Casey
I drive away from the hospital parking lot after signing for Julie and Oliver’s rental car; Julie is still on my mind even worse than before. I try not to think about her, but her pale, milky skin and bright ocean blue eyes haunt me.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I park outside my own apartment—a mile from Oliver’s fancy one—and lay my head back on the headrest. I have to start thinking about Lucy. I still owe her dinner, and I’m exhausted. The guilt of not making more of an effort bothers me enough to make a better plan. I wonder if she’ll want to come over to my place instead. I take out my phone to text her, but I don’t know if I even want to…but I have to.
I have to get over whatever this is with Julie.
Casey: Hey, do you want to come to my place for dinner tonight?
Her red hair fills my mind and it’s nice to have something in my brain other than Julie for the first time for days. Lucy is sexy too…but she’s not sneak-up-on-you sexy like Julie is. No, Lucy screams sex appeal and that’s not a bad thing, either. I like women who leave a little mystery to themselves and Lucy wasn’t exactly an open book when I spoke to her.
I’m not capable of a love triangle.
I can’t even keep one woman interested in me.
I still want the instant chemistry and deep love that Oliver and Julie share.
Lucy: It’s a date. What time?
Casey: Six o’clock. Wear something comfortable.
Lucy: What do you mean? Like pajamas?
I laugh as I open my apartment door and step inside. I graduated from state college last year and my parents congratulated me by paying my rent until I find a job. I’m sure my father wasn’t impressed that it’s been over a year and I haven’t found one.
I’ve been too focused on other things.
Casey: We can have a slumber party if you want. Dinner, movies, and popcorn?
I send it before I think about it. I know it was a stupid, cheesy thing to say, but it’s too late to take it back now. I look around the apartment and feel more alone that I have in months.
Lucy: Sounds amazing. Text me the address and I’ll see you at six.
My heart skips as I send her my address and look around the apartment again, scanning the room to see what needs to be done before she gets here. I keep a pretty clean place; I don’t like a lot of clutter, and I haven’t been here much lately to even make a mess if I wanted to. I’ve been chasing Julie around and being there for her.
Dammit.
I growl as I straighten the pillows on the sofa. It takes nothing to put me in a bad mood these days, but I have to get happy before Lucy gets here. I order pizza from my phone and decide to take a shower just in case something exciting happens and Lucy lets me sleep with her.
I’m disgusted with myself for thinking of her like that.
I don’t want to sleep with her on the first date, I just don’t. That’s not the person I am. I like to know people before I do something that intimate with them. Except for Heather—she was just always…there. I don’t feel bad about the way I treated Heather, because she treated herself the same exact way. She hates herself, I can tell.
The shower sounds like a heavy rainfall when I turn it on; big, fat drops of water splash on the walls and welcome me inside. I turn the temperature up and step in. The heat from the steady stream rises around me and clears my negative thoughts away.
No Julie.
No Heather.
No Nora.
Lucy.
There she is.
Wild, red hair.
Subtle freckles on her cheeks.
Thin lips that pucker when she’s annoyed.
Olive-green eyes.
Perfectly shaped ass.
Okay, there we go. I smile and I’m finally able to let go of whatever’s holding me back and start washing myself clean. It’s not going to be fair to Lucy if I’m with her and thinking of someone else, especially if that someone else isn’t available. I make sure I scrub every inch of my body to ease more tension, seriously thinking about relieving myself in other ways before Lucy arrives.
It scares me to wonder who I’ll think about when I do it, though.
I immediately turn the water off and step out, wrapping a towel around my lower half. As I look in the mirror, I frown. My entire life I’ve wanted to look like Oliver—be like Oliver—and have the life that he has. I’ve never been satisfied with myself, even though I’m not exactly a disgusting troll. I work out, but no matter how much I try…I never match up to him.
I don’t even know why I bother, really.
But Lucy doesn’t even know Oliver, and that’s an advantage I’m willing to take.
Before I get dressed, I do a few push-ups on my bedroom floor just for good measure. I know it won’t make a difference right now, but it makes me feel good to know that I’m trying. Not knowing if Lucy is really showing up in pajamas, I decide to put on jeans and a t-shirt to make her more comfortable when she gets here.
There’s a knock on my apartment door and I panic, looking at the time.
“Shit, she’s here.” I gather my laundry, putting it into the wicker basket in the corner of the room. She knocks again and I race to the front door, take a deep breath, and look through the peephole just to make sure.
Holy shit. She’s really here.
“Hey,” I say as I open the door. She eyes my clothes and blushes. I’ve made her uncomfortable within the first ten seconds—a new record for me. “I’m glad you could make it.”
She smiles and steps through the open door, looking around. “I thought you said we were having a slumber party?” Her giggle bubbles around my skin. “Do you sleep in jeans?”
I blush. “No, I was changing when you knocked on the door. You can make yourself at home and I’ll change now.” I motion to the living room and smile at her. “The pizza should be here soon—you can pick out a movie if you want.”
“Rom-com?” Her eyes grow wide. “I’ve always wanted to make a guy watch some cheesy, out-of-this-world romantic movie with me…”
My laugh makes her take a few steps toward me. “Whatever you want. I’m your slumber party slave.”
“Slumber party slave, huh?” She tips her chin up and my stomach sinks.
She wants me to kiss her.
I’m still struggling with the Julie mess. I don’t want to confuse her.
“I’ll go change,” I mutter and go back to my room, not bothering to shut the door behind me. I really don’t want Lucy to act like Heather—slutty and cold-hearted—but I really think this is where she’s headed. It’s a major turn-off for me to be with a woman who acts like she’s got so much self-esteem that it will explode on me at any given moment.
