Chloe
I walk into the coffee shop by work and get in line. It’s been two weeks since Joe surprised me, and I freaking miss him. Our dates over the two weeks have been phone calls, texts, and video chats. Sometimes we’ll Facetime and just watch TV together. One time he watched me put together a bracelet.
While he was at his parents for dinner, he Facetimed me, and I got to say hi to his mom and dad, his brother and sisters, and of course his niece and nephews. They’re so adorable, and I loved watching Joe with them. Of course I’d never say that it made me a little sad because he would’ve been a great father to our baby.
Last week, Violet texted me, checking in to see how I was doing. Per my request, she sent me a picture of her and her baby belly. She was positively glowing, and her husband is way hot—they looked so happy. Then she shocked the shit out of me.
Violet: I have something I’m going to email you, but you can’t tell Joe. He’d kill me if he found out.
Chloe: What is it? You’re scaring me?
Violet: Oh it’s nothing bad. Five years ago during a dance recital we did a special dance for our grandma and well…Just watch the video
I grabbed my laptop and opened my email. Violet’s email was at the top, and I opened it, clicking on the video link. Tay Tay appears on the stage and introduces the grandkids. “Uptown Funk” plays, and I watch Daisy and Haddie dance around the stage. Then Cari, Lilah, and Abby come out and immediately start dancing.
The big finish comes up, and Violet and…Oh my God, it’s Joe. He and Violet tap dance around the stage, and then they’re joined by everyone else. I couldn’t believe how good he was and was in awe of the way he could look so light on his feet considering how big he is. I closed the lid to my laptop and picked up my phone.
Chloe: OH…MY…GOD!!! I know he’s your cousin, but he’s so hot and he can dance.
Violet: I knew you’d love it. He’s a natural dancer, but he’s always been too cool to do it. I’m serious though don’t tell him you saw that. He tried to destroy all evidence, but I couldn’t let that happen
Chloe: I promise I’ll never let Joe know I saw it. Love you girlie!
Violet: Love you too. Kiss everyone there for me.
I would never tell Violet that I watched his part multiple times later that night and made sure to save it under a fake title.
Work has been great. Hailey’s been on vacation, so I haven’t had to deal with her. I’ve designed one engagement ring and have another that I’ll be starting next week. I reach the counter and order my skinny vanilla latte. My phone dings while I wait for my drink.
It’s a text from Joe.
Joe: I just wanted to tell you good morning, I miss you and I can’t stop thinking about you.
A fluttering feeling begins in my belly, and I can’t help but smile, but that’s no different than any other time he calls, messages, or whatever. I’m falling in love with him, and I’m terrified. The odds are not in our favor, but I can’t stop even if we should. I keep waiting for him to break things off for someone his age, but he seems to be into this whole hog.
Chloe: Good morning, I miss you too and I’m ALWAYS thinking about you.
Joe: Next weekend do you think you could come down here? My mom wants to have you over for dinner and a buddy of mine is having a party and I want you to meet some of my friends.
Chloe: I think I could swing that. This is a good time of year for me to do stuff on the weekends. Carter has a lot going on with his marching band so his weekends tend to be too busy to book any gigs.
Joe: Perfect. I can’t wait to fucking see you. I have to get to work but I’ll talk to you later.
Chloe: Be safe <3 <3
My name is called, and I thank them as I grab my drink. As I head toward the door, I hear my name being called. It’s Elizabeth…fucking great. I don’t really want to deal with this right now, especially before I head to work.
“Hey, Elizabeth, how are you?” I can be polite even if I want to kick something or someone.
“I’m good, but I’ve been worried about you. I want to explain something. I never told my sister what you said—she overheard me tell Reggie what progress I thought you were making, and she twisted it around. I would never betray your trust like that. I’m sad that you think I would, but I can understand why you’d think that.
“Chloe, Hailey’s in rehab. She’s not on vacation. We’ve been desperate for her to get help for a while. I hope you’ll consider coming back to the group.”
