Chapter 11
Every movement the next morning was like running through molasses. Sage dragged her body from the bed by sheer willpower alone. After being paroled for 24-hours, going back into solitary might in fact kill her.
Sunday morning and life could get no worse.
No. No. She pushed that thought out of her mind as she sat in the little desk chair by the mirror and stared at her reflection. Life could get worse. It just had.
She picked the brush up and pulled it through the hair she hadn’t even bothered to brush out after the shower she barely felt. Numb. It was better than feeling anything. At least it was better than feeling whatever was beneath it, and truthfully, she didn’t even want to find out what that might be.
Tired hit her again, and she stood, went over to the bed, and dropped onto it, grabbing the pillow on her decent. No phone, these four walls, and dishes and chores for the next two weeks. She wondered because her brain did without her if this was how Cinderella had felt. A wicked stepmother, a cruel stepsister. Yep. She had all the elements, save for the handsome prince.
I’ve done it before…
Sage sighed as memories started to replay themselves in her mind. With everything in her, she wished she could forget them all, but somehow she knew she never would. They kept winding right back to that look in her father’s eyes when he got up and walked out. She had disappointed him, again. She was good at that. Maybe better than at anything else in her life.
Through the tears, she caught sight of the sewing machine sitting on the floor, and her heart jerked painfully. No. She wasn’t good at anything, and nobody in the whole world even cared about her. And with that thought, she gave in and let the tears take her down into their waiting arms.
Luke dressed at the speed of lightning. Church didn’t start until 9, but he was going to be there early if he had to fly. He jerked the gray tie one way and then the other. “Please, God… Please… I know I’m being a pain here, but please, let her be all right.”
The Sunday knock sounded on her door.
“I’m here,” Sage called, wishing she was anywhere else.
“One hour,” her stepmother said.
“I’ll be ready.”
Wanting with everything in her to blend in, Sage dressed in her black slacks and black overlaid knit top with the blushing pink satin underneath it. The less anyone noticed her today, the better. Quietly, methodically, she brushed her hair and swept it up. Pinning it three times into the bun, she nodded. She wouldn’t let them see they had crushed her.
She wouldn’t. She couldn’t. If she did, they would have won, and she wasn’t going to let that happen even though if she was really, really honest, she would have had to admit they already had.
Standing at the top of the church steps, Luke was in full-out welcoming mode when the first Lawrence member stepped in through the outside doors. The sight swept his breath from him. If Mr. Lawrence was here, then everything had to be okay. Right?
Mrs. Lawrence came in next on the hold of her husband, followed by the three... yes, there were three, he counted them twice, children, and finally, Luke was breathing again.
How she would ever withstand the askew glances, Sage had no way of knowing. Each one was another cut, another slash to the last shreds of self-respect she had managed to maintain in her time here. There were smiles, soft ones, sly ones. They came with the glances, and she willed herself to keep breathing through them.
Ahead of her, her parents greeted the other church-goers as if everything in their whole life was and always had been perfect. Perfect. She hated that word more than she ever had. It was an illusion, an act put on for the rest of the world that somehow you got trapped in and could not escape from. It was like being on the other side of the mirror, beholden to the real person on the other side for your very existence. Knowing that. Sensing it. But being wholly unable to change it.
The pastor’s wife stepped up and said a few words to them, and Sage’s heart fell knowing what even Mrs. Mitchell must think of her by now. If the stories traveled as fast as they clearly did here, everyone knew what she was by now. Putting her gaze only on the tiles, she willed her entire existence to cease. It would be so, so much easier if it would just end right here.
She heard her name and looked up with what she prayed was a bright and beautiful smile, but even that hurt. The second the attention swung from her, she let her gaze fall again. Just get through this and get home. Even that will be better than this.
Somehow Luke had thought seeing her would make him feel better, but better fled out the door and ran away screaming about the time his heart registered just how crushed she looked. It wasn’t anything outright. In fact, from the outside she looked as Hollywood gorgeous as she always did. The black set off the curves, the upsweep of the hair and the red lipstick. Perfection personified. And yet her chin dipped and her eyes did too.
When the family came to the steps, he could hardly hold the emotions back as he opened the door for them to enter.
“Thank you.” Mr. Lawrence shook his hand as the family crossed in front of him.
“You’re welcome, Sir,” Luke said, and for a split second, his gaze locked on hers as she brushed past him.
A tight smile that was laced with a feathering of tears met his eyes and held. Then it crumpled, and she ripped her gaze from his and followed her family inside.
Luke watched them, his heart slashing into ever-tinier pieces with every step she took down that aisle. In the pew she sat, back straight, head up, and he felt the crashing pain of her heartache from where he stood. Yes, she had survived last night, but he wasn’t sure she would ever be the same.
