MONDAY MORNING I went about my usual routine with a heavy heart. Not only was I having to go to work, I would have to face Mai and all her questions when I got there. She wouldn’t pass judgement on what I’d done. No, she would be more pissed off at Nate than I was. It was highly likely she’d head straight to his office and give him a piece of her mind.
I toyed with the idea of calling in sick but decided that would be a huge mistake. I couldn’t avoid Nate forever. He owned the fucking company, for God’s sake. I drank my coffee in silence staring vacantly at the wall. Then I took a long shower and spent forever deciding what to wear, having no real interest in doing any of it.
I didn’t even care when I locked the apartment at 8.45 a.m.—the time I typically arrived at work. I trudged down the stairs and out the door, double-checking my gym bag contents as I headed down the path towards my car. When I glanced up to see where I was going, the last person I expected to see was in front of me. Nate.
My breath caught in my throat, my stomach lurched. Then my heart began to pound wildly. What the hell was he doing here?
Leaning against the Mercedes, ankles and arms crossed, he stared at me, his face expressionless. Those big blue eyes, however, burnt with passion, hunger, need. Wasn’t he content with screwing me over once? Did he think he could commandeer me for another quick fuck before work?
For a long minute I glared at him, rubbing at the tightness in my chest whilst figuring out my next move. I was also irritated because even though I was mad, the rush I got from seeing Nate again caused me to feel unbalanced on my feet.
He pushed off the car and prowled towards me. “Kara.” The way he purred it so damn sexily got my attention. How his expression promptly altered, from unabashed lust to empathy, sorrow, even more so.
The dark shadows beneath his usually bright eyes made it clear he hadn’t had much sleep last night either. With us both dressed head-to-toe in black, our outfit choices reflected our sombre moods.
“Why are you here?” I choked out. The unexplainable hold he had on me strengthened the closer he came. Nate waited until he was a few inches away before responding.
“I came to talk.”
I snickered. “You walking out yesterday means there’s nothing left to say.”
“Me walking back means I have plenty to say.”
I scanned him up and down some more. “Sorry, but you wasted a journey.” I pushed past him, not interested in hearing his excuses. Nate grabbed my upper arm and urged me firmly against him. He smelt amazing.
“Give me a chance to explain,” he implored. He may as well have shouted the words in my ear instead of whisper because the effect was the same. The softness rumbled through my chest and shook my soul.
“I’m already late, I don’t have time to chat.”
“Get in the car, we can talk on the way.” Nate’s cautious eyes held mine, quietly pleading.
“You’ve said enough.”
He stood tall and lifted his chin. “We can do this here on the sidewalk or in private. Your choice. But either way, you’ll hear what I have to say.”
My brow arched. “Where do you get off ordering me around?”
He didn’t reply, merely waited. He wasn’t going to let this go until he’d said his piece, but I didn’t have time to stand and argue. I peered over his shoulder at the Mercedes. There was no way I would be arriving at work in his car with him, providing the workforce with enough gossip to last for weeks. “I’ll get in the car if you drop me a block away. I’ll walk in by myself.”
Nate cocked his head. “Am I that embarrassing?”
No! God no! “I don’t want everyone knowing I’ve fucked the boss.”
Nate’s eyes widened. Then he leant closer. “We didn’t just fuck, Kara,” he snarled.
“Didn’t we?” I stuttered, shaken by his menacing tone. It pained me to say it because I’d given myself to him wholeheartedly. Calling it a fuck didn’t convey the intensity in the slightest.
“Don’t pretend what happened was merely a convenient interlude for both of us. As much as it was raw and passionate, it went far deeper than that, and you damn well know it.” He cupped my cheek, his voice softening. “We made love.”
I looked into his eyes and that’s when I saw it. Our time together had affected him more than he’d wanted it to. I swallowed past the ache in my heart left by his fear as it fluttered in my chest.
“Let me explain, Kara.”
