Thursday.
Four Days Later.
“I don’t believe you.” Fiona squeals out between obnoxious cackles. “He did not take a picture of you to jerk off to.”
Cringing, I pull three ‘Sex & Bubbles’ perfume bottles from their brown shipper box and sit them on the top shelf, completing the display to the left of the counter.
“I’d rather not relive it. Thank you.” I mutter.
Fiona’s slender, manicured hands fly to her face, covering her open mouth. “I’m sorry, but I don’t believe you!”
She bounces on the spot, snorting into her hands. With the ruckus she is causing, she’s lucky we’re about to close and there aren’t any customers around to hear her. I don’t know why I told her about the situation that transpired between Caleb and I on Sunday.
And I told her at work, of all places.
I glance at the small, silver surveillance camera above the counter. I hope it only records video and not audio, otherwise I’ve just confessed to Oleg, our boss, that I semi-jerked off Father Andrews’ son.
“You think I’d make something like that up?”
Regaining a sliver of composure. Fiona tucks thin locks of her straight, auburn hair behind her small ears and leans forward onto the glass counter.
“He took his penis out of his pants? Just like that? With no provocation from you?”
“I might have antagonized him a little, but I sure as hell didn’t ask for it.”
I exhale, propping myself against a large box of perfumes.
“Trust me when I tell you Caleb doesn’t function like anyone else I’ve ever met. He’s infuriating, and direct, and he has this egotistical air about him that I can’t stand.”
“You know what I can’t stand? The fact you waited until closing time to tell me. Now I don’t have enough time to pick your brain apart and pry out every graphic detail.”
I laugh. “If you’re not doing anything later, my parents are going to a Catholic banquet and I’m staying home to indulge in some Lethal Weapon. You can pick my brain then, so long as it’s not during any of the action scenes.”
“Lethal Weapon sounds like the name of a hulk sized dildo.”
Snorting, I roll my eyes. I think I’ve had just about enough of these oversexualized human beings. Between Fiona and Caleb, how am I ever going to get my head out of the gutter and keep it out? You know, now that I think about it, Fiona would fit Caleb perfectly. The things that come out of her mouth are just as inappropriate as what comes out of his, and, like him, her mind is constantly geared toward sex.
Funnily enough, my parents often argue that Fiona is a saint. They’re always bringing her up in conversation, asking me what she’s doing with her life and why she doesn’t come to church, blah, blah, blah. For some reason they straight up idolize her—even told me I should strive to be more like Fiona. It amuses me. They have their heads so far up their own asses they fail to see what I saw the second I met Fiona. She’s a whore—self-proclaimed—and she loves it. It’s actually hilarious. They want their daughter, who has only had sex with one person, to be more like the girl who has fucked more men than anyone else in this town. Again, Fiona's words.
Naturally, I haven’t told Mom or Dad that Fiona’s just about banged the whole town—men and women—and is proud of her achievements. Why? Because it’s none of their business and she’s just about the only friend I’ve made since moving to Paradise Valley. I cherish her. Without her here, I’d probably go mad not being able to express myself—my true self.
“Lethal Weapon is a movie.” I point out.
Pushing off the counter, Fiona carries her slender body over to the door. Clicking her tongue against her teeth, she flips the sign, and locks the door with a key.
“I don’t watch a lot of movies, Sia. They’re kind of boring.”
I shake my head, closing the flaps on the box that holds the ‘Sex and Bubbles’ perfumes.
“Not Lethal Weapon. Never Lethal Weapon.”
Sighing, she smooths her palms down the front of her tight, black dress. “Fine. I’ll come watch your stupid movie, but only because Hex stood me up and my mom has a new boyfriend coming over to the house tonight.” She grimaces, exposing perfect white teeth. “I’m starting to regret moving her into my apartment.”
I chuckle. You couldn’t pay me enough to move either of my parents into my house. No way in hell.
“Put that box back in the storage room and I’ll grab the other two. I need to get a coffee from Steamers before we go and maybe a slice of cheesecake—ooh, do you think they’ll have any of those apple pastries today? I like those a lot.”
I mock her as I grab my box. “You eat like crap.”
“And?”
I step around tall, glass cabinets, clenching the box to my chest. “And it’s annoying. I can’t eat a slice of bread without looking like I’m four months pregnant. You down a whole bakery and somehow manage to lose weight.”
“Don’t be such a hater.” She shouts as I slip into the storage room. “You’re the one who could stand to put on a few pounds.”
I scoff, placing the box of perfumes on top of another at the front of the room. Covering my mouth, I cough as harsh scents and chemicals from the bottle Fiona dropped and smashed this morning burn my throat and tickle my lungs.
“Is it still bad?” Fiona asks, sauntering into the back room, holding her two boxes.
