Cole

 

J, looking lost and broken, leads the way to the ICU. I wish there were more I could fucking do. To have her come out from seeing Darren and walk right into my arms was heaven. I know it was probably just because I was the first person she saw, but fuck. She needed me at that moment.

 

When Todd texted saying Darren was in an accident, I immediately thought of the DiMarcos. After learning the extent of his injuries, I knew it had to be them. I need to talk to J and have that bike towed to the shop so we can look it over. I’m willing to bet we find someone messed with it.

 

After she talks with the nurses, she collapses on the couch in the empty waiting room. Nan sits beside her and wraps her in a hug. J’s head flops to Nan’s shoulder. Not wanting to disturb them, I take the chair across the room. J needs her space. I completely get that.

 

I lean my head back against the wall, shutting my eyes, trying to figure out how one of DiMarco’s goons got to Mickey’s bike and why Darren had it. This could have killed him. It still may. He’s not out of the woods yet. What if… Shit, what if they fucked with J’s Jeep? Christ, they could have fucked with any of the cars at the shop. If DiMarco is trying to prove a point to J, they are going to take out what she cares about the most—her father and the shop. I need to talk to Ash and see if he has any more leads on this. We can’t wait around until something else happens.

 

Pulling out my phone, I look over to see J staring at the clock on the wall. The blank expression on her face is haunting. It makes me think of Bella in the days after Katy’s death. She’s shutting down, going into self-preservation mode. It hurts to see her like this. She’s so strong, so resilient…and so damn stubborn. If she just would have told Darren what we were up against… No, I can’t think that way. It’s not her fault she happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Shaking those thoughts from my head, I text Ash, letting him know what’s going on.

 

I glace over at Nan, who looks like she’s sleeping. While her eyes are shut, I doubt she’s getting any rest. I stand and walk to J, my boots echoing on the linoleum floor. When I get in front of her, I stand for a few silent moments. Then I rub her shoulder, bringing her eyes to me.

 

“Talk to me.” She shakes her head. “Do you want me to go?” I’d hate leaving her, but if she doesn’t want me around, the last thing I want to do is be here. She shakes her head again, tears filling her eyes. I pull her up and wrap my arms around her. “Babe, you don’t have to be strong all the time. It’s your dad. If you need to cry, don’t fight it.” I tighten my arms around her as she buries her head in my chest. I feel her shaking, but she doesn’t make a sound. “I got you,” I say, rubbing her back with one hand, placing my other under her hair at the nape of her neck. I hear her hiccup a sob, then she shatters, her crying taking over. I just hold her and let her fall apart.

 

The waiting room door opens and a nurse steps in. J steps back from my embrace, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. “Ms. Zona, the doctor wanted me to let you know you can sit with your father for five minutes every hour starting now. We have your dad all set up and resting as comfortably as possible. If you are ready, I can take you to him and show you the procedure to follow before every visit.” Looking at me and Nan, she continues. “We only allow one person every hour. If you wish, you can take turns.”

 

I nod as J and the nurse walk through the doors. I won’t be going in there. He’s a great boss, but the waiting room is as far as my visiting goes. When I look at Nan, I see the desperation in her eyes. She needs to see him.

 

I sit down beside her. “He’s a fighter.”

 

“I know he is. I was… He’s just… I don’t…” Her voice breaks as she looks at me. “I was so mad at him tonight. We were supposed to have dinner, but he never showed up. I never thought… Well, I never thought he’d been in an accident. He’s pulled this shit before, the not showing up. I just thought it was that.”

 

“How long?” I ask, looking at my hands in my lap.

 

“How long what?” she asks in confusion.

 

“How long have you and Darren been together?” When I hear her gasp, I look into her eyes. I smirk. “Nan, I won’t say anything, but Jesus. You’d have to be deaf, dumb, and blind not to see the connection between the two of you.”

 

“I… We’re not…”

 

I raise an eyebrow. “Okay, let me ask it differently. How long have you been in love with him?”

 

She looks down at the tissue she is destroying in her hands. She takes a deep breath. “I’ve been in love with that man since the first time I met him. He had this way about him. He was so tough, so strong, so demanding, but also so damn sweet and loving with his four-year-old running around the shop. I thought he was a complete asshole the first time I walked into his office looking for a job…until a tiny J came in asking about ice cream. That tough guy façade cracked and I saw what he hid underneath.  

 

“Does he know?”

 

“Yeah, he knows.”

 

“I may not know shit, but I can see that man loves you. I wouldn’t doubt that if I were you.”

 

“If only that were true. I’m good enough when he needs someone in his bed, but not when… You know what? Never mind.” When she tries wiping her eyes with the shredded tissue, I lean forward and grab the box from the table, holding it out to her. She takes one, placing her hand on my arm. “Please, Cole. You can’t say anything. J doesn’t know about us. She can’t find out.”

 

Sitting back, I see the hurt in her eyes. This poor woman is crushed. “Your secret is safe with me, Nan.”

