Chapter 35
Ham soup had actually been quite good, and together with the Mitchells they had eaten and then watched a movie Sage fell asleep halfway through. It wasn’t that the movie was bad, but lying on the floor with Luke’s arm as a pillow, she just couldn’t help it.
The next morning she dressed in her white palazzo pants and simple white top. She added a gold belt to the middle that hung down slightly. It was a nice touch. Light make-up. Hair in casual waves. Even Sage couldn’t be disappointed in the final outcome.
Luke was seriously going to have to get some nitroglycerin because if she kept showing up like that, he was bound to have a heart attack. While dressed to the nines she was stunning. Casual sent her right off the charts. He smiled at her, hoping she remembered his name as he came out of the church before the service to find her and Mrs. Mitchell over by the fireplace.
Her grin back at him told him that illogically, she remembered him very well. Striding over to them, he checked his heart once more as he bent and kissed her cheek. “Morning.”
“Morning to you too,” Sage said, putting her hand on his chest and not taking the other from around his waist when he tried to step back.
“Good morning, Luke,” Mrs. Mitchell said, and her smile was knowing and demure.
“Morning,” he said with a nod. Then he looked down at Sage, and she was more beautiful up close than she was from a distance. His heart sped up, and he had to take a breath to keep it in his chest. “You’re waiting after church, right?”
“Absolutely,” Sage said just as Mrs. P and her husband stepped up.
“Well, laws a mercy, child, don’t you look just heavenly. An angel sent right down here into our very midst.” Mrs. P enveloped Sage in a hug she even had to let Luke go to accept. When she stepped back, Mrs. P smiled as if someone had just flipped a light on inside of her. “This is Miss Sage, Clarence. The one I’ve been telling you about.”
“Why, Miss Sage. It is a pleasure.” The slight man with the graying hair took her hand and bowed. “My Patty Ann hasn’t stopped talking about you the whole night.”
Sage smiled but ducked in embarrassment over the compliment. “Hope it was all good.”
“All good. All very good,” he said, and for one second, Luke thought she might start crying right there.
“Well, I think she’s pretty special too.” Sage’s gaze went over to Mrs. P who suddenly looked like she might start crying too.
Quickly Luke ducked. “I’d better get back inside.”
However, before he got away, Sage snagged his hand. “Wait for me after.”
“I will.”
Sage was still flying on the look in his eye when her gaze flitted to the opening of the outside church doors. The sunlight streamed in, preceding the entrance of her father, Jaycee, her brother, and her stepmom. This was the hardest moment. As much as she wanted life to be wonderful, their entrance always had a way of reminding her that it wasn’t.
Next to her, Jane surveyed her. “Are you all right?”
Glancing her direction, Sage smiled. “I just wish they wanted me around.” It was difficult to keep the tears in her heart from finding her lashes.
“Well, they don’t know what they’re missing.”
Part of her wished she believed that, but the other part watched them circle the other direction, staying as far away from the fireplace and her as they could get. Father, the mantra began as it did every time she thought of them now, forgive them. They don’t know what they’re doing.
Then, like a surprise raindrop from a cloudless sky, Jaycee’s gaze chanced across and met hers, and the softest, tiniest smile traced across her sister’s face and through her eyes. For a second, Sage didn’t know what to do. After a moment she let her heart make the decision as she let a soft smile go onto her own face. It wasn’t a huge breakthrough. In fact, in the next second it was like nothing had even changed, but Sage remembered and knew it was a step. One step. And that was far better than nothing.
As Sage sat in the front by Jane, she watched as Pastor Steve laid the book he had just read from aside and faced the congregation. “For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
“The words of St. Paul that Sister Phillis read so eloquently,” Pastor Steve said. “We hope for what we do not see, what we cannot see. Who hopes for something they already have, right? St. Paul, the man of wisdom, tells us that hope must be ours especially when we cannot see how something will work out. And he goes on to tell us how to have hope. It’s not about knowing what we can do to fix things. It is about having hope in our weakness, in our frailty, in the midst of our human suffering and trials. Hope is not about when things are going well. Hope is about when we’re stuck in yuck, and there doesn’t seem to be a way out of it.
“Hope is what says, ‘God has a way even when there seems to be no way.’ In fact, the Scriptures today tell us that even when we don’t know what to pray for, the Holy Spirit will step in and pray for what we most need. This is being in the middle of God’s grace. Seeing our circumstance and knowing we don’t know how to fix it but knowing that even if we don’t, He does.”
Sage smiled, wondering if he had written these words for her. If so, she was thankful.