“Yep.” I groan, pulling my shirt over my face to mask the smell.
It’s too late. It’s already imbedded in my nose hairs.
“Ugh. I texted Oleg, but he didn’t reply.” Fiona bends low and sets the boxes on the floor. “Fuck it. He can deal with it when he opens up tomorrow morning.” She turns around, a wide, relieved smile plastered on her thin, glossed lips. “Let’s grab our snacks and go watch that stupid movie.”
****
I texted Mom from Fiona’s phone, telling her not to bother picking me up and that I’d be coming home with Fiona. To make sure I was telling the truth, she called Fiona on her cell to confirm it.
“Jesus.” Fiona exhales, slipping her cellphone into the pocket of her leather jacket. “They’re still riding you hard, huh?”
I nod. “Harder than ever.”
“Are they aware you’re almost twenty years old?”
“I don’t even know anymore.” I exhale and slump my shoulder against the wall that has tiny coffee beans glued all over it as we wait for our drinks. “I feel fifteen.”
Fiona stuffs her hands into her jacket pockets, leaning backward into its fluffy hood. “Why don’t you move out?”
“Where would I go?”
Her vibrant, brown eyes flare with excitement as an idea lights up her features. “Come live with me. We can be roommates.”
“And snuggle in next to your mama and her new boyfriend?” I blow air between my lips. “No, thanks.”
She laughs. “I guess, right now, being roommates doesn’t have the appeal it would have had prior to Mom moving in.”
I shake my head. “Definitely not.”
“Just keep saving your money the way you’ve been saving and you’ll be out of there in no time.”
I nod, avoiding her eyes. I don’t have the stomach to tell her I’m not in a rush to move out of home. Don’t get me wrong, my own space—space away from Mom and Dad—would be amazing, it’s just…I’m the reason they live out here in Paradise Valley, Arizona. I can’t abandon them after forcing them to flee our hometown. I’ll live with them until I feel they’re happy…until they respect me again.
I glance around the café, taking in all of the mutual tones and endless shades of white. Coffee drinkers mill about, like tadpoles in a pond, filling the café with low toned conversation. I must admit, Steamers has done quite well for itself. It’s absolutely bustling for a late Friday evening.
“So, tell me more about Caleb.”
Sweet, torturous tingles dance along my spine at the sound of his name.
Caleb. Sexy, sinful Caleb…
I glance back to Fiona. “Here?”
“Yes, here. I’m bored.”
Swallowing, I roll my shoulders, adjusting the way my shirt sits. “What do you want to know?”
“I just want to know what he’s like.”
Warmth surges up my neck and trickles into my cheeks. He’s outrageous, unapologetic, and incredibly captivating. “I don’t really know the guy, Fi. I’ve only spoken to him a handful of times.”
“That’s more than I can say for eighty percent of the guys I’ve slept with.”
“Fiona!” I jump as the barista shouts her name.
“Hold on.” She excuses herself to collect her order.
I use the time she’s gone wisely, managing to get a grip on my hormones. If Fiona knew just how badly I want Caleb, she’d go above and beyond to make it happen. I’m already fighting Caleb and myself, I don’t have the strength to fight Fiona too. With a bagful of cakes and pastries in one hand and a large, hot coffee in the other, Fiona wanders over to me, a content grin complimenting her already stunning features.
“So let me get this straight, you don’t want Caleb?”
I shake my head, but the thrumming of my pulse as it kicks up at the thought calls me out on my lie. I can lie to others, but I can’t lie to my body.
A jolt of arousal zaps my core and I shift uncomfortably, squeezing my thighs to help take away some of the pressure.
Those dreams though…
“Maybe I’ll give him a go, see if his bark is bigger than his—oh my God. Check out the two dudes that just walked in.”
With indifference, I drag my stare over my shoulder and onto the boys Fiona is talking about. I gasp as my heart painfully stutters, stops, and then picks up again at an erratic pace. Loose fitting jeans, white sneakers and a tight, black tee…my mouth runs dry.
Caleb.
Andrews.
Heat swells in my breasts, tightening my nipples against my bra. Knowing what transpired between us four days ago…knowing what he hides in his pants…
God…is the air conditioning in here broken? What’s the deal? It’s hotter than Satan’s nutsack.
I sweep my hair off the back of my neck and nervously tug at the collar of my V-neck tee. Where’s my damn mocha Frappuccino?
Turning back to Fiona, I drag in a desperate inhale. To be honest, I’m not sure I have the energy to deal with him today, not when it’s that time of the month and I can’t do anything to sate the horny beast that dwells just beneath my surface. The last thing I need is Caleb teasing me with things I can’t have.
“Hot, right? Let’s go say hi. I call dibs on the blond.”