Wow, I wasn’t expecting that, and it makes me sad that Hailey was battling demons and I had no clue. “Thank you for telling me that. I really hope she’s getting the help she needs, and I’ll think about coming back.”
“Thank you, and I hope I see you soon.” I watch her walk out of the coffee shop and can only shake my head and then head to work.
Later, I pull up in front of my parents’ home and climb out of my car. As I step onto the front stoop, my dad opens the door. “Hi, honey. This is a nice surprise.” I walk to him and wrap my arms around his waist. “Chloe, are you okay?”
With my cheek resting against his chest, I whisper, “I’m falling in love with him, and I’m terrified.”
I feel him touch his lips to the top of my head. “Come inside—your pops bought that ice cream you like.”
He leads me inside and gets me situated at the breakfast bar. He’s silent while he dishes us up bowls of ice cream and then sets down a bowl in front of me before taking his seat. He’s the one who was there for me the most when I found out the extent of what Trevor had done.
“Why are you scared? Things are going well, aren’t they?” He’s started warming up to Joe more than Pops has.
“Yeah, they are. I guess I’m just worried because he’s a lot younger, and what if he decides I’m too old for him?”
My dad throws his head back and laughs. “Honey, you act like there’s a huge age difference. What is there—a four-, five-year difference?” I hold up seven fingers. “Sweetheart, seven years in the grand scheme of things is nothing. Does he say it’s a problem?” I shake my head. “Okay, then have you told him how you feel?”
“No, because I’m not sure where his head is at. That’s what sucks about being four hours away. I’m going to Beaufort next weekend to have dinner with his parents and go to a party and meet his friends.”
“If you get a chance next weekend, then just talk to him—it can’t hurt to just come right out and tell him how you feel. When you see him, just do whatever feels right.” We both dig into our ice cream, my thoughts on Joe.
“Oh, I forgot to tell you.” I tell my dad about Hailey’s sister, but I don’t tell him about Hailey being in rehab because I’d be no better than her if I shared. I do tell him that she’s on an extended vacation, though.
We finish our ice cream, and then I take my leave, promising to come over for dinner.
***
I’m just pouring a cup of coffee when my front door opens. Carter, followed by Kyle, Robby, and Eli enter my house per usual. Carter’s got a key and he’s been known to just let himself in. Who am I kidding—Eli made a copy of Carter’s key and walks in whenever he wants, too.
Kyle and Robby are cousins and look a lot alike; their dark hair is shaved close to their scalps, and they have the same hazel eyes. They’re both tall and lean, and their only difference is Kyle’s skin tone is dark olive and Robby’s is more peaches and cream. They’re Carter’s age, and they all went to school together.
Growing up with one little brother and three pseudo-little brothers made it hard to date or have friends over because those assholes would torment us relentlessly. My brother isn’t a huge talker, especially around people who aren’t family, but he got the other three to go along with whatever he planned.
“What’s up, boys? I’m surprised to see you all up so early on a Saturday. Except for you, Kyle—how are Jenny and Jayson? I need to go visit.” He’s the only member of our band that is married, and his son is two. He’s a terror, but he’s cute so I can sometimes forgive him.
Kyle comes forward and kisses my cheek. “Yeah, little man was up at five this morning. I let Jenny sleep and got up with him. They’re great, though, and I know Jenny would love to see you.”
“What are you guys doing here? It’s not that I’m not happy to see you, but I was just curious.”
“We were on our way to have breakfast and wanted to see if you wanted to join us,” Eli says, smiling widely.
“Yeah, grab some coffee and give me ten minutes to get ready.” They’re all grabbing mugs when I leave the kitchen.
In the bathroom, I pull back my hair, wash my face, and put on a little bit of makeup. I take down my hair and brush it out before quickly braiding it. I race across the hall and throw on cut-off jean shorts and a black tank top. I shove my feet into my Nikes and then head back out into the living room where everyone is lounging on my furniture. Ragnar and Lagertha are curled up next to Carter.
