Chapter 24
The service passed in a blur for Sage. At one point, Luke came down the aisle with the basket, and whole parts of her said not to look at him, but the part that counted smiled at him, and he smiled back. Her heart could hardly hold that moment. Over and over again, she tried to think through it all, to think how someone like him had taken her hand and led her into being this person. Someone she remembered but had thought was gone forever.
When the last prayer was said, she waited with the others to exit, hanging back just enough so they went on without her. He was at the back of that aisle, handing out the little white papers. White shirt, black jacket, black tie slightly askew. He was a fashion disaster who could not have pulled it off better if he was trying. Sage wondered if she was allowed to talk with him in here. It seemed somehow wrong, and she was still supremely conscious of the others, watching and assessing.
Ten more steps and it was just the two of them at the back pew. He grinned at her, and her heart flipped.
“You finished?” she asked, not at all sure what his duties entailed.
“Sure. Hang on, just a sec. K?”
“K.” It was unbelievable how one little syllable could do that to a girl—hope, apprehension, and joy all rolled into one sound. She stood there and watched him go over to the little table where he spoke to an older gentleman who looked over to her.
“Can I help you?” he asked, but Luke stopped him.
“She’s with me.”
“Oh.” Surprise and then more surprise lit the man’s eyes. “Okay. Well, you’re done here. Go on. Have a great day.”
“You too.” With that Luke came over to her. “You ready?”
Why she couldn’t get the anxiety to leave her alone, she had no accounting for. She’d been to the Prom with Alex Patterson and had been crowned Homecoming Princess in front of a roomful of gawking teenagers. However, even those experiences had not prepared her for the level of scrutiny that slithered their way when they stepped out of the main church into the lobby together. On that top step, it was like they were making a statement, a statement Sage desperately wanted to make with him but one she still wasn’t sure she should let him make with her.
“Come on,” Luke said, clearly not feeling the gravity of the situation like she did. And then as if he had completely lost his mind, he took her hand. Right there in front of everyone.
In fact, Sage felt the gasp of judgment and astonishment that washed across the room. How he did not, she would never know. Getting her feet to cooperate and not pitch her down the last two brick stairs was challenging her balancing abilities and sanity.
Everyone was now looking at them. Right at them. She couldn’t breathe. She was going to pass out. And then Luke was headed toward the pastor and Mrs. Mitchell who were standing over by the fireplace. Why did he not stop? Why did he not realize this was a very bad idea?
“Morning, Pastor, Mrs. Mitchell.” Luke used his free hand to shake theirs.
“Morning, Luke. Sage,” Pastor Steve said, and his smile almost seemed genuine. “We’re so glad you could both join us this morning.” He turned to Sage. “We missed you at the community meal yesterday.”
“Oh.” Her eyes went wide in the panic. The lie was right there. “I’m sorry.”
However, his smile softened. “No need to be sorry. Just know that you’re always welcome.”
Sage nodded as if she had forgotten how. “Oh. Okay.”
“Excuse us,” Luke said, nodding to them.
“Certainly.”
He loved having her near him, and Luke was finding it imminently amusing how closely she shadowed his every move. “Let’s go make sure you can come.”
“Okay.” She looked stricken with a bad case of the nerves.
“Mom,” he said, ducking closer to his mother’s shoulder. “Did you talk to them?”
His mother turned, and he hoped Sage didn’t see the fading of her smile or the look as her eyes asked him if this was a good idea. However, Luke was not backing down. Finally his mother acquiesced. “I’ll go talk with Emily.”
“We’ll go with you.”
Sage seriously wanted to argue or to disappear. Back across the lobby they went. If he was trying to make a point that they were together, it was clearly working. Halfway across, she caught the disapproving look of one of the older ladies. The woman corkscrewed her mouth and shook her head. Sage wanted to abandon this whole crazy idea, but her hand was in his, and he wasn’t letting go or stopping.
As they approached her stepmother, Sage began to get lightheaded. They couldn’t be doing this, shouldn’t be doing this. It was hopeless, pointless. Her stepmother would never let her go. Not to Luke’s. Not with his parents. And she might very well make a scene right here just to make a point.
“Hi, Em.” Luke’s mother embraced Emily, and Sage knew she was done. They were done. No way would her stepmother submit her friendship to the threat of what her stepdaughter could do to it.
“Oh, hi, Felicia,” Emily said, tipping her head to indicate she knew something was up and she probably was not going to like it. “What’s going on?”
“We were wondering,” Felicia said, looking at the two of them, “if Sage might be able to join us for lunch at my mom and dad’s today.”
“Oh.” Emily let out a sad breath. “I don’t…”
At that moment, Mr. Lawrence remarkably appeared just behind his wife and put his hands on her shoulders. She swiveled around in surprise. He smiled at the group, a smile that dragged Sage’s gaze to the ground. It was always so hard to be around him.
“Hello, Felicia,” he said.