Typical Fiona. She has no problems engaging the opposite sex in conversation, but that’s not me. I’m awkward as all hell. I grab the sleeve of her jacket.
“We’re not going over there.” I spit in a harsh whisper. “That’s Caleb.”
I don’t even want to acknowledge the irrational twinge of jealousy in my stomach at the thought of Caleb and Fiona together.
“Which one?” She flicks her wide stare over my shoulder.
“The dirty blond.”
“Holy mother of all things Christmas. That’s Caleb?”
“Yeah.”
“Christ. Your willpower is impeccable. He would’ve had me six ways from Sunday by now.”
I don’t doubt it.
“He’s looking at us. What do you want to do?” Fiona asks, thankfully keeping her voice casual and low-key. “Ohhh-kay. They’re coming towards us. Now would be the time to tell me what you want to do? Should we go? Should we stay?”
“Uhhh…” I rub my fingers against the palms of my hands.
Is it too late to run? Can we jump the counter and go out the back door?
“Well?” She pushes, plastering a polite, but fake smile on her lips.
“Uh…I…we…”
“And behold,” he states, his familiar voice rousing my body to life. Shit. “The majestic Cassia Claire out in the wild, temporarily free from her shackles. What a rare sight indeed.”
Excitement hums over the surface of my skin, pooling in places it shouldn’t. I turn around and his intense, heavy eyes sweep up the length of my bare legs.
Four days.
Four days since we almost had sex in my room with my parents, and his father, just downstairs. The hot, feverish dreams I’ve had every night since then have been incredible. I never thought orgasming in your sleep was possible, but I’ve experienced it.
“Hey.” I point at Fiona. “This is my friend, Fiona.”
I expect Caleb to revel in Fiona. I expect his eyes to glue to her like they do to me—like they did to that girl that morning during Sunday Mass. Fiona is tall, slim, and beautiful. Her breasts are bigger than mine, her hair is nicer, and she doesn’t have overbearing parents hanging over her shoulder twenty-four seven. She can give him what he wants quicker than I can. Instead, he looks at her, says hi, and settles his lovely green stare back on me.
“So this is Cassia?” I look at the other man he’s with.
He’s shorter than Caleb and his face is boyish which doesn’t match his thick and shapely eyebrows. The friend is handsome as hell with his tan skin and volcanic eyes, but there’s something about him that makes me feel a little…off.
“The one and only.” Caleb says.
I don’t like the way his friend rakes his greedy stare over me.
“I’m pretty sure I’m not the only Cassia.” I mutter, nervously scratching my forehead.
“I take back what I said in the truck.” The friend states, leaning toward Caleb.
Caleb’s lips pull into an amused smile. “I knew you would.”
“What’s your name?” Fiona asks Caleb’s friend.
His friend flinches, his face pinching in confusion. “You don’t remember me?”
I suck my bottom lip into my mouth and bite down, preventing my lips from curling in shock. I peer sideways at Fiona who shrugs her shoulders.
“It’s me, Drew.”
“Ohh, okay. Yeah…” An uncomfortable silence falls as Fiona sucks nervously on her straw.
Pulling off, she clicks her tongue against her teeth and turns to me.
“This just got awkward so I’ll meet you in the car.”
I chuckle, unable to help myself, as Caleb’s friend, Drew, gapes at her like a fish.
“Wait. You really don’t remember me?” He asks as she passes by him and heads for the door.
He turns and follows, a desperate act from a desperate man. “You said I was the best you’ve ever had.”
“I swear I have cooler friends.” Caleb announces with a laugh.
Butterflies release themselves in my stomach at the sound.
He has a beautiful laugh.
“I’m sure you do.”
The uncomfortable silence makes another appearance, weaving itself around us and squeezing tightly. I glance around the room. This has to be the most painful silence I’ve ever been in. I think what unnerves me more is the fact I’m the only one who seems to be finding the silence unpleasant.
His stare is on my face. I know it is. I can feel it.
I shouldn’t have done what I did Sunday night. I shouldn’t have provoked him. I shouldn’t have touched him. This moment would have been a hell of a lot less awkward if I hadn’t.
I clear my throat, locking my eyes with his. “Do you want a drink?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t drink coffee.”
And yet this is where he miraculously found me…in a coffee shop. I bite the inside of my cheek as I fold my arms over my chest.
“Then what are you doing in a coffee shop, Caleb?”
“Peppa’s was closed.” He simply says.
Peppa’s was closed. Peppa’s is where I work and, somehow, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that he was going there.
“Wow. You stalk women, too. You’ve got quite a unique bag of fetishes.”
“You have no idea.” He smirks. “It’s good to see you.”
I roll my eyes. “Is it really?”
He nods, swallowing the distance between us with a final step. I pulse. I pulse in hot waves all over and the muscles in my body tighten. Tremors vibrate my knees as I fight the urge to melt into him. It takes everything I have to remind myself that I’m in public. Someone could see me.
