Chapter 26
Sage let herself in the back door, knowing what was coming. After all, they surely wouldn’t be satisfied with ripping her from the only love she’d ever known. Oh, no. That would be much too easy and good for someone like her.
Someone like her. The thought pressed in, trying to hurt her like it always had, but this time the sharp-tip only dealt a glancing blow. Someone like her would never be loved like that by someone like Luke Baker. Never.
So, collecting her courage, she stepped into the kitchen where the others were preparing supper. When she looked at the clock, she was surprised to see it was well after five-thirty. Where had that much time gone?
“It’s about time you come in.” Her stepmother shook the water from the tomatoes she was holding as she looked out and watched Luke’s car turn and leave the driveway. She turned then, took one look at her stepdaughter, shook her head with a scowl on her face, and then she pursed her lips and turned back for the sink. “Well, the table needs set. It’s not like the rest of us are on vacation.”
Vacation. Somehow that wasn’t the term Sage would have used for this. “Okay.”
Jaycee came in the other way, grabbed up a piece of celery from the plate and crunched into it. “Rory called.”
“Oh really?” Why did her stepmother sound so incredibly happy about that?
Sage buried the knowing disgust and went to the cabinet to retrieve the plates.
“Yeah. He wants to go to the baseball game in Wilmington on Thursday. Are we doing anything?”
“Uh. Not that I know of.”
“Great!” Jaycee turned and then turned back. “Oh, and it’s a night game, so we might be out late.”
Sage felt both of their glances, but she would not give them what they wanted. She would not react. Instead, she went to the table and distributed the plates. Now for the silverware.
“How late do you think you’ll be?”
“Well, the game starts at seven. It’s a two-hour drive, so it’s definitely going to be after midnight when we get back.”
The hesitation was evident even though Sage was trying not to watch.
“We’ll have to ask your dad, but since it’s Rory…”
One fork. One spoon. One fork. One spoon. Focus on the details. Don’t take the bait.
“He said we could get Trey and Bethany to go with us if it’s a problem.” Jaycee continued to crunch on the celery, obviously trying to be as obnoxious as possible so she could get a rise out of Sage.
“That might be better. You know how your dad can be about these things.”
“It’s baseball,” Jaycee said with a shrug. “It’s not like we’re out parking somewhere.” And Sage felt the glance slice through her.
“I know. But we’ll just have to see.”
At the cabinet, Sage got out the five blue glasses, balancing them in the hands she was trying very hard to keep steady. They’re just trying to rattle you, Sage. Don’t let them shake your cage.
“Oh, and I’m sure we’ll go to the bonfire together on Friday. I can’t wait to see everybody. I think this next month is definitely going to be the best part of the whole summer.”
The glass in Sage’s hand slipped mid-transfer to the table. She jumped, trying to catch it, but only managed to make it hit harder, sending it crashing down in a hail of shards right at her feet. The sound reverberated through the kitchen, shaking everything including her resolve to keep the pain locked inside her.
“What in the…?” Emily spun. “For the love of… Sage! Good grief! Can you not carry out one simple task without it turning into a complete catastrophe?”
“I’m sorry.” Fighting not to cry, Sage looked at her. “It slipped.”
“It slipped? Everything just slips with you, doesn’t it? Why is it that everything is such a disaster with you around?”
Sage backed up heedless of the danger, swallowing the insults down, the shattered glass now scattered on the table and all over the floor around her. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean…”
“Well, clean it up already. It’s not like we’re your servants.”
Blinking and knowing she had no other choice, Sage nodded and reached for one shard lying on the table.
“Sage!”
She had heard the thump of the backdoor but hadn’t processed what it meant in the midst of her stepmother’s harsh judgment and demands. But now, sensing this was where what was left of her worth died, she looked over and gasped the crushing tears back. Don’t cry, Sage. Not now. Please don’t cry now.
Face hard, her father came into the kitchen, walking toward her, his eyes flashing.
“Don’t touch it,” he demanded, and then his gaze snapped to his wife’s as she stood there, arms crossed anger slashing across her face.
“What do you mean, ‘Don’t touch it’? She made the mess,” her stepmother said. “She should clean it up.”
Her father stood, hands on beltline, looking right at Sage, and then slowly the anger dissipated from his face. “No. She doesn’t.”
