Chapter 27

 

Maddie

 

I am back home but my heart isn’t here. My head is full of why and what ifs. B is happy and busy running everywhere with her Aunt Micah. They are out feeding the horses in the barn. Most of our horses run in the pasture closest to our house but we take extra care of the horses close to foaling and the older horses that need some extra attention. Then there is B’s pony. B is so happy to have her own pony, but she doesn’t realize that it will be some time before she is able to ride it. B is happy, and Micah is over the moon every time that B smiles.

Aunt Deb hasn’t said much since I have been here. That is not normal for my Aunt Deb. I don’t know what to think about it. I know she is going to have her say and I expect it. I just hate waiting for it because I know the longer I must wait the worse it is going to be. If Aunt Deb is taking her time before she says something, it means it is going to be a long talk. I am sitting here on the porch swing contemplating what she might be thinking. This is my favorite spot and if Aunt Deb wants me she knows where to find me.

Micah was not playing about me thinking she is crazy either. When she told me her latest hobby, I was speechless and then when she took me to the club where she dances last night, just to look around, I still do not know what to say. My sister the pole dancer. Micah’s reasoning is it empowers her. Nope, not believing it, and I am determined that this is one thing that she is not talking me into. I would die of embarrassment. Aunt Deb even knows about it, and she thinks it is fine. Aunt Deb’s words were, “It’s legal and it pays damn good money. Do it while you are young and free.” Once again, I am speechless. I said no way I would do it, but I did agree to go with Micah this afternoon, so she can practice her routine. Aunt Deb is taking B for an afternoon of shopping and a movie. Something I am not used to is a night away from B. I’m not sure I like it. I think I might just get me a drink and relax and try to unwind from the turmoil in my life and try not to think of Dra.

My attorney has said we have a great case against Dra for infidelity. I have been fighting myself in my head. Dra and B deserve a relationship together. I don’t care that Dra doesn’t want me. He loves B, and it is what is best for B. She needs her family in Colorado just like she needs her family here and she needs her cousins and aunt in Oklahoma. Micah isn’t going to like it. She was ready to go after Dra with her gun or cut his balls off. Her words. I am going to do what is best for B and Micah can live with it. It’s my decision. Dra and I will learn how to co-parent. We’re both adults, we can do this, and I will not accept anything less. I will do my best to make it work.

“Maddie, can I talk to you in my office?” I didn’t even hear my aunt come out on the porch.

“I have been waiting for this.” Aunt Deb smiles at me.

“My girls know me so well.” We walk into the house and down the hall to her office. I open the door and walk in and Aunt Deb follows and shuts the door. I sit in the over-stuffed chair by the wall and Aunt Deb sits on the love seat.  She takes her phone out of her pocket and puts it on the table. “To start with I want to tell you how happy I am to have you and B home. I also want you to know this ranch will always be yours, B’s and Micah’s home. That being said, I will not let you run back here and hide from life.” I look at Aunt Deb and this is not what I expected. “Do you love Dra, Maddie? I mean really love Dra? When you think about Dra does your heart rate pick up and when he looked at you did you feel like you were beautiful? Can you imagine any other man touching you the way that Dra does? Think Maddie, this is the most important question you will ever answer to yourself and to me.”

“Me loving Dra has never been the issue, Aunt Deb. I gave that man my heart a long time ago. He doesn’t want me. He married me and had sex with another woman and threw our marriage vows out the window in less than a week. I am not going to beg any man. He hurt me. He did things that he can’t take back.”  It’s almost like my heart is breaking all over again.

“I agree what you think happened, is beyond being forgiven, but answer the questions and then we will discuss the rest.” I don’t know what Aunt Deb is getting at.

“I have loved Dra since before we had our night together when B was conceived. He fascinated me from the first time I met him. I have never had such a connection and attraction to any man. I don’t think any man will ever be to me what Dra is to me. The thought of another man holds no appeal to me even when I am mad at Dra. I am doomed to be alone for the rest of my life.” Aunt Deb is watching me close. I know I am being dramatic, but it is my honest feelings.

“Alright then, I want you to listen to this.” Aunt Deb hands me her phone and some earbuds and what I hear shocks me, but it has me crying. Tears for what I have lost. Tears for the destroyed dreams. Tears from hearing Dra’s voice again and longing for him. I knew that Sunshine was an evil woman but what does that say about Dra? He brought her into his life. A woman that can tear a family apart without a conscience. I have no words for what I have heard. In one way, I am happy to know that Dra did not cheat on me willingly but I am sad that it did indeed happen. Of course, it happened. I have those photos etched in my brain. I close my eyes at night and that is all I see. Dra with Sunshine, that way. So intimate and the look of satisfaction on Sunshine’s face. I hand the earbuds and phone back to Aunt Deb.

“What am I supposed to do with that? It only proves that it happened.” Aunt Deb shakes her head at me.

“You were not raised to hide your head in the dirt, Maddie. Dra didn’t betray you by choice. He was drugged.” Aunt Deb pushes the issue.

“Dra was drugged but he still had sex with that woman. He’s just like every other man in the Bass women’s lives. I think every woman in this family is cursed. I just pray that B skips this family curse.” Aunt Deb is looking at me and then she grabs my hand.