I inch back until the heel of my shoes press against the wall.
“Don’t you have photographs to steal and relationships to ruin?” I ask, pressing a hand to my belly.
I need to regain my composure and quick. I pinch the collar of my t-shirt between my thumb and pointer and tugs three times, allowing extra air to swoop in and cool my feverish skin.
Caleb shrugs, playfully. “Speaking of which, I never did thank you for the photo.”
Funny. I glare at him. “You never asked for permission to take it either, so I wasn’t holding my breath.”
He laughs, loudly, pushing a hand through his hair, tousling it in that way I like so much.
Public. We’re in public.
I swallow in an attempt to moisten my dry mouth.
“Pretty and hilarious. Shit. I’ve missed you.” He says, slipping closer, his green eyes darkening with passion and promise. “Four days is an awfully long time when all I have is your beautiful photo.”
“You don’t miss me.” I tell him. “You miss antagonizing me.”
He laughs again and I listen to it as it fizzles into an amused chuckle, his smile remaining fixed on his face. “I’ve spent the last four days surrounded by stand up, Bible loving, good goods, giving fresh produce to struggling families. Trust me when I say I missed you.”
Caleb, the missionary. Who would have thought? And has he always smiled this much? I can’t help but notice that before we met, Caleb never smiled. Now it’s all he does. Maybe he’s telling the truth. Maybe he did miss me. My heart flutters at the thought, then it’s stilled by the churn of my stomach.
He didn’t miss me.
He missed the thrill that accompanies me. The way he chooses his words is clever. They’re words that caress my feelings and appeal to the romantic side of me. If he did truly miss me…I guess it’s safe to say my life in this town isn’t going to end well. If I’m being honest, my shot at redemption was doomed from the second I saw him sitting at the altar, his elbows on his knees, his jaw tight, and his green eyes watchful.
Caleb is a powerful current in a sea of sin and suffering. It’s apparent to me, every time we meet, that no matter how hard I fight against him, his surge will pull me under eventually. Whether or not I drown in him or wash ashore broken into pieces still remains to be seen.
“Cassia!” The barista yells and I startle, pressing the palm of my hand to my chest.
Exhaling, I slip away from Caleb and retrieve my drink. The sixty seconds I spend freeing a straw from the dispenser isn’t enough time to pull myself together and neither is the stroll back over to him.
“What are you doing tonight?” He asks as I take a nervous sip of the chocolate infused coffee goodness.
I swallow my mouthful. “Why do you ask?’
“I saw your parents on the list to attend my father’s Sanction Banquet and I was just wondering how they managed to find a babysitter on such short notice.”
“Ha. Ha.” I deadpan. “You are hilarious. As a matter of fact, Fiona and I are going back to my place to watch a movie.”
“Sounds good. What time should we come?”
Anxiousness twists my stomach and I frown. “We? You and your friend aren’t invited.”
Can you imagine the chaos if my parents came home and found two boys in my room? All hell would break loose.
I freeze, completely immobilized, as Caleb leans in and presses a hand to my hip. His smell engulfs me, liquefying the floor at my feet. My breath catches in my throat as he plants a quick soft kiss on my cheek, like a doting husband would do to his wife. It’s enough to send my hair prickling over the surface of my skin. Maybe I can have him over while my parents are gone…I can indulge in everything he has to offer…ugh! I could have if it wasn’t that time of the month. Granted, it’s practically non-existent now, but I like to make sure it’s completely done before even contemplating letting a boy anywhere near that region.
“See you later, Cass.”
He turns and storms off.
“Caleb, I mean it! You’re not—”
He’s gone. That’s just great.
Exhaling, I touch my hand to my cheek. His kiss dances on my skin, moving down the length of my fingers when they make contact.
What a charmingly complex man…
I walk towards the exit, clenching my cold, wet cup in my hands, and duck my head, hiding my face behind a curtain of blonde waves. For the first time in a long time, a genuine smile curves my lips. I smile because, for the first time in a long time, I feel pretty. I feel wanted and comforted. For the first time in a long time, I feel like…me.
****
I slip a piece of popcorn into my mouth and let it roll over my tongue. Saliva pools as miniscule specks of salt melt on my taste buds. I cross my feet at my ankles and snuggle into my gray sweatpants and white hood, my go to clothes when that time of month hits.
“And he just grabbed your face?” Fiona asks, her fingers playing anxiously against her lip.
I nod, stuffing my hand back into the bucket of popcorn. How many more torturous questions does she have?
“And sucked on your lip?”
My stomach clenches at the memory, making me vibrate all over. Grabbing the T.V. remote, I lift it and hit the pause button. I’ve never thought about stuffing a television remote into my vagina before but her questions are making the thick plastic feel pretty good in my palm right now.
