Casey
The moment Nora told me we were over was it for me—the one moment that everyone has when they realize they’ve majorly screwed themselves out of something good. No matter what they do—or how hard they try—nothing can bring back that happiness.
I did that to myself.
I self-sabotaged everything with her after chasing her for over three months. I played every little cat-and-mouse jealousy game she managed to throw at me. I learned her quirks and her mood swings, and for what? Nothing feels worse than knowing I stand in the way of my own damn happiness.
Now there’s Julie.
And Lucy.
More importantly…Julie.
I don’t know why I do this to myself; I know I can’t have her. I know that I’ll always be staring at her when I can and thinking about Oliver touching her when I want it to be me. Even now, as I lie in the darkness of Oliver’s apartment waiting for the sun to rise, I think about her. Oliver doesn’t know how lucky he is to have someone like her.
Even in high school, I was never one to dwell on something for too long. Oliver always got the girls while I was left to catch the ones that had time to kill before he got to them. I’m a few years younger than him, which made it even more exciting—and harder to swallow sometimes.
Well, not anymore.
I want someone to just…love.
Someone I can get close with and keep for more than a week at my side—someone who I don’t have to worry about anything with except for how happy I can make her. I want someone to laugh with and share inside jokes…someone who looks at me like Julie looks at Oliver. Maybe that’s my problem. Maybe I’m not jealous of Oliver, but jealous of what they have together. It’s hard to see people happy when you’re doomed to be miserable.
I know deep down that I have no chance with her. But that’s not going to stop me from thinking about it every damn second.
I try and focus on Lucy. Her vibrant red hair is sexy…I do like that. Her wide lips pout out without her even trying, and she tantalized me with the way she licked them when she caught me looking over at her in the car.
After we hung up hours ago, she sent me a smiley face and I had to force myself to put down the phone and let her think about me overnight.
Will she even think about me?
Will she even remember me?
What has Nora done to me?
What have I done to myself?
I feel so pathetic and alone right now.
I think back to Lake Reed and how happy Nora and I were.
How happy we were supposed to be.
I can’t believe this is who I am now.
I care about everything while caring about nothing at all.
The hours tick by slowly as the sun grazes the halfway open curtains. I email the detective sometime during the early morning and he answers around six with the details of the wreck. I text Harley and arrange for one of his shop guys to fetch the Jeep from the police lot just in case Oliver wants it back for some reason. I get up and gather the things Julie asked for and take a look around the apartment before leaving.
This should all be mine.
There are things that Oliver doesn’t know that I do know.
My phone rings as I get into my car and my heart skips, hoping it’s Julie.
No, hoping it’s Lucy.
“Hey, it’s Harley.” I frown because it’s not one of the girls. Disgusted with myself for even thinking that, I try and shake them both from my head. “Is Ollie okay, man? I got his Jeep and fuck man, this thing is wrecked. Was he drunk? I know when I left him at The Tavern he was smashed.”
My eyes narrow. “When were you guys at The Tavern?”
I can hear his lumberjack fingertips pounding on the front counter of his shop. “Two nights ago, but when I left he was with some chick and she seemed sober enough.”
“You left him with some girl? Was it Julie?”
Harley sighs. “No, it wasn’t. I warned him, man. I tried to get him to let me take him home, but he wasn’t havin’ it. So, is he okay?”
“I don’t know,” I hiss. “I haven’t talked to Julie this morning. I’ve been busy helping her out…you know, since she’s his fucking girlfriend.”
“Hey, don’t be pissed at me. I tried to tell him.”
I know Harley likes casual flings, but I know he likes Julie too. He always encouraged Oliver to be with her because she’s so good for him.
But she could be good for me too.
“He’s getting surgery to repair some tears in his lung, so I don’t know. I’ll let you know when I find out,” I say. I want to throat punch him through the phone. “Is the Jeep too fucked up to salvage? I really want to do something special for Julie right now.”
He sucks in hard air and blows it out slowly. I know I slipped and said something that might tip him off on my sudden infatuation with a woman who’s not mine. “Yeah, this thing is too messed up. I’ll text you the number of my rental guy…they’ll need a car. Ollie won’t like it if you replace his Jeep permanently for him.”
“I know that.”
I pull the phone from my ear and get ready to hang up on him. The way he nonchalantly accuses me of being a bad friend grinds my insides. I can’t even believe after all the advocacy he’s done for Julie that he’d allow Oliver to cheat on her. For a split second, I think about using this to my advantage, but Oliver is still my best friend—no matter how much I think I want her.
“Hey, Casey?” Harley’s voice booms. “That other part…can you just forget—”
“—Already forgotten,” I say, and I do hang up on him this time. I focus my energy on driving to the hospital and what I might walk into when I get there. My phone makes a dinging noise as I pull into the parking lot, and I don’t bother checking it until I walk into the main entrance where it’s warm.
