Chapter 8

 

Dra

 

I am sitting in the clubhouse talking with some of the brothers and shooting the shit just wasting time. Time until I can get on the road. The next few days are going to be difficult, but this run needs to be done. Sunshine is sitting on my lap and trying to get my attention away from what Raven is telling me. I admit my mind is not on the conversation, but it is also not on taking Sunshine to my room. It’s been the same argument with her the last couple of days. I’ve finally had enough and look at Sunshine. I am anxiously waiting on the word to hit the road and I think taking the edge off would help with all this anxiety. I am going out of my mind with worry and doubting everything I have put in motion. I don’t know what I am doing lately. “Could you quit grinding on me and hit your damn knees and do what you do best?” That makes Sunshine smile. She’s trying her best to hold my attention and she just got her way handed to her. It’s not what she was wanting but we both know she isn’t going to say no. Sunshine likes an audience. I see the look Raven is giving me. He knows this is not me but what he doesn’t know is I am not the same person I once was. Him and everyone around here better get used to the man that I am because the pushover I used to be is not coming back.

“My pleasure handsome.” Sunshine is smiling like I am her favorite flavor of ice cream and she is a starving woman. She stands up and I push my chair back and she bends down on her knees and goes for my belt. I smile at her and push her hand away and undo my belt and jeans and take my cock out. I stroke it slowly from root to tip. It’s not hard yet but he is getting there. I look at Sunshine and she is licking her lips. She positions herself between my legs and pulls her tank top off and puts it under her knees. Sunshine is braless, and her nipples are hard, and she smiles up at me. She takes my cock in her hand and starts to stroke it. She bends closer to me and takes my cock in her mouth and twirls her tongue around the head. She is licking under the head and my patience is running out. Sunshine knows what I like, and she is just playing with me right now.

“Quit your damn playing and suck my damn cock or I’ll get someone who will.” I know I am being an ass but right now I just want a release. Something to take my mind off the shit going on in my life. Something to stop the pain of not knowing my daughter. Whistler and Time are standing at the bar and both turn and watch Sunshine as she deep throats my cock. This is not something that usually goes on in the Troubled Fathoms MC clubhouse in the middle of the afternoon. There are times that our parties can be a free for all but a week day in the middle of the afternoon this place is usually quiet, so everyone is a bit shocked just like they are shocked that I am participating. This is not something I have done since I was a damn teenager if even then.

“Well isn’t that just like a damn biker. I thought you told me that you wanted Maddie and B here with you. You look it Dra.” I don’t know where Micah came from, but she is standing there with Sarge on one side of her and Krill on the other. I push Sunshine away from me and stand up and put myself back inside my jeans. I see the disappointed and disgusted look in Micah’s eyes. Krill has the same look in his eyes and I have no idea why. He’s not my damn parent. Hell, he’s my younger brother. Sarge has a smirk on his face.

“I knew you never deserved Callie and you don’t deserve Maddie,” Sarge says. I don’t give a damn what his opinion is of me. He’s a cold-blooded killer. Who is he to judge me?

“Says the man that broke Callie’s heart to begin with and is fucking her other younger sister now. What the hell do you want here?” Krill hasn’t said anything yet. I know he is biding his time. I say enough for both of us.

“Calm down Dra, they are here about Maddie and B. Hear them out and then they are leaving,” Krill explains.

“My sister is missing. Do you know anything about that Dra?” Micah yells at me. That is not what I was expecting for Micah to say.

“Hasn’t Maddie been missing for months now, or are you hiding something Micah? Have you known where Maddie had my daughter and been hiding it from me?” I see that Micah has figured out her mistake.

“I came to find out what you know. Maddie should have contacted me or Aunt Deb by now. Don’t mess with me about my sister Dra or I will end you. Do you know where Maddie and B are? Have you done something in the last week?” I see that Micah is genuinely worried but the hard feelings I have for this entire family are not going away from a few worried looks.

“I’ll share mine if you share yours.” I give Micah an evil grin. I know I am being an asshole. Micah cocks her head to the side and looks at me. I know she is trying to get in my head. She won’t see anything. I don’t feel any guilt for anything I have done. Sunshine walks up beside me and puts her hand on my arm. I know Sunshine’s game. She wants Micah to think that she still has me. I hope that is what Micah thinks.

“What is your end game Dra?” Sarge asks me. I don’t like Sarge. Never have so I just stare at him without answering. “Don’t you have anything to say Dra? I mean do you want joint or shared custody? Maddie is not going to live in Colorado. You must have thought of that. Are you going to meet Maddie halfway two weekends a month and two weeks in the summer? How do you see this ending?” I glare at the asshole.

“What makes you think that I won’t get custody and maybe it’ll be Maddie that is making the trips? I have been denied from my daughter’s life for two years,” I say because I just can’t keep my mouth shut any longer.

“So, your big plan is to take B away from Maddie and let this whore raise her? That is not happening Dra. I will send you and this skank to hell first! Do you hear and understand me, Dra? I am not threatening you, I am telling you the God’s truth! Do Not Test Me!” Micah steps towards me but Sarge grabs her arm and pulls her back to him. Krill moves between Micah and me.