“Greg,” she said in return. Then she looked over at Luke who widened his eyes as if to say Go on. Say it. She licked her lips and started again, this time directing the question to Sage’s dad rather than her stepmother. “We were wondering if Sage could come with us to my parents’ house for the afternoon.”
“Oh.” Her father glanced down at her stepmom. “I don’t see why not. We’re not doing anything this afternoon, are we?”
“Oh. Uh. No,” her stepmother finally ground out. “We’re not doing anything special.”
“Great,” Felicia said.
Luke wanted to shout his luck to the world as he exited the church with Sage right there beside him. They went to his car, and he helped her in. Running around, he waved to the Lawrence clan but only Mr. Lawrence waved back. Once in the car, he looked over at Sage. “Whew.”
She looked at him and raised her eyebrows. “No kidding. You have got to be insane.”
“What? Why’s that?”
“Asking my parents right there in front of God and everybody? Are you crazy?”
“Yeah.” And he grinned at her. “About you. Does it show?”
Sage shook her head as he started the car and backed out. “You know they are plotting about how to get me on that plane.”
His gaze turned serious. “Did they tell you yet?”
“No. I think they’re afraid I might run away.”
Reaching over he took her hand. “That could be arranged.”
“What has gotten into you today?”
“Well, I’ve heard that love can make you do some crazy things. Maybe that’s it.”
Her cheeks tinted pink.
“Now listen,” he said as serious returned, “you should know, Hannah’s going to be there today and Priscilla.”
“Hannah?” There was that light-headed thing again. What if Hannah hated her? She held such a sway with her brother. Two sisters, parents, and grandparents? How had she gotten talked into this?
“Hannah’s cool. Just don’t say she looks like me and she’ll love you as much as I do.” He lifted her hand in his and kissed it. “Promise.”
Okay, she wanted to believe him, but when they got to his grandparents’ house, a small farmhouse so far from civilization there wasn’t another house to even be seen, Sage began to seriously doubt the intelligence of this outing. “Are you sure about this?”
“Eh. They’re cool.” He got out of the car, swiped off his jacket and the tie and pitched both of them without ceremony into the front seat.
From her vantage point, Sage watched him unbutton the top button and the sleeve buttons before rolling them up. Could he just not look so handsome standing in the sunlight like that? Really. It was doing very bad things to her insides, things she was pretty sure you were not supposed to be thinking and feeling when sitting in grandparents’ driveways.
At that moment a small black car pulled in and came right alongside of them on her side of the car. Luke grinned. “Well, look who showed up.” He waved and shut his door, coming around the car.
Where had all the air on the planet gone? It couldn’t have disappeared that quickly, could it? Next to the other car, Luke slid around the open door to the young lady standing. He threw his arms around her and gave her a monster hug before straightening.
Sage could almost hear him say, “Hey, there’s someone I want you to meet.”
If the planet had pitched her off of it, she wouldn’t have been at all surprised. And then somehow he was standing there with her door open, offering his hand. She glanced at him warily, but he grinned that sideways thing he always did.
“Come on. Hannah’s only bitten me once, and that was because I flushed her favorite toy down the toilet.”
Sage let out on the small laugh as Hannah hit his elbow and barely got her breathing going again as she put her hand in his.
“You seriously deserved that one,” Hannah said. “Poor little scooter baby.”
Careful to bring her mask with her, Sage got out of the car, coming to a standstill with the car door and him behind her and Hannah in front of her.
Hannah was small, much smaller than Priscilla. Younger too. With longish brown hair and a nose that looked like a smaller copy of Luke’s. She put out her hand, professional but incredibly friendly. “I’m Hannah, and whatever he’s told you about me is a total lie.”
“Oh. I’m Sage.” Sage giggled softly. “It’s all been good. I promise.” The two of them shook hands as Luke made room to shut the door. At that, the three of them headed to the back door. It was so strange out here how everyone used the back door rather than the front.
Back home that would have had people calling the police.
“So Sage, Luke says you’re here for the summer,” Hannah said, opening the door to let them pass, but only Sage went in. Luke stopped to hold the door for both of them.
That left Sage leading, Hannah behind her, and Luke feeling like he was a million miles away from her. Her courage began to threaten mutiny. However, together the three of them tracked through the back room and into the kitchen. The layout was quite similar to her parents’ house, and she wondered if all houses here were like that.
Then miraculously, he was right by her side again along with the feeling she was beginning to really like.
“I am. Only a little while longer though.”
“I guess out here is way different, huh?”
Content to follow them even as he waved to his mother, Luke did so, shadowing Sage lest any bad thing get near enough to threaten damage. Somehow she had gotten more beautiful on the ride over. Maybe that was because they were now in the comfortable environs he had grown up in. He’d always seen them one way, but he had the feeling from this point forward he would never see them that way again.
They continued to talk on into the living room where his father and grandfather were watching the game.
“Oh, baseball,” Sage said over the familiar sounds.