“I want you to understand that just as we cannot be faithful enough in our own faith. We also cannot be hopeful enough in our own hope. There will come a time and a place where we’re going to want to give up because we don’t see how this is ever going to get any better. That’s when we have to stop relying on our own hope and start grabbing onto His hope. God’s hope, just like His grace and His mercy, does not end. He never gives up on us. Ever. He doesn’t say, ‘Well, okay, I’ve wasted enough time on him or on her. I give up.’ God never gives up. He is constantly working to set things right in our lives, in your life, in a very up-close-and-personal way. Why?
“Because He made you with a purpose. He set you where you are, as you are so that the world can see Him working in your life. So when things go wrong and we make bad choices or wind up on the downside of the up ladder, remember that God is not finished with you. If you will let Him, He can take even this and show you Him and by doing so, He will show the world Himself as well. With this in mind, we strive forward, forgetting what has gone before, reaching for that prize of faith, which is Jesus Christ Himself standing before us ready to welcome us home—not some day in Heaven. Right now. If we will let Him. He hopes for us as He never gives up. Let our hope begin to be found in Him as we reach up and let Him take hold of our lives in a powerful, real way today. So that His life, His love, His faith, His mercy, and His hope will be channeled through our lives into a world that needs Him so desperately. Amen.”
Closing her eyes, Sage breathed a sigh of peace. God had a plan, and if He hadn’t given up on them, then she wasn’t going to either. “Amen.”
In her nightly reading, Sage had stumbled upon the Scripture passage be good to those who hate you, and the first time she read it, she thought of the lady at the grocery store. Black hair, stout, with a disapproving look that would shatter glass, the woman made Sage’s skin crawl with the revulsion pouring from her. So when she stepped from the church into the lobby, it was a shock to find just that woman staring up at her from the midst of the crowd who had just exited the church.
And she didn’t look appreciably happier today either. Her eyes narrowed as if to say, You are not welcome here.
With a breath and a lift of her chin, Sage put a smile on her face as she descended the steps. God loved her, chips and all. That was all that mattered. As she started across the lobby to the fireplace, her gaze locked with the woman’s once again and this time, there was an imperceptible earthquake in her heart. Be good to those who hate you. Be good?
Be. Good.
So simple. Yet so incredibly difficult.
Only that thought propelled her right over to where the lady stood, and with a smile, Sage put out her hand. “Hi, I’m Sage. I believe we met the other day at the grocery.”
The look of horror and confusion that drained right onto the woman’s face could have been no more panicked.
“But I don’t think I got your name,” Sage continued as if meeting the queen.
The woman’s eyes widened to saucer-size. “Oh. Uh. It’s Amelia. Amelia Thompson.”
“Well, Amelia Thompson, it’s very nice to meet you.”
“You… too?” There was a lift to the last syllable as if Amelia Thompson had no idea what had just happened.
“Oh, look,” Sage said, and she laid her hand on Amelia’s. “It’s my little brother. Would you excuse me?” She stepped away and heedless of the looks of all of those around her, she let the smile of happiness come to her whole spirit. “Ryder!”
He took one look and nearly knocked three people down to get to her. She knelt on one knee and collected him to her. He smelled like pine trees and little boy. “Sage!”
“Oh, I have missed you.” She bent her head into him and then pulled back to look at him. “What have you been up to? Are you behaving yourself?”
“I learned the backstroke this week.”
“You did? I don’t even know the backstroke.”
“You’ll have to come see me sometime. You have to. You have to.”
Sage laughed. “You’re right. I’ll have to.”
When she stood, her gaze chanced to where her father stood, talking to others but looking right at them, at her. Feeling the risk, she gave him a small smile and then let her gaze fall. Yes, she wanted to have the courage to go over there and talk to him, but it was not yet in her possession.
“Are you coming home?” Ryder asked at her side, and Sage looked down at him, sad that she would have to break his heart yet again.
“Not yet, but maybe some time.”
He put his head down and nodded. “I miss you.”
“Oh, sweetheart. I miss you too.” She bent again and hugged him. “Hey,” she said, and his gaze came up hers. “I’ve been praying for you. Have you been praying for me?”
She could tell the answer by his eyes.
“Tell you what,” she said quickly. “I’ll pray for you. You pray for me and then maybe we won’t miss each other so much. Deal?”
A smile jumped back to his face. “Deal.”
They shared a high-five, and Sage felt the bond between them strengthen.
“Gotta go,” Ryder said, and he headed for the door with his family. Sage turned and watched him join them. For right now, this is where God had her, and she would be okay with that. She looked up into the glowing face of her Savior in the artwork on the wall. “You’re my Hope, Jesus. I don’t know how to make this right, but I know You do. Please help me.”
“Sage?” Luke said, suddenly standing right next to her, and she turned. “You ready?”
Her smile was soft and sad. “Yeah.”
“My hero!” Hannah said from the couch, getting up to come hug Sage.
