Julie
My phone rings immediately after Casey puts me onto the pavement. He takes it from his pocket and hands it to me. I don’t check the number—I automatically answer it. My hands are shaking so badly that I nearly drop it on the ground before I hit the answer button.
“Hello?” My voice shakes uncontrollably. I can feel the fear bubbling up in my throat.
The person on the other end hesitates, their shallow breathing floating into my ears. “Don’t hang up,” a woman says. “It’s Heather.”
“What the hell do you want?”
“I’m calling to talk to you about Oliver. Is this a good time?”
Dozens of things are swirling through my mind right now. I can’t just chalk it up to coincidence that Heather would call two seconds after the nurse. I can’t help myself; I lose control and start to sob into the phone. “What did you do to him?” My body shakes and I raise my voice into a frantic scream. “Why can’t you leave us alone, you crazy psycho?” I cry louder and she tries to talk to me through my tears.
“I have no clue what you’re talking about. What is wrong with you?”
I hang up on her. I don’t have time for her games. I stand still and close my eyes, hoping that it’s all just a bad dream and when I open them, everything will be normal.
Casey puts his hand on my shoulder, and it pulls me back to where I need to be. I pretend that Heather didn’t just call me; the more I put that out of my mind, the more I’ll believe that it didn’t even happen. I don’t allow myself to feel bad about being mean to her.
“Julie,” Casey says. “We need to go.”
I have to lick my lips several times; the moisture in the air is making my mouth sticky. Or it’s my anxiety. Either way, I’m glad Casey is here with me. It’s nice having someone to trust when you’re going through a tough time.
I rush back into the pool house and grab my new bag and tuck my wallet inside. When I meet Casey back outside, he’s puzzled by how calm I seem to be.
“Okay.” I breathe in slowly. “I’m ready. Let’s go.”
He leads me away from the pool house and to his parked car on the street. Randy runs outside to see what’s going on, and Casey couldn’t care less about his presence looming over us.
“Who the hell are you?” Randy demands. “Another jerk-off wanting to destroy her?”
“Calm down, man. I’m taking her to the hospital.”
Randy looks me up and down. “What’s wrong with you?”
There’s something in his tone of voice that startles me. “Not me. O-Oliver is there.”
“So, they called you.” He shakes his head. “I told them not to.”
The rain has stopped, and I freeze in place.
“What do you mean?” I snap at my brother, whose jaw is clenched in anguish. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“I got a call back from earlier…I guess Oliver was mixed up in that accident.”
I jump toward him, ready to start bashing in his face. Casey holds me back with all the force he can without hurting me. “What the fuck is wrong with you, man?” he yells at Randy as he forces me back against his body and holds me there. “That’s her boyfriend! That’s fucked up.”
Randy’s eyes catch fire. “I’m trying to protect her from assholes like you!” He lowers his voice and looks around to make sure no nosy neighbors are looking out their windows. “I’ve already dealt with enough drama because of morons like you. I had to peel her off a telephone pole the last time her heart got broken. Remember that, Julie? And now what? I saw you coming from the clinic. I know one of these idiots got you pregnant…” His voice trails off and he looks at Casey, then back at me. “Which one was it?” He points at Casey. “You?”
Casey’s grip tightens on me. “You’re pregnant?” he hisses in my ear. I can only see red as I turn my body and push Casey to his car; I’m furious that Randy has now become almost as bad as my parents were when it comes to loving me. Casey tucks me into the front seat and keeps an eye on Randy as he jogs over to his side of the car and gets in.
“Run away like you always do, Julie!” Randy yells as we pull away from the house.
When I can’t see him anymore, I let out a long, deep breath. Casey hardly has the balls to look over at me, let alone say a single word to me right now. My anger steams the windows, so I push air in and out of my lungs as carefully as possible to calm down.
Oliver.
Is he dead or alive?