Disbelief drained down her stepmother’s face. “What do you mean she doesn’t?” She pointed to Sage. “She dropped the glass. She needs to clean it up!”
However, instead of fighting, her father dragged in a breath. “She made a mistake. She didn’t do it on purpose.”
“Those are our good glasses!”
He only glanced at his wife. “And we can get another one.” A half-shake of his head and he stepped over to Sage. His eyes were full of remorse and love as he put his hand on her head. “We can’t get another Sage.”
“I don’t believe…” With a shake of her head, Emily stomped from the room passing Jaycee who stood there with hate bleeding from her gaze.
A moment and she shook her head as well before following her mother out.
Sage couldn’t look at them. She was lost in his gaze. “I’m really sorry. It… it slipped.”
“I know.” His smile was soft. “You know.” He dropped his hand from her, turned and grabbed the trashcan before heading for the clear blue shards. “I’ve made a few mistakes in my life too.” Bending he started picking up the glass as Sage watched him, trying to process what had just happened. “But we’re only defined by those if we let ourselves be.”
Feeling the help but knowing this really was her mess to clean up, Sage bent to help him. However, just as she reached for the pieces, he put his hand out and stopped her.
“Don’t, okay?” His eyes came up to hers, and there was an amazing mix of firmness and gentleness. “Dads need to be good for something.”
Although she was grateful for the gesture, Sage knew it meant very bad things for the stability of the family. The family she would no longer be a part of by Wednesday night. Feeling helpless for him, she watched her father clean up the glass and then finish up making supper. When he called for the others, Sage knew he was taking a million bullets for her. She hated that for him. He didn’t deserve them, and she wished she could tell him that. But talking to him? About this? About anything? The very thought sent her spiraling back into her own little corner of the world.
She wondered as they ate their very quiet meal if he was thinking about Luke and what he had said in the office. She knew she surely was.
When the meal was over, Sage stood to clear the dishes, not making any big show of it. At the sink, she started the water, determined not to play the part of the no-dish-hands debutante they thought she was. She’d just started washing the first pan when she heard her father moving behind her. He set a glass next to her on the cabinet.
“Why don’t you all go on?” he said to the others. “We can get this.”
Fear and panic jerked into Sage. What was he doing? He was going to make it a thousand times worse! She wanted to tell him that, to tell him he didn’t have to do this for her. He was going to stay. She wasn’t. Without seeing the pan, she washed it and put it into the other sink.
Coming up next to her, he flipped his tie over his shoulder and picked up the pan. “I never took you for someone who did dishes.”
She smiled at what she perceived was a compliment. “Neither did I.” Around and around the sponge in her hand went on the little pot. “You don’t have to help me.”
He nodded and smiled with tight lips. “I know.”
“She’s leaving, huh?” Luke’s mother said as he sat at the table, pushing the ravioli around the plate, never seeing it and certainly not eating it.
He felt like he might never eat again. He’d been there for an hour, and still he’d only gotten one bite into him, and that one he still felt like he was going to throw up. His whole body hurt—inside and out. How would he ever watch her get on that plane? He would never live through it. He nodded and then let his head shake as his eyes closed on the searing pain.
She let out a breath and put her hand on his head and then her arms around him. “Sometimes you go all in, and it doesn’t work out. But I love how much you care. You’re so much like your dad.”
That surprised Luke. “Dad?”
“Oh, you know, he doesn’t act like it sometimes.” Coming around, she sat down at the table with him. “But I’ve seen him out there, working for us, caring about us, loving us—even when it was so incredibly hard on him to keep going.” She reached up and ruffled his hair. “You’ve got a good heart in you, kid. Don’t let this convince you not to use it.”
Back in her room, Sage was sitting on the bed, cell phone in hand. She wanted to text him, to tell him what a difference he had made, to thank him for everything he had done. But how do you put something like that into a few words on a screen?
The knock on the door brought her up and scooting across the bed. “Uh, who is it?”
An answer didn’t come immediately, and when it did, it shocked her. “Sage, it’s Dad, can I come in?”
Dad? Panic slammed into her, thoroughly unraveling every remaining frazzled edge of her spirit. “Uh, oh, yeah, just… just a second!”
Perfect. Her room needed to be perfect. She fluffed the pillows and lined them up by the wall. The suitcases still stood at the edge of the bed, a stoic reminder that she was just passing through. However, she could do nothing about them now.