“Micah, you need to leave so you can calm down.” Krill looks at the man standing beside Micah. “Sarge, get her out of here before things are said that can’t be taken back,” Krill says in steady quiet voice. His eyes come back to Micah. Am I missing something here? Does Krill have feelings for Micah? No. Micah hasn’t had much contact with any of us.

“Krill, I am going out of my mind with worry over Maddie and B. Please if you hear anything at all give me a call. I am going back to Texas and meet with a private detective I am hiring.” Krill steps up to Micah and cups her face with his hand. I watch closely. Micah doesn’t step back or even flinch. I hear a growl come from Sarge. Krill never takes his eyes off Micah and Micah keeps her eyes on Krill. I am missing something here.

“If I hear from Maddie you will be the first one I call. You have my word,” Krill says to Micah. Micah reaches up and takes Krill’s hand and kisses it. What the hell? Sarge’s hand goes to Micah’s shoulder and he pulls her back to him.

“Time to go Micah,” Sarge says with a gruff voice. I don’t miss the hostility in it. Sarge takes Micah’s hand and leads Micah back out the door. Micah doesn’t say anything more. I know Micah is worried. Krill’s eyes follow the two.

“What the hell just happened here?” I ask Krill. His eyes come to me. “Tell me you are not involved with Micah. She is not good for you Krill.” Krill hardens his look at me.

“My office, now!” Krill doesn’t raise his voice, but his voice is sharp and to the point. I get up and follow Krill into his office. “Lock the door.” Krill sits in the chair behind his desk. The desk that has been here since Pop first set up this office. I lock the door and then go on the other side of the desk and sit in a chair and wait to hear what my brother has to say. He just stares at me, so I decide to speak first.

“I am going to need a week off starting as soon as we leave this room. I’m not going to answer any questions about the issue either. It’s personal and I need the time.” I know this is not going to go over very well. Krill has no reaction. He just stares at me.

“Where is my brother that had such a good head on his shoulders because I am telling you, the last few years you have gone to shit?” Krill is not showing any emotion as he says it. I lean forward in my chair barely able to hold my anger in.

“I lost the woman that made my life worth living. When that explosion took Gram and Dad, it also took away the woman that I love. My life has been turned upside down and I am doing the best that I can,” I tell Krill. How can he even question me about this?

“I am tired of your damn pity party brother. Man the hell up and quit being a whining little bitch.” I stand from the chair and lean across the desk and glare up in Krill’s face.

“What did you just say to me?” I wait for Krill to take it back, but Krill doesn’t miss a beat.

“Sit your ass down.” I don’t. “Sit down.” We glare at each other, but I sit back down. “Dra, I have given you room and tried to give you all the time you need to get over this shit but the thing is that you aren’t. Then this thing with Maddie and Betsy and now? You are spiraling out of control.”

“I made sacrifices for this club and you know it. I lost so much.” I feel the pain in my chest every time I breathe. I sound bad even to myself, but I don’t know how to stop the pain.

“Dra, you are my blood brother and my club brother. I know you are hurting but you need to suck this shit up and go on.” I start to say something, but Krill raises his hand. “Listen to me brother and listen good.” I nod my head even though it is the last thing I want to do. “I am going to give you some hard truths and I want you to think about them before you start spouting shit out your mouth.”

“It’s not like I can stop you from saying it so by all means brother, talk. I’ll listen,” I say brother with the sarcasm I am feeling.

“We all understand that you lost more than anyone with the explosion that took out Gram and Dad, but you are not the only one that still feels that loss. To be quite honest Dra, you had started to push Callie away from you before the explosion ever happened. You wouldn’t share things with her that you could have to keep her safe. You were pushing her back to Devil. Think about it, you made them both promise if anything happened to you he would take care of her. You could have gone to Texas with Callie when she left here but you decided to stay behind and wait for Gram. That was your decision alone and it was your decision alone to not tell Callie you were still alive. You let her believe you were dead for months. Months you could have relieved her mind, but you didn’t.”

“I was keeping Callie and Kellan safe. My wife was pregnant, and she didn’t need the stress of knowing she was in danger or what was going on. You know this is how we were raised. We protect our women from harm and worry. You know this Krill! I don’t know how you can even spew this shit at me!” I tell Krill. Krill doesn’t react at what I have said, and I think that pisses me off more.

“Don’t lie to yourself, Dra. You had started pushing Callie away. You had her Uncle Trigger watching over her more than you did. You made Devil and Callie both make promises and Dad never ordered you to fake your death. He couldn’t. He was gone, and I never would have given that order either.” Krill sits up straighter in his chair. “If you hadn’t let us think you were dead then you would be sitting here in this chair with the President patch on you and Callie would be by your side. You threw that away and now you are having a hard-damn time living with your decisions. But brother, these decisions can’t be changed. Learn how to live with them.” I look in Krill’s eyes and I see he is conflicted in what he is saying. He gets no pleasure out of pointing these things out to me. I want to argue with him, but I can’t. I would only be lying to myself. “Do you even realize that you said love and not loved?” I don’t get what Krill is saying at first but then it dawns on me and Krill is right. I did say love. I said I love Callie and I guess a part of me still does love Callie. She’s not easy to get over but I know she belongs to Devil now and the bottom line is I know she is happy. I want Callie happy no matter how much it makes my heart hurt. I thought I had dealt with that issue. I know I will always love Callie, but I also know I am no longer in love with her. That book is closed. I had to face that fact if I wanted Callie happy. Am I happy about it? No, but Callie is.