“So, your brother is pretty…fucked up.” Casey clears his throat and sweetly smiles at me. He’s trying to ease the tension, and I know it’s not his fault that I’m angry. I’m actually glad Casey showed up when he did—I was ready to curl into a ball and let myself get lost in my own mind. He tries to speed to the hospital, but the streets are still slick; Casey is careful not to lose control of the steering. “Julie, can you talk to me?”
“I just want to get there.” My voice is monotone. “I just need to see if he’s alive. That’s all I care about right now, Casey.”
He nods and bites the inside of his cheek. “So…are you?”
My eyes find his in the darkness. “Am I, what?”
“Pregnant.”
Oliver should be the first one to know that answer.
I think about the possibility of having to identify his body…I’m all the family he has left.
“Pull over,” I croak. My mouth is so dry it hurts to talk. “I’m going to be sick—you have to pull over.”
Casey immediately pulls the car to the side of the road and watches me leap from the already open passenger door. I stop near a dark patch of shrubs and greenery, letting out all of my anxiety at my feet. I’m so weak that I can feel my knees wobble, and then Casey’s arms are behind me again, lifting me into the air and carrying me back to the car. I don’t thrash around in protest—I let him buckle me back into the passenger seat and start driving again without saying a word.
“I’m here for you, Julie. I love Oliver too. He’s like a brother to me. You’re not alone.” He runs his fingers through his sandy blond hair. “He’s my best friend.”
I nod. No matter what Casey says, nothing is going to make me feel better until I see life in Oliver’s emerald eyes. The sadness that Casey has is wrapping around my body, squeezing and making it hard to breathe. I find his hand in the darkness and grab it, like friends are supposed to do. I want him to know that I’m here for him too.
Casey is the first to speak when he parks the car at the ER entrance. “How did our lives come to this? I mean…life gets so fucking twisted sometimes that it’s hard not to fail.”
I shake my head. “Honestly? I come from a messed-up family, and I thought I changed things around for myself. We keep taking things for granted because we get comfortable, but every rule is meant to be broken at some point. Plus…I just keep letting myself get into these situations that are just—”
“—Impossible,” we both say at the same time. Casey’s eyes meet mine in the moonlit car and our gazes lock for a few more seconds than they should.
He laughs nervously. “I think we should go inside.”
“Are you sure you’re okay to go in with me?” I ask him, noticing his reservation.
He swallows hard and nods. “I’m not too sure he’ll be happy to see me, especially if he wakes up to me standing next to you. You know how he can get jealous over nothing, and I’ve already done something to him. Maybe I should stay out here and wait.”
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. I don’t want to go in alone.” I sigh and open the car door, letting the millions of emotions pour into the ground beneath me. They dance around my feet as if competing for who I will play with next.
The walk to the revolving ER doors seems like it takes an eternity. Each step I manage to take is like walking through quicksand; they take me further into dark thoughts the closer we get to the bright light of the waiting room. It isn’t until we reach the desk that everything comes rushing back to me and I nearly lose my balance again; Casey’s arm is already around my waist to hold me up.
“Can I help you?” a tired-looking nurse asks us.
I’m so numb that I can’t speak.
She nods at me but speaks to Casey. “Is she okay? What does she need to be seen for?”
Casey shakes his head. Even though he’s right next to me, he sounds like a million miles away. “No, we’re looking for someone. She got a phone call from a nurse…Mary Callahan?” I’m surprised at how calm he is considering that his best friend could be dying in the next room. I lick my lips and prepare to speak before the nurse types on her computer and her face drains of all its color.
“Let me get in touch with Nurse Callahan. Have a seat.”
“Is he dead?” I say a little too loudly before she sneaks off. “Oliver Jackson…is he dead?”
She shakes her head. “I don’t know, honey. Have a seat and I’ll call her to come speak to you in private.”
“I don’t want to have a fucking seat!” I scream.
She isn’t amused. “You either have a seat or I can have someone escort you off the property. Then you’ll never know your answer, will you?”
