Brandon
Even before I wake up completely, I know my arm is clenched tightly around someone. I don’t even have to open my eyes to know it’s not Julie. It’s never Julie. It will never be Julie again, and that is something I will have to face in the long run. For now, I keep my eyes closed and think about her golden hair and how sweet she smells in the morning.
I feel my good morning mood float away from me as I relive my stupid decisions with her. The hate I have for myself creeps back into the sunny room and taunts me, letting me know again that it’s not Julie next to me.
I’m with Heather in her bed.
This purple monstrosity of a bedroom.
I screwed my life up so bad that it won’t ever not bite me in the ass.
I wonder if Heather even really likes the room and think maybe she’ll be more comfortable in my bedroom with me. Thinking that makes me groan, nearly waking the woman clinging onto me. The sunlight is burrowing into my still-closed eyes and I have to make myself calm down a little as Heather starts to yawn and stretch against me.
She isn’t Julie.
I need to be everything with Heather that I wasn’t with Julie.
That’s how I survive this.
The first rule is: Treat her differently.
I don’t know how I’m going to fake loving someone when I’m yearning for someone else, but I have to try. I tighten my grip around her body and let her relax into me. She lets out a small sigh and it actually excites me as she stretches her body against me on purpose.
I open my eyes and whisper into her ear, “Good morning.”
She doesn’t open her eyes to greet me, but she snakes her hand down my body and into my boxers. “Whoa, hey!” I say in surprise. She starts to giggle but keeps her hand in my shorts. She turns to face me and I see her in a whole new light. Half of her makeup had smudged off during sex last night, but she just looks like a normal girl—fresh-faced and naturally beautiful.
Her long nose perks up at me as she grins. “I thought you would’ve gone back to your room by now.” She blushes, and it’s nice to see her act like she has normal feelings for once. “I’m surprised to wake up with you.”
I breathe in deeply and let it out slowly, brushing hair from her eyelashes. “Do you not want me here? I can go back—”
“Don’t you dare.” Her smile is amazing.
And it’s just for me.
That’s a nice fucking feeling to have.
“I thought it would be better for us to stay together sometimes, is that okay?”
Her eyes grow so wide they remind me of Julie, and that’s not okay. “Better for us? So…there’s an us?” I didn’t realize that I’d said it like that, but I don’t want to take her happiness away from her. I roll onto my back and pull her closer into my chest, letting her lie with me so she can’t see the fear in my eyes. She takes her hand back and cuddles into me with so much hope that it’s hurting my head.
I don’t like this immature flirting dramatic shit.
“Isn’t there an us?” I ask and try not to cringe. Surprisingly, it isn’t as horrible to say as I thought it would be. I could see myself with Heather—but I’ll have to give up Rachel too.
I almost forgot about Rachel.
Young and willing, the boss’ daughter.
No responsibility or commitment.
I wasn’t strong enough to give her up when I was with Julie…and it cost me more than I’ll ever be comfortable with. “Is this room okay? I wasn’t sure if you liked purple. We can go and you can pick another color out and I can repaint it for you.”
She places her finger over my mouth to shut me up. “I like the color—it’s nice that you painted it for me, and it’s nice that you want to make me feel comfortable.”
But I know how she was before inviting her to stay here.
“I’m not as rich as Oliver.” My gaze drops. “I make good money, but he has so much money that it’s unreal.”
“How do you even know that?” She giggles and sits up, pulling me up with her. “Did you research him or something?”
I blush. “When I first found out he was sleeping with Julie.”
She cringes when I say Julie’s name now. “Well…” She raises her eyebrows, looking for her clothes around the room so she can run away from me. “There’s a constant reminder I don’t care to have. You talk about her so much, it’s like she never left.”
I wish she never did fucking leave.
I scoff. “Do you think I want to be reminded that you’re sizing me up next to someone like Oliver Jackson? He’s never worked a day in his life, I bet. At least I work for my money.”
“Okay, calm down,” she soothes me almost instantly. “Let’s just try harder.”
She watches me climb out of the bed and follows me like a puppy dog. I catch her hands and put them around my body. “I’m sorry, I’m not used to trying this hard to make someone happy. I won’t compare the both of you, okay?”
“What about her stuff in that room upstairs?”
Who the hell does she think she is?
That stuff isn’t just stuff in that room—that’s everything in my life from the past five years that ever mattered to me. I grit my teeth and pull her closer to me, squeezing her tight. “I’ll call her later and see if she can send someone to pick up her stuff.” Heather tightens her long arms around me in a possessive gesture, and it turns me on.
I like that she’s ready to fight for me.
She pulls her body from mine and glares at me. “Another thing too. Enough with this hot-and-cold shit. Either you want to be with me or you don’t. I don’t have room for another asshole in my life.” Her eyes glitter with fire and I can tell she’s waiting for me to grab her and throw her back onto the bed, but I have to get ready for work.