I gripped my car keys so firmly they dug into my hand. “After what you did yesterday, you’re lucky I’m even considering a lift.” I gave a nonchalant shrug and stared him in the eye. “Take it or leave it.” I sounded assured and in control, but never had I been so terrified of walking away from something in my life.
Nate’s eyes worked over mine fast, trying to read me. Eventually, he took a deep breath and sighed. “Fine.” He relinquished his grip of my arm and opened the rear door. “Now get in the fucking car.”
It was a good ten minutes before either of us spoke. I had plenty and nothing to say, but Nate needed to go first. Ross raised the glass dividing screen so we had some privacy. After fumbling agitatedly with my two bags, I set them between us on the seat.
Nate promptly removed them, placing them by his feet. Then he angled his body towards me and took one of my hands. “I’m appalled by my behaviour yesterday. I know how big of a deal it was for you, and—”
“Clearly not that much of one for you,” I spat.
Nate winced. “I get you’re pissed off, and I deserve everything you have to throw at me, but let me speak before you start accusing me of things that aren’t true.”
“I was stupid enough to fall for a line,” I huffed, freeing my hand and crossing my arms. “I’m sure I wasn’t the first. I’m certain I won’t be the last.”
“None of it was a line. I meant every word, I still do. Sex has been straightforward lately.” Nate glanced up front to get his bearings, then checked his watch. “It’s the only way that’s worked. A fuck with no meaning.”
“Gee, thanks,” I muttered, “you make lousy apologies.”
The half-smile lifting a corner of his mouth was his only reaction to my sarcasm. Nate reached for the few tendrils of hair hanging loose from my ponytail and stroked them off my face. I inhaled sharply at the intimacy before his hand went to rest on the seat back by my head.
Self-doubt flooded back into my thoughts. Stuart had broken an already fragile woman—I’d become a stranger to myself. I shuddered at the memory and turned to Nate. Yesterday, he’d shattered me again.
“Was the reality of sleeping with me that disappointing? You clearly had high expectations of me. Didn’t I give you enough excitement? I mean, I know it’s been a while, but was it really that bad? Was I frigid and—”
“Christ, stop it!” Nate thumped the headrest in anger. I scrambled away to the corner in fear. His face was ravaged with fury. “I hate that I’ve made you think that way. Stop degrading yourself. You did nothing wrong, it was—”
“You?” I finished his sentence.
“Yeah.” Nate let out a sigh of defeat and sagged back into the seat. “Me.”
“Wow.” I shook my head, disappointed and disillusioned. “And I thought that cliché was only used in films…”
“Is it the English reserve that makes you appear all shy and reticent? Because you’re not afraid to let me know how badly I’ve fucked up when it counts, are you?”
Rolling my lower lip between my teeth, I raised my eyes to meet his. The tiny sparkle of amusement in them tugged a little smile to my mouth. Nate didn’t speak, watching me worry the ring on my finger; a nervous habit when I was agitated and upset.
“I don’t like not having control,” Nate went on after a few minutes. “Of anything, but especially my emotions. They complicate things. You made me—” His jaw ticked as he shook his head. “I’d willingly lose control of everything, but there’s no way in hell I’m losing you.”
What? Hadn’t that already happened? I allowed Nate to watch me as I quietly worked over what he’d said. The man was giving me a headache. “You’re not making any sense.”
“I know,” he said softly, stroking my brow to ease the worry. “I lost count of the number of times I picked up the phone to apologise. I even drove back to your apartment and sat outside for hours.”
Hearing Nate’s confession gave me hope. “Why didn’t you come up?” I asked quietly, reaching for his hand. I turned it palm up, and rubbed my thumb along the base of his long fingers that talked to me with their caresses.
“I didn’t know what to say, how to make it right. I was too scared I’d fuck up again. I couldn’t risk that happening.”
“You could’ve brought me white tulips and begged for my forgiveness,” I suggested with a hint of humour.
Nate’s eyes flickered with surprise and joy. “You did your research?”
I nodded.