“The Sox,” Hannah said, rolling her eyes and sitting down on the couch. “If they have baseball in Heaven, you’ll never see these people for a whole eternity.”
Sage smiled but didn’t laugh, and Luke could feel her trepidation holding her spirit in check as she sat down next to him. Right or wrong, he put his arm around her and gathered her closer, absolutely loving how right that felt. He didn’t miss the fraction of an inch Hannah’s eyebrow went up when he did that, but she smiled so he knew she wasn’t going to say anything.
“And you’re from California?” Hannah asked.
“Yes.”
The meal was wonderful as usual. Although Luke tried to include her as much as possible, he noticed how quiet Sage was. It was as if she was feeling them out, figuring out how to fit in or if she did. Long about the time the chocolate pie was served, he hit on something that might draw her out of her shell.
“Hey, Hannah-banana, did Mom tell you she’s going to repaint your room?” he asked, slicing into his pie, and Sage’s gaze turned to his with wide-eyed panic. That’s when he realized so had everyone else’s. He shrugged. “What? Isn’t that what you said the other night?”
“I… well… uh…” his mother stuttered.
“Well, hallelujah! It’s about time!” Hannah said in relief. “I have lived with that awful pink thing forever.”
“Awful?” her mother asked in concern and disbelief.
“Yes, horrible. Have you seen that paint?”
“I thought you liked that paint.”
“Pepto-Bismal pink? Who would like that?”
“But you never said anything.”
“I was afraid you’d take me shopping for a new bedspread.”
Priscilla laughed. “That is a fate worse than death.” She shook her head. “Hannah and shopping. No. Never, ever a good idea.”
Their mother leaned on the table to look at her youngest daughter. “Are you serious, you don’t like that color?”
“Mom, it’s me. Me and pink? When have I ever liked pink?”
As they talked, Sage watched them. They didn’t yell, didn’t even really raise their voices past amusement and chagrin. No one was saying the other was an idiot or why could they never do anything right.
“She’s got a point,” Priscilla said. “I don’t think she owns a single thing that’s pink.”
“I don’t,” Hannah said, “and there’s a reason for that.”
“You’re serious?” Their mother shook her head again. “Then why did we do your room in pink?”
Hannah shrugged. “Because Kara wanted it pink.”
“Our room is green,” Priscilla said as if green was akin to the black hole.
“Right,” Hannah said. “Your room was green. Kara wanted pink, so she talked Mom into painting mine and Maddie’s room pink because Mom wouldn’t repaint your room.”
Priscilla lowered her fork. “You remember this?”
Hannah shrugged. “When you’re the youngest, you learn to pick your battles.”
“Amen to that,” Luke said, forking another bite into his mouth.
Sage was becoming as amused as fascinated. She had never before watched a family like this one unless they were on TV or in a movie.
“So you’ve got a pink room that you don’t want,” their mother said, “and you don’t like the green, Priscilla?”
“Neither does Kara.”
Felicia threw up her hands. “Then why are those rooms that color?”
Both girls shrugged.
“I don’t believe this. I didn’t want to repaint them because I didn’t want to upset you all, and here nobody liked them the color they were.”
“Luke liked his room,” Hannah offered.
“My room is brown. Brown is good. It looks like chocolate and never gets dirty,” Luke said.
“Have you seen your room?” Priscilla asked. “They would send the hazmat team in from the Pentagon, but they’d be afraid the poor guys would never make it out again.”
“It is not that bad.” He grinned. “Okay, it used to be that bad, but you’d be impressed now.”
“No pizza under the bed?”
“Only one slice.”
She exhaled and shook her head.
“What? I have to have something for when I’m studying at midnight.”
“You? Studying?” Hannah asked. “That I’d pay to see.”
It was truly amazing how they were together. Sage had always thought of having siblings as the worst nightmare. Then she got two, and although one was sweet to her, the other one made her realize why she was glad she’d never had them. Now, however, watching them discuss new room colors and growing up in their house, a pang of longing touched her heart. What it must be like to fit like that.
They were lucky. She wondered if they knew just how much.
In minutes the pie was gone, and his grandmother stood to collect the dishes. Just like that Sage was on her feet.
“Oh, Mrs. Cameron, please. You cooked. We can clean.”
Why every single person looked up and at her, Sage couldn’t at all tell. Her eyes went wide as she looked around at them.
“Can’t we?” she finally asked as if somehow she had somehow inadvertently smashed a secret code of tradition or something.
And then, suddenly everyone was moving, grabbing up dishes and glasses and pans.
“The meal was wonderful,” Luke’s grandfather said. “The cooks are to be commended.”
Feeling like she had likely made a major faux pas, Sage took her handful of dishes to the sink where everyone was crowding around.
“Oh, here, Sage,” Hannah said, reaching for the plates. “You don’t have to do that.”
Sage smiled softly. “It’s okay. I’ve kind of gotten used to it.”
“Yeah, Sage helps us out with the community meal,” Luke said, swaggering up beside her.