“You listen to me young lady, not a damned one of us is cursed. We are damned hard-headed and a lot stubborn, but I am not letting you make that mistake. You seem to be under the wrong impression of mine and your mom’s life.” Aunt Deb has my attention and she lets go of my hand. “Your mom loved Diamondback and didn’t trust him to protect you and Micah. He was in a very bad motorcycle club. It is not like the club that Dra is in. They didn’t respect women and all they did was party, fight and screw women. Not one woman, many women. I think Diamondback loved your mom in his own way just like I have told you girls, but I can tell you right now if your mom had taken off with you and Micah like you did with B, Diamondback would not have tried to track her down and damn sure wouldn’t have married her after he found her.” Aunt Deb stops for a minute and then goes on. “The man I married wanted this ranch any way he could get it and that included marrying me. He thought I would choose him instead of your mom. That was not happening. Family is who we must depend on in this life. I had already caught him skirting around with the bar tramps in town. I would never cheat your mom out of her part of this ranch. Our blood, sweat, and tears were in this land and just because your mom decided to see what else was out there in the world was not a reason to kick her to the curb. I wish I had been brave enough to do what your mom did. I admired her for her adventurous side and I lived with her through her stories.” Aunt Deb not only lost her sister when Mom died but her best friend too. Aunt Deb looks at the picture above the fireplace. It’s a family portrait of her and Mom when they were young. “I could not open myself up to another man after what he did, but my life has been full. Lonely sometimes, but you girls have kept me busy. I don’t want this kind of life for you and I can see that is exactly what you are setting yourself up for. You are shutting down and building up walls. I think Dra loves you and if you can keep your eyes and heart open, you two can make the family that all three of you deserve.” I know what I am going to say will change her mind.

“The brief time I was with Dra, I was so happy. He seemed loving and watching Dra and B together filled my heart with so much love. I thought we would make it too. The only thing about that is, he married me in the same chapel he married Callie in Vegas. We stayed in the same hotel and he used almost the same vows. I cherished his words and then when I found out that he used the same words with Callie, then that is all they became is words and it made me hurt all the way to my soul. I don’t want to be Dra’s second choice because he can’t get Callie.” I feel the tears sliding down my face. Aunt Deb pulls me to her and hugs me.

“My sweet, sweet Maddie. I am saying this out of love, and it is the only time I am going to say it, but you knew when you went after Dra he had been in love with your sister, Callie. You went after him anyway. Everyone has a past, but it does not define or set our destiny. We make choices that set our paths. Have a talk with Dra and hear his side before you decide and if you decide it is something that you can’t deal with then don’t build those walls up so no one else can get in. You’ll regret it.” Aunt Deb gets up and then looks back at me. “What would you do if Dra died tomorrow and you could never talk to him just one more time? Don’t be weighed down with regret.” Aunt Deb walks around her desk and sits down. “I am closing this damn computer down and I am going to find B and we are going out on the town. Shopping, movies and dinner. We will probably be gone until late this afternoon or early evening. You’ll have plenty of time to think.” I laugh.

“Nope, Micah is taking me with her, so I can see her practice her pole routine. She thinks she is going to get me up there and it is not happening.” Aunt Deb looks at me closely.

“Maddie, your sister is a lot like your mom. She grabs life by the horns and makes it hers, but there is part of her that she keeps bottled up. She is in love with Sarge and she is too stubborn to admit it. Did Micah tell you why she has the sudden fascination with stripping and pole dancing?” I try to remember what she told me, and Micah has only said it makes her feel empowered. I shake my head no.

“Micah walked into a bar to meet Sarge and he had a stripper in his lap giving him a lap dance. You know your sister’s temper. Micah pulled the dancer off his lap by the hair and proceeded to whip her ass. Sarge left with the stripper that night and he took her to the motel room that Sarge reserved for him and Micah. When Micah got to the motel, Sarge and the dancer were having sex.  From what Micah told me Sarge didn’t even lock the door so he did it on purpose. He was trying to show Micah that she had no hold on him. What Sarge doesn’t understand is now Micah is going to show him that he has no hold on her. It is going to be one hell of a ride for those two and I don’t know if either one of them is going to walk out of it alive.” Well, crap. My sister needs me, and she has been taking care of me. It is time for me to take care of her.

“Does Sarge know that Micah is dancing?” Aunt Deb laughs.

“Not yet, but I am sure that Micah is going to find one hell of a way to tell him and I would love to be a fly on that wall because that man loves her. He is just fighting it.” Aunt Deb is right. I know that Sarge has been fighting his feelings for Micah a long time.

“I think that you have underestimated Micah a little. If I know my sister, and I do, she’s not going to tell Sarge she is dancing. She is going to show him, and it will be where and when everyone sees it.” Aunt Deb bursts out laughing.

“You are so right and if you are there you better tape it for me. What are you doing then? Playing it safe or going wild with your sister today?” I think about it and a smile takes over.

“Going with Micah.” I am looking forward to it too. It is time for me to let loose.

“That’s my girl,” Aunt Deb tells me.