I’m about to start cussing her out when Casey laughs nervously and holds his hands up to her in defeat. He pulls me away, pushes me down in a chair, puts his arm over me like a lap bar on a rollercoaster, and glares at me. “You’re going to make this shit worse if you don’t calm down,” he growls.
I tap my fingers on the side of the chair. “She’s going to tell me that he’s dead.” I bite my bottom lip and look around the room, which is littered with sad people waiting for news too. “Right here in front of all of these people who don’t even know him.”
Casey looks sick. “I’m right here, Julie.” He snakes his arm around mine and intertwines our fingers, squeezing. “You aren’t alone—I told you that. I won’t leave you, no matter what happens next.”
Tears stream down my face as I look at him. I know his intentions aren’t as pure as he’s trying to make them seem. He saddens when he sees me cry, and he reaches out to wipe my tears away, but I turn away. I sob into my hands and he rubs my back in small circles, letting me know that I’m not alone. I keep my hand in his because regardless of what his intentions are, I need just about anyone within a five-foot radius to comfort me right now.
“He has no family left,” I whisper to Casey. “I’m the only person he has besides you.”
He smiles at me warmly. “It’s a good thing we’re here for him, then.” I feel his warm gesture in my chest and it helps me calm down.
“You’re good in a crisis.” My voice is more of a whisper. “You’re a really good friend…to both of us.”
I see him cringe. “Let’s just see how this goes and we can talk about whatever you want later, okay? I just want you to focus on Oliver.”
A woman in her late-forties with short, chestnut-colored hair smiles at us and leans over from her chair a few feet away. Her smile fades when our eyes meet, but she looks over at Casey with stars in her eyes. “You are very sweet to your girlfriend,” she says. Casey blushes and doesn’t bother correcting her. She nods at me. “You are lucky to have such a sweet man in your life.”
I let go of Casey’s hand instantly. “He’s just my friend.”
The woman gasps. “Oh, I just assumed by the way you held his hand—”
Casey exhales loudly. “Thanks for the compliment, ma’am. Please excuse Julie—she’s a little distraught right now. We’re waiting to see if her actual boyfriend is alive.”
The woman frowns. “I see. Well, good luck.” She stands up to go sit as far away from us as she can. Casey snickers, and it makes me a little uneasy. I appreciate what he just did, but what the hell was that about? I don’t like random strangers knowing my business.
A hot flash of fire zips through my body.
We both look in the direction of a set of double doors opening; a woman emerges exhausted and covered in blood. My heart races when she talks to the nurse at the desk, who nods toward us. My entire body buzzes as she walks over. Her face doesn’t have the glow of good news.
I don’t get the glow.
I get sadness.
A face full of regret.
When she closes in on us and reaches out her hand for me to shake, Casey intercepts her and takes her hand instead. I tell myself that I’ll thank him later for doing that. Oliver will be pleased with him for taking care of me when he couldn’t—I’m sure of it. They’ll be back to being best friends in no time. I look at the white-tiled floor and close my eyes, waiting.
“You two are here to see Mr. Jackson?” I hear her say, but I don’t look at her.
“Yes,” Casey answers for me. “She’s his—”
“—Wife, yes.” The nurse exhales deeply. Casey swallows hard, but neither of us correct her mistake about me being Oliver’s wife. “I was the one who called you…I’m sorry I had to hang up. We had an emergency and I had to help.”
“Okay,” I mutter and keep my eyes closed.
I don’t bother looking at her—I know what she’s come to tell me.
“Do you want to see him?” she asks, annoyance in her voice.
My eyes open and I make myself look at her this time. “In the morgue?”
She isn’t impressed with my attitude. “I think you’d better come with me.” She leads us back toward the doors she’d just emerged from. Casey pinches me to stand up and tugs me along behind him. The steel doors echo as they shut behind us.
That door.
That door is shutting me out from my old life, and my new reality is in front of me.
And I’m stuck in between.