Oliver
The sunlight is shining through the curtains, but my head is still completely fuzzy from the tequila. I doze off on the sofa and dream about Julie. I dream about her soft, honey blonde hair next to me on the pillow. I dream of her puffy pink lips and how good they taste when she kisses me. I dream about her thighs, her curves…everything.
Dreaming about her doesn’t help me not to miss her. I don’t stay asleep for long; the same things I love about Julie haunt me in my dreams. I know she was texting me last night, but I’m too scared to look at whatever my drunk self said back to her. I flick my eyes open to stare at the ceiling, but my phone taunts me from the table in front of me. It’s laughing at me because even it knows that I’m fucked.
When I hear shuffling in the bathroom, I frown.
Lucy.
Why the fuck is she still here?
I know I blacked out after my mother left.
She turns on the shower and I almost throw up. No woman should be showering in my apartment except for Julie. This is all my fault. “I have to fucking get her out of here,” I whisper, but I can’t move. The more I try and think about what happened last night, the less I remember. My mother showed up with her dealer—or boyfriend, whatever he is—but it’s something I never thought would happen in my lifetime. I honestly thought she would be dead by now. I remember Mac saying something about a blonde girl and my heart burns with a thousand fires.
They know about Julie.
They’ve seen her. They know what she looks like.
“Fuck.” I jump off the sofa. I smell like sweat and booze, so I let Lucy shower while I change my clothes. My bedroom is in disarray…she’s been through my shit. I notice that the dresser drawers aren’t closed completely. “She better not be wearing my clothes,” I say like Lucy can hear me.
Before I can stop myself, I’m pounding on the bathroom door. The water turns off and it takes a few seconds for her to open the door; I hope to fucking hell she isn’t naked. Lucy starts humming and the steam billows from the shower. A towel is wrapped around her tanned, naked body, and her fire-red hair is tied into a bun on top of her head. Her long legs walk toward me and she winks before disappearing into my bedroom behind a locked door.
I am going to lose Julie for sure now.
How could I do this to her?
I lower my head into my hands and quietly cry. Something is seriously wrong with the way I’ve been handling things…maybe Julie is right. I need to grow the fuck up.
When I hear the door unlock, I push through it, not really caring what the hell she’s doing on the other side. Lucy’s humming gets louder the farther I get into the room. It finally stops when she notices the strained look on my face. “Are you okay?” she asks, but I don’t care enough to answer. All I can think about is Julie and how it should be her in my apartment right now. The more I think about it, the angrier I get. I face her and I almost rip the t-shirt right off her body.
That’s Julie’s shirt. And her jeans. And her shoes.
She’s wearing Julie’s things.
My head spins with so much angst that it’s hard to keep my composure and not yell and scream at her. I wish Julie was here to see that I’m really trying to grow up a little.
“You need to fucking leave,” I snarl. “And you need to take off Julie’s clothes.”
Her tongue finds the outside of her lips. “Oh, you want me to take off my clothes?”
I growl loudly. “Julie’s clothes…. I want you to take off Julie’s clothes. You don’t fucking belong here. Why the fuck are you even still here?”
She snickers and plays with her phone. I can tell she’s in another conversation entirely. Her long fingernails tap on the screen for a few moments until she feels my annoyance. “Whoa, hey there,” she says as I step closer, my eyes dark. I’m blinded by love for someone else. “What’s the matter with you? You told me I could stay because I was too scared to leave after those crazy people showed up.”
I look at her body and nothing inside me ignites.
Because she’s not Julie.
“What happened after those people left?” I demand. “I don’t remember shit after that…tell me what happened.”
She giggles. “You blacked out for a few minutes, woke up, and drank the rest of that tequila, that’s what.”
I’m able to relax a little. “So, we didn’t…”
Her dull eyes meet mine. “I’m not sure I’m following you.” She snakes her long arms around my neck and giggles again. “If you’re asking if we had sex…”
I push her off me and want to punch a damn hole in the wall. “Tell me we didn’t. Tell me we didn’t fuck…please tell me we didn’t.”
Lucy looks a little hurt. “You could at least pretend to remember.”
I fall to my knees instantly. I am such a piece of shit—I can’t fucking believe I did this. Julie deserves better than this…what am I going to do? The colors of the room blend around me until everything fades to black. The fire that burns inside of my body for Julie explodes with such force that I can’t catch my breath. I don’t know who I’m more pissed at: myself or my mother for showing up on my damn doorstep.
