Chapter 31
Back at the pastor’s house at 11:30, they sat in the car, neither wanting to say good night.
“The light’s on,” Sage said, her gaze going over to Luke. “Do you think they’re waiting up?”
He nodded. “I would be.”
Somehow that touched her heart. “Why?”
“Just wanting to make sure you were safe.”
She dragged in a sigh and let it out. “Just so you know, no matter what happens, this has been the best summer of my life.”
His gaze was soft. “Mine too.” Moving to her then, he laid his lips on hers for one brief moment. “Now. Let’s get you inside so they don’t freak.”
Strange how even that made her like him more. He thought about things like that, and they were important to him. He got out and came around to help her, and she loved that about him too. On the way to the door he put his arm around her, and she loved that too. How was it possible to love every single thing about someone?
“So, I’ll be up on the roof again tomorrow, so if I don’t answer your texts right away, that’s why.”
“Oh,” she said, holding his hand around her, “roof work again? Isn’t that dangerous?”
He shrugged. “Been doing it since I was 15. You get used to it after a while.” At the steps, he suddenly slowed. “Oh, hey, I was going to say. Alyssa’s party is on Sunday. Do you think they’ll let you go?”
Sage wasn’t sure, but she was pretty sure they would if he asked. “Why don’t you come tomorrow evening, and you can ask them?”
His eyes widened. “Eat with you again?”
“Sure. They love you.”
“I’d hate to just barge in.”
On the top step, they stopped and turned so they were facing each other, her leaning back against the bricks. “Then I’ll ask and text you. Just don’t reply ‘til you’re off the roof.”
“Deal,” he said, and then he lowered his lips to hers, and all of life once again for that moment made complete sense.
Traipsing through the dark hallway, Sage made her way from the front door to the living room where she found the Mitchells on the couch watching television.
“Oh, Sage,” Mrs. Mitchell said, sitting up and hitting the mute button. “How was the bonfire?”
“Good.”
“No drama?” Pastor Steve asked.
“No. I think everybody pretty much had a good time.”
They both seemed to let out a sigh of relief. For a second Sage stood there and then realized they were missing their movie.
“I’m just going to go on to bed if that’s okay.” She pointed to the other side of the house.
“Sure. No problem,” Pastor Steve said, and he reached for the remote in his wife’s hand.
At the other hallway, Sage stopped and turned. “Oh, and I was wondering if Luke could come over tomorrow night… if that would be okay.”
The two of them looked at each other, and Sage saw the small smiles.
Mrs. Mitchell nodded. “I think that would be fine.”
And so the next night, Sage took extra care with her appearance without going overboard. She wanted them to like him. She wanted them to like her. Their opinion was becoming increasingly important to her. The rust colored top that had lace at the neckline, no sleeves, and a bell-shaped unfitted bottom looked better than she had remembered. If she stayed much longer, she was going to have to go back to the Lawrences’ to get the rest of her luggage. However, she didn’t want to think about that right now.
Flipping off the light, she went to help Mrs. Mitchell in the kitchen. It wasn’t a very big kitchen. Two people could hardly cook in there at the same time. Thankfully the pastor was out on a preacher call, so it was just the two of them. “What can I help with?”
Mrs. Mitchell turned and appraised her. “Poor Luke.”
That brought out Sage’s confusion. “Poor Luke?”
“Yeah, he’s going to take one look at you in that, and we’re going to have to wheel him out of here from the heart attack.”
Sage laughed. “I’d hardly call this heart attack material.”
Her hostess shook her head. “Here. You can stir this cream.”
Coming over and standing shoulder-to-shoulder with the woman, Sage did as instructed.
“You know what I like most about that outfit?” Mrs. Mitchell asked, carefully dumping the vegetables she’d cut up into the pot.
“What’s that?”
“It brings out your natural beauty.”
That was intriguing and confusing. “How’s that?”
