Chapter 13
Back home just after dark, Luke lay down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He really did feel bad about ignoring Sage at church. She probably hated him by now, and he didn’t blame her. Thinking things through, he finally decided that he should at least text her so she wouldn’t completely think he was a jerk.
Carefully he twisted and retrieved the little device from his back pocket and switched it on. No texts or calls. Not that he was surprised. That’s how life was for him.
One slow word at a time mostly because his heart was being extra careful about what he said to her, he typed in his message and hit SEND. Then he let the little phone fall to his chest. “God, please don’t let her hate me.”
At ten-‘til-ten with all dishes done and put away, Sage was given her phone for the allotted ten minutes. Not that she would need that long. Except for her mother and the occasional missive from Patelyn, her online life had shrunk to about as small as her real life had.
She took it to her room and turned it on. The little music didn’t do to her spirit what it used to. Now it just reminded her of all she had lost. Fingering the screen, she was one swipe away from going across the message when she stopped, lowered her gaze at it, and frowned.
Luke? What was he texting her for?
Not sure she was going to like this, she touched it like it might explode and read the short message.
Hey, Sage. Sorry about church. I’m an idiot. Hope you’re not mad. Just wondering how the jacket is coming.
Her head jerked up, and her eyes saw the little jacket. It still hadn’t moved.
Pulling up her sanity and self-esteem, she typed a reply back slowly.
Luke was rearranging things on his desk when the cell phone vibrated. He reached for it and in one swipe had it on. Sage! His heart jumped and then twisted painfully when he read her message.
Yeah, well, I’m getting kind of used to it. Haven’t worked on the jacket. Hope you still have the Legos.
Worry and panic snaked through him. He knew he’d messed up, but it was the other melancholy notes he heard in her message that really got to him.
Her sigh was hard when his message came in. He didn’t want to talk to her in public. Now he wanted to? That hurt almost as much as church had.
I’m soooo sorry. I know you’re going through a lot. I shouldn’t have been a jerk.
As much as she wanted to be mad at him, all she saw when she thought about him saying that was the sadness and worry in those gentle eyes.
It was hard not to text her back when she didn’t reply right away, and Luke prayed he hadn’t messed up so badly she wouldn’t forgive him. Finally her message came in.
It’s not you. It’s me. I just seem to have that effect on people around here. Don’t worry about it.
This was getting worse. All he wanted to do was go over there and give her a hug. It was amazing how far three-quarters of a mile felt. His thumbs tip-tapped out his reply.
Please don’t say that. You’re amazing.
Uh. Huh. Yeah. I’m sooo amazing. Woohoo. Crazy thing is, I used to think that… a long, long time ago.
The idea of going over there was all-but overwhelming his sanity.
Listen to me, Sage. All this junk is just people being jealous and being idiots about stuff. Please don’t let what’s happened make you lose your confidence.
She considered not being honest, laughing it off, saying something goofy, but somehow, with him honesty was always what came out.
I think it’s too late for that.
Before he had a chance to reply, she typed in, Gotta go. Take care, and don’t worry about me. I’ll get through it. G’night.
All-out panic flooded through him, and his fingers went into overdrive.
Sage!
Wait.
Don’t leave.
Hey, can we talk about this?
Please.
Don’t go.
Sage?
Sage…?
He put the phone onto the desk and stared at it as his fingers raked up and into his hair. She was gone, and there wasn’t one single thing he could do about that.
As insane as it was, Sage thought about those messages all night. Tossing one way, she would consider that he really meant them, the other way she was sure he was just being a nice guy. Berating herself for believing it could be anything more and then wishing that it could be, she spent the entire night one small step away from letting her world collapse into the tears that were intent on dragging her under and never letting her go.
By nine in the morning, Luke couldn’t take it anymore. He had to see her, had to make sure she was all right. So he came up with the lame excuse of returning the Lawrences’ floor fan. It had been in the garage ever since the Prom the year before when he had borrowed it for the billowing waves “Under the Sea.”
Now was as good of a time as any to take it back.
He tried to load it in the back of his car and then remembered they had tried this back in April. “Fine.”