“Get the fuck out of here,” I sob into my hands. “You can’t tell anyone what we did, do you understand? I’m not going to lose Julie over some nobody I met in a bar.”
Her eyes narrow. “Well, don’t sugarcoat it or anything.”
“Trust me,” I scoff, “I won’t. You don’t compare to her, not by a mile.”
Lucy scoffs and puts her hands on her hips as I stand up. She’s wearing one of Julie’s tight-fitted t-shirts that is crumpling at the sides, showing her bare skin. I glue my eyes to the wall opposite her. I don’t even want to fucking look at her. I hear her pull her own emerald green dress back on—the zipper creaks and I frown. I can’t think of anyone else but Julie and how she’s going to hate me when she finds out.
But maybe she doesn’t have to find out.
“Sure you don’t want me to stay longer?” Lucy winks and throws Julie’s clothes onto the bed.
This bitch cannot take a damn hint.
She licks her lips and runs a finger down my bare chest. I’m still half-naked, wearing nothing but jeans. “You were having so much fun last night…think about how much fun it could be sober and in the daylight.”
I groan and push her off me again. “No offense, but I’m going to pretend like I don’t know you. You literally mean nothing to me…it’s amazing that I even remember your name. I don’t know how much clearer I can be.” I eyeball the front door. “Get. Out.” She doesn’t move, so I grab her arm and escort her to the front door. All I want to do is take a hot shower and wash this mess away. “So, yeah…thanks for stopping by.”
There’s hurt in her eyes. “Look, Oliver—”
I growl at her. “I don’t want to fucking hear it.”
Her lips press firmly together. “I have something to tell you. We didn’t sleep together. I lied.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I scream at her. “Are you trying to ruin my life?”
“You wouldn’t even touch me, if that makes you feel any better.”
I close my eyes and give myself a few seconds to think about this shit. “No, it really doesn’t make me feel any better. What kind of person would do that to someone?”
Me. I’m no better than she is.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me…I just wanted the attention,” she murmurs. I know exactly what she means. I rub my chin as I walk to the sofa and sit down. “Oliver, please don’t hate me—it really had nothing to do with you. It’s all me.”
I laugh loudly. “First of all, you don’t know me, so don’t use my name like you do. Second, it had nothing to do with me? You must be fucking kidding, right?”
Tears form in her eyes but she doesn’t let them fall. “I’m so sorry…if Julie finds out—”
I nearly jump up and shake her. “You don’t know her, either. Would you believe us if you were in her shoes?”
Now she’s starting to sob louder. It’s really hard for me to handle since I know this isn’t Lucy’s fault. It’s my fault; Julie is going to hate me because of my screw-up. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I shouldn’t have pulled you into my insecurities.”
I hold my hand up for her to stop. “Does anyone else know you’re here?”
“Just your friend from last night.”
Oh, shit. Harley.
“I’ll take care of him,” I say. “Julie hardly knows Harley, and he’s loyal to me. If he even says anything, we can act like we don’t know each other, right?”
Lucy blinks a few times, processing what I’m saying. “Sure—”
I blow out hard. “Okay, so this could work. I’m not lying…we don’t know each other.” I feel bad because I know that if I have to make up a story, it’s lying. “She doesn’t need to know anything else. It would crush her, and I don’t want that.”
“It sounds like you do really love her.” She sniffles. “It must be nice to have something like that in your life.”
I clear the lump from my throat. “She’s everything to me…everything good in my life.”
She makes a swoony face and pouts. “That’s so sweet.”
Oh, fuck. That word. Sweet.
I growl. “Don’t say that. I’m here with you…that’s not so sweet.”
“I can help you get her back, if you want.”
I scoff. “No thank you.”
Lucy laughs and it’s kind of nice: light and airy like Julie’s laugh. “I mean, give you some pointers to get her back. I watch a lot of rom-coms.”
“What the hell are rom-coms?” I blurt, and we both laugh. “Like chick flicks?”
She nods. “Exactly. You can actually learn a lot from them.”
This girl lives in a dream world. Out here in the adult world, we have rules. We have several, fucked-up rules that we put in place to protect ourselves even though we don’t follow them. Life is messy—it’s not dozens of roses and chasing the girl of your dreams and actually getting her…without obstacles getting in your way, anyway. Life knocks you down; life takes away the one person who kept you alive inside and gave you a new life. Life takes away your hope that someday you can change and be a better person.
