LAURA
I sit in the art room, not sure what just happened. Craig couldn’t get away from me quick enough. I didn’t think it was my compliments of his art that had him scampering off. I check my breath using my hand, it smells of mint from my peppermint mouth wash. I decide I could end up wondering for the rest of the day and still not figure out what is wrong with Craig.
At the best of times, he’s confusing. I never know what’s really going on inside his head. With me, he seems so nice and open but when I see the pretence with others, I wonder whether I’m only seeing what I want to see. I drop my pathetic picture in the bin before leaving the class. I was never good at drawing, stick figures were as good as it got with me. But I get the idea behind sitting silently while focusing on drawing. It allows you to leave your life for that few moments. It pulls you in and makes you focus on what you are doing.
I pass the main room only to see Craig heading outside. I should walk away, give him some space. But I don’t. Pushing open the door I walk across the room.
“Have you seen my cat?” Minnie asks.
“No Minnie I haven’t,” I move past Minnie quickly.
“Are you sure, because I can’t find him anywhere.” I hate how sad she sounds. I don’t want to help find an invisible cat but I can’t walk away from her either. It’s like a child trying to find their favorite teddy.
“Stones?” I say with a question in case it’s another cat.
Minnie bobbles her head several times. “He was in my lap over by the tv” She takes my hands and brings me over to where she had been sitting and points at the couch. “I was sitting right there, and he was beside me. Then I looked down and he was gone.” I’m nodding now but Craig has caught my attention. I can see him through the windows he’s running around the garden. He doesn’t look in and Minnie pulls my hand.
“I think he went this way.” She’s tugging me away from Craig and away from the window.
When I turn Ava is there, with Maria and Michelle, her black eye still visible through all the makeup she has tried to use to cover it up. Guilt gnaws at my stomach. She narrows her eyes at me. I look away and follow Minnie as we search for Stones. We find him near the bedrooms. She scoops him up and it looks like she is rubbing her face against him. It’s hard to tell since he isn’t actually there.
“It’s great that we found him.” I say.
“Thanks, Laura.” Minnie smiles as she carries Stones back to the communal room. I rush outside honestly expecting Craig to be gone but he’s still jogging around the garden. He passes me and gives me a salute.
“What are you doing?” I ask still standing near the door. He jogs backwards now.
“Jogging.”
I roll my eyes and he faces forward. “I can see that. Why?”
“How do you think I keep this body in shape?” His answer is delivered with a wink. He is in fantastic shape, the night I saw him still enters my mind more than what I can only imagine is normal. He doesn’t stop running so, on his second lap, I join him. He doesn’t ask me what I’m doing but moves over so I don’t hit any trees or bushes along the way.
“I’m trying not to smoke.”
“Oh. Why’s that?” I ask but am secretly delighted.
“This girl. She’s rather irritating. She’s on my case all the time so to shut her up, I decided to try and kick the habit.”
I can’t hide the smile now. “She sounds so terrible to have your welfare in mind.” He’s jogging backwards now, so he can look at me.
“She is really controlling. But she has one thing going for her.” He pauses. I want to tell him to face forward so he doesn’t fall but he keeps glancing over his shoulder.
“What’s that?” I ask already getting a little winded.
“She’s beautiful.” I blush, my steps go a little wonky but I manage to gather myself while Craig laughs and faces forward again.
“Maybe she really likes you and that’s why she wants you to stop smoking.”
He glances at me with a grin. But I’m seriously all puffed out, so I stop running but wave him on to keep going. Craig stops too. “Maybe she should tell me that because I’m starting to wonder. You see, she keeps avoiding me. So I’m not sure how she really feels.”
I blink rapidly and rub the back of my neck. Craig never takes his eyes off me. “I really like you.” There I said it. His eyes widen at my words and he nods. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
“Good, because I really like you, too.” I swing my arms not sure what to do with all the happiness that swirls around inside me. “So why were you avoiding me.”
My smile slips as my stomach twists. “I wasn’t.” Craig sucks in his lip ring but the way he does it, tells me he isn’t aware this time. He’s not doing it to distract me; his eyes dull. I hate the look in his eyes, and I hate that I have put it there. I don’t want to tell him how messed up I am, how I’m forgetting things but right now, I’ll let my soul bleed for him.
“I wasn’t avoiding you on purpose, because I don’t remember avoiding you.” I rub my chin on my shoulder; it gives me a moment to look away. When Craig still says nothing I continue. “I don’t remember you coming to my room, I don’t remember writing in my diary.” My lip trembles. “I don’t remember any of it.” There, I’ve said it. Once again I get that odd feeling of something being lifted off my shoulders. I wasn’t one for sharing. Vi was the only one. My throat aches now as I think of her.
When I finally look up at Craig, he’s nodding. “Have you told Rose?” I’m shaking my head. I didn’t want to tell him, but I know telling Rose is something I need to do.
“No but I will.” Craig’s eyes burn with certainty as he speaks. “No matter what we’ll figure this out.” His words take the weight off my shoulders and I slump slightly.
“Thank you.” I don’t think he has any idea of what his words are doing. They mean so much to me. To have someone not judge me but want to help me, is something that hasn’t happened to me before.
“After group therapy, I’ll go.” I say now with far more conviction than I felt before. I would figure this out. We would figure this out.
“I want to kiss you.” My heart leaps and I smile at Craig. Glancing around, I see no one is in the garden but a lot of windows look out onto this small patch of earth.
“Maybe later.”
Craig grins. “I’ll hold you to that.” This time when he sucks in his lip ring I know he does it on purpose. My cheeks heat up and a soft laugh bursts from his mouth.