Going back in the house, he yelled for his mom. “I’m taking the truck!”
She came around the corner. “Where’re you off to?”
He lifted the thing awkwardly. “Thought I’d return this so they don’t think I’m a thief.”
His mother smiled. “Take your time. It’s going to be pretty boring around here today.”
That was exactly what he was hoping for.
“I’m late!” Jaycee raced through the kitchen, grabbing her duffle bag off the floor.
“You don’t want…” her mother called as the back door banged, “breakfast?” She let the bowl down onto the counter and then put it back into the cabinet. “Guess not.” With a sigh, she turned to where Ryder sat, inhaling his cereal. “You about ready there, Champ? If we don’t get a move on, we’re going to be late for your swim lessons.”
Sage sat at the table too, beginning to wonder if she really had become invisible. Jaycee was off to basketball camp; Ryder had swimming; her father was gone as usual. The only good thing she could say about the day was that at least she wouldn’t be trapped in her room.
“Get your things. We need to be going,” her stepmother said to Ryder, and he jumped up and left. “Sage, are you coming?”
“Uh, I don’t think so. I’ve got to do the dishes.” Finally. Finally, that had come in handy.
Her stepmother sighed. “All right, but we won’t be back until later. I’m needing to pick up some things after his lesson.”
“Oh, that’s okay. I’m sure I can entertain myself.” Somehow she got the bubbles back into her voice. She had been working very hard to do that around her stepmother. That way, maybe, she would have mercy on her and let her have her life back.
“Suit yourself. Ryder! Let’s go already!”
As Luke made the turn into their driveway, he considered what would happen if her family was there. It would be tough enough to talk with her if they weren’t, if they were…
However, at the turn he met Mrs. Lawrence coming the other direction. At the apex of the turn, she stopped and so did he. He rolled down his window, hoping to see if Sage was in the vehicle. If she was, his plan was about to disintegrate. “Oh, hey,” he said brightly, fighting to figure out who was in there and who wasn’t without being obvious. “I’m finally bringing your floor fan back.”
“Oh.” Mrs. Lawrence smiled. “You can just set it in the back door. Greg can put it away when he gets home tonight.”
“Will do,” he said, realizing he had no prayer of getting a head-count. She wasn’t in the front, but the back windows were too dark to tell anything.
“Well, we’re off to swimming. Have a great day!”
“You too,” he called and then negotiated the turn around her. Once in the driveway, he rolled up his window and surveyed the area where they usually parked. No cars. With a sigh, he knew his plan had just gone poof in front of his eyes. Great. Now to come up with something different when he got another chance.
Sage was at the table just finishing up her own breakfast of poached eggs. They were easier to make than Eggs Benedict, and the truth was, they weren’t too bad. However, when she heard the car door slam outside, she squelched the sigh as she stood to gather her dishes. Monster Stepmother was back. Fabulous.
Luke went to the back of the pickup and hauled the heavy fan up and out. Manual labor. It was good for some things; however, clearing his head of thoughts of her was not one of them. He headed to the house, lugging the thing in front of him, not at all surprised that they would leave the house open. No one out here locked houses up because it was too likely that another family member wouldn’t remember their key. His mind was still categorizing what new excuse he could come up with tonight as he traipsed to the back door.
Utter panic zipped through Sage when she glanced out the window over the sink only to find a pickup she didn’t recognize in the driveway rather than her stepmom’s van. Fear pinged into the panic when she heard noise at the back door. Had they locked the door when they left? She hadn’t thought to ask, and now she was out here all alone!
Figuring she’d better at least try to defend herself, she grabbed a large chef’s butcher knife from the wooden block and positioned it in her hand. A loud thump at the back door made her jump like a bunny rabbit. “Settle down, Sage. Settle down,” she breathed, inching her way to the door frame. Maybe whoever it was would just leave.
Instead, she heard them come right into the back door. Every footstep they took was like an explosion in her spirit. The next thump when she was only a foot away from the door nearly sent the knife in her hand skittering, and she let out a squeak before she could pull it back. Instantly the noise in the next room stopped.
“Hello. Is someone here?” the voice asked, jolting her fraying nerves into scatter-and-run mode.