Pot lid on, Mrs. Mitchell turned to her. “I’ve seen your really super-dressy clothes. The suits I couldn’t afford if I saved my nickels for six years. The heels. The hair. And it’s impressive. No doubt about that. But this…?” She stepped back and put her fingers to her mouth before kissing them and popping them up. “Mmmwah. Bellissima.”
Funny. Out of all the compliments she’d ever gotten in her lifetime, this one went far deeper than she realized it would. “Thank you.”
Mrs. Mitchell put her hand out and traced it down Sage’s back. “Sweetheart, you have such a rare beauty. I don’t think you even realize how special it is. But it’s not about the clothes and the hair and all of that. It’s a softness, a radiance. I saw it the first time we met when you were covered in the horrible spaghetti sauce.”
“Ugh.” Sage sighed. “That was awful.”
“But even so.” Mrs. Mitchell shook her head. “You have an innocence about you, which I know is remarkable because you’ve dealt with so much. But it’s something that… it draws people to you, to want to protect you.”
“Or to rip you apart,” Sage said, stirring slowly.
Mrs. Mitchell nodded. “That too.” She stood there a second and then tipped her head. “Can I be honest with you?”
“Please,” Sage said though she wasn’t sure she could withstand what was coming.
“For a long time after Steve and I got together, I fought because I thought I wasn’t good enough for him. Then one night he told me that he had a theory.”
“Did it involve salt?”
Mrs. Mitchell smiled. “Not exactly. He told me that all that bad stuff that had happened to me early on was just Satan trying to take me out of the game because he knew how much difference I could make in the world. He said that Satan tries to take everyone out. It’s not a luck-of-the-draw thing, but some he tries even harder because he knows if he ever lets them get through his bony little fingers, he’s sunk because they will turn the world on fire for God if they ever really get it.” She never moved, barely blinked as she looked over at Sage. “That’s what I see when I look at you. Someone that God has great and wonderful plans for, plans you wouldn’t believe if He told you. And Satan is trying everything in his power to take you out before you figure that out.”
Sage shrugged. “I’m nothing special, not really.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”
“Why not?”
“Because I see it in your eyes.”
“What? That I think I’m better than everyone else?”
“No. That you know you’re not.”
She shook her head as she continued to stir. “That makes no sense.”
“Doesn’t it?” Mrs. Mitchell narrowed her eyes. “God can’t use someone who is stuffed full of themselves, but someone who is empty, someone who is humble? He can do all kinds of miracles through that person.”
“But I was…”
“Conceited? Arrogant? Proud?”
“Yeah.”
“And now?”
Thinking through her spirit now hurt.
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, Sage. Blessed are the ones who know they have to rely on God and God alone. I’m not trying to preach a sermon here, but when I look at you, I see someone who is so close to getting it, and I just want to explain it so you hear it. You are a beautiful young woman, on the outside, yes. But you are also so very beautiful on the inside. You don’t know that yet, you don’t trust it yet, but you are.”
“Everyone else…”
Mrs. Mitchell waved that away. “Gosh, if I listened to what everyone else says, I wouldn’t even be standing here. I wouldn’t be married to the man of my dreams. In fact, I’d probably be stoned out in some drug house or dead. Everyone else doesn’t get to make your decisions. You do. You and God. In fact, only two people get a vote on your worth—you and God. And your vote doesn’t even count.” She laughed. “That’s another one Steve told me about sixty-two gajillion times before I started believing him.
“Oh, honey, when I first became the preacher’s wife, I was so freaked out, I couldn’t put two sentences together to save my life. I just knew everyone was looking at me and judging me. I knew they were saying, ‘Now why on earth would a good preacher like him marry a loser like her?’”
“You’re not a loser.”
“No. But I sure thought I was. Satan had me convinced I was, and so that’s how I lived. For the first five years of our marriage, I lived in mortal fear that they would find out the truth about me.”
“Did they?”