“You are the only woman I know that can get ready in less than ten minutes,” Robby says as they all stand up.
“That’s because she loved hitting snooze when we were younger, and if she didn’t want to miss the bus, she had to get ready quick,” Carter says as I grab my purse, and we all head outside. They rode together, so I climb in my car and follow them to our favorite waffle house.
As soon as my car’s in park, Eli’s opening my door for me and helping me out. “You are glowing. Joe looks good on you. I’m sorry I haven’t been very nice to him. No one is ever going to be good enough for you.” He wraps his arm around my shoulders and kisses my temple.
I love my crazy, overprotective family.
Breakfast is a loud crazy affair, and luckily we’re regulars so we don’t bother other patrons. I smile at my brother from across the table. He returns it and looks at Kyle, who’s shaking his head while he tells us about Jayson’s latest shenanigans.
Just like me, my brother can’t wait to have kids. One might think that because our real mom and dad lost custody of us that it might make us think twice about children. I want to have children because both of my dads taught us what it’s like to be loved and cared for…I want to share that with my kids.
Carter feels the same. He doesn’t date a whole lot, though. It’s not like he shares his sex life with me because ewww…gross, but I don’t think he’s dated anyone in a long time. When we were younger, people just assumed he was gay because our dads are. I hated that he constantly had to defend himself because of it. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t date a lot.
We finish eating and make plans to have band practice a couple of nights during the coming week; Kyle got us a gig for the end of the month.
As we head outside, I hug all of the boys bye, and Carter then walks me to my car. He opens the door for me. “You okay?” I ask.
“Yeah, why?” He hates when I worry about him.
“I don’t know. I guess just checking on you. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own shit lately that we haven’t talked about you.”
He pulls me into a hug. “Hey, you’ve had some serious stuff going on. There is seriously nothing going on with me. I’m pretty boring these days. If that changes, I’ll let you know.” He’s such a good guy, and I hope he finds someone to love and someone who will love him like he deserves.
I kiss his cheek before climbing inside my car. He waves me off before jogging back to Robby’s Explorer.
Once I’m home, I have nothing to do, so I clean my house from top to bottom. It takes me all afternoon, but everything is sparkling. Of course, as soon as my cats walk through the house, cat hair will be everywhere again.
Picking up my phone, I know it’s too early to call Joe. He’s working a split shift and won’t be off until nine o’clock. We have plans to watch a movie after that, and by watching a movie, I mean that we call each other, turn on the same movie at the same time, and comment on the flick.
It’s actually a lot of fun, and usually we pick something that we’ve both seen but that we love. Step Brothers is on the agenda for later, and it’s our favorite.
***
I laugh into the phone as Joe quotes the line from the movie where Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly decide they’re best friends. “I miss you,” I blurt out.
His chuckle warms me. “Awww…I miss you too, baby, but you’ll be here next weekend. My mom and sisters are excited to see you. They want to steal you and take you to lunch Saturday. I hope that’s okay; if it’s too much, I can tell them you’ll go out with them another time.”
“No, that’s fine. You mom and sisters are seriously sweet. So tell me about this party that you’re taking me to.” I’m nervous about hanging with his friends. They’re all in their early twenties, and I’m in my early thirties…what could I possibly have in common with any of them?
“It’s just some friends from high school. It’ll be a good time, I promise.” I don’t completely believe that, but I’ll go and hope I have a good time.
“I’m looking forward to meeting them. Umm…I have something to tell you.” I’ve been dying to ask him about dancing.
“What?” he asks slowly.
“Oh God, that didn’t sound right. I’ve seen a certain video of a certain someone dancing.”
“I’m gonna kill Violet.”
“No, don’t. I wasn’t supposed to tell, but you were so good.”
“Thanks. Not many people other than family know about it. Violet asked me to do it, and I couldn’t say no to her. Plus it was for our grandma.”
“Do you still have the tap shoes and that fedora?”
