CHAPTER TWENTY NINE

LAURA

“LAURA YOU HAVE a visitor.” My heart leaps as I turn around in the bed. Rose opens the door fully with a smile and there stands Craig. He looks so good. Heat rushes to my face as I think how I must look.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Rose tells Craig, but I don’t take my eyes off him. He’s wearing a black t-shirt and jeans. Black isn’t a color I’ve seen on him before. It makes him look dangerous. His moss green eyes take me in.

“What do you think of my new outfit?” I ask. The white elasticated pants and white gown do nothing for me. But his lips twitch.

“Do you want me to be honest?”

My heart leaps. “Always.” I whisper. He reaches the bed, but he doesn’t touch me. My stomach twists when his eyes roam my face.

“You’re perfect.” He finally says and I frown, as my nose and eyes burn.

“Oh God, yeah. Perfect – I don’t think so.” I’m laughing slightly but it’s too much.

“To me you are Laura.” His tattooed hands take my bare ones and I look down at our joined hands. I honestly don’t know how he can see me like that. But he sees the outside. Inside I’m such a mess.

“I come with so much baggage.” I whisper and my vision blurs.

“That’s no problem. I have a shit load myself.” I laugh again as a tear trickles down my face. I wipe it away quickly. Craig still holds onto my other hand, now he entwines our fingers.

“I’m being serious Craig.” I pled and I watch his chest rise and fall quickly.

“So am I. We all have something and before you say it, you don’t know if yours is worse than mine. I’m willing to help you carry your baggage if you are willing to help me with mine.”

I swallow now as my chest aches. “My father sexually abused me.” I say as tears fall fast and steadily from my eyes.

Craig stills; I can see him flex a muscle in his jaw. “I’m so sorry.” His words aren’t soft; they barely make it past his teeth. But I want him to hear what he is taking on.

“My mother never loved me.”

“Mine hates me so that’s something we have in common.” I hate thinking of a young Craig not being loved. I stroke my thumb across his hand. I want to tell him I love him, but I don’t. I need him to hear everything first.

“I’m struggling with the fact that someone once tried to rape me, and no one did anything.” Craig nods again as my throat and eyes burn.

“I’m here for you Laura.” No one has ever been there for me before.

Now my lip and chin tremble because I think my final confession is the worst and the saddest.

“Violet isn’t real.” I’m holding my breath waiting for him to take all that in. How could anyone want me?

When he exhales loudly my stomach tightens. “Look at me Laura.” I do slowly. I don’t want to see rejection in his eyes. I won’t blame him, but I don’t want to see it either.

When I finally look at him he takes my face in his hands. “I’m still here.” I’m nodding, crying and smiling as he pulls me into his arms and all I smell is Craig. I want to ball like a baby and make him promise that he will never leave me, but that frightened part of me, I push away. I need to learn to trust again. I need to learn how not to be afraid.

The door opens and I move away from Craig as Rose comes back in, no doubt hearing everything, or maybe seeing it too. I wouldn’t be surprised to find there is a camera in this room.

Craig holds my hand and Rose stares at our hands briefly.

“It’s time to go.” She tells Craig. I don’t want him to leave. He’s my safety. He’s the railing around a cliff to me. My eyes move to him. He still doesn’t seem to care about the no touching rule as he takes my face in his hands and leaves a long hot kiss on my forehead.

“I’ll see you soon.” He tells me, and I nod. Holding back the tears that want to fall.

“You can go make that phone call now.” Rose tells him as he leaves the room. I want to ask what phone call but as the door closes Rose takes a chair from the corner and we both settle into one of the most honest sessions I’ve ever had with her. And I don’t pass out.