“Uh. Um.” She smoothed out her hair and her clothing, standing there, knowing she wasn’t at all presentable but utterly helpless to change that.
He knocked again. “Sage?”
“Uh, yeah, yes. Come… come on in.”
When he opened the door and peered inside, she could hardly keep herself in one piece. Her breathing constricted to nearly nothing. Was he going to ream her out now? Tell her she was leaving tomorrow instead of Wednesday? Tell her how she and Luke had no right to say the things he had? She knew that now, deeper than she had even at the time.
“Can I…?” he asked, tipping his head into the room.
“Oh, yes. Yes. Of course. Please.” She put out her hand like a lady at tea. Why did her mind say she should ask him if he would like anything to drink, some tea or coffee maybe? She didn’t know, but her mind asked it just the same.
He came in and took the little chair she had used when she was sewing. The thing would probably break under his weight, but he spun it around and sat down on it backwards before realizing she was still standing for inspection.
“Oh, please, Sage. Sit. No need to stand there on my account.”
Sit. Okay. She could do that. He told her to sit. So sitting was all right. Carefully she lowered herself to the edge of the bed because other than the floor, there was no other option.
Her father watched her, his arms crossed on the back of the chair. When she was down, Sage smoothed out her jeans and then her hair, knowing she shouldn’t be fidgeting but also knowing he was scrutinizing her like she was under a microscope. Look up. Look at him. Sage, get your eyes up.
“Hm,” she cleared her throat, wondering what she was supposed to say. Did he want her to apologize about before—the glass and the office? Heat started to fill her body, radiating outward so she knew he could feel it too.
“I think we need to talk,” he finally said quietly. “About a lot of things.”
Her giggle was only two soft, nervous sounds, and she reached up and spun her fingers through her hair as she nodded, gaze still on the carpet. “Okay.”
His face dropped an emotional octave. “First of all, I need you to know that none of this is your fault.”
That statement slammed into her, and she moved to protest, but he held up his hand to stop her.
“I know. You think it is, and it’s my fault because I let you think that.” He let his gaze fall to the floor. “After you two left today, I went over and talked with the pastor.”
Panic hit her hard. She was sure her reputation at the church was already set in stone. That it could conceivably sink any lower was not welcome news. Then reality knocked into that thought. What did it matter? She wasn’t going back there anyway. Oh, to stop the thoughts because every one wrenched up more troubling emotions. Somehow she kept them all from her face, but he needed to stop now because she might not be able to do so much longer.
“We talked a little bit, and he set me straight about a few things. Like the fact that I haven’t been the dad you’ve needed me to be. I guess in a way I knew that. I just didn’t want to admit it.”
“It’s okay,” she said, pushing the words from her heart and forcing her gaze to hold onto his. “I understand.”
“Do you?” His eyes questioned that. “Do you really?” He let out a breath. “Because I don’t. I want to, but it all gets jumbled up in my head so even if I know what to do, I don’t do it because… well, because of a lot things.”
Sage nodded, hearing him, knowing he needed to say these things, and that she needed to be strong and let him.
“That’s why I think it would be a really good idea if we went to talk with the pastor tomorrow. Just the two of us and then the others can come later on.”
The pastor? No, her heart screamed, but she hacked that protest in half before it could even come out or trace across her features. “T—tomorrow?” Her hand went up to her hair and spiraled there. “Um.” She cleared her throat because she was squeaking, and she hated that. With force, she put her hand on her lap and made it stay there. “Um, Luke and I were… well, we were thinking about… going to the beach tomorrow.”
Her father nodded slowly. “Well, maybe you can go with him on Wednesday.”
Wednesday? She wanted to scream the word at him. Didn’t he realize she would be gone by Wednesday? “Oh. Uh, well…”
He dropped his gaze and took a deep breath before lifting it back to hers. “I canceled the plane ticket, Sage. The one for Wednesday.”
Her eyes went wide. “You… what?”
“I canceled it. I called your mom a little bit ago and told her you’ll be staying here for the rest of the summer.”
Joy followed instantly by terror surged in her heart. “The rest… Oh. Are you sure about that? I mean, I know how much… I know how hard this has been on everyone.”
“Especially you,” he said softly. “And I’m sorry about that. But we’re going to work on it. I promise you, we will. What I don’t want is for you to get on that plane and ever think that this family isn’t your family.”