Accepting the hug with a question and a confused pat, Sage looked at Luke who just grinned at her. “What did I do?”
“What did you do? Are you kidding me?” Hannah pulled back and put her hands on Sage’s arms. “You obliterated the pink! The only bad thing is I don’t get to sleep in there more often. That room is gorgeous.”
The compliments hit her, and Sage giggled just a bit in embarrassment. “Oh, thanks.”
“Luke!” their mother called from the kitchen.
“Yo!” He went that direction and came back with Alyssa’s hand tucked firmly in his. The little jacket was set off with a frilly pink skirt and the butterfly in her hair. “And look who we have here.”
“Oooh, Alyssa. Look at you.” Hannah held her hands out. “Come on over here, and let’s have some girl talk.”
Alyssa let go of Luke and bounced up between them.
“Look at this jacket you are sporting,” Hannah said. “My. My. My. Aren’t we stylin’ today.”
The little girl beamed her a smile.
“And the shoes,” Sage squealed. “Ugh. Where do you shop? I have to get me some of these.”
From above them, Luke laughed. “I think I’ll go help them cook.” And with that he started out.
“Chicken!” Sage called after him.
“You got that right.” And he disappeared as she laughed and went back to her girls’ moment with Alyssa and Hannah.
After the lunch dishes were finished, Luke suggested they go out to the backyard and let his mother take a little rest. Alyssa was as sweet as she could be, but she was not one to want to play alone. No. She wanted someone right there, and Uncle Luke was as good a choice as any.
“So your mom is keeping Alyssa?” Sage asked as they went over to the swing.
Alyssa got on, and Luke pushed her gently. For her part, Sage just sat down on the little bench and watched them.
“Higher!” Alyssa called. “Higher!”
Luke obliged, pushing just a bit harder. “Friday was Kara and Chris’s fifth anniversary. They went to some bed and breakfast on the coast. Mom offered to keep Alyssa, and here we are.”
“Wheee!” The little girl’s smile was enough to make anybody’s day.
“You’re good with her,” Sage said, watching them. “She trusts you.”
He shrugged. “When Kara first had her, she spent a lot of time at our house before they moved away. It was kinda cool being an uncle, and I guess that never left.”
Sage nodded. “You’re a good uncle.” She heard the words in her heart before she said them. “And a really good guy.”
A half-smirk came to his face. “You have to say that ‘cause you’re my girlfriend.”
“No. I’m your girlfriend because I can say that.”
When Luke dropped her off later, he couldn’t help but feel the simple pleasure in just being with her. They had watched the Sox win with his whole family, and she fit right in. Hannah, his mother, Alyssa—they all loved her, and so did he.
“So,” he said, leaning his arm up onto the bricks of the entrance as she leaned back on them and looked at him. “Tomorrow?”
“Do you think we can get them finished?”
He smiled. “Long as I’m with you, I think I can do about anything.” Softly, tenderly, he bent down and captured her lips with his. In all his life he would never be able to account for what that did to him. He straightened and took both of her hands in his. “I love you, you know that?”
Her smile danced across his heart. “Not half as much as I love you.”
“Eep!” Sage bounced up and down clapping. “They’re going to love them!”
From his spot sitting on his heels spraying the final coat of polyurethane on the last end table, he looked up, took one look at her bouncing there, shook his head, smiled and went back to his spraying.
“What?” she asked, pouting when she saw his look. “I’m excited. I can’t be excited?”
Luke stood and put his arm around her. “You can be as excited as you want, darlin’. I’m not stopping you.”
“Eep!” With no pause she went right back into uncontrollable squealing cheerleader mode.
He took a breath and stepped back. “Well, we’ve got to let that dry for about an hour before we start moving it.” Shaking the can of spray, he turned and went back into his shop. “Oh, Mom told me to tell you she loves the cushions.”
“Oh, well, thanks. I thought they turned out pretty well. I wish I could’ve gotten some edging for them, but that was special order and well…” She picked both hands up like jazz hands. “No time.”
“I thought they turned out great too. Mrs. Mitchell didn’t mind you borrowing her sewing machine?”
“She helped me some last night. We were up way too late.” Sage smiled that smile only she could. “Did you know she’s sewn all the costumes for the Christmas play? She’s really talented.” Over in the corner, Sage hoisted herself up onto the work bench and crossed her legs.
Luke took one look at her and the thought that she could be a tool model any day went through his head. The radio hummed from the other side as he went about sucking up the wood shavings into the shop vac. The place was too small to let it get too out-of-hand dirty. For her part, Sage simply sat and watched him.
The hose slipped down and around the legs of the miter saw and bumped right into an old can of Coke someone had left there.
“Ah, man.”