“The community meal?” Priscilla said as she tilted her head. “For the disadvantaged?”
“That’s the one.” He set his dishes next to the sink were Hannah had set up shop.
“You still do that?”
“Every other week.” He went back for more from the table. “’Bout had a major disaster this week though.”
“Oh, how’s that?” Priscilla asked, and as Sage gathered the potato pan and the corn bowl, her attention attached to the conversation. Disaster? She hadn’t heard about any disaster.
“Yeah, the fridge went out in the center. The little one, not the walk-in thank goodness, but all the meat was in there.” Shaking his head, he put the rest of the dishes he was carrying on the counter and then came for Sage’s. His wink and half grin about did her heart in. “Pastor Steve tried to fix it, but I think it’s officially done for.”
“That’s too bad,” his mother said. “That’s such a great cause. Maybe some of us could chip in and get a new one.”
“Or a new used one,” Hannah offered. “They have some down at the warehouse. Don’t know how expensive they are or anything.”
Without being asked, Sage went to the other side and grabbed a dish towel. Hannah and Priscilla were already down to the pans as all the dishes were in the washer.
“Oh, Sage,” Priscilla said. “Let Luke do that. You’re a guest.”
However, Sage wasn’t about to not be a part of this. “The table needs washed. Luke can do that.”
“Sounds like you’ve got marching orders, Little Bro,” Hannah said and handed him a wet dishcloth.
“When have I ever not had marching orders?” However, when he looked at Sage, it was clear he was not unhappy about the situation. “Besides, doing dishes is dangerous.”
Priscilla leaned over to Sage. “Don’t let him fool you. He is not allergic to doing dishes.”
Luke started laughing at that. “I had forgotten about that. Achoo!”
“Mom!” Priscilla said. “Luke is trying to get out of dishes again!”
“There are some perks to being the youngest.”
“Yes, and you found and exploited every single one of them.”
“You’re right about that,” he said, coming between them to shake out the dishrag. “I’m not stupid.”
No, Sage thought as she watched him turn, her whole concentration on him. He was not stupid. Far from it. But she was also realizing how very little she really knew about him, and in that moment, she determined that before she left for California, she was going to do some hardcore Luke Baker research.
When they left at six-thirty, the others all gave Sage a hug, and it was hard not to let their love and graciousness touch her heart. It hurt to remember that she would never be back in this kitchen, with them, just doing dishes and laughing about old times. They weren’t her old times, but she loved hearing about them just the same. Like when Luke climbed up on the roof because his sisters were babysitting and he got mad at them. Or the time Hannah and Luke were found playing in the mud hole. Or when Luke fell asleep on the school bus, and nobody noticed he was missing until he woke up back at the school.
Yes, she loved the old stories, and as they headed out, she was determined to hear more of them. Only now from him rather than his family.
At the car, he went to her side and helped her in, and she couldn’t help but smile at the figure he cut crossing in front of the car, still in that white buttoned down but totally casual in how he wore it. He got in, and Sage couldn’t hold all she was feeling inside. Just as he went to start the car, he caught her gaze.
“What?” he asked as if he was worried.
She eyed him as she shook her head. “You.”
Luke raised his eyebrows at her. “That don’t sound good.”
“No, it is.”
“Uh, huh. Okay.” He started the car. “Mind tellin’ me what’s going through that pretty little head of yours?”
True contemplation took over her being. “I will if you’ll stop on the hill.”
“The hill?” He glanced over at her. “From the other night?”
“Yeah. I think the sunset’s probably amazing from there.”
Like he wasn’t sure he trusted her, Luke looked over and then rescued her hand from her lap. “It is that.”
When they were parked on the hill, Luke had just enough presence of mind to retrieve the old blanket from his trunk. It was there in case he ever had car trouble in bad weather, and it wasn’t exactly in mint condition, but it was better than making her sit on the dirty hood. He worked to get the thing spread out and stable before helping her up onto it. That took more work than he had anticipated, but he knew it would be more than worth it.
Finally, leaning back on the windshield, he collected her to him, and he had to admit, she was going to be right about that sunset.
“So,” she said softly after a minute. “Luke Baker, who are you?”
That dragged his gaze down to her and fastened it there. “Who am I?”
“Yeah.” Sage tipped her head to be able to see up into his eyes as her fingers played tag with the top button he hadn’t undone. “Who are you? What is it about you… every time I’m around you, I just feel this… like you care so much, like you’ll do anything for anybody, and yet, you come off like this spontaneous guy who floats through life without really thinking you’re doing anything special.”
The assessment was a bit overwhelming, and Luke shrugged it off. “I don’t know. I just, I guess I figure I’ll do what I can to help. Not that it’s all that glamorous or exciting or anything.”
“That’s what I mean. It’s like you’re all substance, no show.”
His eyebrows nearly went off the top of his head he raised them so high. “And that’s a good thing?”
Sage’s face fell into seriousness. “Yes, it’s a good thing. What? You don’t think it is?”