“Kara, I lay awake all night trying to understand how you’d gotten into my head so fast.” Both of Nate’s hands covered mine and squeezed gently. “I failed, in case you were wondering.”
His arched brow made me smile. His worry had abated, but anguish still clouded his eyes. “I’ve never been so frightened by a feeling as I was when I gazed into your eyes as we made love.”
My stomach flipped at the confirmation he’d felt it, too. I let my head fall back against the headrest and sighed. Was he scared of losing me or his own identity, the way I had when I tried conforming to another person’s idea of who I should be? I had to be strong but wasn’t sure if that meant giving us a chance or walking away. “You really hurt me, Nate.”
“I know.” Nate traced the shell of my ear, fingering the diamond stud in my lobe. “God, I know.” I felt his touch in my breasts when the shiver hardened my nipples against my bra. Then he leant closer and whispered, “I’ll do everything in my power to make it up to you. I need you to forgive me, Kara.” He stroked his nose along my jaw. “Please accept my lousy apology. For both of us.”
This time I felt it in my heart. I massaged the twinge in my chest and took a deep breath, hoping to slow my racing heartbeat.
How could I want him as much as I did right now? After what he’d done? I must have a death wish because the only place I could see us heading was to a major crash and burn. Yet despite all Nate’s warnings, all my insecurities and driving need for commitment he knew I wanted, but we both feared wasn’t possible, I chose to grasp hold of the tiny bit of hope he’d offered me. “Is there an us?”
“I hope so, baby. I really hope so.”
The car stopped and Ross stepped out. When I spotted the deli I often used for lunch I realised we were only a block from the office. “But I still want a proper relationship and you don’t,” I said, facing Nate as I unclipped my seat belt.
“I’m not averse to the idea.” He waited a beat, then said, “If it’s with you.”
Whoa. Where did that come from? The warmth in his eyes grabbed my heart and twisted it. His expression was gut-wrenchingly raw, but tormented. Like he was going way out of his comfort zone into a place he’d sworn never to go again. “I can’t make any promises, other than I won’t fuck you around anymore.”
If Nate was prepared to go out on a limb for me and risk what he considered important, I had to do the same. “Okay then.”
Nate brushed a thumb over my cheek. “Can I see you again? Tonight?”
“I have yoga,” I said, pointing to the bag by his feet.
“What time?”
“Straight after work. We usually have dinner afterwards.”
“See me instead,” he urged. “I’ll take you to dinner.”
“Nate.” I placed a hand over his. It would be easy to give in, but I wasn’t about to drop everything. “I need some time to get used to this.”
Nate’s hand fell from my face, his brow furrowing. “Didn’t we just agree this”—he gestured between the two of us—“is happening?”
The last couple of weeks had offered me a glimpse of the man behind the unbelievably handsome façade, but I wasn’t stupid. Nate caught the attention of every woman he passed, even when I’d been with him. If he wanted, he could date a different one for every night he wasn’t with me. “I think so, I just—”
“You think so?” His mouth etched in a thin line. “I’m offering you the commitment you’ve asked for. What else do you want?”
I took a deep breath. “Monogamy.”
Nate’s head drew back with a raised brow. “That goes without saying.” He sounded insulted.
“You think you can do that?” I asked, surprised he agreed so readily.
“I don’t share.”
“I meant from you. I don’t sleep around, Nate.”
“Neither do I. Everything I want is here, in this car, right now.” He tugged me roughly to him until our mouths collided. Every bit of my being sprung to life as his tongue worked in firm, insistent strokes with mine. Taking my hand, Nate placed it over his hardening cock and squeezed. “That’s how much I want you. No one else gets me hard purely by talking. Only you.”
Flustered, I drew my hand away. The road outside crowded with cars of people rushing late to work, oblivious to anything going on around them. I, however, was acutely alert to every little thing, my awareness of Nate heightened to the point where I could hear him breathing, feel his heartbeat, see the fortitude in his eyes.