After church, Luke knew he had to find out what had happened. Not knowing might kill him. In fact, every time his gaze had chanced over there to her during the service, his heart panged so hard it left him breathless. He went through the questions he wanted to ask her as if he didn’t have them memorized already. Had she driven home? Had Rory hurt her? Was she grounded forever? WHAT HAPPENED? His mind screamed those two words again and again until he thought he would be dizzy from their relentless march.
As soon as the service ended, he made sure to give the bulletins to Trey, and from the edge of the back, he watched her walk out. Now. It was go time.
“I need to say hello to Mary Atwater,” Sage’s stepmom said as they took the brick steps down from the church’s interior entrance. “I saw her in the service. I didn’t know they were back in town.”
At the bottom of the steps, the family around her scattered, and putting her hand up to her other forearm, Sage drifted off into the corner. Those brochures at the little desk seemed incredibly interesting all of a sudden.
Luke came out of the church like a whirlwind gone mad, and he only barely caught himself from running over one of the older ladies of the church on the top step.
“Oh, excuse me,” he said and then realized he couldn’t just rush past her. “Would you like some help?”
“Oh, that would be lovely, dear.” She took the elbow he offered and leaned on him heavily as they went down the stairs. “You are such a gentleman. I know your grandmother is so proud of you. She speaks about you at bridge all the time.”
He smiled, kind of. “That’s nice. Careful on this last step.”
Together they made it down them, and he straightened to take his arm back.
“You’re a senior this year, aren’t you?” the lady asked, and Luke almost broke his neck trying to get it to swivel in two directions at once.
“Yes, Ma’am. I am. I will be.”
“Yes, that’s what your grandmother said. Said you help out the less fortunate on the weekends too. That’s so wonderful.”
Jaycee was one way. Sage was in the depths of the shadows in the other corner, her back to him. Luke was torn. He couldn’t go to Sage. Jaycee would never let him live that down, but if he went to Jaycee, he might not get the chance to talk with Sage and make sure she was all right.
“Well, I won’t monopolize any more of your time,” the lady said. “God bless you.”
“Uh, you too.” He put his hand on her arm and forced his focus down onto her. One smile and he managed to get away from her. Heads or tails. His heart flipped the coin and headed him in the direction of Jaycee.
She glanced up as he approached, and he fought with every breath in him not to glance at her sister across the way.
“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” he said, straining for normal. “So you weren’t dead after all.”
Jaycee stepped into his arms, and Luke had to mash down the feeling of how well they fit together. “Nope. Not actually dead. Just felt like it.” She hugged him, and he really was glad she had lived through it. The hug broke, and he looked down at her. Still Jaycee, a little wan maybe, but she wouldn’t be for long. “Thanks for calling last night. Nice to know you didn’t forget about me.”
“Ah come on now. I could never forget about you.”
In the other corner even the little brochures couldn’t hold Sage’s attention enough not to see the floor show on the opposite side of the lobby. Her gaze flitted over to it and fell, taking her heart along with it. He loved Jaycee, and that was perfectly as it should be. They made sense in a way that she and Luke never would.
It was crazy to even think about him and her getting together. He was all country, and she couldn’t wait to get out of here. Besides, she deserved Rory far more than she would ever deserve a guy like Luke. He was a good guy, stable, solid. No, he was far better off without her. Besides, he had to live here. She would be gone by August. The last thing she wanted to do was ruin his sterling reputation—a reputation he clearly had earned and deserved.
Still, as she turned and put the little brochure about Helping Hands Ministry back into the holder, one part of her wished life could be completely different, that a truly nice guy would fall in love with her and be there to protect her and love her, and look at her like Luke was now looking at Jaycee.
Then again, with her track record and the way her family did love, that was probably a pipe dream of monumental proportions. Yes, some day, if she kept in touch, she might get a wedding invitation from the two of them. She wouldn’t go of course, but she would send them a nice gift. Payback for being there in the middle of the night when the rest of the world was collapsing around her.
“Yeah,” Jaycee said with a laugh, barely ducking enough to keep their conversation between them. “If you want to know the real truth, I think if they could, Mom and Dad would be shipping her back to California on the first plane headed that way if they had a choice.” She shook her head and snickered. “You should have seen them this morning. I have never, in my life, seen Mom that mad, and Dad… psssh. Forget about it. She is toast.”
That landed on top of Luke’s heart like an anvil. “So she’s grounded then?”
“Oh, yeah.” Why did Jaycee have to look so incredibly pleased about that? “Two weeks. No phone. No nothing, and she has to do all the chores too. Let me tell you, I’m going to enjoy watching her get taken down a peg or ten.”
His gaze betrayed him, and he glanced over to the other corner. Sage had turned from the table and was now standing in the shadows just inside the monstrous outside door, waiting. Alone.
Why did that word seem to follow her around?