“No. But I finally did. One day the senior pastor’s wife at our first church took me aside. She was an amazing lady, had lived in the church most of her life. She knew I was struggling something awful and that Steve was worried sick about me. So she took me out to lunch one day, just the two of us, and she told me a little about her story, which had a whole bunch of bumps and bruises too. I guess I needed that, to know I wasn’t the only one trying to live up to an image that was impossible to meet. I always remember her saying this because it shocked me so badly at the time that a senior pastor’s wife would say such a thing, but I remember her saying, ‘Jane, the baseline, hardcore truth about you is that you are a Child of the King. Nothing else in Heaven or on earth can touch that or change that or diminish that. The only thing that can keep you from walking in it is if you refuse to claim it, but that’s your choice, not His.’
“I had held myself back from accepting the grace God was trying to give me. It was like I would accept salvation but not the freedom that came with it. Freedom from my past, from my parents’ mistakes, from who I was and who everyone thought I was. He didn’t care about any of that. All He wanted was for me to accept the love and acceptance and worth that came from being His child. That was His choice to give it to me. All I had to do was accept the offer.
“I can’t say it was easy because the truth is it was a mighty long and bumpy road, but it has been the best thing I’ve ever done. Today, I’m a different person, or maybe I’m the me I really always was. Now, I reach out to help even if I don’t always know what the outcome might be. I listen and I give hugs because I know that God is trying to give other people what He’s already given me. But you’ve got to accept it. Not because you deserve it. None of us deserve it but because you really get what He’s done for you, what He’s offering you.”
“Smells wonderful,” Pastor Steve said from the doorway, and they both jumped. “You two needing any help?”
Mrs. Mitchell looked at Sage and smiled. “No. I think we’re good.”
How many times could one visit the pastor’s house, and did it ever become something that felt natural? Luke had no answers to those questions as he climbed those steps and knocked. He’d left the jacket at home tonight, so his hand went up to his other arm because he felt incredibly underdressed. However, underdressed became the least of his problems when Sage showed up to open the door.
“Hey,” she said with a light in her eyes and a smile on her lips. Dark jeans and a reddish top that showed off her arms and her hair yanked his willpower to its knees.
“Hey.” He ducked feeling every bit the sloppy-copy next to her easy perfection. Strangely, she didn’t even seem to notice as she dove into his arms for a hug.
“I’m glad to see you’re still in one piece.”
Luke lifted his arms in verification of that fact. “Me too.”
“Come on. I hope you like meatloaf.”
“Sounds great.”
In no time they were back around that little table saying grace and digging in.
“Sage tells me you’ve been shingling,” Pastor Steve said.
“Yeah, Mr. Conrad’s barn, except today he had me fixing most everything else too.”
“Oh?”
“The slats on his shed, the roof on the doghouse, the window in his hay barn.” Luke shook his head. “Not that I mind. Made some good money, but it’s crazy how many things can fall apart when you’re not watching them.”
“So you enjoy that kind of work?” Pastor Steve asked.
Luke shrugged. “Sometimes it’s tough. Being up on the roof when it’s crazy hot, that can be a pain. But mostly, it’s not really work. I like doing stuff like that. It’s a whole lot better than school that’s for sure.”
“Are you ready for school?” Mrs. Mitchell asked, and Luke’s gaze tripped over to Sage’s and then fell.
“I’m kind of enjoying the summer.”
As the meal wound down, Sage noticed how calm her spirit was. Even though Luke hadn’t asked them yet and that was still up in the air, she wasn’t fidgety or nervous. He would get to it, and it was almost a sure bet they would say yes. It was strange how unstrange everything felt. She couldn’t remember being in a space in life that felt like this.
When Mrs. Mitchell got the bucket of ice cream from the freezer, Sage got the bowls and handed them out. Ice cream with the preacher on a Saturday night. When had this happened? And yet, as she thought about it, there were so many far worse options.
“Hm.” Luke cleared his throat before putting his spoon to the Rocky Road. “I was going to ask you both.”
And all gazes save for Sage’s went over to him.
“My niece’s birthday is tomorrow, and well, we’re having a party for her at my folks’ house. I was wondering.” His gaze came over to Sage. “Well, I’d love to take Sage to it if you all don’t mind.”
“Mind?” Mrs. Mitchell said as she looked at her husband. “I think that sounds wonderful.”
