THE IRRITATING SOUND of the intercom being repeatedly pressed roused me from a tortured sleep. Groaning, I dragged the pillow over my head, praying to be left alone. When peace had been restored, I lifted my head, blinking in the emerging daylight seeping through the crack in the curtains. God, I felt rough.
I closed my eyes, desperate for more solace from sleep. Anything to avoid the reminder of last night from eating into my thoughts. The intercom went again. “It’s six-thirty!” I moaned aloud after checking the time. There was only one person this persistent. I swung my legs out of bed, taking a minute to let the room stop spinning before standing.
“Thought I asked you to leave me alone, Mai?” I mumbled into the handset.
“Kara.” Nate’s hesitant rasp made the hair on my nape stand on end. “Let me in.”
Okay, maybe there were two headstrong people in my life. I leant my forehead on the wall and closed my eyes, my whole body sagging with resignation. I pressed the buzzer and wandered to the door to wait.
Steady footsteps grew louder. I leant into the open door, desperate to regain some physical and mental strength. My breath caught, my heart thumped wildly in my chest when Nate rounded the stairwell and paused. Anxious eyes met mine, holding me captive for a split second. Then, his whole demeanour altered. He grew taller, climbing the last few stairs with renewed purpose.
“Christ, you look terrible,” he muttered.
“You don’t look so hot yourself.” Except he did. He was wearing long navy shorts and a simple white t-shirt. It was obvious he hadn’t slept much, yet the fact he was mad, brooding and serious somehow made his face more austerely stunning. Mix that with how good he smelt, all fresh and outdoorsy, and I was done for.
“Hope you didn’t drive over,” I muttered, “you’ve been drinking whiskey all night.”
Nate’s eyes narrowed. He shoved the door wider and barged past. “If you’d taken a second to check instead of coming over all guns blazing, you’d know my drink of choice was the beer. I don’t touch spirits, Kara,” he growled. “Neither do I condone drinking and driving.”
He set the basket of groceries tucked under his left arm on the kitchen counter and headed to the bedroom. Having no idea what was happening, I hurried after him. In the private sanctuary of my room, awareness of him and all that we’d shared rushed through my bloodstream, spreading a yearning for a connection lost until every bone in my fragile body hurt. Nate kept his back to me, grabbing my treasured vintage Givenchy overnight bag from the closet and carelessly tossing it on the bed. If I wasn’t so upset over everything else, I might’ve cried.
“You can’t steamroll your way in here, acting like nothing’s happened!” I yanked open the curtains and blinds, wincing at the sharp intrusion of daylight to my hungover brain.
“Oh, I disagree,” he said calmly. He went to my underwear drawer and grabbed a handful. “When you strut into the bar acting completely irrationally, behaving so out of fucking character, I can do whatever the hell I want.” Stuffing the delicates into the bag, he returned to the closet to grab some clothes. “I’m furious with you.”
“Me? I’m not the one fucking around with someone else!” I moved to the bed, pulling the lingerie from the bag and attempted to pair up the sets.
“You don’t truly believe that.” It wasn’t a question. Nate stopped his mindless browsing of my clothes and turned, crossing his arms.
And honestly, I didn’t. I collapsed onto the edge of the bed, lace and organza scrunched in my hands. “I don’t strut.”
“No. You don’t,” he muttered, “because you have no fucking idea how brilliant you are, how incredibly beautiful your fractured soul is. That you have absolutely no reason to fear any other woman in my life.” He came over and lifted my chin with a finger. He was still mad, but those magnificent eyes warmed as they looked directly into mine. “You’re the only one, Kara. The only one who matters.”
“What do you want, Nate?” I asked wearily.
“You.” He left me reeling in the bedroom and returned to the kitchen, choosing not to acknowledge me when I finally recovered from his declaration and joined him a few minutes later.
“You don’t chase women,” I pointed out, hiding my delight that he was here as I slid onto a stool. Watching him make coffee with such familiarity of my home caused a sob to bubble and catch in my throat.
“I don’t,” he said curtly, taking the milk from the fridge. He shook the carton and peered inside, checking the tiny amount left. With a muttered obscenity, he tossed it in the bin and started unpacking the basket. He added a dash of fresh milk to my coffee and handed it over. “You have me doing all shitloads of crazy things I’ve never done before. The fact I am here should tell you a hell of a lot about the magnitude of my feelings for you.”
