CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN

LAURA

 “VIOLET ISN’T REAL Laura. You made her up to cope with what you have suffered.”

The air feels light and I inhale deeply through my nose. “Violet’s my sister.” I’m shaking my head as I speak. Clearly there is something wrong with Rose. She doesn’t seem like a cruel person or someone who would play a prank, so her words cause my stomach to shift.

“Violet is real. She’s as real as you and me sitting here.” I give a short laugh, but saliva fills my mouth.

“She’s not real.” Rose speaks carefully and clearly.

My heart palpitates.

“I know I’m in a psychiatric unit but what your saying isn’t fair or funny. My sister Violet is real.” As I speak my vision blurs.

“Several times I have asked you to remember her as a child and you can’t. Each time you black out. Because your mind isn’t allowing you to know the truth.” My mind tries to remember Violet as a child, but I can’t. Of course I can’t, I tell myself. What Rose is saying is horrible. Anyone’s mind would falter.

I swallow more saliva. “Because it’s upsetting. Because she’s dead. Because I loved her. This isn’t funny.” My hands start to tremble.

“Laura you have to accept this. You know Violet’s final moments because they are yours.” Tears drip down my face that I push away.

“I’m going to get help for you.” I get up and Rose doesn’t stop me. My lip trembles as I walk out into the hall. Why is she doing this? The hall sways under my feet and I hold onto the wall until I feel steadier. My hands shake so badly. A sob tears from me, I don’t know why. I know Violet is real, but this is too cruel, too much.

“Laura.” I look up at Craig. “What’s wrong?” His hands go straight for me, wrapping easily around my waist as he helps steady me.

“Rose, she’s lost it.” I tell him, and he just nods.

“You need to sit down.” We move into the reception area and thankfully no one is around. I sit down trying to calm my beating heart. Craig holds my hand, his support and strength calming me.

“She said Violet wasn’t real.” My stomach sinks again just saying it. “How could she say that?” Another sob tears from me and Craig pulls me into his arms.

I move away needing him to see that she is lying. “I found her Craig. I found her, she was dead. She was dead.” Tears pour down my face. “She was so blue. How long had she been there? All night?” I can’t’ just sit here. I try to stand but slump back down, my legs refusing to carry me. Craig’s brows are furrowed and he looks pale but I need him to see what I’m saying is true.

“You don’t understand. I held her. I held my sister’s body in my hands.” I show him my hands, which shake uncontrollably along with my lip. The tears won’t stop.

“I lost her. I’m lost without her. But …” I want to say, but to try and take away my memories of her is unthinkable.

“She’s all the good that was in my life.” I’m shaking my head again feeling angry now at Rose. What was she trying to do? Break me. Well it’s working.

“It’s okay. If you say she’s real, then she is.” My eyes snap up to Craig. Relief floods my veins, of course Craig would believe me. He’s been so supportive all along. I’m just always expecting someone not to believe me. Not to care.

“You believe me?” I ask. I need him to say it one more time.

“Of course.” Like that my stomach settles along with heart for just a moment, until logic settles in.

“Why would Rose say that?” My words have Rose moving towards us and I’m standing.

“Don’t say anymore. I’m reporting you.” I’m angry now. How dare she.

“Craig you should return to your room.”  Rose’s voice is gentle yet stern. She’s not asking but telling him to go to his room. She’s trying to make me look crazy and honestly, I don’t want Craig to leave. I need him.

“I’m not leaving her like this, she’s upset.”

Rose nods. “Of course she is, it’s a lot to accept.” My anger snaps and I can’t stand here and listen to this madness.

“I have two sisters and one brother. Violet, Mary and Thomas.” My hands start to shake again, my voice rising.

“Violet is dead. She killed herself because my father abused her. She took her life and I found her.” I’m screaming now because no one is listening to me. Craig reaches out to me but I step away. They need to hear this. More people enter the reception area, but I don’t care. For the first time in my life, I have a voice. I want to be heard. No I need to be heard. Not just for me but for Violet.

“I didn’t help her. I didn’t stop it. And now she is dead.” Tears blur all the faces that look at me.

“I saw her coffin in the ground.” I’m screaming at Rose who stands still, annoying me with her stillness.

“I hate you. I hate you for saying that about Violet.” I want to hurt her so badly, but Craig is holding me, and we are falling to the ground.

“It’s okay.” His words penetrate my screams. Why am I screaming?

“No it’s not. I want my sister.” I sob now. I want to see her. I want to hold her one last time. I want this nightmare to end.

“Let’s go to her grave.” Craig’s words are like someone clicking their fingers. My sobs stop, and I look at him. His face is strained. The pain in his eyes doesn’t match his words but I’m nodding.

“Of course you’ll see she’s real.” He’s helping me stand when I notice everyone watching. More nurses have arrived.

“Everyone to their rooms.” Rose orders while taking a step towards me and Craig. I hold his hand and he squeezes it.

“Rose I’m taking her to her sister’s grave.” Craig’s voice is something solid that I cling too.

“You can’t.” She says.  I can’t even look at Rose I’m that disgusted with her.

“We signed ourselves in. We can sign ourselves out.” I want to high five Craig for his clever thinking.

When I look at Rose my stomach hallows at the sadness in her eyes. She leaves us and moves behind the reception desk. Hope blossoms in me that she’s going to let us go. But she doesn’t press the button to open the door instead she returns with a file and opens it.

“On October the 21st at 11.15am Laura Teller was admitted by Vivian Teller.” I’m stepping away from Craig while shaking my head.

“No, I was at Violets funeral, I ran. I came here. I checked myself in.” I’m trying to piece it all together.

“Laura.” Rose speaks so softly that I look at her and wonder if she has even spoken. The room grows brighter and I reach out for Craig.

“You overdosed. You tried to take your life. That’s why you are here. Your memories are not Violet’s, they are yours.” I’m shaking my head still searching for Craig’s hand. I need him. I need this to stop.

“Stop it.” I say on a sob. “Why are you doing this to me?” I’m looking at the other people who have stayed. “Why are you doing this to me?” I’m screaming at them again. But Rose does not stop.

“Your mother signed you in here.”

“Why are you repeating yourself?” I’m crying quietly now. This isn’t possible. Violet is real. Violet is real.

“I can’t breathe.” I’m retching air. I can’t breathe. Make it stop. Someone make it stop.