“Fiona, come on. It’s an action scene.”
I glance at the screen to double check. To be honest, I have no idea what’s going on. Cars explode and fires rage, but I’m not paying attention to it—not like I’m pretending I am. Truth is, I can’t stop thinking about Caleb or the way he looked today…or the kiss he placed so sweetly on my cheek. It’s irrational to make something of it, I know that, but it has been so long since I’ve felt a kiss so soft…and genuine.
“I know. I know. I’m sorry.”
I hit play, pretending to be engrossed in the story.
“It’s just—”
You’ve got to be kidding me.
Sighing, I hit pause again. “What? What is it?”
Clapping, she bounces into a sitting position and pushes the black hood off of her head. Her auburn hair sits in disarray, strands of it hovering around her face.
“Was the grab forceful or sexy?”
I shrug. “Both.”
“Was the lip sucking domineering or sensual?”
I shrug again. “Both.”
“God. That is so hot.” She shuffles on my bed, squeezing her legging clad thighs together. “I am so turned on right now.”
“Well, don’t look at me. My parents may hate that I’m into boys, but they’d murder me if they found me in bed with a girl.”
Fiona laughs, tipping her head back and exposing her perfect teeth. “Relax, freak. I have no use for you. You don’t have the right tools to maintain my plumbing.”
I scoff, unable to stop a smile from spreading across my lips. “I don’t think anyone has the right tools—or enough of them.”
She flips me off and I laugh as she flops back against the mattress, muttering unintelligibly to herself.
“What time do your parents get home?” She sighs at the ceiling
My finger hovers over the circular play button. “Midnight, maybe. Why?”
“That’s five hours away. You wanna go out?”
Is she crazy? No, I don’t want to go out. Knowing my luck, we’ll run right into my parents and since they’re still pissed at me for ruining Sunday’s dinner, adding fuel to the fire will only make my life harder than it already is.
“Pass. Thanks.”
Fiona rolls her pretty eyes. “Live a little, Cassia. Jesus Christ. You’re depressing as hell.”
Ignoring her, I hit play on the remote. I know my life sucks right now—believe me, I know—but surely all of my sacrifices will be worth it in the end.
“You wanna know what your problem is?” Fiona asks, rolling onto her side, propping her head on her hand.
Here we go. I shake my head. “Not really.”
“Daddy issues.”
Daddy issues? I arch my brow. She thinks I’m the one with daddy issues? I scowl at her and her thin, pink lips twitch with delight. Just like Caleb, Fiona fishes for reactions because, for some strange reason, extreme reactions amuse people like them.
“I don’t have daddy issues.”
She tosses her auburn hair. “Oh, please. Your daddy issues are on a whole ‘nother level. I thought mine were bad. At least I had the balls to tell my dad to fuck off.”
I shut off the T.V. and toss the remote to the bottom of the bed. “My father is a good man.”
“A good man?” Fiona laughs once. “You are so desperate for his approval you’re giving up your own life to get it. Screw your parents. They’re too much, smothering you like a damp blanket over a fire.”
My heart pounds in my ears. They’re not bad people. They’ve done plenty of things for me. They’ve nurtured me when I’ve needed it and they’ve raised me right. It’s not their fault I don’t hold sex as righteously as they do.
I huff, placing my popcorn on my bedside table. “They don’t smother me. They only want what’s best.”
“You’re in denial.”
I absolutely, positively hate the smug tone in which she says it.
“I’m not in denial.” I say, proud I’m able to keep my voice calm and even when I’m anything but on the inside.
Fiona simpers. “That’s the first thing people in denial say.”
“It’s also something someone who isn’t in denial would say.”
She rolls onto her back. “You know I’m right, Sia.”
Sia…the nickname she gave me when I accidently tore my name sticker in half on my first day at work. It took four weeks for her to realize my name was actually Cassia, but by then it didn’t matter. Sia stuck.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Fiona and I jump as three soft taps patter against the door to my balcony. My pulse kicks up, thrashing painfully in my ears.
“What was that?” Fiona whispers, the both of us as still as stone.
She doesn’t seem as panicked as I am.
“A raccoon?”
I don’t take my eyes off my balcony door. Something is out there.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
I pull my knees into my chest as Fiona cautiously slips from the bed. With vigilant steps, she creeps across the room toward the balcony.
“Fiona…”
She whips out her index finger, silencing me. My ribs ache with what feels like fresh bruising as my heart slams into thin, fragile bones. I hold my breath while Fiona slips her hand underneath the edge of the curtain and peers outside.
“What’s out there?”
Perhaps Jesus has returned to tell me what a fucking idiot I’ve been.