“Is it after services?” her husband asked.
“Oh, yes,” Luke said quickly. “Around noon.”
“I don’t see why not,” he said, and then he looked at Sage. “That is if Sage wants to.”
Her gaze came up in complete shock. They were all looking at her. “Yeah-yes. Of course, I want to.”
The pastor smiled and nodded. “Then it’s settled.”
Half a second after Mrs. Mitchell declared herself full, Luke was on his feet gathering the dishes.
“Oh, Luke, you don’t have to,” she protested.
“Oh, I’m not,” he said, and he grinned at Sage. “Sage owes me.”
She looked up at him, puzzled and then realizing. “I didn’t mean this meal.”
“You said the meal. This was a meal.”
Sage opened her mouth to protest.
Mrs. Mitchell put her hands in the air. “I’m not asking. If you need help, let me know.”
Standing as she shook her head, Sage gathered more dishes and went to the sink as the Mitchells vacated the kitchen. There was no dishwasher, so without comment, she turned on the water and went under the sink looking for the dish soap. By the time she came back up, Luke had brought even more over to her, stacking them all next to the sink. “It was worth it, Sage,” she muttered to herself. “It was worth it.”
He stepped up beside her, glancing back to make sure the others were gone. “You talking to yourself?”
“Trying to remember what I got out of this.” She squirted the liquid soap into the rising water.
“Oh, yeah? What was that?”
Her gaze trailed up to his. “Dancing with you.” She shrugged and then smiled. “Totally worth it.”
That pushed Luke’s heart off a cliff and set it to soaring. “You know you’re getting good at this.”
“What’s that? Washing dishes?”
“No. Making me think you actually mean stuff like that.”
This time her gaze held more concern. “What does that mean?”
He shrugged. “You’re you. I’m me. I’m trying to remember that someday, you’re going to figure that out.”
Hands already in the suds, Sage turned to him and tipped her head as she surveyed him. Her hands never moved until he finally looked down at her, and his movement stopped.
“What?” he asked as if he really didn’t know.
A second and she looked down at the dishwater. “No lying over dishes, right?”
The reply didn’t come immediately.
“Right?” she repeated, looking up at him.
He sighed. “Yeah. No lying over dishes.”
She pulled her hands out and leaned her hip on the sink. “Okay. So I’m just curious why you think that. What makes you think I would be the one to drop you, that I would even think about it?”
Without really looking at her, Luke grabbed a dishtowel. “Well, I think that’s kind of obvious, don’t you?”
“Uh, no. Actually, I don’t.” She wound her gaze down and up again until it connected with his. “Want to explain it to me?”
He shrugged. “It’s just… It would be easy to believe this was going to last, but then I look at you, and I remember who I am, and…”
Reaching over, she dried her hands on the towel in his. His gaze was still nowhere near hers, so she put her hands on his face and angled it upward until it connected with hers.
“Who you are?” she asked softly, tenderly. “You mean the guy who came and rescued me from the pit? The guy who has never let me get by with all the lies everyone else believed without question? The guy who has stood by me and protected me and fought for me—no matter what showed up? That guy?”
However, his gaze was full of vulnerability when it searched hers. “Look, the truth is, I’m never going to be the guy who gets dressed up in a suit and goes in to the office. I’m not, Sage. I wear this to work.” He held out his hands from his clothes. “I carry a hammer and nails, not a Blackberry and computer printouts.”
“And this matters why?”
“Because you deserve that guy, Sage. You deserve to go to the best restaurants and have your husband show up with diamonds for your anniversary.”
“Seriously?” Sage couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “A month ago, I thought I deserved a guy like Rory Harris who only liked me so he could show me off to his friends.” She tipped her head again. “Where is this coming from?”
“Nowhere. Forget I said anything.”
But it wasn’t that easy. She never wanted him to feel inferior. Inferior? Like he was…
Suddenly she had a thought. “Just a second.”
“Where’re you…?” he asked as she headed out the door. “Hey, there’s still dishes.”