It spoke volumes. When Nate said something, he meant it and stuck by it, and no-one could persuade him otherwise once his mind was made up. No-one it seemed, except for me. Because here he was. Feigning indifference, I sipped my coffee.
“Or maybe not,” he mocked, glowering at me with steely blue eyes, “because you already have this preconceived opinion of what I’m about. Of the type of man I am.” He started opening and closing cupboards with force. “Who gives a fuck I could possibly be different to what you expected, huh?”
From the beginning, I’d branded Nate as a player, someone who would break my heart. I’d tried reading every bad motivation imaginable into his actions, when ultimately, there was nothing sinister in them at all. Over time, he’d shown me not all men were the same—that he wasn’t anything like Stuart—and I hadn’t given him credit.
“Goddamn it!” Nate slammed another cupboard shut.
“What are you looking for?” I cried.
“Advil, Tylenol, whatever you have.” Giving up, he slouched back against the bench top, wrapping a hand around his mug.
I breezed past him and retrieved the painkillers from the only place he hadn’t looked. Needing to reach the glass from the shelf behind his head, I approached. He annoyed me by not moving so I had to stand on tiptoe and reach over his shoulder, which meant having to lean into him at an unbearable close proximity. Only when I smelt his freshly washed hair did I consider how terrible I must have looked. I hadn’t taken any make-up off or brushed my hair, and my clothes were crumpled from sleep.
Nate’s hand came to my hip, steadying me as I lowered back onto my feet. “I missed you last night,” he whispered into my ear. “I don’t like sleeping alone.”
The forcefield of energy sparked and ignited between us, trapping me so I couldn’t move away. All I wanted was to throw my arms around his neck and have him hold me. I forced myself not to look at him, knowing it would be my downfall. I managed to step away, going to the fridge for some water.
“Here,” I said, handing him the glass and packet.
“I don’t need them,” he said quietly. “They’re for you.”
Of course his concern was for me. I blew out a breath and knocked two back, not stopping until I’d emptied the glass. We stood, either side of the kitchen, both leaning against the bench tops, both stubborn and incensed.
“Go and shower.” Nate nodded to the bedroom behind me. “I’ll have fresh coffee and breakfast ready when you’re done.”
How was it possible one person could break me with their betrayal, then again with their kindness? When I didn’t budge, Nate took two steps forward until he was in front of me. He spun me around and began lowering the zip on my jumpsuit. “This wasn’t quite how I envisioned taking this incredibly sexy outfit off you,” he murmured. His lips were warm and cautious as they worked over my shoulder. And very welcome.
My hand clutched my top, preventing it from falling down, while the other sought balance from the bench top. My neck rolled to the side, yielding to Nate far too easily than I wanted to. But I couldn’t stop myself. His touch was magical, a hypnotic caress that always consumed me, made me willing and compliant.
“Let’s get out of here,” Nate said gently. “We have lots to discuss.”
“Where are we going?” I sucked in a breath and nuzzled the side of his head with mine.
“Somewhere we can both think straight, with no distractions.” His hands ran over my waist and hips. “Well, fewer distractions.”
I saw the curl of his lips as I hurried off to shower.
I dressed to get his attention, slipping on a white tank and denim miniskirt that had been in hibernation at the back of my closet for far too long. All without underwear. I’d even taken my time slathering body lotion on in the bedroom rather than bathroom, putting my self-conscious thoughts aside, all in a vague attempt to get a reaction. That’s why I was annoyed when I got nothing. Not even a lusty smirk of recognition or a simmering gaze.
Within the hour, we were heading to the beach house. The bright start to the day had given way to darker skies as we neared the coast. The air was still frosty between us, neither of us talking much, but it was gradually thawing. My mobile rang about twenty minutes into the journey.
“What the heck were you thinking last night?” Mai scolded me. “Nate was so pissed off with you when you left.”
“He still is,” I mumbled, turning away for privacy.
“You’re with him now?” I could feel her excitement buzzing down the line.
“He’s kidnapped me.” I glanced at Nate and saw his mouth twitch. I couldn’t see his eyes behind his sunglasses, but knew they were laughing. “If I’m not in Monday, tell the police I’m with him.”