“Oop. No worries.” In one heartbeat, Sage jumped off the workbench and grabbed the rag lying there to sop up the sticky brown substance. “This is what you get for trying to clean up.”
Luke accepted the rag from her and put it down to sop up the liquid. “Tell me about it. Who leaves Coke laying around?”
It was then that Sage turned, and heart, body and soul she stopped, blinking. Curious, she tipped her head to the side because just behind the black and red toolbox she saw the Sa and part of what looked like a g. But it couldn’t be a g.
As he continued to work on the mess on the floor, she walked over to the thing and gently pulled out from the dark of its hiding spot. Her name in delicate scrolling letters carved out of wood and adorn with a flower set perfectly into the S stared back at her. Her heart jammed into the words to ask. “Is…?”
A second, and when she turned holding the thing, he was standing right there in the middle of the workshop, the rag at his foot totally forgotten. He had his hand on his beltline drowning in what looked like embarrassment as he looked at her. Bumping the shop vac off, he lifted his hand and put it to the back of his head. “I’m sorry. You weren’t supposed to see that.” And with that, he came over to her and took the thing from her.
Her hands felt instantly empty. “What? Why not?”
“It’s just… It’s something. I wasn’t…” He was at the workbench, moving things around not really to a better spot just to different ones.
It took only a second to decide, and gently Sage stepped over to him. Just a breath away, she stopped. “What if I love it?”
At that his breath caught, and he looked down at her.
She saw it under the plaid of one of the rags he had flipped over it on the bench, and her heart snagged on his hurt. “Why would you not want me to see it?”
Luke turned then, crossed his feet as he leaned against the workbench, his head down. When he said nothing, Sage came over to him, put her hands on his crossed arms and gazed up into his face.
“You have an amazing talent. It shouldn’t be locked up in here, hidden away like something you’re embarrassed about.”
“It’s just… it’s so stupid. Wood? Who even cares about wood?”
“You do.” Her gaze was right there waiting when his came up. “And there’s a reason God made you love it. You can build things, Luke. Amazing things. Things that make the world a better place. Things that are beautiful that make other people happy.”
His eyes felt as though they wanted to tear from her gaze, but she wouldn’t let them.
“Don’t let anybody ever tell you that’s not special, that it’s not worth something.”
“I was just messing around.”
“Well, imagine what you could do if you took it seriously then.” She smiled at the trying-to-stay-mad look he gave her. “You can do things other people could never dream of doing. I mean I could see the bench, but I couldn’t make the bench. And I love…” Reaching over, she picked up the little name plate and tossed the rag off of it. “…this.”
He put his hand on the back of his head. “You really don’t think it’s stupid?”
“Hey.” Taking one step back she kicked him and then held it up. “It’s my name. You callin’ my name stupid?” But she smiled to take the edge off the question. Then her eyes lit up. “Eep!”
His eyes dropped further. “Uh-oh.”
“No!” Her eyes went wider. “I totally know what I could do with this. I’m thinking yellow and white, with kind of a blue vine and green down here. Eep! It will be epi-licious.”
Luke couldn’t stop the laugh. “Why do I think I’m going to be making 4,000 of these for Christmas?”
“Oh!” Her mouth dropped open. “You are so right! We can start now. Hannah and Kara, and Priscilla, and Alyssa, and one for your mom…”
An hour later, Sage had every name plate she wanted made drawn out, and Luke was beginning to think he might never see the light of day again.
“Okay, so there’s only one small problem in this plan of yours,” he said, not wanting to douse her enthusiasm but knowing he needed to point out the obvious.
“What’s that?”
“Well, first of all, how are you going to paint them all? You’re going to be in California?”
The word dimmed her excitement instantly.
“And… you’re going to do all this work, and you probably won’t even be here for Christmas.”
That took the rest of her energy. Sage sat down on the little stool over by the radio, and her shoulders slumped. “Doesn’t mean I don’t want them to have something nice from us.”
Us. Even in the face of everything, she still thought of them as a couple.
“Well,” Luke said, picking up one small block of wood and glancing at her drawings. “I guess I could always ship them to you when I got them done.”
A sad smile came up to him. “True. And we have three weeks before I leave. Maybe we could get a lot of them done now.”
Three weeks. Crazy how that sounded like tomorrow.
When they pulled up at the pastor’s house in his dad’s pickup with the two end tables tied down in the back, Luke took one look at the little parking lot and panicked. He glanced over at her, and her wide eyes told him she had seen as well.
“Dad.” She exhaled on the word like a pin had pricked her and let all the air out. Sage looked over at Luke who had no idea what to do next.
“You want to come back?” he asked. “We could go home and swing back by in a little while.”
Serious consideration crossed her face, but then she shook her head. “No. He’s avoiding me. I’m not avoiding him.”