Sage marched out into the living room where a very surprised Mrs. Mitchell looked up from her reading. “Can I borrow this for a sec?” She pointed to the tea cup.
Mrs. Mitchell raised her eyebrows. “Uh, sure. Just be careful with it.”
If she hadn’t been so serious, Sage would have laughed. She picked it up and bracing it against her ribs took it back to him.
In her absence, Luke had started washing the dishes. He already had three plates in the sink.
She went right around him and held the tiny porcelain cup up. “You see this?”
He looked over and put the fourth plate in. “Yeah. It’s the tea cup the pastor was showing us.”
“No. It’s you.”
Hands in the suds, he tilted his head. “Me?”
“Yep. You see this?” Expertly she tipped it up to show the base. “What’s that?”
“A chip.”
“You see this?” She turned it. “What’s that?”
“Another chip.”
“Right. So I guess that means this isn’t worth keeping. I’ll just go pitch it.”
“Sage! What’re you…?” He gasped in horror as she headed for the trash where she turned, the tea cup poised over the bin.
“What?” she asked as if she had no comprehension of his panic. “It’s not worth anything. You said so yourself. It’s chipped. Why would we want to keep something that’s chipped? Really, we should just pitch it.” She made as if she was going to drop the thing.
Without wiping his hands on anything other than his jeans, Luke got to her in three steps. “Have you lost your mind? Pastor Steve would kill you if you trashed that.”
But she wasn’t backing down as she held the thing over the trash. “Why?”
“Because he loves it. That’s why.”
“But it has chips.”
Now he was both confused and worried. “Didn’t you hear him? It’s the chips that make it… Oh.” Nodding as his gaze fell, and Luke stepped back and put his hand on the back of his head. Another second and he pulled both arms up to cross them at his chest. Then he shrugged. “But that’s just a tea cup. It’s not…”
“You’re right. This is just a tea cup, and you are so much more than a tea cup.” Sage carefully set the thing on the table and put her arms up over his shoulders even as his gaze stayed on the floor. A second and his fists went to his hips as he looked up and away from her.
“Now you listen to me,” she said firmly. “I love that you work with your hands. I like how much people trust you with their stuff. It makes me feel like I can trust you too.”
His gaze was everywhere but on her. “But I’m not…”
“Not what? Perfect?” She smiled and then laughed. “Join the club. Besides, I’ll be honest, I’ve been with a lot of guys, Luke Baker, and let me tell you, you blow every one of them out of the water. I don’t care about all that stuff—college and offices. I don’t care about business suits and Blackberries. I care about you. You, Luke Baker, just like you are.”
His gaze slid down to hers then, and it asked questions he never voiced.
“You are truly an amazing guy, and I only hope that someday, we can have a kitchen like this one, and we can be standing in it doing our own dishes.” Tip-toeing, she kissed him lightly. “Because let me tell you, I like how you handle a dish towel.” With this kiss, she lingered on his lips until finally, he came to her and returned it.
In the next heartbeat, his arms came around her and she knew the fragile, vulnerable, pricelessness of the soul she now held. It was a responsibility and a privilege she would never again take for granted.
After the dishes were finished, Luke and Sage went for a walk to the little park just a few blocks from the pastor’s house. The evening had turned cool, so it was the perfect excuse for him to put his arm around her.
“Did you get your grandma’s dresser fixed?” she asked, just ambling. She liked this. A car here, a car there. Nobody rushing to get anywhere. Slow and calming. She’d never really felt that before.
“Fixed and delivered. You’d never know those handles weren’t original.”
“So what’re you working on now?”
“Couple of things. I need to get Mrs. Iverson’s chairs done, and Randy’s got a few more calf hutches to fix.”
At the park, Sage climbed up onto one the half barrels that was buried in the dirt and swung her legs so they were on either side of the thing. When Luke did the same behind her, she leaned back into the solidity of him, liking how perfectly safe his arms felt. “So, I’m curious. What do you want to do… after next year I mean?”
He sighed, and she felt it go all the way through her. “My uncle owns a construction company in Greely. I’ve thought about seeing if he needs help, or if he knows somebody who does.”