“You don’t need to throw this in my face. I know what my screw ups are. I was trying to help the club,” I say between gritted teeth.

“You were scared. You were scared by how much you loved that woman and how much a child that didn’t belong to you meant to you. Face the damn facts.” Krill looks me right in the eye when he says it. “Then you turn around and fuck Callie’s younger sister. What the hell is that all about?”

“None of your business. We aren’t a bunch of old women talking about our damn feelings and relationships. This is personal business,” I warn Krill. He doesn’t take the hint.

“When you are using Troubled Fathom’s contacts and markers it becomes a club issue. Betsy is my niece and that makes it my damn business. What the hell did you pay the Bushs to do. Old man Bush called me today to make sure that you had the club’s backing since he didn’t think what you are paying Jim and Rafi to do would be alright with the Troubled Fathoms MC or our dad. I am going to give you one chance to come clean with me and you better think real hard before you open your mouth and try to lie to me.” Krill is not trying to hide his anger.

“All you need to know is the money that is paying them is mine. The marker I called in is mine. I am bringing Maddie and Betsy home and they are going to stay here. I am not going to have my daughter pulled between Maddie and me. I am going to be a full-time dad and I won’t take no for an answer. Maddie kept Betsy from me for two years and when I get them back here I will not miss another day. Dad was always about family and he would back me up on this.” Krill seems to be considering what I have said.

“The dad card will not work this time, Dra. There is no way Dad would understand the way you have been behaving. Sunshine had your damn dick out in front of everyone in the clubhouse in the middle of the damn week when anyone could have walked in and that includes the few children that are around now. Use your damn head. What the hell are you going to do with Sunshine if you are bringing Maddie back here? We have rules in this damn clubhouse and they were put in place to protect family. You can’t rewrite our damn bylaws.”

“The last thing I knew, the Troubled Fathoms MC doesn’t follow most common laws in our clubhouse. We make our own damn rules,” I yell at Krill.

“We aren’t one percenters Dra. We do make our own laws in our clubhouse and with our club members, but you need to remember the bylaws pertaining to ol’ ladies. Dad, Miner, and Time set those bylaws up when they founded the Troubled Fathoms MC. You will abide by them or we will have a vote to take your damn patch. Do not test me on this, Dra. I am talking to you as your President and you will listen or we will vote.”

“I understand the bylaws and I will abide by them, but Maddie is not here right now, so it is a moot point. When I bring Maddie here with Betsy then Sunshine will be gone. I’ll make sure of it.” I have places to be, so I need this talk over.

“And you think that Sunshine is going to just leave and not cause a problem. If you believe that Dra, you are crazy. No woman takes being dropped well. You made Sunshine your ol’ lady and everyone knows you took your patch back, but she is still here. Sunshine will be a problem. That woman has been around the block a few times and she is unpredictable and hard to handle. She will pull every underhanded trick to either get you to change your mind or to force Maddie to leave. Sunshine will eat Maddie alive. Maddie is innocent and naïve. Sunshine is a cold-hearted bitch, do you want her around your daughter? Do you want your daughter around that kind of hate?” I know Krill is right. I should have cut Sunshine loose as soon as I came back from Oklahoma.

“Make sure you do. If I deal with Sunshine she will be gone permanently, and I won’t be nice about it.” Krill stops speaking but then goes on. “You need to handle Maddie with care. You will break her. She’s not Callie and Micah. Maddie is not cut out for our kind of life. Are you ready for that?” My brother has a soft spot for the Bass sisters. Krill always liked Callie too.

“What’s going on between you and Micah? I noticed the way you looked at her today. Something I need to know?” Krill hesitates before he answers.

“Callie wasn’t the only one devastated when we thought you were dead. I thought I lost my Gram, Dad, and brother all in one explosion. I know how Micah feels not being able to help her sister and niece. The only thing that kept me going was the need for revenge. Do not underestimate Micah’s love for her sister. I saw the look in her eyes today, she’s at the point that she would do anything to get her sister and Betsy back and that includes putting you six feet under. You need to watch your back.” I regret letting the people I cared about think that I was dead longer than they had to. Years later and it is still hurting Krill. I will regret that my entire life.

“I will Krill. I need the week. That’s all I’m asking.” I see that Krill wants more answers. He isn’t going to get them today. When this seven days is over everyone will get their answers.

“Make sure there is no blowback on the club. Cover your tracks and watch your damn back. If you need help, call,” Krill tells me reluctantly. I know Krill has more questions, but he is giving me the space I need to make things right and that is exactly what I am going to do.