That didn’t settle anything in Luke, but he swung into the parking lot and pulled up next to her father’s vehicle. This was going to be a study in awkward he really didn’t want to take. Getting out, he went to the back where she joined him, and he carefully unlatched the tie-downs. With each release, he checked the pieces of the end tables, almost hoping one would be damaged so they would have a reason to go home.
He vaulted himself up into the pickup bed. “Just help me get it down.”
“K.” She stood at the end of the tailgate and eased the piece of furniture down as he carefully lowered it to her. One down, he went back and got the other one.
He wished she could be her normal bubbly self over the deal, but he knew why she wasn’t. He wasn’t particularly looking forward to this either. “K. You get that side. We’ll take one up to the door and then the other. Then we can at least semi-surprise them.”
Without a single protest, Sage did her part, and in no time, the end tables were on the front porch.
Luke looked over at her. “You ready?”
As if “ready” meant being thrown into a volcano, Sage nodded, and wishing there was some other way, Luke reached over and rang the doorbell. Hands on beltline, he waited, thinking he might have to catch Sage if she actually passed out like she looked like she might.
Just as his nerves hit hyper-overload, the door swung open.
“Luke?” Mrs. Mitchell asked in surprise. “And Sage…?” However, her gaze went not just to them but to the two tables.
“Surprise,” Sage said, putting her hands out and shaking them jazz-hand style although she sounded decidedly low-key.
“Surprise? What…?” Mrs. Mitchell looked at Sage. “I don’t understand.”
Sage wound her lips under her teeth, a little of the excitement finally coming back. “A thank you present for all you’ve done for me.”
“A…? You don’t have to do that.”
However, Sage smiled. “Well, we just did.”
“Who is it?” Pastor Steve came out of his office and right to the door with his wife.
She pushed the door open wider. “It’s Luke and Sage. They brought us a present.”
“A…” and with that he joined his wife on the front porch.
Luke was beginning to doubt the wisdom in this little surprise as both recipients appeared quite perplexed.
“I didn’t… Where did you get these?” the pastor asked as if they were now wanted for grand theft end table.
“We made them,” Sage said. Then she reached over and put her hand on his arm. “Well, Luke did most of the making. I just supervised.”
“You… made these?” Mrs. Mitchell asked, glancing at her husband.
“We did.” Sage’s spirit was starting to dip again, and Luke had no idea how to catch it.
“Sage wanted to do something nice for the two of you,” Luke said. “She noticed that your end tables needed some help, so rather than try to steal them and fix them, we decided to make you new ones.”
A breath and Pastor Steve shook his head with a smile. “Well, I don’t know what to say. Sage, you didn’t have to do that.”
“I know,” and her eyes turned misty. “I wanted to.”
“Hm. Well, look, sweetheart,” Pastor Steve said, turning to his wife. “Apparently we have a new set of end tables.”
Jane’s smile went up and ended in a stream of tears. “They’re beautiful.”
“Oh. Oh. No. Only happiness,” Sage said, going over to wipe away her tears.
Mrs. Mitchell laughed. “Oh, believe me, these are definitely happy tears.”
“Here, Luke.” Pastor Steve came over and lifted the other side of one. “Nice and sturdy. Wow, honey, our place is going to look like a palace with these.”
Together with Jane, Sage went up and into the door, holding it just long enough for the pastor to catch it with his foot. “Careful.” However, it was when she turned into the dim hallway that reality and life came back to her with a snap.
There, standing in the pastor’s office doorway stood her father. Hands in pockets, head down. Then he lifted his gaze and looked right at her. For one second, she had no idea what to do. Then suddenly Mrs. P said right in her ear, You are the key. Your love don’t have nothing to do with them. “Hi, Dad,” Sage said, stepping up to him. For a split second no one and nothing moved, even the movers behind them stopped completely.
Dropping her gaze, Sage picked up her hands a fraction of an inch, unsure of going any farther.
A second of recognition and her father’s eyes turned liquid. “Hi, Sage.”
“Hi,” she squeaked out just before he stepped to her and put his arms around her. In that instant her eyes filled with tears, and she had to sniff them back. The hug was quick and slightly awkward, and when Sage let go and looked at him, he ducked, swiped at his nose, and stepped back.
“Uh, here,” her father suddenly said, striding past her for the end table, “I can help.”
As she stood there, the three of them muscled the furniture into the living room and then had a time of rearranging to get it in place.
“Here,” Jane said, “I’ll clean this one off. You can bring the other one in.”
Sage felt hopelessly useless in all the activity, so she mostly stood out of the way in the corner and watched. In no time they had the second one placed as well.
“I think we can take these over to the church later,” Pastor Steve said. “I’m sure someone would love to have them.”