He chuckles. “Mmmm…I might be able to find them. Are you going to be the dirty dance instructor?”
I feel my cheeks heat up. “Yeah, or maybe you’re the dance instructor and I’m the naughty student who just can’t get it right.”
His answering groan makes me smile. “Oh baby, I like that so much better.” He clears his throat. “What are you wearing?” His question throws me off guard.
“Um—I’m wearing a blue tank top and little white shorts. What are you wearing?”
“Basketball shorts and no shirt.”
I moan because I can just picture how sexy he looks. “No shirt, huh? I don’t believe you.”
“Oh yeah? Give me two seconds.” I hear a rustling sound. Then he gets back on. “Check on your phone.”
I put him on speaker, pull up the text he just sent, and groan. He’s reclining on his bed with his free arm behind his head. His delicious muscles and tattoos are on display for me. “You know I don’t think I’ve ever really looked at your tats. Next time I see you, I think I’m going to have to rectify that.”
“You will and I’ll let you. Now it’s your turn. Send me a picture.”
“Okay, give me a second.” I get up, racing into the bathroom and looking at myself in the mirror. I don’t look too shabby for having no makeup on. I quickly let my hair down and shake it out. It’s totally sex hair, and I pull my tank top down a little to show off cleavage. I grab the hem and pull it up a little to show off my stomach.
A sharp pain hits me in the heart. I place my palm over my lower abdomen as a wave of sadness washes over me. Blinking rapidly, I stop the tears from falling. I take a deep breath and get myself under control. In front of the mirror, I put my hand on my hip, flash the rock ’n’ roll devil horns, and stick out my tongue. Quickly, I snap the picture and send it to him.
“Just sent it,” I tell him as I make my way back out to the living room.
“All right, I’m going to look at it.”
I’m met with silence for a second. “What’s wrong?” he asks.
I’m taken aback by his question. “W-What do you mean, what’s wrong? Nothing’s wrong.”
“Baby, don’t lie to me. Your eyes are very expressive, but good try trying to hide it with the tongue and the devil’s horns. What’s going on?”
He doesn’t sound like he’s going to let up about it. “I just got sad for a second. I was pulling up my shirt, and my stomach’s flat, and it just kind of hit me again why it is.” The tears start to fall.
“Oh, Chloe, baby, I’m so fucking sorry. God, I wish I was there with you right now. You know what?”
“What?”
“I want you to lie down on your sofa. Make sure it’s on your back.” He’s silent as I move until I’m lying flat on my back.
“Okay, I’m on my back.”
“Good job, baby. Now I want you to close your eyes. Take some deep cleansing breaths in and out.”
Doing what he says, I remember my breathing from when I tried meditation after my break up with Trevor. In through my nose, out through my mouth—I repeat it over and over and feel it begin to work.
“That’s real good. That use to work on Abby when she’d have her panic attacks.” His voice is soft and soothing. “Are you feeling better?”
“Yes, thanks. Sorry, I wasn’t expecting that—it kind of hit me out of the blue.”
“I know I didn’t lose her like you did, and I can’t understand what you’re still going through, but—”
“You lost her, too. You’re allowed to think about it and about her or what might have been. I’m sure we’re going to think about her for the rest of our lives. For both of us, we’ll learn to live with that little bit of pain we’ll always feel. Sorry I ruined our date.”
“Next time I see you, I’m going to spank your ass. You didn’t ruin shit, and I don’t want to hear you say that shit again.”
Wow, he sounds really pissed at me right now. “I-I’m sorry.”
“That’s okay. Just don’t ever feel like you can’t share your fucking feelings with me. Even if things were to end with us, I would still want you to be able to share your feelings with me, especially about that.”
I rub my hand over my chest because the thought of us not being together freaking hurts. “Okay, thank you, and the same goes for you.”
We don’t talk much longer after that because I have to work in the morning and he’s got a playdate with his niece. I’m anxious to see him next weekend because I just want to let him hold me.