Fiona glances over her shoulder at me, her lips pulling into a sinister smile. My heart skips a beat, my stomach drops into my intestines, and air rushes from my lips as my worried expression morphs into panic.
He wouldn’t.
Unfortunately, Jesus isn’t the guy I have to worry about tonight. It seems sin himself has taken the liberty of showing up on my doorstep.
I leap off the bed as she reaches for the handles.
“No!” I hiss in a whisper. “Fiona! Don’t—”
I freeze as she pulls the doors open. Immediately, my eyes lock with his.
Where he stands, even outside in the dim light, I see the fire in his eyes. He doesn’t smile at me, his usual smug expression swallowed up by an aggressive intensity I’ve never seen before. He almost looks…ill.
I gulp, suddenly feeling unbearably hot in my hoodie as he drags his stare down the length of my body and back up again. Not a single thought manifests on his face. I can’t tell if he hates what I’m wearing or if he likes it. Either way, his deep look smooths out, allowing relief to flicker over his features for the briefest second.
He looks amazing, too. A fitted blue tee with a pair of those loose jeans that I like so much.
“We knocked at the front door, but you didn’t hear us.” Drew announces as he slips by Caleb and enters my room.
I didn’t notice Drew standing there beside Caleb. How could I? Caleb’s presence can swallow up an entire room.
“So that’s an invitation to climb onto someone’s balcony?” I ask.
Drew nods, grabbing my box of popcorn. “Caleb insisted.”
I scowl as he walks about in his plain, black tee and loose cargo shorts like he belongs here, like we’re longtime friends comfortable enough in our relationship to do whatever we want without permission.
I fold my arms against my chest as Drew saunters past my bed and over to my bedside table. He smiles a wide smile and stuffs a handful of popcorn into his mouth. Fiona giggles and its sugary tone is enough to snap me out of my glare. I look at her. Is she kidding right now? Where’s the loyalty? She shrugs, her eyes flaring with excitement.
I turn to Caleb who remains on the balcony, amused with my display of inhospitality to him and his friend. He looks at me with bright eyes, like I’m completely out of my mind.
“I told you not to come.” I state, but there’s no denying the balloon feeling in my chest.
Why is he here? Why did he come here when he could be anywhere, doing anything?
“I couldn’t help myself.” He simply says, his voice filling my room with his familiar tone.
“Live a little, Sia. You’re going to Hell already anyway.” Fiona points out.
Why do people keep saying that to me?
“Hey.” She calls to Drew. “You wanna go for a walk?”
Excitement zips across his face, pulling his lips into a wide grin. It’s the face of a man who knows he’s going to get laid.
“Can I take these?” He asks me, grabbing my bucket of popcorn.
I shrug. I sure as hell don’t want to eat them anymore. “Sure.”
He could take my dirty underwear if it meant getting him out of my room.
Stuffing her hands into the pockets of her hood, Fiona smiles at me, her lips quirked into a teasing bend. “Don’t wait up, Sia.”
“Fion—”
I swallow my words as Caleb steps in and Fiona and Drew shoot out the door, slamming it shut behind them.
It hits me like a ton of bricks…the memory of what almost happened the last time we were in this room together. I can still feel his warm cock in my hand…his sharp teeth against my lip. I let out a slow, shaky exhale and push my fingers through my hair.
My parents are going to kill me.
“Relax.” Caleb chuckles, ambling over to the photo-filled corkboards on the far wall. “Your parents will never even know I was here.”
I don’t know if I should be impressed or disturbed that he read my mind…
“I…I…” I shut my mouth, unable to formulate a proper sentence.
It’s him.
It’s the atmosphere he creates, the presence he has. He sucks the air out of the room, out of my lungs. Since I first laid eyes on Caleb, I’ve wanted to be alone with him. Now I have him…here…in my room of all places…and I can’t do anything.
With calculated grace, Caleb plucks another photograph off of my board and holds it between his thumb and forefinger. He analyzes it with a small curve on his lips before slipping it into his back pocket. I half laugh, half scoff. He treats my photo board like an all you can masturbate buffet. It’s disturbing…and quite possibly the most arousing thing in the history of arousing things.
“By all means, please, help yourself.” I mutter, folding my arms.
He walks toward me, full of the confidence that only men that look like him have. The closer he gets, the thinner the air becomes, until I’m consumed by him and every risk I contemplate taking is worth even the slightest taste.
“Don’t judge me.” He says, his tone kissing my skin in the loveliest way. “Do you know what it’s like? Fucking yourself to a beautiful photo you desperately clench in your sweaty hand?”
I swallow hard. “I…I don’t have a photo of you so…no. I don’t know what it’s like.”
Fire burns in his irises, showing me a glimpse of the sweet, agonizing Hell he promises to take me to.