Lucy: Good morning. How did you sleep?
A goofy smile grows on my lips. Okay, I can handle this. I blush, looking around to make sure no one is watching me and edging in on my private thoughts. I throw the bag I stuffed all the things Julie asked for over my shoulder to answer her.
Casey: I had a lot of stuff going through my head. Sleep wasn’t one of them.
The security guard eyes me as I pass him and push the elevator button. When I step inside and look back at him, he tips his gray hat toward me as an indication that I’m doing something right in life for once.
Thank you, random security guard.
Lucy: I’m sorry to hear that. Anything I can do to help?
I smile and hear the elevator ding.
Casey: Can I take you to dinner tonight? I’m checking on my friend right now.
Lucy: Pick me up at eight?
Casey: It’s a date.
I shove the phone into my jeans and smile bigger. When the elevator door opens, my smile fades and panic settles in my bones.
Julie.
She’s standing in front of the doors. Her face is pale and stained with tears. I step out to meet her and reach out for her, my fingertips grazing her arm. “What’s wrong? Is he okay?” I search her eyes, but they’re so tired that I can’t tell what’s happening. “Julie, tell me he’s okay.” She lets out a deep breath and falls into me, clutching me around the waist and sobbing into my shirt. “Please tell me what’s going on.” I stroke her head.
Her grip tightens on me and I know I have to let her go.
“He made it,” she whispers. “He made it through the surgery.”
I pull away and look down at her; the tears in her eyes are happy ones. I want to use my thumb to wipe them away so damn bad. She flings her arms around me again and I hold her as tight as I can…knowing that I’ll never have this chance again without Oliver’s watchful eyes on me. He’ll be able to see right through me at first glance.
“I told you he’d be okay.” I smile and tuck her hair behind her ear. “He wasn’t going to leave you like that.”
She wipes her eyes and they sparkle like sunlight on the ocean. “I’m glad you were here for me, Casey. I don’t know what I would have done without you. You’re one of my best friends; I’m so happy I have you in my life.” Her lips touch my cheek and it takes every single ounce of restraint I have not to move my head and let her lips graze mine. I know that once I go there, I won’t be able to come back from it. She’s not like Heather, though; she won’t hold it over my head for years.
She’ll just never speak to me again.
Her small, cold hand tucks into mine. “Let’s wait for him out here, okay? He’s not back from recovery yet.”
There’s nothing more I want than to sit here and hold her. I let her lead me to the small sofa and pull me down onto it with her; she tucks herself underneath my arm and before I realize it, she’s sleeping soundly as she snuggles into my side.
Oh, no. I have to get out of here. Why is she doing this to me?
It takes a few minutes of running through anger and confusion until I’m able to calm down. I know she’s not intentionally leading me on…it’s not her fault she needs someone to comfort her. Honestly, I lie to myself because it makes me feel better—she’s just clutching onto the first person she can. If Nora were still here…Julie wouldn’t think twice about asking me to be her errand boy instead of white knight.
Her arm snakes around mine and she pulls it tightly into her, seeking the undying comfort I know she’s longing for. I like the fact that she called me one of her best friends; it’s nice to know that someone can see the good in you even when you can’t see it yourself. She knows what I need to hear before I do.
“I want to do something special for Oliver since his Jeep is totaled. Do you think you can find one that looks like his old one?”
I nod. “I can try.”
“Casey?” Her voice is suddenly sleepy. “Why do you smell like women’s perfume?”
I make a weird face, but she doesn’t see it. “Oh, I hung out with someone last night and gave them a ride home. Her perfume must have stuck on my clothes. I stayed at Oliver’s last night so I could come straight here with your stuff. Does it bother you?”
She doesn’t answer right away. “No, it doesn’t bother me…I was just wondering.”
Her body starts to shift away from mine and it’s confusing. Is she really upset that I smell like another woman? No…that can’t be true. My arm tightens beneath hers, warning her that if she lets go now, I don’t know when we’ll be able to be like this again.
“What’s her name?”
It takes me a few seconds to remember because all I’m thinking about is her. “Lucy.”
“She must be pretty special. I’d like to meet her someday.”
I take my arm back and her eyes flick to mine. “Uh, here’s the stuff you asked me for. I have some things to take care of—can you call me when he wakes up?” I pick up the bag from the floor and put it on her lap.
“Sure, Casey.”
Her eyes cloud over again and I know it’s because I’m acting like a fool. I’m not stupid. There’s a small part of her—no matter how small it is—that has some sort of feelings for me too. I’m not making it up…I know I’m not.
“Hey.” I smile at her and wink. “I’m just a phone call away. You’re not alone.”
She shrugs. “I know. I just don’t like waiting.”
“I know you don’t,” I blurt out, and she looks at me, confused. “I mean, no one does.”
I nod at her and get into the elevator as fast as I can, shutting her out.
No one likes to wait.
But I will wait for someone like you.