She heard what he was saying, and she wanted to be happy about that, but… Her gaze slipped from his back to the carpet. “They hate me.”
He tipped his head as if that statement had hurt him. “They hate the situation.”
But she shook her head. “No. They hate me. They wish I had never been born. They think I’m just one big mistake that never should have happened.”
At that, and looking imminently helpless, he stood and came over to her. When he sat on the bed, Sage cringed away from his presence. However, after only a second’s pause, he put his arm around her and then put his hand on her head and pulled it to his shoulder. “I’m so sorry about all of this, sweetheart.” He shook his head. “I should have seen what this was doing to you.”
Sage gasped the emotion down though it overtook her like a flash flood. Somehow she had to keep it together because falling apart was not allowed. “I’m… okay. I am.” She pulled herself away from him, but she couldn’t get the lies solid enough in her heart to look at him.
“I don’t think that’s true, Sage, and I don’t think it’s been true for a long time.”
Why wouldn’t he just let it go? She was trying to. However, she sniffed and nodded, forcing all the tears back into their cell and slamming the door on them. She would not cry. It would help nothing.
“Tell you what, why don’t you call Luke,” he finally said. “See if he’s free to come over tonight. The Sox are playing. Maybe he can help us cheer them on. They need all the help they can get at this point.”
Complete shock washed over her when she looked up at him, and her hand went up to her hair as if a windstorm had wrecked her hairstyle in the last five minutes. “Luke?”
“Yeah.” Her father stood and took a step away before he turned with a smile. “I’m betting he wants to hear about your change of plans.” He walked to the door but stopped there. “And if you can, keep tomorrow open for me. Okay?”
A second and a small smile, and she nodded not at all trusting this feeling of hope.
Softly he smiled at her acceptance. “Great.” And with that he stepped out and closed the door softly.
Sage’s thoughts spiraled through the entire conversation and really the entire day. In the next heartbeat, she grabbed up the cell phone and dialed it. One ring. Two. Three. “Come on, Luke.” Completely on its own, her knee started bouncing. “Answer your phone already.”
“Hello?” It was incredible the amount of pain that single greeting could hold.
“Hey,” she said softly, her heart wanting nothing more than to hold him.
“Hey,” he said, sounding like he had no energy left.
“Um.” She barely stopped the giggle of joy. “Do you have a minute?”
“Sure. What’s up?”
She almost laughed out loud because finally the news was catching up with her heart. “No. I mean do you have a minute to come over?”
Confusion washed through his voice. “Over? Now?”
“Yeah.”
“Right now? To your house?”
“Yeah.”
“Uh, I… can. Is something wrong?”
“No. I just need to see you.”
“Okay.”
“Great. Then I’ll see you in a couple.”
“Uh. Yeah. Okay. A couple.”
When she hung up, Sage took a real, actual, deep breath. The first of the day. It felt so good. She stood and looked down at herself. Then her gaze came up and found her looking right into the mirror. “Wow,” she said softly. “He really must love me because I’m a mess!”
Reaching up, she fingered her hair one way and then the other. There was no time for a shower or a curling iron, all her make-up and every stitch of clothing other than what she was wearing was packed. She picked her hands up and shook her head at her own reflection, knowing he was going to be here any minute. “Wow. Who would have ever believed this? Sage Wentworth in all her glory.”
Somehow that he wasn’t even going to notice or mind made her feel loved until it practically curled her toes. “I blame this on, you, Luke Baker.” And then she smiled the happiest smile she’d had in two months.
Luke braced himself as best he could spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically on the short drive to her house. It was already getting dark out, and he couldn’t help but think how well that matched his mood. Dimmer and dimmer the world was slowly shutting off around him and inside him. When he rounded the corner into their driveway, his head did the count of vehicles while his heart told him it was better not to.
He, of all people, knew she didn’t make random hey-come-see-me-for-no-reason phone calls. This had to be big, and if it was big, it was bad. The car stopped nearly on its own, and he threw it into park and killed the engine. However, he’d barely had a chance to take a breath to settle his nerves and gather his bravery than out the back door she came.
She was in the same thing she’d been in before. Nice jeans and an off-white blouse, only now she had thrown on a peach-colored knit thing with holes all over on it. Her hands were in her pockets as she came to the car, and he got out, swimmy-headed at the sight of her, but trying very hard to keep himself in check so he could deal with whatever this SOS was about.