The slightest twitch tugs at the corner of his delectable mouth. “Have you made yourself come thinking of me, Cassia Claire?”
The double name. I hate it.
“That’s information I won’t make you privy to, Caleb Andrews.”
He reaches out and grabs my arms in his warm hands. I watch him, curiously, as he unfolds them and pulls them away from my chest. My heart thrums in my ears, pounding relentlessly as heat washes over me. He places my hands on his stomach, and I hate that they instantly tremble against the bulges of his abs.
Touching them is killing my brain cells. I can feel my intelligence diminishing by the second. He’s in good shape. Better shape than I imagined. Thomas isn’t a fat guy, but he sure as hell isn’t on par with Caleb.
“How many times?” He asks, walking backwards, luring me over to my bed.
I don’t want to go anywhere near my bed with him, but I’m powerless to stop it. He’s the surge and I’m the fish…helpless.
“Hmm?”
“How many times has the thought of me made you come?”
“I’ve lost count.” I confess, my voice almost non-existent.
His irises flare, his lips pulling into a breathtaking grin. I’m lost in it. I’m lost in him, in his sexuality, in his prowess. I keep following him, stuck in a trance I have no intention of breaking. In the time we watch each other, I feel like a million and one things are said.
One of them being finally…
F.I.N.A.L.L.Y.
The back of his legs bump against the wooden base of my bed. Gracefully, he lowers himself onto the mattress, bringing me down with him. Lost in my stupor, I find myself kneeling between his legs, my hands on his thighs, his in my hair.
“Can I kiss you?” He asks, sliding his free hand around my jaw, his fingers caressing my cheek.
I shake my head. “No.”
His brows draw in as I lift my face closer to his, wanting him to do it despite what I said. Caleb’s long fingers tighten in my hair as he tilts my head back and cranes his neck, his face hovering an inch above mine. His green eyes darken like angry clouds that suddenly blow in on a sunny day, blocking the sun.
“You’re sending me mixed signals right now, Cass.”
The pads of his fingers twitch against my jaw and I swallow hard. What’s one kiss? Just one?
“Just one.” I whisper. “I want one kiss.”
“One.” He repeats, nodding his head, his breath rushing out of his mouth.
Anticipation. It crackles through the air and swirls around us as we wait.
Our first real kiss. What will it be like? Will it explode into something magical, something unstoppable? Or will it fizzle out, drowning us in unmet expectations?
I moisten my lips as his heavy-lidded stare flicks to them. My heart pounds through my ribs, threatening to tear through my skin, as he swallows the distance between us.
His lips crash to mine and he kisses me in a way I’ve never been kissed. He opens his mouth and I open mine. He licks my lower lip before plunging his tongue inside my mouth with a husky groan of pleasure. I jolt at the sound, reveling in the vibrations the noise sends over my skin.
One kiss leads to another…
And another…
And another…
Until he’s tugging my hoodie off over my head and I’m letting him. My hair cascades down my chest, resting wildly against my cheeks, as he tosses my hood to the other side of the room. I should have known it was never going to be just one kiss. I knew it the moment I said it. It’s like telling yourself you’re only going to have one piece of chocolate. Before you know it you’re halfway through the block.
I shiver as his gaze settles on my bare breasts. He stops, dead still, and I realize no one has ever seen me naked before—or half naked, in this case. Thomas and I never took our clothes off. It was too risky.
Caleb is the first…
“I want to feel them against me.” He flicks his stare to mine and rips his shirt off over his head. “I want them in my mouth, around my cock, bouncing in my face—fuck.” He runs a hand over his mouth. “How can you be so fucking perfect?”
A fierce blush floods my cheeks and his eyes grow dark—darker than dark—almost black. In his dusky, volcanic pools, pain rises to the surface, mixing with sin and suffering. It sobers me a little. Is that what I want? Do I want to bare my soul to his and risk absorbing one of his damaged fragments?
“Why are you looking at me like that?” He demands, his lips pursing.
Uneasiness twists my stomach, but I barely feel it over the epic pulsing between my thighs.
“Are you okay?” I ask, reaching out for him.
Caleb snatches my wrists and yanks me up onto the bed. It happens quickly. In one heartbeat I’m on my stomach and in the next I’m on my back as Caleb settles himself between my legs.
Between my legs.
Shit.
“Cale—”
Growling, he pins my hands down beside my head and I just about come on the spot. His aggression…it’s everything I imagined and more. He squeezes my tiny wrists in his large hands until I’m unable to move my fingers.
“I’ve wanted…” He mutters against my ribs. “I’ve wanted to taste your flesh from the second I laid eyes on you.”
I gasp as he envelops my nipple in his hot, wet mouth and circles it with his tongue. I curse as my back arches and my hips flex. He pulls off with a pop, hardening my nipple to its painful, maximum point.