“I do feel a little sorry for Rory though.” Jaycee shook her head, and the fact that she was relishing this was obvious. “Got to be tough being in a relationship when your girlfriend can’t keep herself out of grounded jail for more than a day at a time.”
Luke’s heart hurt for her, for Sage Wentworth. That look in her eyes as she waited there, arching her shoulders when her hands pushed up from the desk. She wasn’t looking at anyone in particular, more trying not to be seen he surmised. Reaching down, she scratched her elbow, and her sigh was visible from all the way across the room. Still, she was really good at hiding the truth because if he didn’t know her better, he probably would have figured she was bored silly with the proceedings. Arrogant. Haughty. Nose-in-the-air. A real snob. He could see how easily someone could misread that look.
“Jaycee, come here and meet Mary Atwater,” their mother suddenly said, breaking right into the middle of his thoughts.
“Oh, uh…” Jaycee looked up at him.
“No worries. I’ll see you later.” He waved as Mrs. Lawrence corralled her daughter.
“Yes, this is Jaycee. I know she’s grown so much, right? She’ll be a junior next year...”
Very gingerly Luke removed himself from that hemisphere and put one hand in his pocket as he ambled across the lobby to the other corner.
The center of her heart jolted to a stop when Sage saw him coming her direction. He looked absolutely gorgeous in a so-not-her-style-but-heart-stopping-anyway kind of way. But the thing she noticed most was that he looked like he thought she might shoot him for coming over to talk to her, so Sage smiled softly, hoping he wouldn’t just walk right on past her and out the door though the whole way, she knew that was a possibility.
Right in front of her, he stopped and put his hand on the back of his head. “Hey.”
“Hey,” she said back, but she couldn’t hold his gaze, nor could she breathe.
“So.” His gaze came down, trying to hook hers into coming back up, which wasn’t working. “Are you okay?”
Somehow she hadn’t really thought he would care. Somehow that anyone did surprised her. She shrugged, lifting both shoulders but not her gaze. “I’m… fine.” The nod hurt as it threatened to dredge up the tears. Sage, come on. Get it together! Don’t cry here! Stop being such a drama queen.
“Are you sure?” He scratched his head as his gaze stayed on her. It was unnerving because for some unknown reason she couldn’t just lie to him like she did everyone else. But she couldn’t tell him the truth either. No, she had to keep her distance and get him to stop looking at her like that.
“Y-yeah. Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” But her gaze did a pitiful job of holding his. Some of it was how he was looking at her and some was that keeping the tears down was getting harder by the second.
“Well,” he said as he tipped his head down still trying to capture her gaze, “for one thing, you about had me scared to death last night.” He glanced back across the lobby. “For another Jayc just told me you’re grounded for two weeks.”
The tears were now nearly impossible to hold back, and the dam in her spirit was quaking dangerously. “Yeah, well.” She shrugged. “I came home smelling like a brewery.” Pursing her lips together, she refused to give in to the onslaught. “So, what did I expect, right?”
“But you weren’t drinking?”
This nod only started down before it dipped sideways. “Guilt by association.” She lifted a shoulder in acceptance. “Besides, what else would they expect from someone like me?”
“Someone like…” But he didn’t get the whole question out.
“Sage, are you coming?”
Somehow in the midst of the conversation with Sage, Luke had lost track of Jaycee and the others. They were now bunched by the outside door, waiting, and when he turned, he caught the look his best friend sent him, and it wasn’t particularly friendly.
Sage half-smiled up at him. “I’d better go. You take care.”
Frozen for one second too long, Luke shook himself out of the thoughts. “Yeah. You too.”
Just as they walked out, Jaycee caught his eye and shook her head. She was angry. Sage was crushed. Why couldn’t he do anything to make things right with either of them?
On the way home, Sage sat all-but pressed against the door. The others were content to act like she wasn’t even there, which was fine with her. The less she talked, the less chance that she would burst into a puddle of tears.
Once home, they all went their separate ways with Jaycee saying something about a party one of her friends was having. A pool party from what Sage had gathered. A pool party she wasn’t invited to. A pool party she wouldn’t have been able to go to even if she had been invited. That hurt—her pride, her feelings, something. She wasn’t sure, but it hurt just the same.
It was a veritable miracle that she made it into her room without completely losing it, and once inside, she let out the breath she’d been holding all morning. Looking around the room, her head swum with the unshed tears. They would do her no good. Of that, she was sure.
In fact, the tears probably said more about her selfishness than anything. Just like she told Luke, what had she expected—that they would give her the benefit of the doubt, that they would have given her a chance to explain or to express how incredibly scared she had been? Of course not. They knew what her kind was like when she showed up at the front door. In fact, they had probably had whole conversations before she ever showed up about how disruptive she would be to their perfect little family unit. And now they were telling each other “I told you so.”