“Hey,” she said, her gaze sliding from his to the sidewalk.
Holding the door for balance and stability, he looked at her, trying to figure out where this was going. “Hey.”
Then, with effort, her gaze came up to his and held there. Luke was having major trouble deciphering all that she wasn’t staying.
“You interested in going for a walk?” she finally asked, swaying up on her toes and back down onto her heels.
“Uh.” He slammed his mouth closed so he wouldn’t ask the desperate questions in his heart. “Sure.”
Sage nodded and came over to him at the car as he shut the door. A second and she reached over and took his hand before lifting his arm up and over her shoulders. There were so many questions jamming into him, Luke couldn’t figure out which one to ask first.
“I wanted to tell you thank you,” Sage said as their steps wound around the back of the car and went off into the fading light beyond.
“For what?”
“For what you did with my dad, standing up like that, for me.”
He wanted to say a lot of things but defeat kept them from coming out.
“We talked just now, Dad and me.” She nodded, and he began to sense something had changed. “We’re going to see the pastor tomorrow, see if we can work some things out.”
How he could feel so happy for her and so very disappointed for himself, Luke didn’t know, but instantly both cascaded into him.
Step, step, step, and then she looked up at him and smiled. “So maybe we can go do the beach thing on Wednesday? It’s not supposed to rain or anything, is it?”
“Wednesday?” His spirit rammed hard into that word. “But…”
And then he saw the sparkle in her eyes and the smile she was trying very hard not to smile. His eyes went wide, and his steps stopped.
“Wait.” Luke turned to her, scanning her face, and suddenly he knew. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
Her smile came on full-wattage, and it blew him away. “Yeah, I’m staying. No California on Wednesday.”
“Oh.” How could a guy be reduced to knee-buckling joy by such a few little words? In the next breath, he had her up in his arms, and they were spinning together in time and space. Then, slowly, carefully, sensing that maybe he was imagining all of this, he let her slide to the ground. “Are you serious? I mean, you’re not messing with me?”
“Serious as a heart attack.” Then she came to him and her fingers played with his collar. “But we could discuss the messing with you part.”
The breath of relief went all the way through him, jerking up hope and amazement and joy. However, before he could process any of that, she pressed her fingers into the hair at his neckline, pulling his lips down to hers. The taste of her was as sweet as honey and warm as sunshine. Luke could feel that somehow inexplicably Sage Hollywood and the Sage he was coming to know and love could in fact be a dangerous combination in the right measures of hot and homey.
She ended the kiss first, backing up, staring up at him with daring and seduction etched on the whole of her. “So, how brave are you feeling?”
That shot his eyebrows up. “Uh? Brave?”
Then the seduction fled as she melded herself into his arms, and he held her there not wholly sure he could withstand whatever she had in mind.
“Yeah, the Sox are playing tonight, and I really need someone to explain this whole baseball thing to me because I am so not getting the fascination.”
Luke laughed out loud and hugged her to him tightly, loving how every curve meshed with him. “Okay, see, the guys in the red, those are the good guys.”
She nodded. “And the guys in the white with blue pinstripes are Satan.”
He laughed again. “Hey, you’re getting it.”
One more hug, and Sage let herself drift off into the dreamland of simply being with him. “So, you interested in watching with us then?” She knew the untenable position this could put him in as if the sword of Damocles was bearing down from above.
The breath was soft but there. “And they won’t tar and feather me?”
A moment and she shook her head. “Dad said to invite you, but I don’t know about the others. I’m guessing they are going to be non-too-pleased with the change of plans.”
After a breath of a pause, he looked down at her. “You don’t want to be alone?”
Although she really wanted to protest the assumption, it jerked her head down so fast she couldn’t. “That’s bad, huh?”
However, he simply tightened his grip on her. “Well, under the circumstances, I’d call it smart.”
They turned for the house, now shining in the darkness beyond, and Sage managed to wrap his arm up and around her shoulders as she held onto his hand. She loved that hand. It was warm and real and safe.
“So, you and your dad are going to talk with the pastor?” Luke asked after only a few steps.
“Yeah.”
He nodded. “And how are you with that? You good?”
The steps continued. The words did not. Sage didn’t know how to put into words all the conflicting things that thought brought up. It would be just the two of them, just the three of them actually, and she wasn’t at all sure who she was the most intimidated by.
