, but he was better off without me.
Whether I was better off without him was a different story, but it was something I would have to learn to live with.
The day dragged by, and I took care of my duties on autopilot. The work I was in charge of now – the subscription program – was something I would have enjoyed if it didn’t feel like my world was falling apart. When it was finally time to go home, Iclimbed in the car and drove to Beth’s place. I was staying with her now that Nicole had broken into my apartment. I didn’t feel safe living there anymore, even though I had broken it off with Noah so she had no reason to come after me.
I didn’t know the lengths she would go to.
When I drove to Beth’s place, I felt heavy. Everything had gone wrong in my life that possibly could have gone wrong, short of losing my job. Somehow, the promotion that I’d received instead of being fired hadn’t made up for everything else. I felt empty now that I’d lost Noah. I had fallen for him, developed emotions for him that I had to deal with now. I hadn’t meant to fall for him this hard, but there it was.
And now I had a thousand pieces of my heart to sweep up again.
“How was your day?” Beth asked when I walked in. I put down my bag before joining Beth in the kitchen. She was making pasta on the stove.
“It was alright,” I said. What I meant was that it had been horrible.
“And the new office? You’re probably the only secretary I’ve heard of to get a promotion to such a big position. Then again, you’re also the only secretary I know with an MBA. I’m so glad someone saw your potential.”
A pang shot through my chest, and I didn’t know why. Beth hadn’t mentioned Noah’s name, she’d said someone.
I forced a smile, sticking to the topic. “It’s fun work. I think I’m going to enjoy it. It puts my skills to the test.”
“That’s good, I’m glad,” Beth said. She hesitated, pressing the pasta down into the boiling water with a spoon. “How are you doing?”
I tried to force another smile, to lie and tell her that I was okay, that I could deal with this. The smile wouldn’t come this time, and instead of lying about it, my voice caught in my throat. Beth’s face softened, and she turned to hug me.
“I don’t know how I’m supposed to deal with this,” I said. “It feels so much worse than it should.”
Beth let go of me, shaking her head. “Don’t put a limit on your emotions. Feel what you need to feel. Don’t push it away because it’s going to bite you in the ass if you do.”
I nodded. The front door closed with a click, and Rick walked in.
“Hello, ladies,” he said and walked to Beth, kissing her on the cheek. “I’m going to hop in the shower.”
He left, and I looked at Beth. “You guys don’t have to be so chaste around me just because I’m struggling, you know,” I said. Usually, Beth and Rick were all over each other.
“It seems rude to be in love in front of you,” Beth said, “now that you broke it off with Noah.”
I shook my head. “You shouldn’t have to act differently on my account. I’m a big girl, and you know I’m happy for the two of you. You’re perfect together.”
Beth smiled. It was unfair for them to have to put a lid on it because I wasn’t in a good place in my love life. They were engaged to be married, crazy about each other and headed for the happily ever after that they deserved no matter how things were going for me.
“Are you dealing with work okay with you being pregnant?” Beth asked.
“I have bigger things to worry about right now,” I said. “Like Noah and how I’m going to deal with him at work, like my new position. I’ll worry about the baby later.”
Beth nodded. “You know I’m here for you no matter what. Whatever you need. You let me know. Whether it’s cravings or emotional eating or a spa day.”
I smiled. “Thanks, Beth. It means a lot to me.”
She nodded, and we were together in silence for a while, the sound of the water boiling and the shower running the only sounds in the house.
“Do you need my help or can I go to my room for a while before supper?” I asked.
“You can go. There’s nothing serious to do, here.”
I nodded and left the kitchen. I wasn’t in the mood to put on a smile the whole time and even though Beth would understand, I didn’t want to be a moping mess and spoil their day.
The spare bedroom they had offered me was great. I lay down on the bed, hugging a pillow to my chest and closing my eyes. Lilly’s face flashed before me. When I had broken it off with Noah, I knew that I had chosen to give him up, but I’d lost so much more. Surely, I would see Lilly again – if Noah were to have joint custody of the baby in my belly I didn’t doubt Lilly would be around – but it wasn’t the same. I hated that I had to give her up, too. I had become as fond of her as I had become of Noah in the short time we’d been able to spend together.
I hated that I wouldn’t be able to see her grow, get to know the beautiful woman she would become. I didn’t doubt that Lilly would be a good big sister for the baby. She was kind and caring, and that was the start of a great human being. I missed her.
My phone rang, snapping me out of my thoughts. I dug in my bag until I found it. Noah’s name flashed on the caller ID and my stomach twisted. I was in half a mind not to answer the phone but I pressed talk and held the phone to my ear.
“Elena,” he said, and his voice was smooth and deep the way it always was. Hearing it over the phone, so close and intimate, caused an ache in my chest.
“Noah,” I said, but my voice was hoarse. I cleared my throat.
“Will you meet me tomorrow?” he asked. “At the Hampton Inn.”
“What?” I asked.
“It’s in Daly City. I want to see you but without all the extras that come with it. Please.”
The last please was added almost as him pleading for me to come. The hotel he was referring to was away from the city, and I could see why he chose it. But I wasn’t sure if I had what it took to go there, to face him, to talk about what had happened between us.
“What is there possibly to talk about?” I asked.
“Why don’t you come to see me and find out?” he asked. It was supposed to be mysterious, to make me want to go. It had the opposite effect.
“I’ll have to think about it,” I said.
Noah sighed. “Let me know. Please. I need to see you.”
We ended the call. I stared at my phone. How was I going to deal with this? What was I going to do?
Beth knocked on my door and popped her head around the door. “Food is ready,” she said. When she saw my face, she frowned. “What happened?”
“Noah called,” I said. “He wants me to meet him.”
Beth sat down on the edge of my bed. “And?”
“I don’t know if I should go. What do you think I should do?”
Beth thought about it for a moment. “I can’t tell you what to do, but if it were me and I really cared about him, I would go. It won’t hurt to hear him out.”
I wasn’t sure if she was right. I wasn’t sure that it wouldn’t hurt to see him again and to talk to him. Everything hurt right now. Losing Noah was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do, and dealing with it was so much harder than I’d thought it would be. To see him now would only make it harder to stick to my decision, harder to deal with it.
“You don’t think it will mess everything up even more?” I asked.
Beth put her hand on mine. “I think you never looked happier than when you were with him. That’s something worth taking note of.”
I nodded looking down at our hands.
“You can come eat with us if you’re up to it. Otherwise, I’ll put a plate in the fridge for you.”
She left the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts and my feelings.