“So like what? Houses and things?”
“Mostly I think he does commercial stuff—businesses, schools, that kind of thing.”
“What do your parents think?”
“Dad’s cool with it, but I think Mom would really like me to go to school somewhere. I don’t know. Part of me says, I should go to school, and part of me says I will hate it as much as I do now, that it will be a complete waste of time, and that when I get out, what I want to do is this anyway.”
Gently Sage traced her hand down his resting on her ribs. “It wouldn’t hurt to ask, would it? Just find out from your uncle. Have you ever done that?”
This sigh told her no, he hadn’t. “I kept thinking I would have more time, but now, it’s like all of a sudden, I have to make a decision. I’m trying not to freak out, but sometimes…”
Sage thought through everything he was telling her. “So why today? Why’s this coming up now?”
It was almost as if he had completely stopped breathing. “You want the truth?”
“Please.”
Then he let out that breath. “I wanted to get you something, something one of your boyfriends in Hollywood would get you.”
That picked her up off of him, and she spun so that her knee touched his thigh. “I don’t have any boyfriends in Hollywood. Those guys are jerks.”
However, Luke was no longer looking at her. “I know, but you’re used to fancy cars and restaurants. I pick you up and we go to a bonfire and drink someone else’s Cokes.” He shrugged. “I just wanted to be able to give you something nice, something special.”
Very nearly slipping off the edge of the barrel, Sage scooted closer to him. “You already have.”
When his gaze came up to hers, she couldn’t fathom the depth of helplessness there.
“That stuff?” she said. “It’s just stuff.”
“But the necklaces and earrings…”
“Do you know what my mother would do to me if she saw me like this?” Sage picked up her hands and splayed them up in front of him. “She’d probably shoot me. Not a bracelet or an earring to be found. Gasp!” She put her hands to her open mouth and then dropped them to the cool yellow metal. “And you know what? I couldn’t care less. Do I love a simple pearl string that makes me feel like Audrey Hepburn? What girl doesn’t? But I don’t need a drawer full of diamonds to know you love me. I know it when you look at me and when you hold me.”
“But…”
“No. Luke. Seriously.” She shook herself because she couldn’t believe she would ever tell him this. “Okay, when I got here, I thought it was insane to eat in the kitchen. I couldn’t believe no one had maids. I had never done a dish in my life. But now I’m realizing, this is real.” She put her hand on his. “You are real. I’m real. This is real. Do I want to starve? No. But I’d much rather have you than some guy who could buy me something that I’ll put in the drawer and never wear twice.”
His gaze came up, but he didn’t look like he believed her.
“Love isn’t about the things. It’s about this.” She picked his hand up in hers and held it between them. “Am I getting it all right? No. Will I ever? Probably not. But this is real, no mirrors. In fact, today when I was reading the Bible, I asked the pastor to show me that verse you read that time again, and it says, ‘For now we see a reflection like in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.’ Something like that. And I get it now. I see it now. Before I was just this reflection. I wasn’t real. Now, with you, I can be me. This me. No necklace. No earrings. No diamonds. Just me. And the crazy thing is, right here, where I feel most known, I also feel the most loved. Ugh.”
She put her head back because she could tell if she wasn’t putting this so he would hear it and understand it or not.
“I get it,” he said softly. “For you, but you’re amazing. Underneath all that stuff is amazing. With me…” He shrugged. “I’m just me.”
Sage had never wanted to hug someone or to smack someone more in her life. “And that’s who you should be. Just you. Whatever that means.” She let out a breath. “And as far as the restaurant thing goes, believe me, I had way more fun at the antique shop.”
“Yeah, right.”
“I did, and I have the pictures to prove it. You want to see?” Reaching into her pocket, she went for her phone.
“Your parents are going to hate me.”
That stopped her. “My parents love you.”
But he shook his head, and his shoulders slumped even further. “Not the ones here although I’m probably not on the top of their list at the moment either.”