He shrugged again. “Most people don’t think so.”
“Most people… who? Everybody thinks you’re incredible.”
That was worse and he scrunched his face. “Nobody thinks that.”
She shook her head in disbelief. “Are you kidding me? Your parents, my parents, your sisters, Pastor Steve, Ms. P…”
However, he wasn’t buying it. “That’s just ‘cause I do stuff.”
Frustration was beginning to creep onto her lovely face. “You do stuff? Yeah. You do stuff that nobody else will do, and you do it as if it’s no big deal.”
“It isn’t.”
“Yes.” This time she came up on her elbow and smacked his chest. “It is.” Now she was hovering over him, her hair glinting in the fading sunlight. “You are completely amazing, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why you can’t see that.”
Luke looked at her, studying her, wondering at the thoughts sifting through him. Then, gently, he pulled her down into his arms before exhaling. “I’m just a guy. I’m nothing really special. I don’t play sports. I don’t sing in the choir. I don’t even read all that great. I’m just me, and…” He shrugged as the feelings of worthlessness surfaced in his heart. He shook his head. “The truth is, I don’t even know if I’m going to make it into college.”
It was the first time he had ever admitted that even to himself.
“I don’t really have the grades for it. I’m a solid C-student, and thinking about four more years of school…” The sigh went all the way through him. “I don’t know. Maybe this is all I’m ever going to be, a handy guy who’s good with a hammer and some nails.”
Once again, she twisted so she could see him. “But you’re so much more than that.”
The black hole of his inadequacy opened up in his heart, dragging him down into it. “It would sure be nice to believe that.”
Sage exhaled as she looked at him. “Then maybe I’m going to have to show you.”
“Oh, yeah? And how do you plan to do that?”
It was a good question, but Sage felt the deep need to do it sink into her just the same. However, the calendar stared back at her, telling her she was running out of time. “Do you think about Wednesday? What it’s going to be like when I go home?”
His gaze swept out to the horizon beyond. “I’m trying not to.”
But she couldn’t let that go, couldn’t let him go so easily. “I don’t want you to ever think this was just some summer thing, that I was just using you ‘til I could go home.”
Luke said nothing, and after a minute, Sage picked herself up again.
“I’m serious.” Her eyes drilled into him, willing him to hear what she was saying because she never wanted him to think otherwise. “I think you are so crazy incredible, and I can’t imagine life without you. I mean, I’ve gone out with a lot of guys. Most of them I’m ready to dump by the time the appetizer is on the table. But you… I can’t figure out how it is that you make me want to be… better, to love, to help, to just let go and not care what everyone else thinks or says.”
Her eyes searched his. “Like this morning at church. It was like you didn’t care who saw us together, like you didn’t care what they thought.”
“What they thought was, ‘How’d that poor schlub get so lucky to be standing by her?’”
“They did not!”
He laughed. “They did too.”
“No.” Sage knew he was wrong. “They were thinking what in the world is he going out with someone like her for?” She lay down on his chest, liking the sound of his heartbeat and the feel of his thumb rubbing up and down her back slowly.
“Well, if they were thinking that, they were completely wrong.” He resettled on the car. “Sometimes I can’t figure it out, you know?”
“What’s that?”
“This. Why you’re here, with me.”
“Because, I’ve never felt this safe and this loved with anyone else in my whole life.” She tightened her grip on him. “You give without asking for anything in return. You show up and you make the bad stuff go away. No one’s ever done that for me before. I don’t want Wednesday to come.”
He hugged her to him. “Neither do I.”
Back at her house, Luke held her hand from the car to the back door. Sage never wanted to let him go. At the step he stopped and gathered her in. The white shirt was no longer pressed, but she didn’t care. Clothes, cars, image, none of that mattered anymore. She was losing him, and that’s all her heart could think.
He breathed her in as he held her. “Can I come see you tomorrow?”
Sage sniffed back the growing well of emotions. “You better.”
“K. I’ll be here.” Carefully he tipped her chin up in his fingers. “I promise.”
“Well, it’s about time you get here,” Emily said when Sage made it into the kitchen. Why did that light always have to be so bright?
“It’s only ten.”
“Well, we’ve been waiting all day. Hang on.” She went into the living room. “Greg, Sage is here.”
Greg, Sage is here? This was not going to be good. Sage picked her hand up to her opposite elbow, suddenly feeling a chill go through the room and down her spirit.
“Yes.” Her stepmother came back. She looked at Sage. “You should come. Sit. Your father has something he wants to tell you.”
Sage knew what that something was. She was already preparing her heart for the blow. Across the room, her father came in, and when he looked at her, his smile was soft and sad. Feeling the weight of every step she took, she crossed over to the table where Emily stood like the Cheshire Cat trying to hide its smile. Why did she have to look so very pleased about Sage’s coming banishment?
“Sit, please,” her father said, indicating the chairs with an upturned hand.