 

“Now, let me ask you something. How long have you been in love with J?”

 

I’m surprised by the question. “I’m not in love with her. She’s stubborn and hotheaded. We fight more than we get along. She doesn’t trust me, and I don’t do relationships.” I look at her, then the door, seeing a crying J standing there. I stand and pull her into my arms.

 

Nan stands. “Tell me what you were saying again.” She winks as she walks to the door. “I’m running to the ladies’ room. I will be right back.”

 

“What was she talking about?” J leans back and looks at me, sniffing.

 

“Nothing… Nothing at all,” I say, pulling her back to me and placing my chin on top of her head. “How’s he holding up?” I lead her over to the couch, sitting beside her.

 

“He’s so bruised and battered. Cole, it doesn’t even look like him. How could this have happened? Pop is the best rider I know.”

 

“I’ve been thinking about that. I need to get to the garage and look into something. I am going to take the wrecker out to the police lot and get Mikey’s bike. I want to do a full search and see if anything was tampered with. Do you have any idea why your dad was driving it?”

 

“I have no idea. I don’t think he’s ever taken it before. He has his Harley at the house. You’re thinking it was DiMarco, aren’t you?”

 

“Don’t you?” I sigh and run my hands over my head. “Look, like you said, Darren is a great rider. I think someone messed with the bike, but I don’t know if it was meant for him or Mikey. While I am at it, I am going to check your Jeep, too. When I leave, I’m taking it with me. I’ll leave you my truck keys, just in case.”

 

“My Jeep? You think they fucked with my Jeep?”

 

“I just want to be sure. I texted Ash. It’s almost five, so he should be getting up for work soon and will see it.”

 

“Oh god. This is all my fault. If I would have just said something…”

 

“It’s not your fault. You didn’t do this. You thought you were doing what was best at the time.”

 

“He’s going to hate me for keeping this from him. He deserved to know he was in danger.”

 

I grab her hands, making her look at me. “This isn’t your fault, J. We will get a handle on it. Okay?” I say, rubbing my thumbs across her hands.

 

She looks from our hands to my eyes. “Yeah, okay.”

 

I kiss her forehead before I stand, looking down at her. “I’m heading to Z’s to see what I can find out. If you need me for anything, and I mean anything, J, call me.”

 

“Please let me know if you find anything.” She digs her keys out of her purse, handing them to me. I drop mine into the blackness of her bag.

 

“Do you need anything before I go? Coffee? Pepsi? A snack?”

 

“No, I’m good. When Nan gets back, I am going to take a walk to stretch my legs until I’m allowed back in.”

 

“Do me a favor… Let Nan go in soon. She needs to see he is okay.” She nods as I head for the door.

 

“Cole?”

 

“Yeah?” I say, looking over my shoulder.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Anytime, babe. Anytime. I’ll text you later.”

 

I softly close the door behind me, taking a deep breath before I head to the exit. I see Nan leaning against the wall. “What are you doing out here?”

 

“Giving you some space.”

 

“Not necessary.”

 

“Listen, I am not trying to get into your business, but I will say this. I love that girl in there. She may not be mine, but she means everything to me. I love her like my own, so when she hurts, I do, too. Be patient with her. She was in a horrible relationship and it broke her. I don’t know if she will ever be whole again. I like you, Cole. There is something good in you that you don’t let a lot of people see, but I see it. If you don’t want her, please, don’t let her fall in love with you. She can’t handle being broken again. I know what’s it’s like. For almost twenty-five years, I’ve thought maybe if I just do this, it will be the time he stays, the time he announces to the world that I’m important enough, that he cares. I will love that man until the day I die, even though I know he will never reciprocate those feelings. After all this time, I still wait. I’m pathetic, I know, but I love him. I don’t even know if he would notice if I walked away. I’m too scared to even find out. I don’t want to see J go through the living hell I’m putting myself through right now. She deserves better.”

 

I nod, not knowing what the hell I am supposed to say. I don’t do relationships. I can’t. The baggage I carry around drowns me. I can’t ask someone else to shoulder that burden. It’s safer this way. I care about J. Hell, I’m in a constant state of arousal every time she’s around, and even when she isn’t. She’s starred in more dreams than I care to think about. That ass is engrained in my brain for future spank bank material, but do I love her? No. Do I care about her? More than I probably should.

 

Nan rubs my arm on her way past, pulling me from my thoughts. “Nan, keep an eye on her. Make sure she eats something today. Please.”

 

She smiles for the first time all night, lighting up her face. Nan is a beautiful woman. The way she looks at this moment, I can see what draws Darren to her. He is a fool if he lets her walk away. She’s tired. I can see it in her eyes. If he doesn’t do something to make it more permanent, he’s going to lose her.

 

“I will,” she says, winking.

 

I head to J’s Jeep and pray we figure this fucking shit out. I’m walking a fine line and don’t know which way I’m going to fall.