She sat on the desk chair in front of the mirror and removed the pins from her hair one-by-one, letting it cascade down and over her shoulders. Pretty little thing. That’s what they all thought, that’s all they all saw. A pretty face with a trust fund to boot. And maybe, they were all right. Maybe that’s all she really was—inside and out. A pretty face with a bank account to back it up.
Her gaze fell from the girl’s in the mirror, and she wondered as she sat there, which side of the glass was even real. Were either of them real, or were they both just illusions, mirages.
That would be so much easier, so much better. She was sure mirages didn’t hurt like this, that reflections didn’t disappoint everyone. Sadly, she laid the brush down and went to change. Who was she trying to impress anyway? Everyone who lived here knew what she was, who she was, how she was. There was no image left, only the hollow emptiness she had been afraid was there the whole time.
Luke knew Sage was grounded, and he shook his head at that as he got ready for the Riley’s annual swim party. Megan Riley. She was in Jaycee’s grade, and she’d been having pool parties for her birthday since the 7th grade when she’d discovered boys, and they had discovered her.
He was sure Jaycee would be going, and had things been different, Sage might have come too. His mind went on an unbidden trip wondering if Rory would be there. Would he go without Sage? Then Luke shook his head, of course Rory would. In fact, he suspected that Rory’s fascination with Sage was skin-deep if that.
She was a trophy girl. A beautiful one to be sure but a trophy girl nonetheless. Add to it the fact that she was from Hollywood, California, and it was no wonder that Rory had wiggled his way by her side as soon as she had shown up. Luke grabbed the sunscreen and a towel from the bathroom as he wondered about the evening the two of them had spent together. The truth was, he could see how they made a good couple even though that killed him to admit. He was just worried that the Rory Harris he knew would be anywhere near the Sage Wentworth he was getting to know.
For the first hour after they got home, the house was a bustle of activity; however, after a while, it slid into silence, and Sage’s spirit settled into complacency. She looked around her room. This was life—like it or not, and mostly these days, it was not.
He had never been overly fond of water or any place that required body comparisons. Worse, other than Jaycee, Luke couldn’t think of five people he really wanted to spend time with at this party, and after those last few minutes at church, he wasn’t sure she was on the list either.
However, this was one of those parties that unless you had a good reason, you didn’t miss. So at just after four, he pulled up at the little country house with the raucous noises enveloping it. Everyone was out back, poolside. There would be food aplenty, music, and boys showing off by trying to get the girls wet. Probably they already were for the squeals emanating from the occasion.
Luke grabbed up his towel and went around the back. No reason to go in the front, no one did. At the gate, he unlatched it and let himself in. Sure enough most of the high school and a few people he didn’t recognize were in full-party mode on the other side. Screams and squeals, splashes and yells melded together into one cacophony of happy sounds.
From across the way, he caught sight of Jaycee and headed that way. Might as well get this over with.
Sage had laid on her bed thinking until the walls started closing in. She was tired of this room, tired of living this reflection she now called life. Surely they didn’t expect her to stay behind closed doors for two weeks. Getting up and checking herself in the mirror out of pure habit, she fingered the loose braid that now went down her right shoulder, adjusted the slightly oversized white blouse, and sighed. No one was going to see her anyway. What did it matter?
With that depressing thought, she quietly went out her door and down the hall. If she ran into anyone, she would simply make the excuse that she was going to the bathroom and disappear back into her room. However, she found no one.
Presumably Ryder had in fact gone to his friend’s house like he was begging to on the way home from church, and when she passed Jaycee’s room, the door was open and the room was empty. She was probably at the pool party soaking in the warm rays of Luke’s love by now. Sage beat that thought back and quietly continued down to the bend in the hallway which couched her parents’ bedroom on one side and a modicum of freedom in the guise of the den on the other.
Checking in all directions lest she get caught, she went into the den and over to the bookshelf. The television would be far too loud and would call attention to her. That was definitely out. At the little shelf, she scanned the books. Her first idea was fiction, but before she found anything of interest, her gaze stumbled on a title that intrigued her—Man’s Search for Meaning.
She fingered the small book and then pulled it down. If anything, she could use some meaning in her life right now.
“You made it,” Jaycee said, her gaze coming up to his.
Luke put his hands out. “I did indeed.”
The smile didn’t make it all the way up, but it was half there. At least she wasn’t going to yell at him in front of everyone.
There was an awkward pause that Luke didn’t know how to fill as Jaycee’s gaze slipped past him and held. Luke glanced around trying to figure out what she was looking at.
“Rachel made it,” Jaycee finally said, tipping her drink in the other direction behind him, and Luke turned that way to see that Rachel was in fact lounging with her friends on the chairs.
“How nice for her.”
Jaycee made a clicking sound with her tongue and took a drink of whatever was in her cup. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with you.” She shook her head. “Seriously, would it kill you to make a move on somebody? Anybody? There are half-a-hundred girls here, and you’re over here with me.”