“The pastor’s a good guy,” Luke tried again. “He’s real smart about stuff like this. Not demanding or sending you to hell over anything.”
Nodding, she gripped his hand even harder, feeling the terror grip the middle of her soul.
“Hey,” he finally said softly. “Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”
Sage glanced up, and as usual, she didn’t want to be honest with him. Why that always felt so close to death, she couldn’t say, but it did.
At the car, they stopped, and Luke leaned on it and drew her to him. She loved being here in his arms, safe and protected from all the horrible things that sought to take her down.
“I’m not…” she started and then shook her head. “I don’t…” This was getting worse because it was now dragging up tears she hadn’t known were there and had no defense against.
“Don’t…?”
The lack of oxygen was making her head feel like an unstable fish tank full of water teetering on the edge of a table. “Um. It’s just that… Well, um, I’m not real good with guys around.”
His laugh slipped out before he could stop it. “Um, okay. What does that mean?”
She shook her head into his chest and sniffed, hating herself for being so incredibly weak. “When… when I have to ask for something or say something, I never go to Jason. I always go to my mom.”
Luke nodded, his demeanor now falling into serious. “That makes sense.”
“Does it?” She was so surprised by his answer that she jerked up to look at him. “It makes sense?”
He looked like he was puzzled by the question, and he shrugged. “Well, yeah. She’s your mom.”
However, gazing into his soft, gentle eyes, Sage knew it was more than that. A moment and she dove back into the protectiveness of his embrace. She had to say this, to get it out because it was clawing its way from inside her chest. “When I was little, really little, Jason used to babysit me.”
Luke never said anything, but he tightened his grip on her just the same.
“He didn’t like it if I was playing or doing anything where he was. If he came into the room and I was there, he’d tell me to go find somewhere else to play.”
The breaths under her temple had slowed. “Did he ever hit you?”
“No.” She shook her head slowly as the tears came up. “But he yelled a lot. About everything.” A swallow and a breath as the memories came up. “One day, he was working on something at home. I don’t know what it was, but when he left, I wanted to give him a picture I was drawing so I got up on his chair. I was putting the picture on his desk when he came back in and completely freaked out. He started screaming at me that I was messing everything up, that I was just impossible to deal with, and then he took my picture and mashed it up and threw it in the trash.
“My mom came running in and picked me up. She said she was sorry that she hadn’t been watching me, that I was supposed to be in the other room, and she didn’t know I’d gotten into his office, and it wouldn’t happen again. Then she took me out and gave me swats and told me to never, ever disturb Jason again because he was a busy and important man.” Sage sniffed and shook her head, trying to corral the tears. “I’m afraid I’m going to start crying tomorrow, that I’m not going to be able to help it, and I can’t do that with them, but I don’t know how not to.”
The words were gushing out of her again like a torrent she couldn’t stop. “I mean, what if they ask me like, something like about this, and I can’t make myself not?”
“Okay, wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.” He waved his hands as if desperately trying to get her to stop. “I’m a little confused here. Why are you not supposed to cry?”
Why had she started down this path again? Why hadn’t she just shut up, done the meeting, gotten through it, and gone on with life? Why couldn’t she just shut up as she always had, put the little giggling, smiley face on, and kept all the junk in her heart where it belonged?
“Sage?” Luke said when she didn’t answer. “What’s wrong with crying?”
She sniffed, which she hated because that was like putting a stamp on her utter ineptness. As dates went, this one had to rank right down on the bottom for him. What was she doing? She was being the sniveling little brat Jason had always said she was. All these years she had tried to tell him differently, tried to not be this pathetic excuse for the female species, tried to prove him wrong, and now, all her lies were exposed for the truth that had always been. She really was exactly what he’d always said she was.
“Hey,” Luke said, breaking into her thoughts as he pulled her backward from him and gazed down at her in concern. “Okay. Seriously. What’s up with the no crying rule? I thought that one was only for boys.”
Pulling her gaze up to his, she got ironic on her face. “Or girls who want any boy to ever think they’re not completely pathetic.”
“Wow.” That backed him up another inch. “Pathetic?” He nodded three times and then squinted. “Let me guess, Jason?”
She tipped her head, shrugged, and sniffed. “And every other guy on the planet.”
This nod went down only. “What about this guy? The one standing here right now.” He looked down at himself. “I don’t see him running for the hills over a few tears.”
Sage shook her head and dropped her gaze. “Give it time.”