“Let’s get to know each other before we write this off.” Nate’s eyes pleaded with me.
“I’d say you got to know me very well.”
“I did.” He smirked. “I’d like you to get well acquainted with me, too.”
Drifting over his sophisticated exterior, picturing how good he looked underneath, I longed to explore his staggeringly fit body the way he had mine. It meant a lot to hear he wanted that, too.
“I want to see you again, Kara.”
“What about tomorrow?” I offered an alternative.
Nate ran a hand through his hair with frustration. “I have a prior arrangement early evening.” Then his lips curled into a wicked smile. “We can meet afterwards.”
It was tempting, but I wasn’t about to become his booty call, confirming all my assumptions about him and us. “I’m sure you can wait until Wednesday.”
“Two whole days?” The playful downturn of his enticing mouth made me smile. His finger stroked the bridge of my nose and down to the tip. “I doubt it, but I’ll take it. I guess I have no choice.”
“I guess you don’t.”
Nate leant forward and tenderly brushed his lips over mine. I was held captive by the wonder and gratitude sparkling in his eyes. “Shall I get Ross back in to drive us?”
“I meant what I said about keeping this between us. It’s early days.”
“I understand,” he said evenly, straightening his jacket as he sat back, “but you can’t hide us forever.”
I had to maintain some self-preservation. This us was still unclear. I hadn’t decided if I’d made a huge mistake or not, and needed to keep some emotional distance. Not acknowledging the truth behind Nate’s words, I wiped the tiny smudge of pink gloss from his lips with my thumb, curious what state my own must be in.
“Bye, Nate. Enjoy your day.”
“You too, baby.” Nate’s glorious smile lit his entire face and made me hesitate in climbing out the car. It was breathtaking.
Outside, I said goodbye to Ross, then stood on the pavement and watched the car drive away. Still dazed by the mornings unforeseen events, I slung my gym bag over my shoulder and stumbled in a dream to work.
I rushed through the security turnstiles and dashed to an opening lift. Unsurprisingly, given my lateness, it was empty. I smacked the button and glanced at the electronic time display as the doors began closing. I was five minutes late for a meeting and had missed my preparation time. A hand appeared, sending the metal doors opening again. Cursing under my breath, I silently willed them to hurry as I stepped aside to make way. I was met with the sight of Mr Nate Blake casually stepping in, his eyes shining with impure thoughts.
“Good morning,” he said smoothly, maintaining a serious, unaffected expression as he positioned himself next to me.
“Morning,” I replied, wondering where he’d appeared from. The scent of his body wash filled the air, bringing images of wet, naked bodies to mind. Desire pulsed through me, reaching my face to give away my sinful thoughts. I shifted restlessly as the car moved, blowing a wayward strand of hair from my face.
In such a confined space, the energy between us was magnetic. It was palpable, the spark from Nate’s touch searing me when his arm brushed mine as he reached inside his jacket and took out his phone.
“I’m desperate to press you up against the wall and kiss you senseless,” Nate warned, fixing on the screen of his phone. “I’m assuming you’d rather not put on a floor show for security?” He nodded up to the corner where a small camera flashed. “Did I assume correctly? Because I’ll gladly let you prove me wrong if that’s the case.”
The car slowed and the doors opened on the Eighth Floor. I sighed with relief. “This is me,” I croaked, focusing on the empty foyer ahead.
“Maybe next time,” he said hoarsely, giving my arse a discreet pinch that sent me stumbling forward on shaky legs. What the hell? From the safety of the lobby, I faced him. He stood there with the smuggest grin and winked as the doors shut between us.
As my weak legs carried me to my office, Mai rushed alongside me clutching some papers. “Kara! You know what the time is?”
Still in shock, I couldn’t muster a response. Mai tugged my arm and stopped me walking. I tried to normalise my breathing and calm down after my encounter in the lift. She inspected me closely, her eyes squinting. Then they grew bigger as realisation eventually dawned on her.
“Oh. My. God. You fucked him!”