If Sage had had just a little more moxie, she would have made him do this standing up, but as it was, her knees might give out at any time. So she sat, slowly, carefully, on the edge of the chair, taking a small breath and praying it wouldn’t bring up the tears.
“Sage,” her father said, and the melancholy from his smile was evident in his eyes, “I know being here hasn’t been easy for you.”
Don’t shift. Don’t fidget. Don’t swallow. Sit still. Stay very, very still.
“I really wanted this to work when we offered to take you for the summer.”
Don’t move. Don’t breathe too hard. Don’t react.
“It’s not that we don’t want you here. It’s just that… Well, I think you can see this isn’t working out like we thought it would.”
Chin up. No tears, Sage. Do not even think about crying.
“Emily and I have discussed it, and we’ve talked it over with your mom.”
Sage, hold it together. Hold. It. Together. No emotions. Be strong.
His gaze jumped over to Emily’s before he continued, and it clearly took him effort to gather the words. “I’ve booked a plane ticket for you on Wednesday morning.”
Blink. Blink slowly. Do not cry. Do. Not. Cry.
“The plane leaves here at eight in the morning, and you’ll get back to L.A. late that evening.”
She wanted to nod, but any movement was going to throw her into a fit on the floor.
“I hope you understand that we really wanted this to work, but we think in the best interests of all of us.”
Us. She was sure she was not included in that calculation. The blink and the swallow did nothing to get her voice stable. “Who will I…” She had to clear her throat, and she hated herself for being so weak. “Who will I stay with when I get there?”
Once again, his gaze went to his wife’s. “Your mother said there are friends who could check in on you if you needed anything.” His gaze came straggling up to hers. “You’re almost 18 now, so we figured it wouldn’t hurt for you to be there for a while by yourself.”
By yourself. Wow. Did she feel those words all the way into the softest middle of her heart. Finally getting herself to nod, she tried to get her gaze to stay on his, but it didn’t. Instead it bounced around even as she fought to get it to stop and hold steady. “Okay.”
“You know, we really wanted this to work….”
Now she was nodding, praying she wouldn’t start crying, knowing she was about to and having no way to stop it. “I know. It’s my fault, and I’m sorry.” She said the last two words to Emily, and then desperately fighting not to let her face crumple, she brought her gaze back to her father’s. “May I go now? I have some packing to do.”
A moment and he nodded.
Gathering up all of her courage and what little dignity she had left, Sage stood, lifted her chin, and battled not to let her eyes fall closed as she exited the room.
“I don’t know, Em,” her father said. “Maybe…”
“It’s an act, Greg. She’s good at it. Trust me. It’s all just one big act.”
How she was even able to breathe when she got into her room with the door closed, Sage had no idea. The tears didn’t come gently, peacefully sliding down her cheeks like they normally did. Instead, they pitched her onto the bed and wrenched across her like the ferocity of a black storm at sea.
She had known this was coming, thought she was braced for it, thought she had already accepted it. It wasn’t like she didn’t know, and still, the lashing of the emotions set so hard on her spirit that thinking straight was impossible. Her heart heaved and pitched and constricted, hurling her into a pit of pain she would never have thought possible.
Back home. L.A. Beverly Hills. Never had she hated them more.
How was she ever going to stuff herself back into that mold? How was she ever going to become Sage Hollywood again? It felt more impossible than it ever had.
On the desk her phone buzzed, and drawing herself upward, she reached for it. It was Luke. Who else would it be?
I love you was all he had written.
Sage shook her head and through the onrush of tears, she typed her reply.
I love you too.
The suitcases were scattered about the small room the next morning. Monday. Forty-eight hours at the most and she would be sprung from this small dungeon. She should be happy, Sage told herself. This was what she had so desperately wanted.
And three weeks alone at the mansion? What teenager in their right mind wouldn’t kill for a set up like that? She should really text Mac and Patelyn, tell them the deets, and have them set something up for Friday. Her heart bounced back and forth from the bonfire here to the fabulous party they would have there. The best clothes, catered of course, maybe Alex would show up. Her heart panged at that thought, but she beat it down. She was going home.
She might as well figure out how to live with that because getting hysterical about it wasn’t going to fix anything. Carefully, one-by-one she took the makeup containers off the little desk, purposely ignoring the mirror. If she could somehow do this, just stay outside of herself, not really think about what she was doing, numb herself to the movement and the memories, then she could get through it, and in no time she was sure she would be on that plane headed back to the life she was destined to live.
It was, she told herself over and over. This life was a fantasy, an illusion. She wasn’t this person. She wasn’t someone who cared about things like family and bonfires. She wasn’t this person who wore her hair natural to church and kind of liked it that way. No. This person was a ghost, an illusion that never really was and needed to disappear and never bother her again.