Oh, but make no mistake: I want her.
I want her bad.
“I have to get ready for work, okay? You just make sure you’ll do anything for me…and I’ll do anything for you. Is that a deal?” I whisper in her ear and smack her ass and she gasps, slapping my shoulder playfully. “You’re lucky I have to work or you’d be tied to that bed all day.” I let her go, running from the room before I make good on that statement. I notice the time and I’m able to quickly shower and change into dress slacks before Heather knocks on my bedroom door.
“You don’t have to knock, we’re not strangers.” I laugh at her and open my closet door. She notices my slacks and licks her lips. “Did you need something?” I hold up two different button-up shirts—one light blue and one steel gray—and she points to the blue shirt and smiles. I take it from the hanger and pull it on, watching her bounce toward the bed and sit cross-legged while I dress for work.
She pushes her lips out, trying to figure out what to say to me. “I was just wondering if I could take some of those college courses we talked about before.”
The fact that she’s asking my permission really, really excites me.
I try not to show her my victorious smile. “Of course you can. You can use my laptop downstairs if you want to do that while I’m at work today, if you want. Just let me know how much the tuition is and I’ll work it out, okay?”
Her mouth forms a small circle. “You’re paying for it?” She stands up and smooths out the collar of my shirt. She trails her long fingers over the row of neckties that are revealed when I open my top dresser drawer. She pulls out a silky, black tie and I let her tie it around my neck gently. She knows if she gets a little too rough, I won’t want to go to work and leave her here alone. “I don’t want to owe you anything except for my attention.”
I grab her hands and hold them against my chest. “You are my chance to make shit right in my life. I’m not going to fuck this up on purpose. You just make sure you’re doing the same and I’ll give you whatever I can give you.”
Her smile is bright; I can feel the love that grows for me reaching from her skin to touch me. “Okay, I’ll look at some classes today. Thank you.” I have to pull my hands from hers because I don’t want to leave her here alone. I don’t want her away from me because she might change her mind and go running back to Oliver.
Julie’s in her way with Oliver and with me.
I know she watches me drive away, as I make it a point to drive slowly so she can see me leave. I come to a stop sign and dial Julie’s number. My heart skips a few beats waiting for her to answer.
Voicemail.
“Hey, Jules. It’s, uh, Brandon. Look, I have something to tell you. I met someone…you know her. Her name is Heather Michaels, and she’s Oliver’s ex…but you know that. She’s living with me now, and I still have some of your stuff at the house. It’s just…Heather doesn’t really want reminders of you lying around the place while we’re together, you know? I’m sorry, I know this is bad timing with…” I hesitate; I don’t want her to know I was watching her and overheard about Oliver, “…you know, life and all.” I clear my throat and try to save face. “Just call me back and we can work something out.”
I hang up. I’m such a pussy.
I almost said, “I love you.”
I can’t stop thinking about her the rest of the way to work. When I park the car and pump myself up to try and make it through the day, my phone rings and Julie’s name pops up on the screen. My body ignites when I realize I’m about to talk to her for the first time in weeks. She saw me at my absolute worst the last time we spoke in Oliver’s parking garage and by now I assume she’s been told I’m innocent.
“Hey, Jules. I’m really glad you called me back. I miss talking to you.”
“Brandon,” a man growls at me. His hatred seeps through the phone like invisible waves of destruction around my throat.
“Oliver,” I snap to show him I’m not intimidated.
“I’m going to need you to fuck off and stop calling Julie.”
I snort. “And if I don’t?”
His laugh is scary, even to me. “If you don’t, then you won’t like what happens to you.”
“You don’t scare me, Jackson.” I try and convince him that I’m not actually shaking. As rich as he is, there’s no limit to what his money can buy. He could probably make me disappear if he wanted…and I’m sure he wants to.
He clears his throat and lowers his voice. “Now you fucking listen to me, you piece of shit. I’m only going to say this once and you better get it through your fucking head. Julie isn’t yours anymore, she’s mine. She loves me, she doesn’t love you anymore. I don’t know how much fucking clearer I can be with you.”
“It’s crystal clear, don’t worry about that.”
He laughs at me again, pissing me off more as my co-workers pass me in the parking lot and eyeball me sitting in my car with a fucked-up look on my face. “I hear you’re living with my sloppy seconds, so all I can tell you is good luck on that. She’s a pistol and not the shiny kind. So, play by my rules or you’ll regret it.” He hangs up the phone and I’m left with nothing except our anger fighting in the car.
How dare he order me around like that?
How did he know about Heather living with me already?
I don’t take orders from anyone. I know Julie better than he ever fucking will.
He doesn’t know me very well, but…
I love to break the rules.