The knife of that statement sliced right through Luke, and he sighed, holding it back so she wouldn’t think it was about her. So much hurt stored in that tiny body. He pulled her to him again, thinking about the coming challenges. “What if I go with you tomorrow?”
That yanked her up, head and body away from him, and she stared at him with wide, disbelieving eyes. “With me?” She reached up and swiped one of the tears off her cheek with her wrist. “To the pastor’s?”
Luke put nonchalance on his face and shrugged.
“You would do that?” She swiped at more tears, sniffing and shaking her head. “I’m sure you’ve got better things to do.”
“Eh.” A second and he put his arm around her. “I did, but I think my plans just changed.”
Now next to him on the car, she put her hand on his chest and looked up at him. “You’re serious? You would really go with me.”
Rather than laughing it off because he could feel how important this was to her, he looked down at her. “Yeah, I’d really go with you.”
Sage let out a long breath, never breaking the connection with his eyes. Then she nodded, barely moving her head as she lifted her lips to his and closed her eyes. Love in colors he had never seen before cascaded over him, and he smiled at the simple yet complete trust in her whole being. Gently he lowered his lips to hers and brushed there, an act which ignited his soul with a myriad of white-hot fireworks. One more kiss and he pulled her to him. “We should go inside, or we’re going to miss the game.”
Although Sage wanted to say something snarky to keep him out there, she nodded, held onto him, and walked inside with him. Into and through the kitchen they went all the way to the living room where Jaycee sat in one chair with a magazine in her lap and Ryder lay sprawled on the floor by the television. On the screen, the game was in progress.
Sage wished she knew more about the game so she could tell if it was almost over or just starting. Alas, her baseball knowledge was only eclipsed by her understanding of rocket science.
Next to her Luke hesitated at the doorway, and Sage knew she was asking him to enter the lions’ den with her. She looked up at him, knowing she shouldn’t make him do this. At that moment voices from down the other way split into the room, and all three gazes went that way.
“No, I don’t understand! I told you, Greg, it’s her or us!”
Ryder rolled to the side and joined their confusion. “What’s going on?”
“It’s nothing,” Jaycee said, her gaze suddenly jumping over to the two figures hovering in the darkness of the doorway, and her gaze became a glare.
“Reasonable? You want me to be reasonable about this? I’m the only reasonable one in this whole mess! When you asked me if she could come, I reasonably said, ‘Yes’ because that’s what a good person would do. When she showed up all high-and-mighty, I tried to work around it because that’s what a reasonable person would do!”
It was completely amazing how unreasonable Emily could make the word reasonable sound.
“Why are Mom and Daddy fighting?” Ryder asked, presumably to Jaycee because he didn’t seem to notice the others standing there.
Jaycee, however, looked right at them instead of at him. “You want to take this one, Sage? You want to tell Ryder why Mom and Dad are screaming at each other?”
The breath threatened to take her right down with it, but Sage released it, knowing she couldn’t run, couldn’t fight, couldn’t fix any of it. A moment and she looked up at Luke who stood there, frozen to the spot. She rubbed his chest once and put her head down, fighting the tears and hopelessness even as both overtook her.
“I have had it! I. Have. Had. It!” Emily screamed, coming out of their room and stomping down the hallway. “I am not…”
When she broke into the living room, every gaze save for Sage’s met her, and she stopped like she’d been hit by a train going the other direction. She dragged in a breath that halted the words but did nothing to calm the rage on her face. Just like that she turned and ran right into her husband who was following her.
“Em, can’t we talk about this?” he asked, his hands on her. “Please.”
But she shook her head and pushed past him. “I’m done.” She slipped through his grip and fled down the hallway. “I’m going to my sister’s.”
“Em, come on. Em. Stop. Wait. Please.”
“No, Greg! This is not my fault, and I’m tired of feeling like it is.”
Their argument went through the back hallway and came out in the kitchen. Slowly Ryder scrunched up from the floor, his eyes wide with panic and fear.
“Don’t, Greg! Don’t follow me! I’m not kidding. Don’t!”
“Why’s Mom leaving?” Ryder asked with fear twining through the question.
Jaycee let out a hard breath as the back door slammed shut. “Well, that’s just great.” She stood from the chair and slammed the magazine into it. “You couldn’t just leave, could you? You had to go and completely wreck everything! Way to go, Sage. Mission accomplished.” And with that, she fled down the back hallway, presumably to her room where the door slammed, jolting right through Sage.