Sniffing, she folded the navy top and the white jeans. The heels and the lesson of not wearing them on gravel sliced into her well-staged act. Sage shook her head at the vision of Luke in that ditch over Rory, and her heart whispered that it hoped he would get busy today and not come. If he would just stay away, she could do this without making a scene. However, every thought of him jerked her emotions loose, and the harder she tried to put them back in their little cages, the more they refused to cooperate.
She closed her eyes, willing them all down as she sniffed again. “Don’t think about that, Sage. Don’t. It won’t do any good to be a crybaby about this. You know better than that.”
But knowing and doing were about as far apart in her soul as they had ever been.
All morning Luke had thought about her, about her coming departure. He had gone over and over and over it so many times in his mind that by the time he crossed through town at noon, he could hardly make sense of any of it. He didn’t want her to go. She didn’t want to go. Those two things he knew for certain. As for the rest of it…
He drove by the pastor’s house, and his gaze slipped over to it. The car was there. Blinking, he breathed down the crazy thought of stopping. The pastor would think he’d lost his mind. Then again, they did need to talk about that broken fridge. And the sooner the better too, so they could get it fixed or get a new one. Convincing himself that that was why he was turning around, he did a U-turn in the middle of the street and headed back to the little enclave set back in the trees.
It was astonishingly simply to tell himself that he was only going to talk about the fridge. All the way up to the doorbell and pushing it that lie worked. Only when Mrs. Mitchell appeared did he question if he could lie long enough to get back out of here without mentioning that his heart was ripping in two and he was about to bleed to death.
“Luke?” she asked in surprise. “We weren’t expecting you. Come on in.”
“Yeah.” He put one thumb up to his eyebrow and scratched there. “I’m sorry for just dropping in like this. I thought maybe we should figure out what we’re doing with that busted fridge.”
“Oh, of course. Steve is in here.” She led him to the little office. “Steve, Luke’s here.”
He wished she would tell him why so that he didn’t have to lie to the pastor. This was not a good idea. Lying to the pastor? Didn’t they send people straight to hell for something like that?
“Luke.” Pastor Steve stood and offered his hand. “Please have a seat.”
When they were both down, Pastor Steve folded his hands on the little desk, but instead of saying anything, he just waited. That threw Luke into the dark side of the pit, and he couldn’t figure out which way was out.
“Uh.” He bent and scratched his eyebrow again. Lifting himself on his elbows and shifting in the chair, he glanced up, thought better of that, and shook his head. “I’m sorry for showing up… like this. I was driving by, and…”
The pastor’s eyes were soft and knowing.
“I… um…” Yes. This was a bad idea, a horrible idea, a horrible, horrible, very bad idea. Why did he suddenly feel like he wanted to cry? What was that? He was a guy. He didn’t cry. The fridge. The fridge! His mind was yelling at him to say something about the fridge. This was business, not personal. Start there and keep it there.
“Let me guess.” Pastor Steve stood, went to the door, and shut it. “They haven’t changed their minds.”
Luke blinked up at him. About the fridge? Now his thoughts were swirling like a Cat-5 hurricane, lashing the boarded up windows of his soul until he knew it was about to collapse the entire structure.
“Sage is leaving?” Pastor Steve sat in the chair next to Luke rather than the one across the desk.
After a second, Luke nodded. He squeezed his eyes closed as the pain slashed into him. “And it’s killing me.”
“I can see that.”
Then he gave up pretending this had anything to do with the stupid fridge. “I can’t for the life of me understand it. She’s so great, and they’re just tossing her out like yesterday’s garbage.” Luke reshifted himself in the chair. “Nobody’s even going to be there when she gets home. Her folks are still out on their little adventure in Europe, and she’s going to be sitting there all alone for like three weeks.”
“And you’re worried for her safety?”
“That’s part of it.”
“What’s the other part?”
“That she’s going to leave believing she doesn’t deserve good, that nobody wants her, that she’s not good enough for anybody to love her or want her around.” He looked right at the pastor. “She really believes that, you know? She really thinks that she deserves jerks pawing her and treating her like trash. She is not trash!” The words lifted him right out of the chair, and he took a step toward the window and dug his fingers into his hair. “They’re wrong about that, about her. All of them are. But it’s like they are so dead-set on judging her or being jealous of her that they don’t even bother to see her as a real person.”
He turned, angry at the world and willing to take it out on whoever happened to be there. “What kind of a man would do that to his daughter? I don’t get it.” Luke shook his head. “I always admired him. Mr. Lawrence. But it’s like he’s willing to throw her into the volcano to appease the gods or something. She does not deserve to be pitched into this hell. She doesn’t.”
The pastor’s eyes never moved from soft. “Have you told him this? Have you talked to him about it?”
That deflated Luke, and he collapsed into the chair. “No.” He shrugged slightly. “I don’t think it would do any good.”
“Why not?”
“Because. It’s like he doesn’t even want to be around her. He’s her father in name only, if that.”
Pastor Steve nodded. “And what does a real father look like in this situation?”
