Morgan
I sat in class staring ahead, but hearing absolutely nothing that the professor said. I couldn’t focus on anything other than Xavier’s words from yesterday. “I’m not that guy, I’m not an asshole.”
Maybe he wasn’t.
I won’t pretend for a second that the urge to relive the night we had all over again wasn’t lingering in my mind. Drunk or not, that guy was sinful. He may have fumbled a bit, he may have repeated his words a few times throughout the night, but what he lacked in smoothness he made up for in skill.
Every time I thought about his mouth and hands, I’d feel the heat rise in my neck. Then I’d remember that I had to stay focused. I couldn’t get distracted by a guy and his ability to make me forget everything else, even for a short time. It was hard enough already; I didn’t need to add drama on top of it all. Because that’s what relationships were—drama. Especially a college romance with some fraternity guy who partied every weekend on his parents’ dime.
When Professor Wright dismissed us, I gathered my things and exited the class. I still had close to two hours before I had to be at work, and catching the bus home was the last thing I wanted to do. Instead I stopped at the vending machines, grabbing a Coke and a bag of mini chocolate chip cookies before I walked outside and looked around. Spotting an empty bench, I began walking that direction.
Once seated, I dug through my bag in search of my iPad. Flipping through the study guide I had downloaded the night before, I used my teeth to open up the bag of cookies.
Before long I was lost in all the medical terminology and became oblivious to anything outside of the studies of cerebral palsy. Toby was my inspiration to go into the medical field. I still wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted to settle on. I had time, since it would take me twice as long to get through school than most. I knew I wanted to help people. I wanted to give them hope even when they felt there was nothing left.
I reached over to grab my drink, my eyes still focused on the screen and not what I was doing, and knocked it to the ground. Thankfully the lid was still on.
Leaning forward, I grabbed for it and sat back up, suddenly surprised by the overcast shadow that now hid the sun. Squinting, I looked up to find none other than Xavier standing over me, a smile on his face.
I didn’t say anything, only quirked my brow in question and waited for him to say the first word instead. Reaching around his back, he pulled something out of his bag and brought it around front. “Peace offering,” he said, holding the bag out toward me.
I tried to keep the smile that was tugging at my lips at bay. “Sour Skittles?” I asked, wondering how in the hell he knew my love for them.
“I told you I’ve since started to remember things from our night.” I looked away because the smirk covering his lips was distracting. “There were like, five bags of these things on your dresser, two on your nightstand. If I remember correctly, they were also in your car when you took me home the next morning.”
“Observant even when you can’t walk straight,” I said with sass. “Impressive.”
“So does this make us friends?” he asked as I leaned back against the bench, still doing my best to remain aloof.
“I don’t know about friends,” I teased.
Reaching out when he began to pull the Skittles away, I swiped them from his hand and he chuckled. “Do you mind if I sit?”
“It would be kind of rude for me to say no now, after you just bribed me with candies.” I slid over, giving him a little more space just before he sat down next to me.
“Listen, about the other day,” he started to backtrack, and I held up my hand to stop him.
“I was a bitch,” I said, and he scrunched up his brows, surprised by my words, I guessed. “I’ve had a really shitty week, my car quit, I have to take the public bus every day. Let’s not forget my boss is a complete asshole, and when your friend mentioned something about us in the middle of the Sub Shop, it hit me wrong.”
“Defensive,” he said, turning more to face me, “but not a bitch.
“Sweet, but really, I was a bitch.” This time he didn’t argue.
“I apologize for Brent, he can be a jackass.” He placed his arm over the back of the bench and I felt his fingers brush over my shoulder in the process. “But I meant what I said.”
“Which part?” I asked, feeling my heart race now that he was closer and his eyes were fixated on mine. What was it with me and this guy? Any other male I could remain aloof and brush off their advances. Xavier, though, he had this way about him, a look maybe, or just his mere presence that had me feeling all girly and soft inside.
“About all of it, actually.” And there was that smile again. “I never told them anything about our night. I’m not the type of guy to run back and share details. I prefer keeping my personal life private. It’s disrespectful.”
I looked down at the bag of Skittles I held in my hand, just to gain a moment of clarity. It was hard to focus when he was staring back at me with the gentlest brown eyes. I wasn’t a girl wounded by a man of my past. I wasn’t even a girl who allowed men close. There was no hidden secret as to why I kept myself out of relationships. I just truly didn’t have time for the distraction.
“I also meant what I said about being willing to take whatever I could get, just to get some time with you.” I took in a deep breath and tilted my head just enough to see his expression. “I know what you said about not having a lot of room to date.”
“I don’t,” I assured him.
“Okay, so, we don’t go out to movies and dinner, instead I surprise you with takeout when you’re too tired to make something after a long day.” I had to give it to Xavier; he was quite persistent. “So what if it takes us a full week to watch a movie on Netflix? We’ll take all the time we need. I want to get to know you, Morgan. Even though you say it’s complicated, I think we can un-complicate it.” He offered a silly little wink that made me laugh.
I quickly regained control and shook my head, as if to clear my thoughts.
“Xavier, I had a lot of fun that night.” I couldn’t think of any other word to use. Fun was definitely an understatement. “But with school, work, and other things, I just don’t have much space left in between.”
“Other things?” he asked, just as he skimmed over my shoulder with his thumb.
Chills covered my arm, and I fought the shiver that rolled through me. “Family,” I said, more breathlessly than intended.