Anger bubbled to the surface. “What’s that supposed to mean? I’m not supposed to be over here with you?”
“You know what I mean.”
“No, Jaycee. I don’t. Enlighten me.”
Letting the cup drop, Jaycee eyed him. “Okay, look, when you’re over here all the time, everyone gets the idea that we’re together. If we’re together, no other guys are ever going to pay any attention to me.”
“Oh.” Luke lifted his chin in understanding. “So this isn’t about my chances with someone. This is about me ruining your chances by hanging out with you.” Nodding, he backed up. “Okay. I see how it is. You don’t want to hang out with me?” He backed up farther and put both hands in the air. “That’s cool.”
“Luke,” she pleaded, but he was still backing away.
“No. Hey. I don’t want to mess up your chances. My bad. I’ll go find some other place to be.”
“Come on. Don’t be like that. It’s just, there’s some guys here from Greely, and…” She shrugged.
“No. No need to paint me a picture. I’ll see you later, Jayc. Have fun at the party.”
Her eyes pleaded with him to not be mad. He wasn’t mad, hurt maybe, but not mad. His gaze swept the area, and seeing no other safe place to go, he went to the snack table at the other side of the pool by the back door. Lunch had been minimal, and he was kind of hungry. A snack might not be such a bad thing.
Sitting on the brown faux-leather couch, Sage pulled her feet up onto it as well as she leaned back into the armrest—half sitting, half laying. The room was comfortable, warm without being hot. Other than all the browns, it was a nice enough room. She curled up, opened the book, and started reading.
“Seriously, dude, just like that, in your truck?”
Luke was at the snack table munching on crackers and cheese when his attention magnetized to the conversation going on behind him between about five guys who were only steps away.
“Just like that. Putty in my hands.”
And Luke thought he would be sick. There, in all his glory, stood none other than Rory Harris. Chewing harder, Luke fought to keep his fists from pounding the guy into the concrete. Not here. Not now, Luke.
“Easiest one I’ve ever had. Front of the truck, back of the truck. I’m telling you, she couldn’t get enough of me.”
Heat began pouring from Luke, and it had nothing to do with the late afternoon sun.
“Yes!” one of the guys said and high-fived Rory.
“Go Rory!” another one said.
“I’ll tell you what, I can’t fault whoever taught her about the casting couch,” Rory said. “They did good.”
Bile began seeping up into Luke’s gut. They were talking about Sage, and the crowd around Rory was eating it up.
“Hey, Harris, I don’t see her here. What’d she do—dump you for someone else already?”
“She’s probably resting.” Rory took a long drink, letting that sink in. “Getting ready for some more Rory.”
The laughter sliced right through Luke’s patience. Knowing if he stood there even another second, Rory was going to be dunked unceremoniously into the pool, he pitched a wrapper into the trash and headed back over to where Jaycee was talking with some friends. He recognized them but didn’t care enough not to be rude.
When he got to her, he separated her from them with one yank of her arm. “Where’s Sage?”
Jaycee’s eyes held surprise and then fell into anger. “Sage? Who cares about her?”
However, this time he wasn’t backing down. “I do. Where is she?”
That looked like it tasted bad in Jaycee’s mouth. “Home I guess. She’s grounded, remember?”
Luke jerked his gaze back over to the jerks across the way still laughing at her expense, dragging her name through the mud, conjuring up a Sage that wasn’t even real.
“What is wrong with you?” Jaycee snapped her fingers in front of his eyes. “Luke. Hey. Dude. Snap out of it.”
His gaze came back to hers, and now there was ice in his veins. “I’ll see you later.”
“Later? But you just got here!”
He stepped past her toward the gate.
“Luke!” she yelled after him, causing half the party to look their way. “What are you doing?”
With one turn he tilted his head at her. “What do you care?”
And with that, he left the party.
“Sage?” her stepmother said in surprise when she came through the den and stopped when she saw her on the couch.
“Oh, hi.” Sage looked up, over the couch back and got something of a smile to her face.
“You’re… reading.”
“I found it on the shelf. I hope you don’t mind.” The last thing she wanted was another fight. She was tired of the fighting, and now, she began to wonder if those too were her fault.
“Oh. No. I don’t mind.” Another second and she continued down the hallway.
Sage let her gaze stay on the empty doorway another two seconds, and then, with a sigh she went back to her reading.
Figuring that showing up in swim trunks and a towel wouldn’t be particularly welcome, Luke made the short drive home, changed in record time—jeans and a decent blue button-down, grabbed his phone and headed back out. She was at home, and presumably she wasn’t going anywhere. It wasn’t an ambush, but after today, he didn’t want her to be stuck in solitary any longer either. She needed a friend, and he was going to be there for her if she would let him.
“So where is your sister anyway?” Rory asked as he suddenly was standing with one foot on the brace of the chair next to Jaycee.
