Heather
I rip the note off the door of my hotel room when I get back from “visiting” Nora in the hospital. I scoff as my fingernails scrape against the paste-white surface. The money I managed to scrape together selling my things is running out; the wonderful people of this lavish hotel are kind enough to give me a few more days to get my remaining things and leave.
I let the heavy door slam behind me. I shove the air back down into my lungs, but it aches to be free. I won’t give in; I won’t let the frustration get the best of me. I honestly thought Ollie would let me back in the apartment by now.
My once shiny black hair is dull and lifeless, making me frown at my reflection. I need better hair product than this hotel provides. I need new clothes and necessities too. I need something more than I ever thought I would.
I need Ollie.
I also need to let that go.
I crumple up the notice and throw it in the trash. I’ve been thinking about how I’m going to get out of this for days—I know I can’t ask Ollie for any more money. He’s made it pretty clear that’s over for me. I’ll just have to take more extreme measures to keep living the way I was born to live: worry-free and with Oliver Jackson.
I already decided that karma is a bitch. No, she’s a heinous bitch. Therefore, I’m cleansing myself of who I am and digging deep to find who I want to be. I want friends who don’t follow me out of fear, and I want someone I love enough not to hurt. That’s the only way I’m ever going to be truly happy.
I’m going to be an entirely new person.
I fluff up my chest and smile into the mirror. The white, sleeveless blouse washes out my tanned skin, but it doesn’t matter. I’ll always be the fairest one of all. I rummage through the rest of my clothing and find a pair of skinny jeans and flats.
Now I look like I did before I met Ollie…the real me.
Heather Michaels, small-town girl with small-town worries.
I was a naïve sophomore at NYU when I met him; his boyish charm and handsome face drew me in the instant he introduced himself. I’d scraped together money and took out loans for the rest just to get to New York in the first place, but he whisked me into a life of diamonds and pearls and even paid off my loans for me as a birthday gift the year we met. I felt wanted, and Ollie gave me something I never knew I needed more of.
Love.
My phone rings and I struggle to find it under the takeout containers littering the table. They were once full of fattening, carb-loaded food—not that I kept any of it down long. The nerve-wracking drama I’ve been through has turned my stomach against me. I wipe off the screen and Nora’s name shows up.
“Thank you so much for forgiving me, Nora,” I say when I answer the phone. I don’t bother saying hello. People are drawn to me…they want to be my friend. I didn’t make it that way—that sort of just happens on its own. “I shouldn’t have lied to you; I just wanted Ollie back so bad.”
Nora sighs. “Save it. I’m calling to tell you to stop calling me.”
I want to laugh. I don’t think that would make her believe me, though. I place my index finger—that’s in horrible need of a manicure—to my lips. “No matter why you called—I’m glad you did,” I say, forcing my voice into the unknown territory of remorse. “I really wanted to apologize—”
“Just leave me alone, okay?” Her voice is strained. “Julie and Oliver are my friends, something you know nothing about. Not to mention you slept with Casey.”
Okay, I let a little laugh slip out. “There’s nothing I can say about that, other than I’m sorry…again. I don’t want to be that person anymore.”
She hangs up on me.
I turn the phone over in my hands a few times. Where did I go wrong here? I didn’t ask for Oliver to captivate me and bring me to Rockford—I was doing just fine where I was. Of course, staying at school would’ve meant I wouldn’t have him or the money anyway, but right now…that actually seems nice and relaxing.
I dial Casey’s number next.
“What?” he roars.
I frown. “Hey, you. Can we talk?”
“No,” he spits.
“Look, Casey…” I’m lonely, and I think he knows it. “I just want someone to talk to.”
I shouldn’t have messed things up with Casey the way I did…he’s always been fairly nice to me throughout my relationship with Oliver.
He growls. “Someone like me?”
Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. “Exactly.”
He laughs hysterically. “I’m good, thanks.”
“Casey, please?” I turn on the waterworks and throw a little whine into my voice. “I have no one anymore. Nora won’t talk to me and Ollie is gone. You’re all I have left.”
“You’ve never had me, Heather. You’re nothing to me.”
My stomach sinks. No one has ever said that to me before. Ollie didn’t even talk to me like that when he found out about everything and kicked me out. He was stoic and sad; it probably didn’t help that I never apologized. I just assumed he would come to his senses and call me, begging me to come back.
Then Julie happened.
“That’s not true,” I say. “You wouldn’t have slept with me if I meant nothing to you.”
His laughter fills the entire room and he’s not even in it. “Trust me, me fucking you had nothing to do with me actually wanting you. That’s something I’ll never do again—you can count on that. You better fucking leave Julie and Oliver alone.”
He hangs up and it sounds like a prison cell door slamming in my ear.