“Oh, aren’t they beautiful?” Jane said next to his side, and she folded her hands to her mouth as if she might cry again. “Thank you both so much.” She hugged Luke first and then headed for Sage.
“Don’t thank me,” Luke said. “It was all Sage’s idea. She drew them up and everything.”
“Yeah, but Luke put them together.”
Her father went over to one and examined it. “These are really well made. I’m impressed.” He straightened and shook Luke’s hand. “How are you with fixing furniture? I’ve got a dresser that the drawers are just a nightmare.”
“He’s great.” Sage jumped into the conversation. “He fixed his grandparents’ dresser and even went to Greely to get just the right handles.”
Luke shrugged. “It wasn’t that big of a deal.”
Narrowing his eyes, her father surveyed him. “I’ll talk to Emily. I bet she’d love to have that thing fixed.”
A pause enveloped the room for a moment.
“Well,” Pastor Steve said, “why don’t we leave them to this and finish up, Gregory?”
“Oh. Yes. Wonderful.” However, her father cut his gaze over to hers, and Sage read the message loud and clear. He wanted her nowhere near that conversation.
She giggled softly. “I think Luke and I will just take these old end tables to the church.”
“Oh,” Jane started.
“No.” Sage held up her hand. “We can handle it. Can’t we, Luke?”
He looked as if he’d just been shot with an arrow. “Oh, yeah. Of course. We can.”
And in no time, her father and the good pastor were back behind closed doors, and Sage was wrangling furniture across a parking lot. How she had gotten here, she had no accounting for. This thing was heavier and far more awkward than she had guessed.
“What do you think they’re talking about?” Luke asked, honestly carrying most of the table even though she really was trying.
“What else? What to do about the problem of Sage.” She shrugged. “It’s like that Sound of Music song. ‘How do you solve a problem like Sage?’ Same song, fifteenth verse.”
Luke hated seeing her like this. Beaten down, defeated, accepting her fate—whatever they decided that would be. It was crazy because no matter how far they came from that space, her family had a way of slamming her right back there with seemingly no effort at all. “Do you think they’re even going to ask you? What you want I mean?”
“What I want?” She snorted as she opened the doors to the church and held them with her back and outstretched arms. “When has that ever mattered to anyone?”
Wrestling the piece in, Luke stopped to explain to Mildred what their plan was, and she acquiesced and let them into the small hallway off to the side of the church and then into one of the back offices that was only ever used for storage. Once inside, Luke set the table by the wall and turned, only to find Sage already in and the door shutting behind her. In the dim light that was coming from under the door, he let out a breath and stopped his movement afraid he would run into something or her if he took even a step.
“Oh. Um. Light… switch?” Sage laughed, going back to the wall and trailing her hand over it to find one.
“Don’t.” With a step around the end table, Luke stopped her search.
“Don’t?” She sounded breathless and a little afraid as she turned back to him. “Why not?”
Gently he put his hands on her arms. “You know I love you, right?”
Breathless suddenly sounded panicked. “Luke?”
“You know I love you, right?” Thankfully the light began to grow with the adjusting of their eyes to it, and Luke could now see her now, looking at him wild and worried. He breathed down his own nerves. “Look, I think you have to tell them. You have to tell them what you want.”
“What I…?”
“Listen to me, Sage. None of this is fair to you. Not being banished to the pastor’s…”
“That hasn’t been…”
“Not even being banished here to North Carolina in the first place. But Mrs. P was right the other day when she said you’re the key.” He shook her softly. “You are, Sage. Just like the other night with Jaycee. You stood up to Rory and got her out of there. You did that. None of us expected that. But it was because you made a decision and went for it. You need to do that with this. You need to step up and say, ‘This is what I want.’”
Her head fell and then shook. “But I don’t even know what that is.”
Luke’s heart went out to her as he collected her into his arms. He felt her fear and confusion in his own soul. “Do you really not know, or are you afraid to ask?”
Summoning her courage, Sage backed up and dragged her gaze up to his. “You know, all my life I’ve been told what I want, what I should want. I should want a bigger house. I should want nice cars and fancy clothes. I should want to go to all the right parties and be seen with the right people. I should want all this stuff. And I did. I wanted it because I was supposed to. I did all those things because those were what I should want to do.”
His eyes searched hers, and although there was concern, Sage knew in that moment she could tell him anything, and he would never condemn her or trash her for it. “And now?”
“Now…?” Liquid filled her eyes. “Now, I can’t imagine going back to that, to being that person. I hated it. I hated being that. I mean I can’t even imagine dissing Barbara Morris for driving a last year model car like we used to. I mean, who even cares? There are these people, people who stood in that line the other day and thanked me for giving them a little ham. They don’t care about last year’s car or this year’s car. They go home and they feed their kids rock soup, and…”
Slowly her gaze came up to his and held there. “I don’t want to go back to how it was before, but I don’t want to hurt my mom and Jason either. They’re expecting me to come home. And then there’s school and Pate and Mac.” She shrugged. “I mean, sure I haven’t heard from them in a while, but just not going home again? I can’t imagine doing that.”