Life hates you sometimes.
“Hey, you sure you don’t want me to stay and talk?” Her phone beeps in her hands and I know she’s distracted and wants to leave. “I’m supposed to meet up with someone, but if you want me to stay—”
I choke. “I’ll be fine. You should go.”
She doesn’t press it further and stands up to leave. I make sure not to make eye contact with her so she lingers, and after a few minutes she takes the hint and heads for the front door. When she opens it, I hear her gasp and someone say, “Who the hell are you?”
I jump up so fast that my head spins. The voice is familiar, but it’s not Julie. Lucy backs up into the apartment again and the girl steps toward her.
Tall and thin.
Long, sandy blonde hair.
Red lipstick on her wide lips, which contort in a snarl.
Staci.
She is pissed.
Her hands are on her hips and her heels click on the floor as she starts to approach me. Lucy looks pale, and I can tell she thinks it’s Julie. I shake my head at her and she relaxes, but she’s still on alert for a possible cat fight. Staci is steaming as she looks from Lucy to me. “Are you kidding me with this, Oliver?” She steps a few feet farther inside. “I consoled Julie all damn day today and defended you, and this is what you’re doing? This is why you’re too busy to talk to her? You’re cheating on her?” Her gaze snaps to Lucy. “Did you know he has a girlfriend?”
Lucy nods. “I know.”
“Oh, so you think it’s okay to sleep with someone who’s taken, then?”
I hold up my hand to stop her. “What are you doing here? How do you even know where I live? Where’s Julie?”
Staci snorts. “Like you even care.”
She rummages through a huge bag and walks past Lucy to slam a yellow envelope against my bare chest. It stings a little, but I match her glare like it doesn’t affect me at all. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say.
“Julie tried to get you to come over so you could open this together.” Her voice is like thick ice against my skin. “But you were too busy fucking someone else, probably getting her pregnant too.”
I feel the blood rush to my face. “So, she is pregnant?”
Staci flips her long, sandy blonde hair over her shoulders. “Open it and see for yourself. Maybe you can pretend to love her enough to do what’s right.”
My jaw clenches. “Again, you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”
She rolls her eyes. After she glares at Lucy one more time, she turns and leaves without saying another word. I’m in shock for so long that I don’t even notice Lucy leave too. I stand in the middle of the apartment with the envelope in my hands, alone—again.
I picture Julie dancing in the kitchen, making breakfast and swaying her curvy hips to music that isn’t there. I want to cry when I think about opening the envelope because regardless of what it says…I won’t ever stop loving her. No matter what this envelope says, she’s always going to be the one for me. I can’t explain it—she’s asked me to many, many times—but there’s just something so cosmic that happens inside of me when she smiles that makes me too weak to deny the magic.
Right now, I can’t move.
I’m so frozen that it hurts.
Staci is going to tell her.
I have to get to Julie first.
I put the envelope down and rush to the bedroom, throwing on whatever clothes I can reach first. I find my phone and call Julie—it rings several times before going to her voicemail.
Staci already told her.
“Fuck this.” I grab the envelope and my keys, taking the stairs to the garage where the Jeep is. I don’t waste time waiting for the elevator—I have to get to Julie. At this point, I don’t care about anything but her. I don’t give a shit about rules or how to fight to keep myself from breaking them. Julie is all I have left that’s keeping me tethered to a normal feeling in my life. I can’t lose her to my own stupidity; I have to stop acting like every day is our last day and just open myself up to whatever comes our way.
Rain is pouring down as I pull the Jeep onto the streets and race through the sea of other drivers on the road. I don’t pay attention to what I’m doing. All I can think about is how much I’ve fucked up and how I can fix it.
I won’t be able to stand it if she hates me.
The rain makes the roads slippery, but I press on like nothing is in my way. The Jeep is having trouble staying straight, but I don’t bother slowing down until I reach an intersection and I’m forced to. I breathe deeply to try and calm my nerves so I can make sure I get to her safely…but it’s too late.
I don’t see what pushes me from behind into the intersection.
I do see the man’s face across the road as I slam into him—the look of pure fear, of thinking that his life is going to end and there’s nothing he can do about it. As our cars collide, everything quakes around me.
I hear screams.
Then…nothing.
But I sure as hell feel everything before it all goes dark.