“Well, he definitely doesn’t do what’s easiest for him if that’s going to cause his child pain. He gets in the middle of things, and he fights death itself to keep it away from his child.” Then he lifted his gaze. “I’ve seen my dad with my sisters. They don’t always see eye-to-eye on stuff, but they know he’s on their side. They know if worst comes to worst, Dad’s going to be there to give them a hug or just be a shoulder to cry on. He’s got their back and their best interests at heart even if they don’t always agree on what that means.” His thoughts were slowing down now. “Sage doesn’t have that. I don’t think she ever has.
“She told me, about her family in California, and there’s no connection there, no sense that they’re ever there for her. She’s like this doll.” And then, he began to see it. “This perfect, flawless object, who’s not allowed to have feelings or to want anything more than this month’s newest shoe style. She doesn’t talk about her dad from back home much, but when she does, it’s like she’s trying not to mess anything up, trying not to get in the way, trying not to need him or anybody else.
“I think she’s convinced herself that needing somebody is a bad thing, that wanting to be a part of a family who loves you is not real or not something she deserves.” He shook his head. “I don’t know. The more I think about it, the more I think it goes back to her dads and how completely cut off they’ve been with her. But how do you reconnect with someone who doesn’t want to be connected to you? How do you get them to see that they’re killing you?”
Once again, he was on his feet and walking slowly to the window where he looked out. “If you would see her when she’s trying to be who I think she really is… It’s so hard to watch because she’s that person and then she yanks herself back, and then she dips a toe in the water and then runs back away from it. She can’t just be who she is. They won’t let her. Trying to be who she is not is killing her, and it’s killing me to watch it and not be able to do anything to fix any of it. And now, she’s going back to California, and I’m probably never going to see her again, and how in the world is that right? Why would God put us together so that we make this incredible connection only to yank us apart and put 3,000 miles between us? How does that many any sense?”
Coming back, Luke sat down in a heap. “Sometimes I think this is just not a fight I can even hope to win, so why even fight it? Just do like everybody else does, have a few laughs and some fun, and then let go and go on with life as if it never happened.” Even saying it felt impossible.
“Or…” the pastor said slowly, and Luke’s gaze jumped up to him. He hadn’t realized there was an or.
“Or?” he asked in confusion.
Pastor Steve tilted his head. “Let me ask you this. Do you really think God does things randomly, for no reason at all?”
Luke was so tired he didn’t know what to think.
“Do you think God has no plan for Sage or for you for that matter? Do you think He’s just sitting up there watching all this drama before shutting off His TV to go to bed?”
“Maybe. I don’t know what I think anymore.”
“Well, I’ll tell you what I think. I think that God has a very definite reason for bringing the two of you together, and I don’t think it has anything to do with just giving you something to do this summer. I think He’s working things out for the good of everyone in this situation.”
“By sending her back to California? I don’t see how that’s going to help.”
“Maybe He’s not sending her back. Maybe He’s asking you to get proactive here and do something to stand up for her.”
Bending forward, Luke laced his fingers and looked only at them. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but I’m not exactly the knight in shining armor type, Pastor. I wouldn’t even know how to do that.”
“Yes you do.”
When Luke looked up, the pastor nodded.
“You do. It’s just terrifying to think about loving someone enough to take the battle to the enemy on their behalf.”
“Talking to her dad?” It came out as a question. “That’s what you mean, isn’t it? Talking to her dad.”
Slowly the pastor nodded. “And not just about California, but about what he’s doing to her.”
The sigh pulled Luke up and out of the chair again, but this time it was with very little energy. “I wouldn’t even know what to say to him.”
“Then say what you’ve told me. That you don’t want her to go, and she doesn’t want to go.”
“He knows that.”
“Does he?”
Luke considered that and while one part of him was saying yes, how could he possibly not know, the other part was admitting they’d never really talked about it. “I just don’t think we could talk with Mrs. Lawrence right there.”
“Then maybe you try talking where she isn’t.” The pastor’s gaze grew more serious. “Has Sage talked with him about how she feels?”
Terror seized him. “With her dad? Uh, no. When he’s around, she shuts down completely.” And there was just enough pause for him to hear those words.
“Sometimes when we feel we are not being heard, we stop talking.” Pastor Steve exhaled slowly. “Sage strikes me as a young woman who has been told that feeling is a bad thing, so she doesn’t. I’ve seen her in church, sitting there with her family. Dad’s right next to her with the Gulf of Mexico between them. Jaycee’s on the other side with the Grand Canyon between them. It’s like she’s one of them but separate, and she knows it.”
Luke nodded. “She does.” He shrugged. “She is.”
“I wish there were words to give you that would wave a magic wand over all this and make it better. I don’t have them. What I can tell you is that God is definitely here. He is working in your heart. He’s working in Sage’s heart. If you ask Him, He can do miraculous things that you can’t think or imagine. But you’re going to have to be willing to get out of this boat and out onto those waves because you can’t fix this thing on your own. You need His help.”
Of that and no more, Luke was one-hundred percent sure.