I like the kind of beauty and grace that creeps up on you.
Like, Nora and Julie…
“Hey, Casey?” Lucy’s voice wafts through the open door, but she doesn’t come into view. “I think the pizza is here.”
I shove on some sweatpants and join her in the living room, where she gives me a look. It’s the look I’ve been waiting for someone to give me: the look that says I’m the only person in the world they see. I try not to smile but I can’t help it. It’s nice being crushed on again. I honestly don’t know how to navigate this, but I make a silent vow to myself to not ruin it.
I open the door, grab the pizza, tip the delivery guy, and shut the door before Lucy even gets up from the sofa. She feels so comfortable here and that makes me feel nice inside—even Nora didn’t bother coming to my place no matter how many times I begged. We were always hanging out at her small, studio apartment in the Art District. Not that I can complain too much—we did get to watch some awesome street plays from her fire escape staircase.
The pizza smells delicious as I place it in front of her on the coffee table and open the box. Keeping it casual, that’s what I want from this. What’s more casual than sharing pizza from a box without plates? She grabs a slice, snuggles into the corner of the sofa, and smiles. “Pepperoni pizza, food of the gods.”
Okay. I can do this.
I grab a few blankets from the hallway closet, put them on the other end of the sofa, and sit down next to her. Her pink pajama pants have small kittens on them, and that makes me smile. The arm of her matching pink, long-sleeved t-shirt rubs the bare flesh on my arm, making me do something stupid.
I grab her arm and pull her closer to me, and she doesn’t hesitate.
Before I know it, her legs are wrapped around mine and her body is flush against my side, pizza still in her hand and smile still on her face. “This is nice,” she says, blushing. “It’s nice to be close to someone without them wanting something in return.”
I lean forward and grab a slice of the pizza. “All I want from you is your company, right now. Anything else can come when it comes.”
She nods and hands me the remote. “You’re not going to like the girly movies I choose, so you might as well pick one.”
I shake my head. “No, lady’s choice. You pick whatever you want.”
She giggles and snuggles as deep into me as she can without sitting on my lap. Although, I wouldn’t have pushed her off if she tried. Is this what it was like for Oliver and Julie? They were strangers until they just let themselves be and let the love grow between them?
I can love Lucy if I really try.
Halfway through the pizza and chick flick she chose, the sun starts to go down and the evening chill fills the apartment. It’s early October, so I haven’t turned on the heat yet, but I stand up and flick it on just for Lucy. When I sit back down, she nuzzles her head on my chest and the only thing I can do is put my arm around her shoulders.
Like a date.
“Are you cold?” I ask into her mess of red hair. “I have blankets.” I find the blankets next to me and spread one across the both of us, feeling her smile move the fabric of my t-shirt. I slide my arm down her side and hold her against me, waiting for her to object, but she doesn’t move an inch from my body. I make a grunting noise and take a deep breath. “I think we need dessert.” I smile down at her and she raises herself from me.
Her olive-green eyes meet mine and it’s the weirdest feeling I’ve ever felt before.
I need her.
Lucy is going to fix me.
She’s going to make me forget all about Nora.
And hopefully Julie too.
“Oh, Dilaggio’s delivers the best chocolate cake on the planet.” She licks her lips. “It’s literally to die for.” She sees the stare I’ve fixed on her and lowers her eyes. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
Shit.
My body lurches toward her and I devour her lips. I know she’s confused but I don’t care; I want her so bad that it’s hurting my insides.
I don’t even remember what Julie looks like.
That’s a lie. I’m thinking about Julie as my lips slide across Lucy’s and she caresses my tongue with hers in small, circular motions. I grip the sides of her face and hold her in place, moving my lips from hers and trailing them down her neck and collarbone. My hands slide down her sides and grip her waist with force.
“Whoa,” she says breathlessly. “Slow down.”
I know I have to listen to her—I’m not that kind of guy to just keep going when a girl says otherwise. I press my lips back up the trail that I just went down and she moans as I reach her jawline. I know she wants more, but she told me to slow down. “I’m sorry…I don’t know what the hell just came over me.”
Lucy’s smile reaches her eyes. “Let’s just take a minute. You’re a good guy, Casey.”
Oh, no. I know where this is going.
I lower my eyes into my lap. “I understand.”
Her long finger touches my chin and lifts my gaze back up to meet hers. “I’ve done some things lately I’m not proud of. I have secrets. Nothing illegal or really bad, but…I’m not a very lucky person in the love department…”
I scoff. “Join the club.”
Lucy’s lips taste like vanilla cupcake lip gloss when she sits on her knees to kiss me again. It’s not a hungry kiss this time; it’s more sensual and sexy. I wrap my arms around her and squeeze her small body against me. “You smell amazing,” I say and tickle her neck with my nose. “I’m not the best person, either. I’ve done some fucked-up shit.”
She giggles. “Like what?”
“I’ve cheated and I’m not proud of it. I don’t know why I can’t let someone be in love with me. I always fuck it up for myself.”
The sadness that she has for me reaches my heart. “You’re not alone in that.”
I snort. “I’m sure you have men falling at your feet.”
She laughs. “I most certainly do not.”
Before I tear up, I clear my throat and find my phone on the table next to us. “I’ll order some cake if you find the wine in the kitchen and bring it in here.” She claps her hands together and jumps up from the sofa, disappearing into the kitchen. I call Dilaggio’s and order a large cake. Who knows? We may need something for a midnight snack.
I plan on taking her to bed with me.
I just need to stop thinking about Julie first.