She spun, startled by the sound of his voice and the electric feel of his presence. It took a full 30 seconds for her to regain her composure. After all, he was in swim trunks without the benefit of a shirt, the outfit made the muscles on his tanned chest impossible to ignore.
“Oh.” Jaycee swallowed and brushed the hair from her eyes. “Didn’t she tell you? She got grounded last night. Two weeks.” She nodded at the expression on his face. “I know, bummer, right?”
“But we were there on time. We weren’t late.”
The nodding continued as she dipped her gaze to her cup and leaned toward him. “I don’t think it was late that was the problem.”
His dark eyes drilled through her, surmising, questioning. “The drinking thing?”
Jaycee pinched her lips together and nodded as if thinking through the question. “I do think that had something to do with it.”
“But she wasn’t drinking. She didn’t… drink. I don’t think. How can they bust her for something she didn’t do?
“Oh, you would be surprised what they can find to bust a person for.” She considered stopping there, but resentment for Sage snaked through her. “You know, it’s probably none of my business, but if it were me, I wouldn’t waste my time waiting around for her. I don’t see her ever not being grounded for very long.”
Worry slid onto his face. “Why not?”
“Well, when you have parents like I have—the kind that think the rules are important, and you have somebody like Sage who couldn’t care less… I mean, not that I’m telling you what to do or anything, but I’m guessing you’re going to do a lot of waiting for her to get ungrounded between now and August.” She shrugged and ducked to her drink. “Just, you know, an FYI.”
He stood and backed up. “Yeah, thanks for that.”
“Knock. Knock.”
Sage’s whole body jolted with the sound as her gaze jerked up and over to the door. Her eyes went wide and then wider still when she saw who was standing there, and her heart said she must be dreaming. “Luke?” She cleared her throat and sat up straighter. “What’re…” It came out as a squeak, and she cleared her throat again. “What… What’re you doing here?”
He tilted his head to the side, sending the longish blond locks sliding off his head as his gaze drank her in. That soft, gentle smile drilled through her. “Just came by to say hey.”
The top of her eyebrows arched for the ceiling. “Hey? You came by to say hey?” She was uncoiling so fast, falling off the couch was a real possibility.
“Yeah. Your mom let me in. I hope it’s okay.” He let go of the doorpost, stuck his hands in his jeans pockets, came over, and stood at the other end of the couch looking down at her. Every step of the distance he closed between them hammered across her heart, and when he was right there, his grayish-green eyes were soft and unbelievably gentle as he gazed down at her.
“I…” Sage struggled to get the pieces of her heart gathered around her while simultaneously holding on to her sanity. This was not what it seemed. It was not what it seemed. It couldn’t be. He’s not here for you, Sage. He’s not here for you. “Uh, Jaycee’s not here. She went to the pool party.”
Luke smiled at her, and her heart forgot how to beat. “I didn’t come for Jaycee.” He glanced down at the couch. “May I?”
Who was this and what was he doing here? Who was she and how was this happening? Every thought was making less sense than the one before it. “Uh, s-sure.” She started to move her legs, still bent at the knees, to get her feet off the couch.
“No. It’s okay,” he said, stopping her from moving as he sat down. “Please. Stay comfortable. It’s fine.”
Stay comfortable? Well, that was going to be a challenge with him sitting right there! “O… kay.” She let her legs relax against the couch back as she surveyed him, now sitting there at the other end of the couch. Looking at him was dangerous to her heart, not looking at him was impossible. What was he doing here?
He turned to her then, spinning his own knee up onto the couch and arching his arm over the back of it. He lifted his chin. “So, whatcha readin’?”
Funny, she could barely remember. She lifted the book for him to read the title.
One skim, and he nodded, obviously impressed. “Man’s Search for Meaning. Good one. We read that, in youth group last year. Vicktor Frankl, right? The Holocaust?”
It sure would’ve been nice if she could think straight, if she could figure out why he was sitting here, what he was doing here. She nodded and then let her face fall into concern. “Um, aren’t you supposed to be at a pool party somewhere?”
A breath and he put his head back and then shrugged with the shoulder next to the couch. “I’m not much on swimming.”
Really, she really wished she could snap out of the feeling that this was a dream she was going to wake up from. Then again, it was the nicest dream she’d had in a long time. “Jaycee said it was supposed to be the party of the year.” Sage put her hands out jazz-hand style as if fending off spotlights.
His smile dimmed just a bit. “Yeah, well, Jaycee says a lot of things.” Like it was cutting through steel, his gaze narrowed. “So what do you think of the book? You reading it for school or something?”
Lifting it again, she shrugged. “Something to do. I thought maybe it would help.”
“Help? How?” Why did he have to look so comfortable sitting there, like this wasn’t awkward and terrifying at all?