Okay. Now I’m getting worried. That’s two people who want nothing to do with me. I’m not used to this; people don’t just drop me like that. I mean, sure, I piss people off sometimes. Lately, though…they haven’t been coming back.
I call Staci and she doesn’t even answer the phone.
I run through the now short-list of people who might still be loyal to me. I have to talk to someone before my insides explode. If I’m going to try and let Oliver go, I’m going to have to start by finding myself again. I search through my online social media profile, looking at my friends list to find someone—anyone—to talk to.
I come across Lucy Peterson’s name and freeze. This girl was basically my shadow in high school, and she’s someone I could always count on. I wonder if she’s still in Atlanta; I heard she moved there after high school. There’s only one way to find out.
I look through her pictures and frown. She’s almost as hot as me now. Her wavy, fire-engine red hair has been amplified, and the acne on her heart-shaped face has cleared up.
I write to her anyway.
Heather: Hey, Lucy. I don’t know if you remember me. I found you online and wanted to see how you’ve been since high school…what have you been up to?
I send the message and wait. I’m thinking about searching through the takeout containers to see if I can scrounge up something to fill my growling stomach when I hear the phone ding from Lucy’s reply.
Lucy: It’s so good to hear from you! I would love to catch up…I’m in Rockford right now. I’m getting ready to escape a one-night stand, actually.
I smirk at her aloofness. Being proud of a one-night stand is something the old me would have tackled her down for. I wonder what’s brought her to Rockford?
Heather: Wow! That’s awesome! Can you meet up?
Lucy: Of course! The coffee shop on Eleventh? I could use a macchiato. I work just around the corner at Rita’s Boutique, but my shift isn’t for a few hours.
I agree to meet her at the coffee shop in an hour. Lucy is the ticket to helping me get back in touch with my former self. I’m sure that even if we can’t pick right back up where we left off, there’s enough friendship left there to satisfy me.
I don’t bother changing my clothes; I’m not going there to impress her. I snatch the hotel keycard from the desk and move swiftly through the hallways, hoping no one notices me and tries to collect their money. I open my wallet and see a twenty-dollar bill. I hope that maybe Lucy will be so tickled to see me again that she’ll treat me to whatever I want.
Alejandro, the concierge, is busy with some new guests, so I’m able to slink out of the lobby unseen. I escape onto the streets of Rockford unscathed by his demeaning looks. I feel the last of my jewelry flutter around in my pocket and frown. The pawn shop that I’ve been using for my things is on my way to the coffee shop; I decide to stop inside and pawn what’s left of my life with Ollie just in case Lucy doesn’t offer to pay for lunch.
I look at my flats and smile. I love these shoes. They’re so…simple.
When I turn around a corner, I look up and see someone staring at me. He looks familiar, but I don’t keep his gaze; he’s probably just some random guy checking me out. I walk a little faster but he moves with me, his dark shadow bouncing behind him on the sidewalk. He tries his best to blend in, but his bad boy vibe oozes from him and saturates the ground he walks on. Suddenly I realize that I do know him.
“I thought you were leaving town?” I say as I draw closer. I snicker when he jumps and faces me—I half-expect him to frown, but instead, he flashes a toothy smile and his happiness at seeing me glows through his skin. “Nice to see you again…” I act like I’d forgotten his name.
“Brandon,” he says, his voice ragged. “I turned myself in, but Nora didn’t press charges. She doesn’t remember if I pushed her or if she fell on accident.” He winks at me and it excites me a little inside. I look behind him at the large clock on the side of Rockford Bank and Trust.
He turns to catch a glimpse of what I’m staring at, so I can get a better look of him without being caught. His six-foot-tall body is slender enough to wear tight navy-blue dress pants; the pale sky-blue dress shirt clings to his small chest as he turns back around. Even though it looks like he hasn’t shaved in a few days, the dark, scratchy-looking patches of his facial hair are stomach-tingling.
Brandon’s hazel eyes follow mine. “Looking for someone besides me?”
“Yeah, I thought I saw someone better. See ya.” I glare at him with heavy suspicion that I’m not getting rid of him that easily.
I start to walk away but feel his strong grip tug at my arm, spinning me back around to face him. In that moment, I feel like Bambi, and he’s the hunter trying so desperately to track me down and consume me.
Okay, it’s not like me to panic, but this is—
“So, now that I’m a free man, we should get together again.” He licks his thin lips and his gaze devours my thighs. “Nora told me something quite interesting when I visited her that night…before she fell.”
I roll my eyes. “What’s that?”
I’m scared.
…And excited.
He lets me go and my arm tingles where he grabbed me. He rubs his jawline and sits on a bench next to us, looking up at me with wide eyes. Even though I’m totally grossed out by public benches—and bathrooms—I make an exception and slowly lower myself next to him. “Are you going to tell me what Nora said?”