It killed her to see what her life was doing to him. She stopped the phone search. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, they hate me too.”
His gaze came over to her in concern, but she shrugged.
“What? They do.” Then she narrowed her eyes thinking things through. “Look, I’m not going to try to be Miss Merry Sunshine over all of this, but I’m also not going to keep letting them decide what is best and right for me. They’ve done that my whole life, and I’ve let them because I thought they knew best. Jason was a successful businessman with untold millions in some off-shore bank account. Mom was this high-powered lawyer. Except I don’t even know if any of that was even real. For all I know, Jason’s in debt up to his eyeballs, and Mom’s about to have a meltdown.
Her gaze fell then, and she took a breath and shook her head. “What I do know is that I like myself like this. I like having you over for supper and not having to call the caterer to impress you. I like just sitting out here talking. Okay, granted before I came here, I would have thought this was death itself. I would’ve said it was lame and made fun of anyone who did it. But now… here… I don’t know.”
“What happens if you go back?”
A knife went through her heart at even the thought. “I don’t know. I really don’t. I wish I could tell you I’ll never leave, but… I look into the future, and it’s all just kind of blurry right now. The scary thing is I don’t even have any control over any of it. They could send me back tomorrow if they wanted.”
His gaze jerked up and she nodded.
“I know. Right? I try not to think about it, but they could.”
“But they said…” he started.
She nodded again. “They say a lot of things.” Then she realized making him hold on when she had no guarantee wasn’t fair. Yes, she loved him, but maybe that included having to let him go. Her heart jerked at the very thought of saying the words, but she had to say them. This had to be his choice. “Look, I don’t have any answers, Luke. I don’t. I don’t have a map for where this goes or a clue of what’s going to happen in the next month or the next year, or even the next week. I love you. You know that, but if you need someone who is stable and permanent. Right now, that’s not me, and I’m not sure it ever will be.”
Luke heard what she was saying. He wanted something she simply could not give him. “Do you ever get scared… about the future?”
“When I think about it? Yeah. I do.”
“Do you ever wonder if you’ll be able to do it? The wife, the kids, the job, the white picket fence?”
“Other than the wife… yeah.” She smiled at that and laughed when he did.
“It just all feels so overwhelming.” His words were so soft almost drown out by the breeze. “What you’re going to do? Are you going to college? Where? To do what?” He shrugged and pulled his arms up to his chest. “Sometimes I just feel so small, like I’m six and I want to go crawl in bed with Mom and Dad because they can make it all go away.”
Sage tipped her head. “Did you do that? Go crawl in bed with them?”
“Sometimes when I was little.” He leaned back. “Why?”
“I want my kids to be able to do that, to come crawl in bed with me and know they’re safe, that they don’t have to face everything on their own.”
He smiled at that. “What else do you want?” Then he put his hands between them and pushed himself up straight.
And for the next hour, Sage told him everything her heart had ever whispered, things she had never told Pate or Mac, things she hadn’t even admitted to herself. What Luke noticed the most was how very similar her dreams were to his and how simple hers seemed in the face of everything she had grown up with. He didn’t know how they would make it work or if life would even let them try, but as they sat and talked, he couldn’t deny how deeply he had fallen for her.
When the clock said it was time to go, Luke helped her off the barrel and waited for her to situate herself on planet Earth again. As they turned back for the preacher’s, he put his arm around her, and as much as he had tried to talk himself out of it, he couldn’t deny how right that felt. “I know there aren’t any guarantees,” he said, his gaze sliding far out to the horizon. “And I know God’s got a plan.”
Sage nodded as she walked alongside him, holding his hand on her shoulder like she always did.
“And maybe that’s the answer—to trust Him and not freak out.”
She laughed. “Easier said than done, huh?”
He smiled down at her. “Oh, yeah. Definitely. I don’t know, I guess most of all, I’m just afraid of losing you, like I’m going to wake up and this was all a dream or something.”
“For what it’s worth, I worry about that too. I’m trying not to, but sometimes…”
Pulling her closer, he kissed her hair. “I hear you, girl. I hear you.”