“A little overdramatic, don’t you think?”
“Says the queen of drama.” It felt good to laugh. A brief respite to the tension, but I knew it couldn’t last. During my shower, I’d mulled over the events of the past twelve or so hours. He wasn’t that much of a bastard to take me to the beach house then dump me.
If we were to move on, conversations neither of us might want to hear needed to happen.
WHEN we reached the beach house, Nate took my bag upstairs whilst I went to the lounge, mentally preparing the conversation. I was edgy and frightened, but ready to let him in. I was sitting on the sofa when he finally joined me. He carried a steaming mug of something in each hand and gave one to me. “I made you tea.”
It was strange he’d opted for tea over coffee, considering I’d never drunk it in front of him before. The gesture was profoundly touching. My father always made me tea when he sensed I needed to get something off my chest. “Isn’t that what I should be doing? Being English and all that?”
Nate cracked a strained smile and strolled to the windows barefoot. I followed his gaze to the trees swaying in the wind outside, and the rough swell of the ocean, dark blue with white foamy wave breaks. I cradled my tea, grateful for its warmth.
After a few sips whilst he worried something over in his mind, Nate glanced over his shoulder. “Mai explained what happened with Stuart.”
“What?” I shot him an indignant look.
“No one deserves to be cheated on, made to feel worthless. No man is good enough for you.”
“Even you?” I sniped.
“Even me,” he agreed flatly.
I set my mug on the coffee table and drew my shoulders back. “I made a promise to myself to never let a man do that to me again.”
“And I haven’t.” Nate let out a long sigh. “I don’t want to fight your past anymore, Kara.”
“She shouldn’t have told you.” Mai had no right to stick her nose into my business. It was up to me when I told Nate, not her.
“Someone had to,” he scoffed. “You never would.”
“I might have.” I swallowed, turning my attention to an imaginary spot on the wall above the fireplace. “One day.”
“And that’s what pisses me off the most.” He started pacing, stopping only to set his mug beside mine. “You’ve driven home the point about needing total honesty, yet you couldn’t afford me the same decency. Can you see how hypocritical that is?”
I nodded, my agreement caught in my throat. Nate shook his head, disappointed, and let out an exasperated sigh as he moved in front of the TV. Right in my line of sight. “You’ve never given me reason not to trust you, so I do, with all my heart. Implicitly,” he stated, placing a hand on his chest. “But, you haven’t always been honest.”
“I’ve always told you the truth,” I spat, offended by his accusations.
“There’d been a constant memory holding you back. Except when we made love.” His voice lost its irritated edge and grew softer. “That’s when I finally get the real you. The wildly sensual woman who comes alive in my arms. Whose touch and kiss conveys far more to me than words ever could.” Nate skirted the table and dropped to his knees in front of me, clasping my fisted hands in his. “You believe in yourself enough to give not just your body, but your mind, your soul. You trust me. I want that all the time, not just in bed.”
“Someone to dominate?” I asked disbelievingly. “Because I won’t be told what to do, or when to do it, by anyone. Not again.”
“That’s unfair. We’re equals. Sexually, you’re becoming as much of an instigator, and I treasure that element of surprise when you take control.” Nate was right. I loved him possessing me, but I enjoyed taking charge, too. “To a certain extent you’re right,” he continued, thumbs brushing the backs of my hands. “When you surrender to me, completely let go of whatever demons you’re fighting in your head, nothing can come between us. That’s the submission I want.”
“Nate.” I touched his jaw, rigid and tight beneath his clean shaved skin. The big, beautiful eyes, full of admiration as they stared at me, surely mirrored my own. Then, they narrowed.
“Then last night happens and it’s like you’re determined to sabotage our relationship. Don’t make me question whether I should’ve left you alone when you told me to, instead of finding myself unable to breathe if I’m not with you.” His hand came to my face. “M.I.N.E. What does it spell?”
I wanted to give him the response he was expecting. Only I was still hurting. “It spells mine, Nate.”
His eyes flared.
“M.I.N.E,” I repeated, jabbing a finger into his chest with each letter. “It works both ways.” Standing, I had to escape the vortex that was Nate Blake. I was being sucked in by his heartfelt words and needed space to gain clarity. “Do you know how sick I felt seeing you with her? With your hands on her?”