With all the cars gone, it made no sense that anyone besides him was in the house, but the hairs on the back of Luke’s neck told him he wasn’t alone. “Hey? It’s Luke Baker. Who’s here?”
Luke Baker? The name screamed through Sage, and her eyes went wide in horror. What in the world was he doing here? And walking right into the house like that? Who did that?
“Who’s…?” In the next second he breached the doorway, and Sage let out a squeal of surprise and terror. “Whoa!” Luke stopped in one breath and held up both hands. “Sage? What are you doing?”
The adrenaline rushing through her lifted the knife a bit higher. “I could ask you the same thing.”
Luke let out a small laugh more of fear than mirth. “Uh, I’m returning the Lawrences’ floor fan.” He glanced back out from where he had come. “I didn’t think anyone was here.”
A moment and finally, Sage began to get sanity to overtake the fear. “Well, that would be two of us.”
He arched an eyebrow. “You any good with that thing?”
She tipped her head. “I could be if I had to.”
With several quick nods, he looked right at her. “I don’t doubt that.”
The breath out felt good. The one in felt even better, and Sage laughed softly as she lowered the knife. “Man, you about scared me to death, you big oaf.”
“Me?” He put his fingers on his chest. “Hey, I’m not the one wielding a machete here. You know, I’m beginning to think you take this Hollywood thing a little too seriously.”
“Ha. Ha.” Sage went back into the kitchen and put the knife in the block, annoyed with her overdramatic imagination. Who would have come all the way out here to hurt her? “I don’t know where that floor whatever goes.”
“Oh, that’s okay. Mrs. Lawrence said to just put it in the back door.” He followed her into the kitchen and put his hand up on the cabinet over the counter. “If I’d have known I was going to face a knife fight, I think I’d have left it on the back step.”
At the sink Sage started the water and rubbed her dish off, suddenly feeling very self-conscious with him standing right there watching her. Lands, that guy had a presence to him that shook her to the core, and she could tell he wasn’t even trying to make her crazy. “So what’s up with the pickup? Your car in the shop?”
“Nah. It’s my dad’s. The floor fan was too big for my trunk.”
“Ah.” She lifted her chin and nodded once. Fighting to act like this was all completely normal, she went back to the table and retrieved Ryder’s bowl and spoon. “Well, I’m sure you were wanting to see Jaycee, but she’s not here. Some basketball something or another.”
“Oh.” With that, he came over to the cabinet to her left, leaned there and crossed his arms. “Actually, I was kind of hoping we could talk.”
Sage’s heart jerked painfully at that. “Oh, yeah? About what?”
She was good, but Luke was learning. He knew how easily she could hide under that sweet voice and the all-is-right-with-the-world mask. A moment and he leaned his head down to get a better view of her.
“About last night and why you disappeared.”
Her reply took a breath that he saw and felt. “Oh, yeah, that. Well, I only get ten minutes.” She shrugged, her head down, her gaze only on the bowl. “Grounded and all that.”
“Yeah.” Luke lifted his chin and lowered it as his gaze took her in. So many teeny tiny red flags, and yet they were hardly visible at all. “And before?”
“Before?” Her gaze came up to his, and he read every vulnerable thing she was not saying in them.
“Before.” Gently, carefully, he took the bowl that was still in her hand and placed it in the second sink. Her eyes never left his as he turned off the water and took her hand. The thought that she might start crying raked right across his heart, and he hated how torn up she looked. “Listen to me, Sage, all of this junk is not your fault.”
With that her gaze fell, and she twisted her neck down and sniffed.
“Seriously. You have to know that.” His fingers brushed the waves at her temple back.
Sniffing again, her gaze was harder when it came back up to his. “Look.” Her eyes fluttered with the weight of the unshed tears. “You’re a nice guy. It’s like Jaycee said, I’m kryptonite. Everything I touch implodes. I think you need to be smart and stay away.”
However, that was no longer an option. “What if I don’t want to stay away?”