“You know, search for meaning, figure things out.” Her shrug was slower. “Make sense of something.”
His gaze became far more thoughtful. “Like what?”
That sent Sage back into the memories, and every one hurt worse than the last. “Just… a lot of things.”
“Name one.”
Sanity told her not to go down this road. Not here, in this house, with him. He could use whatever she said against her. He was Jaycee’s friend, not hers. Still, the emotions and the tears hadn’t been buried deeply enough, and both came up. She crushed her lips together to keep from letting the wall around her heart crumble. “Being here, trying to fit in.”
She thought she was strong enough to hold his gaze. She was wrong. Dipping her eyes down, her head followed, and she saw the book. “And then I read this, and I think I’m such a drama queen about everything.” With a tug she lifted the book. “I mean these people were facing death. They had real, major problems.”
“And you don’t?”
“Not like this. Not like them. I mean, what do I have to freak out about? Being away from home? A lot of people do that. Being here and not really knowing how I fit or if I fit? That happens all the time. So why do I feel so…?”
In the pause, she felt his gaze melding into her spirit. “So?”
“Frustrated. It’s like I can’t do anything right. Like every, single thing I do is wrong, and no matter how hard I try to make this work, it just keeps getting worse.”
His gaze never left her nor did it lose the gentleness. “This?”
She looked around the room in frustration. “This. Life. Being in this family, here in this town.”
“And back home, you fit?”
“Better than here.” However, her heart snagged on a few things that were far less than perfect with that back-home picture. “Okay, so my family was never real big on being an actual family, but besides that...”
He tilted his head. “Explain that.”
Sage squinted into the feelings she was only just discovering were inside her. “Do you know how many nannies I had by the time I was in second grade?”
Confusion marred his face. “No.”
“Yeah. Neither do I. They came, stayed around for a few months, and then they’d be gone. I’d get another nanny, and we’d start all back over.”
“Where were your parents?”
“Good question. Dad was a corporate lawyer, so he was gone a lot. I don’t think Mom stayed home a day of her life that she wasn’t sick. Except on holidays when they’d have someone we didn’t even know come to the house and decorate all day, and then leave for a month until they came back to undecorated on December 26th.” She shook her head. “I don’t ever remember a Christmas that we did anything really Christmasy together. Like stringing popcorn or singing carols, not even going to church. Nothing as a family.”
“Ever?”
She hated the admission. “No. Not really.”
“Christmas morning?”
“Oh, there’d be presents under the tree, all wrapped up in the same designer’s best paper. Better Homes and Gardens perfect.” She laughed, then let the sigh go and pulled her gaze up to his. Suddenly all the feelings and thoughts that had been swimming around in her head since she’d first arrived surfaced. “Can I tell you something?”
Seriousness followed the surprise. “Sure.”
“I was thinking the other day, while I was dusting.” Pulling herself up again, she twisted just enough to indicate the mantel. “You see those pictures up there?”
Luke glanced up and nodded. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” She nodded too and then clamped the emotion down. Why was she telling him this again? Nothing in her could remember, and all she could think was how incredibly bad her heart ached at the thoughts. “Well, we don’t have pictures like that in California. Not in my house anyway. We have art. Very, very expensive art.”
As he watched her, Luke heard the rushing current of tears just beneath the surface, and he was glad he had come. He was right. She needed someone, a friend, and he was very glad to be that someone.
“I don’t think I ever really questioned that until I came here,” she continued softly. Then she smiled a heart-breaking smile. “I bet your family’s great.”
That stunned him deeper than he expected it to go, and he leveled his gaze at her. “Why’s that?”
A moment and she shrugged. “Because you’re here.” Then she grew pensive as she gazed right into his soul. “Why are you here, Luke? Why aren’t you out with Jaycee? You really should be with her, you know.”
That was a very good question. One he really couldn’t even answer without putting his heart into major jeopardy. Softly, carefully, he let his hand fall from the back of the couch until it landed on her ankle, and she jumped at his touch. “I don’t know. Because something told me you might need someone to help you wash the dishes.”
The craziest thing was when her stepmom asked if Luke was staying, he said yes, and then he actually did. Sage truly couldn’t account for any of it, but she found herself just the same, sitting at the kitchen table with Ryder on one side and Luke right next to her as if this all made any sense at all. She couldn’t look at him. That much she had surmised from their very brief time together earlier. Every time she did, her heart did all kinds of strange things that her face couldn’t deny as well as she would have liked it to.
“This lasagna is amazing,” Luke said to Sage’s stepmom as they sat devouring the meal, and the compliment found its mark with no effort.
“Why thank you, Luke. It was my grandmother’s secret recipe.”
“Your grandmother? Mrs. Upton, right?” he asked, never missing a beat or a bite. He washed that one down with some water.
“Yes,” she said completely surprised and impressed. “Now, how would you know that?”