“I prayed for your body.” He confesses, kissing my ribs again. “I got down on my knees, lowered my head, and begged God to give me your body while others sat next to me, praying for sick relatives and world peace.”
I don’t point out that his priorities are a little fucked up…mostly because it’s turning me on beyond anything I’ve ever experienced.
Releasing one of my wrists, he sucks my other breast into his mouth. My hips move of their own accord, grinding against him, grinding against his hard cock that I feel through his jeans. My thoughts are scattered, so scattered it takes me a second to register the feel of his fingers as they dance along my side. They snake between us, making their way into my pants. I freeze, my entire body tightening to the point of cramping.
“No, wait!” I gasp, pushing against him and hindering his access. “We can’t.”
He releases my breast and pushes himself up my body. I grip his shoulder and push, but he doesn’t budge. Insistently, he kisses my neck, sending ripples of pleasure over my body.
“Please, Cassia.” He groans, desperately, grinding his hips into mine. “I’m so fucking hard.”
A fierce pang of pleasure zaps my body, making me dizzy. I close my eyes and a moan escapes my lips. The friction from his heavy body alone has me edging toward release.
I imagine this naked. I imagine how amazing he’d feel without the fabric barrier between us.
I long for it.
I crave it.
Despite the pleasure radiating throughout my body, a cramp builds up in the background, getting stronger and stronger until the undeniable fact I still have my period is too painful to ignore. I push against his shoulder and wriggle.
“Caleb, stop.” I rush out on a heavy breath.
He grunts impatiently, pushing himself back onto his knees, raking ten frustrated fingers through his hair. I slip my hands over my naked breasts and he squeezes his eyes shut, clenching his jaw.
An excruciatingly quiet moment passes before he lowers his hands and opens his eyes.
There is no green.
Not even a sliver.
“I…uh…” I swallow hard, trying to regain my dignity. “I’m not equipped for that kind of activity…at the moment.”
Caleb frowns and embarrassment punches me in the gut.
“You’re not equipped?”
I nod and he ponders it for a while. Eventually, a lightbulb flicks on in his eyes and his eyebrows smooth out.
“Oh. It’s that time, is it?”
I nod again, pulling myself into a seated position. I tuck my knees into my chest, a little embarrassed.
One kiss, I tell myself. One, you fucking imbecile.
Caleb scratches the back of his neck and that’s when I see the first shard of green sparkle in his eyes. “And I assume you don’t like to…while you’re…”
I grimace. What the fuck? “Ew. No.”
He arches an eyebrow. “Really?”
My eyes widen. “You’ve had sex while…? You’re kidding?”
He shrugs. “It doesn’t really make a difference if you wear protection. It still feels amazing.”
Who in their right mind would ever do that? With all of the extra stuff…and fluids…and…I shudder. That’s where I draw the line.
“You’re disgusting.”
He swipes a hand down his chest. “No. I am a lover of the female body no matter the week.”
I roll my eyes. “Smooth.”
Holding my breasts, I leave my bed and cross the room to my set of drawers to put on a shirt. When I’m done, I turn around and lean against it, bending my leg at the knee.
Caleb watches me a little amused and a little confused.
“So, you definitely don’t want to—”
“No.” I cross my arms over my chest. “Definitely not.”
He drops onto the bed, resting his head against my pillows. The sight is absolutely glorious—everything I imagined and more. Dragging my eyes from his body to his face, I see the beautiful slope on his lips. I gulp, squeezing my arms against my body to keep me from melting into a puddle of goo.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I ask.
He tips his head to the side. “I know your vagina is out of commission, but how’s your mouth?”
I laugh, despite the furious blush raging up my neck. I’d love nothing more than to taste him on my tongue, but I know how boys like him work. I’d give him that and then I’d never see him again. He’d drop me, like he dropped the brunette girl from church. You think he still sees her? I don’t. I’m not giving until I receive.
“If I have to suffer, so do you.”
I expect him to get up, grab his shirt, and leave. After all, we’re not friends. Our relationship is purely physical, meaning nothing connects us except our mutual lust. Instead, he pats the mattress beside him.
“All right.” He says. “So we do something else.”
“You’re not getting what you want so there’s no obligation to stay. It won’t hurt my feelings if you leave.”
He tucks his hands behind his head. “I’m not a one trick pony, Cassia. Come here.”
I hesitate for a brief moment before crossing the room and climbing up onto my big bed with him. Shifting into a seated position, leaning against the headboard, Caleb pulls me into his arms, pressing my cheek against his bare chest. The scent of his cologne hints at my nose, mixed with soap and clean sweat. Nothing has ever smelled so appealing…nothing has ever felt so right.
This.
This, right here, is worth betraying my parents for.
Even if it’s only for a fleeting moment.