His nostrils flare as he thinks about it. “Julie Remington is my ex-girlfriend.”
My eyes snap to his.
“And I know Oliver Jackson is your ex-boyfriend.”
I scoff. “That’s not a secret.” I narrow my eyes. “Julie is your ex?”
He nods. “She was the love of my life until Oliver came along.”
I start to laugh hysterically. Brandon looks annoyed and pinches my side gently. “I fully intend to get over her and maybe we can help each other out,” he says. “Maybe we can have a little fun ourselves.”
“What exactly do you have in mind?”
He puts his hand on my inner thigh and squeezes. “After I take care of a little business, you and I should go back to your place so I can tie you—”
“—I’m meeting someone,” I flatly say. This is so not what I want my life to be anymore.
He leans closer to me; his breath smells like rum and cigarettes. “You and I both know that was some of the best sex we’ve ever had.”
I stand up and fake a smile. “I have to go. Thanks to Ollie, I have to pawn the rest of my nice things so I’ll have a place to live. Come by my room later and we can talk about—” I look around to make sure no one is watching us. “—anything else besides sex.” I look down at him and take a minute to appreciate how different from Ollie he is. He’s tall like Ollie, but lanky and silver-tongued—he knows what to say to make me squirm a little in my skin.
He stands up. “Do you need money?”
“I don’t need money from you.”
He growls. “So, his money is good enough for you, but mine isn’t?”
People on the sidewalk start to stop and look at us. The fire in his warm eyes goes out and he shakes his head. “Heather, please.” My eyebrows rise at the fact that he remembers my name. “I’m trying to be a better guy, okay? I’ve been a dick lately, and I’m trying to be better.”
Well…me too.
I actually believe him. I can’t find it in my new heart of hearts not to believe him. “I can’t take money from you—I hardly know you.”
He takes my hand, and for a split second, it feels like Ollie all over again. The swooning and the charm dripping from his body reels me in; I can’t resist a man who wants to help me. “Just let me do this for you. If Oliver won’t take care of you, let me do it.”
The jewelry in my pocket is weighing me down. I shove my hand in and finger the dainty pieces. I have two things left: the first diamond necklace Ollie ever gave to me, and the pearl necklace Ollie’s grandfather left me in his will.
“Look, you need a place to stay, right? Stay with me until you find something else. Save your money and save the rest of your nice things.”
I’m not buying it. “I’m not looking to trade sex for rent.”
He laughs and holds up his hands in defense. “I promise I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. We can sleep together if you want—I know I want to—but you can have your own room and your own space. Just consider this an act of good faith that I truly want to start being a better person than I’ve been.”
I have to think about this…right?
“Can we talk about this later?” I check my phone to see if Lucy has messaged me about being late yet. I hardly want to face her when I’m feeling sorry for myself like this, but Brandon has made it crystal clear that he thinks I can’t take care of myself.
I have no skills.
I have no job.
I have nothing.
“Of course,” he says and hands me a business card with his cell phone number on it. He leans in and I think he’s going to kiss me on the mouth, but he plants his cold lips on my cheek instead. “I’ll come by your room in a few hours and we can talk then.”
“Are you sure about this?” I blurt out. “I’m not exactly someone to take home to your mother.”
His breath is on my ear as he leans in closer. “It’s a good thing I’m not looking to take anyone home to her, then.” He winks and walks away, leaving me in a puddled mess on the sidewalk. How can someone so elusive and self-aware make me want to rip his clothes off?
I look down at the card in my hands.
Brandon Whitehouse
Law Assistant of Robert Galloway
Attorney at Law
The coffee shop is a few blocks away, but it takes me forever to walk there. I shove the card into my pocket when I see Lucy sitting at a table. I instantly want to turn back around. She isn’t the same as she was in high school, and her profile pictures didn’t do her justice. The once wiry-haired, frumpy nobody is now the object of every man’s attention as they walk by. The bold green dress she has on perfects everything it’s supposed to, and I find myself green with envy over it.
“Heather!” she squeals and jumps up, entangling me in a bear hug.
“Wow, you look—”
She giggles. “I know. Crazy, right?”
I notice her expensive clothes and jewelry, and the twenty-dollar bill weighs heavily inside my bag. Now I’m kicking myself—I should’ve taken some cash from Brandon before coming here to be on the safe side. Lucy orders a bottle of strawberry champagne for us and throws a judgmental look my way.
That was my look.
The look I gave people when I felt sorry for them.
And now she’s giving it to me.
I’ve hit rock bottom.
“I need your help, Lucy,” I say. “I need someone to talk to, and you’re the only person that won’t turn me away.”
She puts her hand on mine and gives me that look again. “Tell me all about it.”
Pity.
She pities me.
That’s okay, because right now I don’t feel so hot about myself.
But I’m going to do everything I can to change that.