The emotions were whipsawing through Sage like an out-of-control wildfire. What had she done? She should have just left, like Jaycee said. She should never have thought this would fix anything. Lifting her gaze, she saw Ryder staring at her, tears in his eyes, and Luke’s comment about boys not crying slashed through her. She had to do something, something to calm the fear in her little brother’s stricken eyes.
“Ryder,” she said, the name squeaking out of her. “I’m so sorry.”
“Why is everybody so mad?” He pleaded for her to explain the unexplainable.
“They’re just trying to work some things out,” Luke said at her side, and the solidity of his voice jolted her even harder.
She looked up at him, and although he didn’t look unfazed, at least he wasn’t freaking out like she was.
“Here.” Luke took her hand and pulled her into the room and over to the couch where he sat and held his hand out for Ryder. It took a second for the child to accept the invitation. When he sat on the other side of Luke on the couch, Luke put his arm around the boy. “Sometimes Moms and Dads fight. Doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. Just means they have things they’re working out.”
“Are they going to get a divorce?” Ryder asked, the fear overwhelming the statement.
Luke backed up. “Now where would you get an idea like that?”
“’Cause I heard them talking about it the other day, that somebody had cheated on a test or something.”
Sage’s heart turned over in her chest, knowing the fear that was Ryder all too well. A second and she stood, pulled her top down, and went to sit on the other side of her little brother. Knowing she had no frame of reference for how to do this, she put her arms around him, feeling incredibly awkward and self-conscious. “I know, baby. I know.”
And at that, he curled into her arms and his tears streamed out. “I don’t want them to get a divorce. I don’t want Daddy to leave.”
Her own tears burst to the surface, and she looked up to Luke for help. His gaze and small smile told her he understood her plight all the way to the bottom of it.
“You know what,” Luke said, rubbing the child’s back between them.
“What?” Ryder managed, backing up and wiping his eyes.
“You know Pastor Steve, right?”
Ryder was looking at him as if he was the Oracle at Delphi and held all the answers to life’s most vexing problems. The child nodded seriously.
“Okay,” Luke continued. “Well, Pastor Steve told me the other day that God does miracles, right? Like not just back in the Bible days but right here and now. So maybe.” His gaze came up to hers as if requesting permission to continue. “Maybe we need to ask for a miracle. Maybe God knows how to fix this.”
Sage sure hoped so because she had no clue. However, she jumped in, sensing a second to the motion might help. “Luke’s right, Ryder. Remember when you told me you didn’t want me to leave?”
His gaze came over to hers, glistening with the tears on his lashes.
“Yeah, well.” She smiled softly. “I’m not leaving.”
“You’re not?” Ryder’s eyes went wide.
“Nope, not until August.” At least she hoped that was still the case.
Ryder lunged at her, and the hug caught her off-guard. She hugged him back, at first not wholly graceful, but then, melting into the feel of holding him as he gripped her.
“We’re going to get through this,” she whispered. “We are.”
“Hm.”
The noise from behind them jerked Sage’s gaze up and over to it, and she found her father standing there looking a million years older as he ran his hand over his head and stared down at them.
“Oh, Mr. Lawrence,” Luke said, scrambling up off the couch.
“Don’t.” Her father held up his hand and shook his head as if he could take no more.
“Dad?” Ryder asked, sliding off the couch and standing there as if his father might explode if he moved another muscle.
Sage’s heart snagged and held right there, dangling over the cliff of what her father would do.
The flash of a moment and he opened his arms to his son, and with only that Ryder rushed to him and latched on. Holding the child to him, her father looked over to them. Sage looked over to Luke for what to do next as he stood there, hands on beltline.
A moment and her father let out a long breath, and his face crumpled. “I don’t think she’s coming back.”
That statement ripped through Sage. If she had just left, none of this would have happened. She stood, slowly, wrapping her arms in front of her. “Dad, I…”
“No.” He held up a hand to stop her. “This is not your fault.”
Oh, but it was. She so knew it was. Every member of her family was torn and shredded, and they wouldn’t be if…
Her father bent down then before kneeling on one knee to hold his son. If there were words, no one found them, and after a moment, Luke stepped up behind Sage and put his hands on her arms. The guilt and grief dragged her eyelids down. What now? She had no idea.