“No guy friend?” he asked, still toying with me.
“Guys are too much trouble,” I told him, gaining a smile almost instantly.
“Is that right?” He leaned in closer and I suddenly found it a little harder to breathe evenly. I only nodded my head in agreement. “I can be fun,” he assured me.
The idea of just how truly fun he could be flashed in my mind, and I squeezed my thighs together trying to control my thoughts.
“Too much drama,” I said, looking away from those brown eyes that were completely focused on my mouth.
“I hate drama,” he added. Lifting his other hand, he placed it over mine, resting on my leg. “Just one chance,” he whispered. “It’s all I’m asking for.”
My entire body was screaming “yes.” I wanted to skip work and take him back to my apartment where we would spend the entire afternoon reliving each touch, each kiss from that night. I felt almost desperate to feel him touch me again.
But the woman inside me who knew I didn’t have time to be a horny college kid fought against every single urge inside me.
“I can’t,” I whispered before I could talk myself out of it. I closed my eyes, and for a moment just focused on the feeling of his fingertips. His touch made it almost impossible to stand behind my words.
If that wasn’t already bad enough, he moved in closer, much like he did that morning when I dropped him off at his house. His lips brushing against my cheek, his warm breath fanning out over my shoulder and neck. “You can,” he whispered. “I’ll convince you, it’ll all be worth the fight.”
He slowly stood, placing a soft kiss on my cheek near the corner of my mouth. When some distance had been created between us, I looked up at him. “You don’t give up, do you?”
“No.” He didn’t even hesitate. “Not when I want something.”
“I’m that something?” I replied, finding that inner sass I had momentarily lost.
“No, Morgan, you are that someone.” He continued to stare at me for just a moment before leaning in and placing a piece of paper in my lap.
“What’s this?” I asked, opening it up.
“Don’t take the bus,” he said. “Call me.”
He turned around and began walking away without giving me the chance to argue. I watched as he moved across the grass toward the parking lot. A confident sexy swagger, his pants hugging his legs and ass just perfectly.
Just before he got into a red car, he lifted his hand and offered me a wave and my heart rate sped up. Why did he have to be so confident and demanding? Couldn’t he just take our night for what it was? One night of heated sex between two consenting adults. Done, finished, and move on.
By this time I was too distracted to even attempt continuing to read. Every other word had to be reread because all I kept remembering was the way his hot breath felt against my neck, or his fingers on my shoulder. It was pointless.
So instead I gathered my things and started walking to work.
My phone began ringing about halfway there. I pulled it out of my back pocket to see it was Marcus.
“Hey you,” I said as I pressed my phone to my ear.
“Where are you?” he asked and the seriousness in his tone frightened me.
“Walking toward work, why?” I paused at the side of the road and listened to what sounded like tires squealing through the phone. “Marcus, what is going on?”
“I stopped by your parents’ to hang with Toby for a bit,” he said, his voice laced with anguish. It wasn’t unlike him to stop by for no particular reason; he did it all the time. “Toby was asleep, and your mom…” he started to explain, and I stopped walking as I stepped to the side, allowing people to pass me.
“Tell me,” I said, pushing him.
“I think I should wait until I get there to pick you up,” he insisted.
“No, you can tell me now,” I practically demanded.
“The last few times I’ve stopped by to visit, I’ve found her crying in random places throughout the house. Today she sat at the kitchen table staring off at nothing. She hadn’t even heard me come in, she was so lost in her sadness,” he continued and my chest tightened. “I think she needs help, Morgan.” Of course she did, she was overwhelmed, stressed about medical help for Toby, and money to pay for everything. “I know that you talk to your mom, and you offer her help whenever you can, but have you ever just sat back and watched her?”
Of course I had…hadn’t I?
“I think she needs more than just physical help, Morgan, I think she needs to see a doctor.” Just then I looked to my left to see Marcus pull up along the curb only a few feet away from me. “She’s depressed, and I don’t mean just a little. It’s severe, Morgan, and she needs help.”
Tears pooled in my eyes as I thought of her being so saddened that she felt like the world was crashing in all around her.
“If I miss work, I’ll lose my job,” I whispered. I don’t know if it was my way of ignoring the truth and not wanting to face it, or if I was truly worried about being fired.
“It’s a shit job for shit pay,” Marcus added, and I knew he was right, but it was all the income I had. Even with student loans and grants I barely made it as is. “I already called your dad, he’s on his way home. They’re gonna need us.”
Things like this, times like these just confirmed what I told Xavier only moments ago. My life was complicated. I’d give in, and he’d be all right at first with the limited time we’d have. Then it would all change and he’d grow tired of having to attend events alone or me having to leave at the drop of a hat to rush home for some reason.
In the end I’d be left missing the idea of us and he’d move on to another girl who could offer him a real relationship. It was better for the both of us if I just continued to resist his advances.
I climbed inside the car, reaching across to latch my seatbelt before I actually took the time to look at Marcus. “You okay?” he asked, and I offered him a nod. That nod immediately shifted to a no.
Shaking my head, I looked back at him and a tear escaped me. “How did I not see how depressed she was? I knew they were struggling and that she was overwhelmed, but I just continued on each day thinking it would all work out in the end.”
“We all did,” he said, reaching out to take my hand in his. “She’s taken care of all of us for so long, now it’s time we take care of her.”
He was right, my mother had given so much to everyone around her and never expected anything in return. She was selfless, and I thought it was time she got a well-deserved break.