She closed her eyes, fighting back the tears. “But then I think about leaving here, leaving you, and…” This time the tears really did take over, and Luke pulled her back into the safety of his arms. “How can I make everyone happy when whatever I do is going to be wrong?”
“Sage. Darlin’…”
“Luke? Sage?” the pastor’s voice cut through their conversation as he opened the door and snapped on the light.
Just like that, they stepped apart, and Sage brushed and swiped at her eyes, embarrassed enough for all of them. Luke took a step back from her, put his gaze on the carpet and his fists on his beltline.
“What’re you doing in the dark?” The pastor’s foot held the door open just enough, and Sage wanted to hide under the ratty sofa the light had uncovered.
Stepping even further back from her, Luke glanced at her once and then faced down the firing squad. “We were talking.”
“Talking?” The pastor didn’t sound too sure of that as he lifted one side of the table and her father lifted the other to bring it in. “I thought y’all were coming back for this one.”
Feeling like the last mismatched pair of Prada shoes on the sale rack, Sage kept her head down and held onto her heart and her breathing with both hands. She was sure this had just confirmed her reputation in both of the older men’s eyes.
“Actually.” Luke wound his arms at his chest, never so much as moving. “I was trying to help Sage sort out what she should tell y’all when we went back.”
“Tell us?” her father asked with both worry and concern lacing the statement. “About what?”
“About what comes next for her.”
Both men looked at her.
“See.” Luke uncurled and went over to her, and although she had misgivings about letting him, he put his arm around her and eyed both of them. “I’m guessing you’ve probably noticed she’s gotten to be real important to me, and well, I hope I’ve gotten to be real important to her too. But every time we get on something that feels like solid ground with all of this, all of a sudden you all start rearranging everything around us.”
Her father moved to protest, but Luke cut him off.
“Look, I know we’ve talked about this before, about how leaving her life dangling over a cliff ain’t fair. Well, I’ll be honest with you, I’m tired of seeing her run over by you all thinking you can just put her in limbo and leave her there.” He glanced down at her. “So I was just trying to do what I think you all should have done a long time ago… ask her what she wants in all of this.”
The two men glanced at each other.
“Have either of you ever even bothered to do that?” he asked. “Have you ever asked her what she wants?”
“I know this hasn’t been easy… on any of us,” her father said. “But she’s not the only…” Although he chose not to finish that, it didn’t take much to figure out where he was going with it.
“Not the only one you have to think about? Well, does she factor into the decision at all?” Luke bit out the words. “Does she?”
“Of course she does. What kind of question is that?”
“Luke,” Sage said softly, “it’s okay.”
He looked down at her and then right at her father. “Did you hear that?”
She put her hand on his chest to stop him. “Luke, please.”
“What?” her father asked.
“That. It’s the sound of someone trying to talk someone out of saying the truth. Do you know who the last one I heard say something like that was?”
“Luke, don’t,” she pleaded. “Just let it go.”
“Jaycee on Friday night when Rory was pawing all over her for everybody to see at the bonfire,” Luke said, and anger split across her father’s face. “And do you know who stepped in to keep your daughter from that wolf?” His gaze traced down to Sage’s, and she saw in them his no-holds-barred determination. “Sage did. That’s who.” Then his gaze went back to her father. “She stepped up because your family was in trouble, and family means something to her. She stepped in to save Jaycee from herself because your family is her family whether you want that to be the case or not.”
In quiet desperation, Sage shook her head. “It’s okay, Luke. Really. You don’t have to…”
“Do you hear her?” He never removed his eyes from her father’s. “Do you? She’s trying to tell me that it’s okay if you treat her like trash and make her feel like garbage. It’s okay if you toss her out like yesterday’s moldy pizza. It’s okay if you put her on a shelf and act like she doesn’t even exist when it’s not convenient for you.”
“Luke, really…” she said, knowing he was just making it worse.
“So, is it? Is that all she can ever hope to get from you? A few scraps thrown her way so she’ll feel grateful enough to go away and stop complicating your life?”
“Luke!” the pastor said in alarm.
“What?” Without fear, he looked right at them both. “That’s what he’s doing, isn’t it? You want me to lie and say, ‘Oh, everything is perfect. Everything is just peachy. He’s not toying with Sage and making her feel like trash’? Is that what you want, or do you want the truth? Because the truth is, she doesn’t deserve this, any of it. And I think she deserves to have a say in what happens to her. And she deserves for her father to want her in his life.”