“Oh, I remember her. She used to give me candy at church.”
“Seriously?” Ryder asked. “Candy at church?”
“Scout’s honor.” Luke raised two fingers. “Every Sunday morning, we’d sit right in front of her. She always sat in the back in the wheelchair.” He shook his head. “I couldn’t have been, what? Three? Four? At the most.”
“Jaycee was only two when she died.”
“But I remember her. Man, I would beg my mom to let me go and sit on her lap so she’d give me that candy.”
Mrs. Lawrence raised her fork. “She was a teacher, you know?”
“Really? I didn’t know that.”
“Taught for years in the younger grades. She was a mainstay at the school until she could hardly get around anymore.”
“I remember her. She was the one who busted me for chasing the girls with a snail,” Mr. Lawrence suddenly said. “First grade. I thought I was done for when she took me down to the principal’s office.”
“You should’ve been,” Mrs. Lawrence said. “Chasing little girls with a snail. That’s just not right.”
“I was six. What do you expect?”
Mrs. Lawrence shook her head. “Ryder, don’t listen to your father. Be nice to the girls.”
“I was nice. I was trying to show them the snail!”
Next to her Luke laughed, and Sage was beginning to wonder what had happened to her family. They sounded almost… normal.
“So, Luke, what are your plans after May?” Mr. Lawrence asked.
Luke cut into more of the lasagna. “Not real sure. I’ve thought about trade school, construction, welding, working with my hands, something like that. But I haven’t really narrowed it down yet.”
“Oh, that wishing well you made for Jaycee last Christmas,” Mrs. Lawrence said. “I told Greg I wanted one.”
Her husband laughed, and she nodded. “And that’s exactly the response I got, too.”
Brushing the unspoken compliment aside, Luke shrugged. “It was just a quick thing to kill some time in woodshop, but once she saw it, man, I thought Jaycee would disown me if I didn’t give it to her.”
Jaycee. Sage’s heart and soul fell on the name. It was like a pin-prick to a balloon you had fallen in love with. As nice as all this was, this was Jaycee’s family, Jaycee’s life, Jaycee’s boyfriend for crying out loud. What was she doing pretending she had any place here?
“Well, if you’re ever bored,” Mrs. Lawrence said, “I would love to have one.”
Luke nodded and took a drink, draining the water all the way to the bottom of the glass so that the ice cubes in it clinked. When he set it down, Sage noticed and stood. His gaze followed her up with concern. “Do you need something?”
When she looked down into those soft, hazy green gorgeous eyes, she knew she would be repaying him for his simple kindness to her forever. “No. I was just going to get you some more water.” Carefully, she retrieved his glass as every person at the table stopped to stare at her. She looked around at them. “What? I can’t get our guest more water?”
“No.”
“That’s fine.”
“Of course.”
“Uh, I could…” Luke reached for his glass that was already in her hand, but she dodged his movement.
“No.” She lifted her chin. “You’re the guest, and I can get you some water.”
For some unknown reason, Luke suddenly felt like he’d been hit by a full-on Taser. Had Sage Wentworth just insisted on serving him? He gulped that understanding down as he turned to all of them, finding them looking as stunned as he was. “O…kay. Sure. I’d love some.”
When dinner was over, Sage corralled what was left of her pride, a not-very-easy task considering the circumstances. She wished Luke would leave already because now it really was time to do the dishes, and although he had teased her about it before, letting him watch her utterly humiliate herself didn’t sound overly pleasant.
“Sage, honey, don’t forget the pans and the sink,” her stepmother said as she stood from the table after Ryder and her husband had gone into the living room to catch the ballgame on television. “And use the BarBeO. That makes everything sparkle.”
Sage cringed and fought to smile. “BarBeO it is.”
And with that, her stepmother waltzed out of the kitchen.
At the table with him at her elbow, Sage sighed, willing it not to come out in a rush that would embarrass her further. It took next to nothing to notice that the kitchen was a wreck, and she was pretty sure her stepmother had used more pans than were probably necessary just to make a point. It was going to be a long two weeks.
“Well, we’d better get this done so you can get back to your reading,” Luke said, standing and reaching for the plates.
“Oh!” The sound was more a squeal than a word as she jumped up too. However, she reached for his arm rather than the dishes, and the brush of it jerked through her whole system causing sanity to scatter like leaves on an autumn breeze. Swallowing, she took her hand off his arm as his gaze came down to hers and locked there.
“What? You don’t want some help?”
It was hard to smile through the emotions bunching up in her spirit. “You really don’t have to. I mean, it’s dishes.”
Luke lifted three plates and a glass from the table. “A few dishes never killed anyone.” He grinned at her as he leaned down. “And remember, no lying over dishes.”
That sparked her soul. What was he saying, and why did he look like he was having the time of his life?
“You really don’t have to,” she said meekly.
He nodded. “I know.”