For the second time in an hour, panic flooded through her spirit as he leaned toward her. “Luke!” she said as the panic surged into her voice. Not wanting to, she backed up, away from his all-encompassing presence, away from the feelings dragging her the other way into his arms and his kiss and him. “I… I… can’t.” Sage shook her head, wishing her thoughts would make any sense. “I’m going with Rory, remember?”
The statement was like a punch to the gut, but in one fell-swoop, Luke remembered nothing else—unless you counted, what she felt like, and how she smelled this morning, and how she looked in the sunlight streaming in through the window.
“I know what you must think of me,” she said in a voice that quaked, her eyes wild with unreadable words. “But I’m not like that… I’m not.”
Horror punched into him, and Luke blinked back the desire he’d almost let overcome him. “Sage, I….”
“No,” she said firmly. “I’m not going to do this. I’m not going to let you get dragged through the mud because of me.” With half-a-yank, she disengaged from his grip. “I’m not.” She was shaking her head, backing away from him, and Luke realized he was going to lose her completely if he didn’t get himself together.
He swallowed all of his feelings down and let out a breath. “Look, Sage. I’m not…” He let out another breath. “I’m not trying to pressure you or whatever. That’s not even why I came.”
Confusion knifed through her eyes. “Why did you come? Why are you here?”
“I…” How could he put any of this into words? How much he wanted her—yes, like that but so much more. To protect her. To shield her from all the junk. To pull her to him and never let her go. Corralling everything else, he lowered his gaze at her. “Okay.” He put up both hands as if letting her know he was unarmed. “I… That was stupid, and I apologize. I didn’t come here to… whatever. Seduce you or make a move on you or anything like that.”
This was getting worse. He slammed his eyes closed and yanked in a hard breath. When he was calmer, he opened his eyes and looked at her wary stance. Licking his lip, he gathered his scattered emotions and held them down. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay, that’s all. Last night, when you said that about how you don’t think you’re amazing…”
Her gaze fell to the floor.
“No, Sage.” Knowing he might tank the whole thing so taking it very slowly, Luke stepped over to her. “You’re not… you’re not like everyone thinks. I don’t think you’re even like what you think.”
Sad bemusement looked up at him, but it didn’t throw Luke from the sincerity.
“Everyone has this idea that you’re some high-and-mighty, arrogant Hollywood type who is all shallow and stuff, but I don’t think it’s like that at all.”
Sage half-shrugged. “Yep. I’m a snob.”
But Luke shook his head. “I don’t think so. I think that’s what you think and that’s what everybody else thinks, but I don’t think that’s what’s really going on here.”
“Oh, yeah?” she challenged, looking right at him. “What do you think is going on here?”
Then it became the easiest thing in the world to hold her gently with his gaze. “I think you’re playing Hollywood because that’s what everybody else expects, and I think you’re very, very good at it. But I’ve seen that look in your eye—the one that says how hurt you are when people judge you for that or hurt you because of it.”
Her chin jutted out as if she was preparing to defend herself. “Maybe that’s just who I am.”
“Is it? Is it really?” A moment and he pulled her over to the table so they could sit down. Once in the chairs, he realized he’d lost her gaze again. “Sage?”
“Yeah,” but her gaze stayed on the floor.
“Sage, look at me. Please?”
She didn’t want to. Part of her said she couldn’t. Finally she clamped determination that he wouldn’t get any closer over everything else and dragged her gaze up to his. However, once locked there, she swallowed because staring at him like this was intimidating to the nth degree.
“Now look,” he said gently. “I know how being in this town can be. I know all about how people talk and the petty and truly mean things they can say and do.”
For a second she almost let her gaze waver enough to lose his, but she wasn’t going to be weak and let him think he was getting to her. That was dangerous because nobody, nobody knew the fears and frustrations that lurked in her heart, and nobody was ever going to either.
“I can only imagine what you’ve heard, what you’ve felt since you got here,” he continued. “But you have to know, that’s not about you. That’s about people having nothing better to do than to gossip and shred people they don’t understand.”
“But…”
“No. Sage, hear me out.” He shook his head but never let go of her eyes. “They are trying to tear you down because they think you think you’re better than them. They think you’re fair game because someone with your kind of life doesn’t have feelings. But you do. I know you do because I see those feelings every time I look in your eyes.”