“I do… want her.”
“Well, you sure have a weird way of showing that.”
At that her father sat down heavily on the frayed gray couch and put his head in his hands. “I don’t know. I don’t know how to fix any of this.” His gaze came up to hers. “I’m sorry, Sage. I really am. I thought… I thought I could do this. Be the dad you needed me to be, but trying to be that hurt other people that I really care about.”
The words knifed through her, but Sage completely understood. “Emily.”
He nodded. “She can’t forgive me for what I did, and she blames you for it. I get that. I just don’t know how to fix it.” His grieving eyes came up to hers. “I know it’s not your fault. I know it’s all mine, but when we talked, you and I, before, Em… well, she…. It got really ugly. Everywhere I look, there’s just more questions and more hurt and more pain, and I know I’m the one who caused all of it, but I can’t figure out how to fix it… for any of you.” Ache screeched across his face as he shook his head. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry about everything. I never meant for this…”
Leaving Luke, Sage stepped over to the sofa and sat down. Carefully, gently, she put her hand on her father’s shoulder. “I wish I could wave a magic wand and make all of this go away. Part of me even says I should just go back to California and maybe that would make everything better.”
Luke dropped his gaze and swung it away from her, more hurt than she had ever seen him. It killed her to do that to him, but if she was being honest, she had to admit the thought had crossed her mind. “But I also know running isn’t going to fix this.” She looked up at the pastor. “You said God could do the impossible. Do you really believe that?”
A second and the pastor nodded though he looked just slightly unsure of that himself.
“Well,” Sage said as she looked back down at her father, “maybe you can’t fix it, but maybe that’s because only God can. I know the other night when Rory was acting like an idiot, I didn’t know how to make him quit. All I knew was I had to do something. So I did something and God filled in the blanks.” She looked up at Luke and held her hand out to him. A second and he accepted the offer. “It’s what Luke’s been doing with me. He didn’t know how to fix this mess either, but that didn’t stop him from trying. Not that everything he did worked or seemed to work at the time, but he didn’t give up. He hasn’t. He keeps trying and keeps talking and keeps loving me—even when from the outside that looked about as promising as the ocean running dry tomorrow.”
Carefully Luke sat down beside her, and she knew God had a plan even if she didn’t see all of it.
“I don’t know everything or really even much of anything, but what I do know is I don’t want to be away from him. I need him because I don’t know how to be me without him around. It’s like without him, I’m on the wrong side of the mirror, acting like Sage but not really being her.” She let her gaze go back to her father. “And I know Emily is the same for you.
“I don’t want to come between you even though I know I have. What I want is for us to find a way that this can be okay for everybody. So I guess we’re on the same side with that, huh?”
Her father nodded as his gaze fell back to his lap.
The pastor let out a long breath. “You know, maybe it’s time to do some family counseling about this. Do you think Emily would be amenable to that, Greg?”
He shook his head in desolation. “I don’t even know at this point.”
However, this time Sage wasn’t going to just give in. “Well, then maybe we all need to start praying for her. I know praying for Jayc helped me, even if it hasn’t exactly brought her around. Maybe if we can we pray together, Pastor?”
“Sure.”
And then they did. All together in that small, shabby, mismatched room, they bent their heads and prayed for everyone in the situation. And Sage continued that prayer for the next three days.
“Okay, I’m officially freaking out here,” Sage said on Wednesday night as she lay on her bed at the pastor’s house talking to Luke on the phone. “They just told me Dad and Em are coming tomorrow to talk.”
“Really? That’s great.”
“I don’t know, Luke. I don’t. What if they decide to send me back? I’ve only got two weeks the way it is, but…”
“So you are going back in two weeks?” He sounded worried.
“What choice do I have? I can’t camp out here with the pastor and Jane forever. They have their own lives, and this was never meant to be a permanent solution. Besides, it’s like I said, Mom and Jason will be home by the 20th. They’re going to expect me to come home.” She was trying to get all right with that idea, and she really hoped he was too. The very last thing she wanted to do was smash his heart.
Why did everything she said have to sound so logical? And if it was so logical, why did it feel so soul-splitting? The rest of the night, Luke spent in prayer, not even sure what he was praying for anymore. He wanted to pray for her to stay, but was that the right thing? He thought about praying for the right thing, but what if that meant her going back to California?
Finally, deep into the night, he quit fighting, got up, grabbed a Dr. Pepper from the refrigerator and went out to sit on the porch. He put his head back on the siding and stared up at the deepening night sky. “Why does life have to be so confusing, God?” He took a drink and wiped his mouth. “I just want what’s best for her.” And even saying it, threatened to tear him in two. “Show us what that is. And whatever it is, help me to be able to deal with it.”