Chapter 25

Maddie

I have been watching the miles go by us. We are back in Texas now and getting closer to home. I wanted to drive but Micah is stubborn and says her truck, her rules. I did drive a little last night to let Micah nap, but we ended up stopping at a motel so Sarge, Shield, and Stealth could get a few hours of sleep. B has been so good this trip, sleeping off and on. The DVD player occupies her time. Our room at the motel was full last night. Sarge and Micah stayed with B and myself. They assured me they were just being cautious. I don’t know what they are worried about. It was apparent in the pictures that Dra only married me to get better leverage in the custody case that is coming. I want Dra to have time with B but it is going to be hard for me to let her go. I know I will do what is best for B. She is what is important. I won’t be giving up primary custody. I haven’t processed the hurt I am feeling. It’s there like a gaping wound but I am trying to put on a happy face for B. I don’t want the pitying looks people are going to give me. The poor cheated on woman. I just want this over. I want the pain I am feeling to go away.

Aunt Deb has been doing regular phone checks on us this morning. Everything is set at home. I know when we get home, Sarge and his friends will be leaving us, and I will be glad to be away from all bikers but in some strange way I am dreading it because they make me feel safe. How does that make any sense at all? I have had nothing but time to think on this long drive and I have, about anything that will take my mind off the hurt I am feeling. In every instance, since Micah and I met Diamondback, I have felt safe around bikers. Every time I have needed protection, a biker club or a biker has come forward and protected me. Never once have I thought they wouldn’t succeed. I mean, I feel safe at home on the ranch. Aunt Deb, Micah and I have been able to take care of ourselves. There is just not anything to protect ourselves against on the ranch except maybe a bobcat or coyote. With all this, then why did I think that Dra couldn’t keep B safe? Did I delude myself to think that his life was so dangerous that something would happen or is Dra right and I was taking it out on him because he didn’t want me in his life? I could drive myself crazy with this. I would never put myself before B, not even now with my heart shattered. I want B to have a relationship with Dra. They were just getting to know each other. They adored each other. I can’t keep doubting my motives. I am driving myself crazy. I need to accept it is done and try to do better from here on out. Can I trust my judgement? I trusted Dra. He showed me how stupid that was. It happened once, shame on him. I let it happen again then shame on me. I need to build my walls up so no one, including Dra, can get through them. I need to forget a relationship with any man the way Aunt Deb did.

“What are you thinking about so hard over there?” Micah asks me. I look back at B and she is bouncing her head to the music playing.

“You know the mess I have made of my life. One hot tattooed man and all my good sense I was raised with goes out the window. What would Mom think of me now?” I say while staring out the window.

“That you are human. No one can be expected to get everything right. Don’t let Dra take the adventurist side of you away, Maddie. You play life too safe. You need a little excitement every once in a while.” Micah grins and I half laugh thinking about her words.

“I think you have enough adventure for us both.” Micah laughs along with me.

“Yes, I do, but my life is never boring. You know you can have that too when this situation is settled.” Micah looks at me and I know she has more to say but doesn’t want to overload me with guilt. She might as well get it out.

“Just say what you have on your mind Micah. You have the right to have your say since you are the one hauling my butt back home and since when have you ever not spoken your mind?” I half-joke with her.

“Alright sister, but remember you asked for it.” Micah side glances at me. “You know, Maddie, there is that old saying that someone that doesn’t know the value of honesty can never understand the devastation of betrayal. Have you ever thought that could be Dra? He lied to Callie and now he is lying to you. Wise up, Maddie. Men and forever are not compatible. Cut your losses and get out while you can.” Micah believes every word she is saying. I feel a little sorry for my sister’s harsh outlook on relationships and men.

“Micah, Dra may not want me as his wife, but he loved Callie and I have no doubt about that. His decisions he made concerning her haunt him to this day. I know that Dra and I aren’t meant to be. Dra crushed those dreams, but I don’t know why. Maybe it was his plan all alone to pay me back for the pain I caused him by not having B these past two years. I really don’t understand it but I’m sure to him, it made sense. My schoolgirl naïve crush on him gave me B and I will never regret that. I was thinking along the same lines about relationships but hearing you say it out loud, sounds all wrong. I am a mother before anything else and if I taught that to B, I would be ashamed of myself. Each relationship is different, and I know there are good men out there in the world. I know that there can be good relationships. Look at Callie and Devil, they are so in love and look at everything they went through to get where they are now. I think sometimes that you need to go through the bad to understand when you have the good. Dra doesn’t want me, but I know he loves B and they deserve a chance to have a relationship. That is what is best for B so I will do what I need to so that can happen.” I stop, realizing that I believe everything I just said. I believe it to my soul. I am determined to make it happen. It may hurt me to see Dra, but I will need to learn to deal with it. Micah looks at me and then puts her eyes back on the road.

“You are too good for that asshole. I’ll back you up on whatever you decide but if Dra fucks it up I will kill him myself and smile while I do it.” That’s my twin. She has my back and I have hers. “We are going to work on your self-confidence though. I found the perfect way to do it while you were gone.” Now I am scared. Micah is always coming up with outlandish idea for us.

“We’ll see. How much longer are we traveling today? We’ll be in Dallas in about an hour. It’d probably be a good idea for me to touch base with my attorney since we are driving through Dallas.” I didn’t even think about it before I left. I don’t think I thought of much.

“Aunt Deb is meeting us in Dallas with her security detail. Sarge and his guys are going to spend the night at the hotel tonight and then Aunt Deb will be there first thing in the morning. We are meeting your attorney for breakfast.” I am nodding my head.

“You and Aunt Deb are always thinking ahead. Thank you, Micah, for always having my back and just for everything.” Micah glances at me.

“We have been a team since before we were born. It’s not going to change anytime soon. Probably never, unless you disown me after you see my next idea for us. It’s going to be so much fun.” I laugh and shake my head. This is going to be good. I am so glad I have my sister back.