Yes. Now he was definitely getting too close. “It’s all right,” she squeezed out. “Really. Maybe they’re just good judges of character.”
The flash of anger she saw in his eyes startled her.
“Don’t do that,” he said with heat in the words. “Don’t run yourself down because some other idiots are jealous.”
“Yeah, but…” She shrugged. “What if they’re right? About all of it? About me, about what I am?” Standing, she went over to the sink. A moment, a breath, and then she decided that being brutally honest with him was the only way she was going to get him to leave, which was what was best for everyone. “Look, when I was back home, I was exactly what they all think. Exactly. I had money, and if you didn’t, I didn’t want anything to do with you.”
She spun and leaned on the sink, needing to see herself hurting him so she could give up these ridiculous feelings. If he saw her for who she really was, he would leave, and she could go on, knowing he was free of the selfishness of her life. “If you didn’t have a bank account, you didn’t matter to me or to anyone else I hung out with. I didn’t care about anyone’s feelings. And I really didn’t care what you thought of me because I was fabulous, and who cared what you thought anyway?”
Now that she was going, she couldn’t stop. “Everything was about the next handbag and who got invited to what party. I was a snob, and I liked it that way. It was easier.”
E-gads! What had she just said, and why had she said it?
“Easier?” he asked, homing in on the one word she wanted to erase from the record of history. “Easier… how?”
Sage slammed her eyes closed, wishing she could turn that clock back one second. She’d been doing so well. She could see it in his eyes. He was beginning to hate her. Now what?
“Sage?” Luke stood. She felt it. “What do you mean easier?”
And then he was right in front of her again, so close she could reach out and touch him without even trying.
Fighting to gather up her courage and resolve, she dared to look up at him. “Look, I know, you’ve lived here all your life, and you have no idea what it’s like out there, but trust me, sometimes, it’s easier not to get close to people. If they think you’re better than them, and you think you’re better than them, it’s easier to keep them at a distance so…”
His eyes held her with the gentlest touch she’d ever experienced. “You don’t get hurt.”
Oh, how she wanted to rip her gaze from his. It hurt something fierce to let him see what she knew he was seeing.
A moment and he moved to her again. “Come here.”
And before she knew what was happening, his arms were around her. Strong. Solid. Stable. Holding her like she had never been held before. Pain started gushing up from the depths of her soul, and she fought to breathe through all of it. Why was he here? And why was he holding her like this? The feeling made her swimmy headed in the extreme.
Just as her body began to let go of the defensiveness and fear, she heard the tires crunch on the gravel outside, and reality flooded back over her. Yanking herself from his embrace, she swiped at her eyes, fighting to get her willpower to find its grip again.
“Sage?” he asked with a husky timbre to the syllable.
“No,” she said solidly. “It’s okay. Really. I’m okay. I am.” She wrapped her arms over themselves at her chest. “Really. You should go.”
The back door slammed, and Sage’s worst nightmare came around the corner. Jaycee took one look at them, and her face fell into a deep scowl. “Luke? What’re you doing here?”
It was her only defense, and she had one shot to make Jaycee believe it. Snapping happy and light over her voice, Sage stepped forward. “Luke was just returning the… what was it again? The floor thingy.”
Stunned to the core, Luke looked down at her. “The floor fan.”
How could she do that like that? How could she morph so instantaneously into someone he barely even recognized?
“The floor fan.” She giggled. “My bad.” She rolled her eyes. “I knew it had something to do with a floor.” This giggle was even higher pitched. “I was going to show him where to put it, but I’d hate for Dad to not be able to find it.” Sticking her hands in her back pockets, she raised her shoulders. “You know me? Always messing everything up.”
“Oh.” The scowl slipped from Jaycee’s face. “Well, I can show you. He usually keeps it in the garage. Remember, I was there when you borrowed it?”
“Oh…. Y-yeah.” He stumbled through the words, trying desperately not to look at Sage. “Of course. I remember. Can you show me?”
“Sure. No problem.” When Jaycee turned, there was only a split second of time for him to look at Sage.