“Not at the time.” He twisted and sat in the spot I’d vacated, legs spread, one arm draped over the back. He appeared so calm and unaffected, yet the cool gaze that followed me as I edged away revealed his lingering anguish and shock over my pronouncement.
“Women fall in love with you too easily. You’re gorgeous, emotionally intelligent, sensitive and so generous with your affection. Whatever you think, Yasmina wants you back.” My arms folded over my chest. “Acting like you’re open for that to happen doesn’t work for me.”
“Jesus Christ, Kara!” Nate pushed to his feet with an arrogant shove and marched towards me. “Yasmina is Manny’s sister.”
“Who you dated for two years.”
“What? No!” He stopped abruptly. His hands went to his hair, his usual reflex when he was frustrated. “I didn’t want to build a reputation for having a different woman on my arm every time I went out, so when I attended functions where I’d be in the public eye, she accompanied me.”
“Did she accompany you to bed?”
“Never.” He scrubbed his face with both hands. “None of this matters. I know who I belong to, which woman has captured my heart.”
I scrunched my face, drawing a deep breath as I massaged my brow. My head throbbed, overloaded with new insight and confusing confessions. Nate cocked his head to the side, examining me with eyes that had lost their sparkle. He was drained, worn out from all the misunderstandings, tired of the confrontation. When he spoke, his voice was agonisingly gentle, his words vehement.
“You have nothing to envy. You own me. All of me,” he vowed. “There’s nothing left for anyone else. The whole world could be falling apart around me and I wouldn’t notice, I’m that caught up in you. You’re all I see when we’re together.”
“What about when I’m not there? Do you still think about me then?”
“All the fucking time.” His expression hardened. His eyes raked me, from messy ponytail to pink painted toenails. I was visibly shaking, partly because I was cold, but mostly because I was a fragile mess of emotions. “Be all possessive, I get it, I want it. I feel exactly the same way about you.” Nate bypassed me and went to the fireplace.
“How would you feel if another man touched me like that?”
“I’d ensure he never touched anything else again,” he muttered, crouching to stack chopped wood into the hearth. “But I’d trust you enough to know you’d never act on it. You need to reciprocate that, otherwise…”
He didn’t have to finish. Everything he said was right. I grabbed my tea from the table. It was cold, but I still drank it. “You know,” I started wearily, leaning my shoulder to the cold window, “since you came into my life, my head is so screwed up I can’t think straight. I don’t know how to handle the feelings you’ve stirred up in me.”
Nate turned fractionally, his side profile revealing a man wary of my next words. He’d done everything in his power to prove he was worth the risk, yet I still wasn’t sure I would ever fully trust a man again. The need to protect myself from being used or hurt still clung to me. I was scared to love. Scared to trust.
“If I can’t get over this,” I mumbled shakily, tears welling in my eyes, “what does it say about our future?”
“Is it a possibility? That you won’t?” I could hear the fear in his voice. And those expressive eyes couldn’t meet mine, so I knew he was reeling as much from this as I was and didn’t want me to see it.
I set my empty mug down. “I feel like I’m running through a maze and can’t find the way out.”
Nate straightened and faced me. The most painful expression of lost hope and veneration tainted his eyes. The veins in his hand popped as he clenched a block of wood. “You want out?” he asked, eerily calm.
“Yes!” I cried in exasperation. Then, “No…God…I don’t know anything anymore…”
“Christ, you’re so fucking frustrating!” He dropped everything and rushed to my side, folding me into the embrace that sheltered me from the world and reassured me more than words ever would. “You have to be the most stubborn, infuriating woman I’ve ever known.”
Helpless in his arms, I felt so fragile I worried his strength might break me, physically and mentally. He smoothed my hair off my face, stroking it repeatedly behind my ear.
“Don’t you see?” Nate’s lips brushed my forehead. “There’s never a moment we’re apart because you’re here, with me.” He took my palm and placed it flat on his chest. “Feel it. You’re the beat in my heart.”
It was racing, like my own. A frantic pulse against my hand. A lone tear trickled down my cheek. “Don’t,” Nate whispered, bending to kiss it away. “You tears are killing me.”