She looked up at him, smiled a sad, soft smile and then let her gaze plummet to the tiles. With everything in him, Luke hated that look.
Sage made sure she was in her room with the door closed by the time they came back. She wanted no part of seeing the two of them together. Her life already felt like an out-of-control roller coaster, and she was starting to feel a little queasy from it. What was that anyway? Luke just showing up out of nowhere.
She bit back the laugh at nearly stabbing him. It might have served him right, after all, if she wasn’t missing her guess he had almost kissed her. That moment perplexed her more than any other she had ever lived through. If he was such a nice guy, why did he come when no one was home and hit on her? But then that moment melted into simply being in his arms, and her tired spirit said it didn’t care why he had come or what his ulterior motives might have been. It was just nice to have a friend to lean on.
Of course it couldn’t last. It already hadn’t. Now he was with Jaycee, and she was back to being invisible. Life made so much sense.
When they came back into the kitchen from putting the fan in the garage, Luke didn’t miss how empty it was. He was having trouble keeping his thoughts in the present reality rather than drifting off on the memory of holding her.
“So,” Jaycee said, pulling sandwich fixings from the refrigerator, “hard to believe we’re already almost halfway through the summer. You going to the fireworks on Sunday?”
He felt like he’d been living them for the last 24 hours. “Probably.” He took a chip from the bag and bit into it. “You?”
“Of course. I’m hoping Aaron might come. He said he’s thinking about it.”
“Aaron?” Luke sat down diagonal from her and picked up another chip, hoping his interest sounded interested and not jealous.
“From Greely. He was at the pool party the other night.” She stuck the knife in the mayonnaise and put some on the bread. “You want some?”
“Oh. Uh. No thanks. I’d better be getting on home. I wasn’t supposed to be gone this long.”
“Sure you don’t want to stay? I got salami.”
Luke stood, knowing his heart couldn’t take any more. “Nah. But you enjoy.”
They made a bit more chit-chat and then he excused himself, being very careful not to move his head when he looked the direction of Sage’s room. She was in there. He was almost sure of it. But what to do about that or her was beyond his ability to comprehend anything.
When Sage turned her phone on at quarter-to-ten, she was trying to tell herself there would be no message, and there wasn’t a message. There were five.
I know you don’t have your phone. When you do, let me know.
I don’t care what time it is. When you get your phone, text me.
Been thinking about you and praying for you all day. Please text so I know you’re okay.
Half a smile went through at that one. He really was sweet.
I promise I’m not a stalker. Just wondering how you are.
It’s 9:30. I’m here. Waiting. In case you were wondering….
She was beginning to.
Luke nearly dropped the phone when it dinged. He’d been holding it for fifteen minutes in case it rang, and he didn’t hear it. One jolt and his heart started beating again.
I’m here. Only got 10. What’s up?
Well, wondering how you are, how the rest of your day was, if you’ve been working on the jacket, what book you’re reading…
Day was okay. Not much to report. No jacket. Not enough inspiration. Some book about a girl who fell in love with a rancher. I think it’s about a billion years old though.
So many questions. So little time. His thumbs typed at the speed of light.
So do girls really read that stuff? It always seems so contrived to me.
You’ve read romances?
My mom used to have them around. I tried to read one once. Too much drama for me. And what’s up with them not kissing until like the last page anyway?
HAHA. I like the drama when it’s not my life we’re talking about, and they’re called ROMANCE novels for a REASON.
What does that mean?
It means us girls like a little romance and getting to know each other first.
So by “romance” you mean…?
I don’t know. Walking hand-in-hand on the beach, cuddling under the stars, falling in love. I know boring and old-fashioned. Sue me.
Not sure boring and old-fashioned is such a bad thing. I think sometimes we go so fast with everything that it’s here and gone before we have a chance to enjoy it.
You’ve got a point there. Give me a guy who will hold my hand and just enjoy being with me any day…. Oh, gotta go. See ya sometime!
And she hit SEND and sighed. Luke Baker was definitely one of the nicest guys she had ever known. It was too bad they would never make a real connection, not one that could last anyway. No. In a little over a month, she would be back in California living life as she had always known it. Strangely, that now sounded like a death sentence.