I nuzzled against him, sliding my palms beneath his t-shirt so I could feel his warmth. We stood, quiet except for the occasional sniff as tears freely flowed, soaking a patch on his shoulder. “I’m so stupid,” I sobbed. “I thought you two were—”
“I know what you thought. But this has to stop. You need to talk to me when something is bothering you, not bottle it all up.” Nate led me to the sofa and settled me on his lap. He peeled away a few soggy strands of hair stuck to my cheek. Then, using the hem of his t-shirt, carefully dried my face. “Why is it so difficult to accept that I love you?”
My eyes widened, and I’m certain the world stopped spinning. “Wh-what…” I stuttered between sobs, swallowed and cleared my throat, “…what are you saying?”
“You know,” he said, quiet but certain. Running weary eyes over his serene face, I swiped at the new tears forming in my eyes with the heels of my palm. “I could say the words, Kara, but they’re nowhere near enough to convey what I feel for you. It’s gripped me so strongly, I’d die if I lost you.”
My breath was coming short and fast. I smoothed a hand down his chest. The connection I felt proved I wasn’t imagining this. Nate cupped my face and raised my gaze back up to meet his. “You know,” he implored, those glorious eyes like liquid. Clear, shiny and free from any doubt.
“Say them anyway,” I urged quietly, needing the validation of his words before allowing myself to truly believe it.
He blinked a couple of times, thumbs gently stroking my cheekbones. Then he gave me the killer blow of his sexy half-smile. “I’ve fallen in love with you.”
I sucked in a sharp, shaky disbelieving breath. The sound of blood rushing through my body towards my heart filled my ears. “You’re…in love with me?”
He tipped his head back and laughed softly. “Is it really so unbelievable? Outside my office that first time, you gave me few words, simply a shy smile. Then you reached in and stole my heart. You’ve been holding onto it ever since.”
“Nate—”
His lips swept over mine. “Don’t say anything.” He tugged me into the safety of his arms, holding me like he was never letting go. And he wasn’t. I felt like I could burst with happiness.
The love radiating from Nate seeped into my mind and soul. Every slide of his palm on my back, every delicate touch of his fingertips in my hair, each murmured, “I love you,” whispered into my ear, cemented his commitment and strengthened our bond.
I didn’t think it possible, but as the beat of his heart lulled me into sleep, I actually started believing there was a future for us out there, just waiting to be grabbed.
THE next time I opened my eyes, I was curled up on the sofa with a blanket covering me. The fire was blazing, the spit and crackle from the flames accompanying the wind outside. I rolled onto my back and found Nate sitting by my feet, one arm over my ankles.
“Hi.” I don’t know why, but I suddenly felt really shy. With the one foot hanging outside the blanket, I wriggled my toes against his thigh, like a cat preparing its bed to sleep. He returned my small smile with one of his own.
“Feeling better?”
“In so many ways.” I pushed off the cover and sat, hugging my knees. “What have you been doing?”
“Watching you sleep.” The backs of his fingers brushed my warm cheek, and instinctively I turned into his caress, covering his hand with mine.
“Some might find that slightly creepy,” I teased.
“Do you?”
I shook my head. “I love it.”
Nate’s smile reached his eyes, a telltale sign he was really happy. I caught sight of his camera on the coffee table and my gaze narrowed when it returned to him. “What have you been photographing?”
“Nothing,” he said, far too innocently. He glanced outside. “Up for some fresh air?”
I turned. “In this?” Large storm clouds were gathering on the horizon, gulls and hawks circling above monstrous waves pounding the shore below.
“C’mon,” Nate said, patting my legs and standing, “you need to change.” He handled me like a delicate flower, dressing me in clothes he’d brought down from the closet, having already changed himself whilst I slept. After pulling grey leggings under my denim skirt, he knelt in front of me and tied up my white Converse. “I presume this skimpy outfit was chosen for my benefit?”
I nodded, pleased he had noticed.
“It’s cold out,” he said, pointing at my chest and grabbing a sweatshirt. “The braless look works for me, but I don’t want anyone else getting to enjoy your lush tits.” Happy I was wrapped up enough, he grabbed his camera and led me to the doors.
A bitter, salty wind whipped my face and hair when I stepped onto the deck. “Only crazy people would go out in this,” I shouted as we jogged down the steps and across the lawn, both laughing freely.
Nate pulled me to his side and pressed his lips to mine. “Then we’re fucking insane!”